Passing Away Peacefully.

Alpha_zero · 26-05-2015 11:21am

Valar Morghulis

Conor Bourke · 26-05-2015 11:28am

Cunning Stunt wrote: »

So many people mentioning morphine. I have a horrible fear since my fathers death that the high doses of morphine might have just rendered him unable to communicate, rather than completely knocked him out. It might be an irrational fear, I dunno, but I had been talking to him for a while with no response, then I asked him a personal favor and he responded at that very second with a large groan/roar - even though before - and after - he was noisily snoring away...hence my doubts as to what the morphine actually does...

When he did go though, it looked like he went peacefully enough - everyone gathered round - just a few last gaspy breaths, like previous posters have mentioned.

Without knowing your Dads circumstances, I can only presume that the morphine wasn't to blame. It's got such negative connotations and huge fear surrounds it's use but it and other opiates, if administered appropriately are of huge value, and not just at the end of life. It's entirely possible that simply due to being in the dying phase of his illness, your dad could no longer talk.

I hope you don't think I'm telling you that your experience or belief is wrong, just hoping to put your mind at ease.

Cee-Jay-Cee · 26-05-2015 11:33am

My grandmother died in her sleep. No illness or medical history. Her heart simply stopped. I found her in the morning lying in her bed, she looked like she was simply sleeping.

Larbre34 · 26-05-2015 11:49am

My granda nearly died in his sleep but missed, he got out of bed, was half way through a shave when the heart gave out, fell into the bath into slapstick comedy pose.

I only jest about it because he would have too. He saw some of his own family die after long illnesses and lots of pain and always told us to never let him get like that. He was 81 and never ill in his life up to that point, the perfect innings in my opinion.

Id rather go at 75 with little or no pain than live to be 97 and be a miserable husk praying for the end.

Rubberlegs · 26-05-2015 12:48pm

My sister had an elderly neighbour who she was very fond of. She was a funny old woman, full of stories and chat. She was found in her chair, glass of whiskey by her side, and her newspaper in her lap. Now there's the way to go

King George VI · 26-05-2015 1:29pm

73Cat wrote: »

My sister had an elderly neighbour who she was very fond of. She was a funny old woman, full of stories and chat. She was found in her chair, glass of whiskey by her side, and her newspaper in her lap. Now there's the way to go

Sounds very similar to how my great aunt died. I went to her house for lunch as always and she didn't answer the door. I peeked through the letter box in the door and saw she was fast asleep on the couch, which wasn't abnormal. I figured out she was dead when I was screaming and banging he door off it's hinges shouting "HELEN ****ING LET ME IN THE STEW IS GONNA GO COLD!!!" and she budge so I called an ambulance. The ambulance men came and found her with the newspaper and a whiskey next to her. Seemed peaceful so we were all thankful for that.

Isn't it strange how most people are affected by death in some form. Whether it be a loved one or someone we know, and the vast majority of people fear it greatly, yet there's absolutely nothing we can do to stop it. We're all gonna die (Except Bruce Forsyth, he's gonna last forever).

Lollipops23 · 26-05-2015 2:05pm

My Grandad had a massive heart attack while he was counting his money. Really. My Nana was heading out to the bank for him.
What a way to go....

CiDeRmAn · 26-05-2015 2:15pm

My wife's grandfather passed while in church, at prayer, heart attack AFAIK, his daughters were there at the time.
It was as perfect a way to die as any.
But in my private and professional career I've seen too many unpleasant exits, filled with fear and suffering to suggest that the good way is typical.
Once a CA metastasises it all goes a bit random, and not good.

My aunt, with lung cancer, laboured breathing until it stopped but the look of panic, fills me with sadness even now.

One thing I will say, and I'm an atheist to the bone, but those people nurses, doctors, admin and all staff working in the hospice are the closest thing to saints on this earth.
I've had the humbling experience of contact with them in both personal and professional career and was never anything but stunned by their warmth, kindness and efforts on behalf of the most vulnerable people in our community, both the young and the old.

Call Me Jimmy · 26-05-2015 2:16pm

God I honestly thought the dying peacefully in your sleep thing was a myth. Some people have mentioned the idea of the person almost consciously having to 'let go'. Reminds me of psychedelic drug trips where it can go bad or good. Usually it will go bad if you can't let go and are trying to hold on and maintain control. Maybe its the same for some forms of death?

I've been thinking about the whole act of dying a lot lately, at least theres a chance it can be peaceful.

Jesus Wept · 26-05-2015 2:28pm

Lollipops23 wrote: »

My Grandad had a massive heart attack while he was counting his money. Really. My Nana was heading out to the bank for him.
What a way to go....

Was it that there was much more than he expected or much less?

DoYouEvenLift · 26-05-2015 2:32pm

Everyone would have the choice to pass away peacefully if we legalised euthanasia. It's very selfish that we still prevent people with terminal illnesses from avoiding the downhill struggle and pain and don't allow their families to not have to see the person they love completely eroding away and dying gradually and painfully.

razorblunt · 26-05-2015 2:32pm

My grandmother passed away about 4 days after she had some sort of mini stroke (perfectly healthy before that). It left the side of her face sloped and she fell into a coma within 48 hours. About a day later we were all around her and her breathing got heavier and heavier as if she was falling into a heavy sleep. The breaths then turned shallower and stopped for a good few seconds, when there was one large exhale, her eyes opened where it seemed she was looking at us and then she was gone. Her face seemed to "reset" to how it was earlier than week pre stroke.

It was surreal but strangely comforting.

Lollipops23 · 26-05-2015 2:40pm

My dad was telling me recently about an old colleague of his (who I would have known)- her son was calling to take her out shopping for the day. When he got there he found her sitting on her sofa, coat and hat ready to be put on and her shopping bags ready to .

goI like to think she was rearing to go and had no clue what was coming.

Lollipops23 · 26-05-2015 2:42pm

The Rodgers wrote: »

Was it that there was much more than he expected or much less?

Haha well his "thing" was to give each of his grandkids a pound coin when we visited, so he always had tonnes of change in the house! After mass on a Sunday he would pop to the shops and break a 20 cos we'd all be down later in the day.

LynnGrace · 26-05-2015 2:42pm

Yes, I've known people who died peacefully, in their sleep, and as others have described, in some cases, almost as though they waited to be alone, to do so.

CiaranMcDCFC · 26-05-2015 2:45pm

My Grandfather died the night Ireland beat Italy in USA 94. Was at home by himself and had a few bottles of Guinness and watched the match. Went to bed and never woke up. I found him the next morning (best hangover cure ever!), his hands were crossed and not a piece of bed clothes out of place.

That is how I want to go.

sullivlo · 26-05-2015 2:47pm

My aunt died in January. Ovarian cancer. She lived in the UK and wanted to die at home. The district nurses were fantastic.

Anyway, we were all there and spent the last days with her. Then we went to sleep and so did she. She asked the time at 11.30 and those were her final words. She never woke up. Her husband was in the bed beside her when she passed so it must have been peaceful because he is a light sleeper.

So it does happen. It's just unfortunate when it happens to those we love and cherish the most.

Frynge · 26-05-2015 10:39pm

Neighbour had all her family over one Sunday evening and the house was full. She was 104. She left the table after dinner saying she was glad they had all be able to come over and that she was going for a snooze and a dream about tom (husband who died 20 year before). She always had her chair and toms chair was across from it. When she went into the sitting room one of the gran kids was asleep in her chair so she sat in toms chair and went to sleep never to wake again.

blackcard · 26-05-2015 10:59pm

Was privileged enough to be with my mom when she passed away, I know that is a strange thing to say, but I would
not have liked for her to be alone.Over a period of probably 2 hours, her breathing slowed down bit by bit and I knew she was about to leave so I just held her hand

corner of hells · 26-05-2015 11:16pm

One of my parents passed away last week after a long illness , peacefully with us all there , in our arms.

We knew the time had come after the nursing staff warned us early in the week saying that my parents breathing was becoming laboured.
It was quiet quick even though time seemed to stand still.

I'm still numb , almost as if I'm watching a film .
I spoken to so many people , drank so many cups of tea and slept so little.

Filmer Paradise · 26-05-2015 11:19pm

corner of hells wrote: »

One of my parents passed away last week after a long illness , peacefully with us all there , in our arms.

We knew the time had come after the nursing staff warned us early in the week saying that my parents breathing was becoming laboured.
It was quiet quick even though time seemed to stand still.

I'm still numb , almost as if I'm watching a film .
I spoken to so many people , drank so many cups of tea and slept so little.

Sorry for your loss.

Been there myself a couple of years back.

lulu1 · 26-05-2015 11:34pm

Myself and oh looked after his father for the last two years of his life. He went into hospital and the family took it in turns sitting with him. His daughter who was sitting with him could see car park from hospital ward and saw us coming to take our turn. She said goodbye I'll see you tomorrow, and in the short while it took us to get to the ward he was dead

The Diabolical Monocle · 26-05-2015 11:46pm

Definitely want a quick exit.

this guy is doing it right.

see also budd dwyer for instructions on how you too can do it right

fox_1973 · 26-05-2015 11:48pm

My mam looked after my kids while we both worked, I'd rang the night before at 10 to say I'd be a bit earlier than I'd said but not to rush getting up, I'd turn on the TV for the kids. They were 4 & 10, on school hholidays

Arrived at 9 the next morning, let myself in, settled the kids and went to tell my mam they were fine, couldn't wake her. She'd gone in her sleep, as previous posters said, just looked like she was sleeping.

My dad had got up for work at 5.30 and never noticed. Doctor said she had gone about 4.30, dad just thought she was sleeping. Horrible time for the family without getting to say goodbye but I like to think it was painless for her

NSAman · 26-05-2015 11:49pm

My dad died after many many years of being looked after at home by all of us in the family. I was away when I got a call to come home that he was very very bad. I spend nearly 24 hours travelling to get home.. terrified that I wouldn't arrived home in time to say good bye.

I got off the flight and went straight from the airport to the hospital, I was the last member of my family to get there obviously. My dad opened his eyes when he heard my voice, put his hand up to me as usual which I grabbed and gave him a kiss. I sat there for a moment just holding onto him. while my brother and sisters and mam all hugged each other. He went unconscious again and a few hours later his breathing faltered and he died peacefully.

It is a surreal experience to watch a parent or any friend or relative die in front of your eyes, but Dad knew he was surrounded by us and waited for us all to be there. He was terrified of dying alone, but he knew we were all there for him.

@corner of hells... my condolences. The numbness will go in time, but now is the time that it hurts and feels really strange and naturally so. You will always miss them but the memories always stay with you.

harry Bailey esq · 27-05-2015 12:39am

My da died at 46,massive heart attack, out of the blue.Never got to say goodbye,but I'm glad he went with a bang,not lying in a hospital bed for months in pain.

wakka12 · 27-05-2015 1:03am

All these posts are so triggering

Other experiences shared are just so similar and it just makes family members deaths really vivid in my mind, but not in a bad way, its nice to remember them even if its sad.

fatherted1969 · 27-05-2015 1:03am

Stepfather died last summer and most of us were there when it happened. Can honestly say it'll stay with me forever. Cancer is an absolute basted

AllGunsBlazing · 27-05-2015 1:19am

My mum passed away in her sleep about ten years back. Heart failure, she never even knew it happened.

Her death was totally out of the blue and there were so many things I would have wanted to tell her and never did. My last words to her were literally "goodnight" as she made her way upstairs.

looksee · 27-05-2015 8:32am

A caring, respectful thread, thankyou AH.

Passing Away Peacefully.

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