Did any of you ever get slapped as a child?

Iseedeadpixels wrote: »

Slapped across the head, arse, arms, legs etc....
Kicked across the legs if I didnt do as he asked quick enough....
Thrown around rooms like a ragdoll.....
Punched in the head, ribs or stomach if he really was angry....
Thick leather belt across the arms, legs, or arse....

I got the worst of it, one sibling never got touched, the others think they had it just as bad....they didnt, he had a deep hatred for me, I suffered in silence for years and only stopped when the Garda got involved, I still suffer anxiety and depression which I manage with medication and a horrible temper and tbh I've blocked a lot of it out, only found out years later that he suffered worse with his Father.

I have a child but could never lay a hand on them no matter how bad they can get.

There is a difference between getting a quick slap on the hand or arm to keep you away from a hot surface or slap on the bum if you're being obnoxious and being used as a physical or emotional punchbag for your parents. I was used an an emotional punchbag by both and a physical punchbag by one. Getting told "the beating you just got isn't nearly as much as you deserve you useless bloody b****". I really feel for the poster here. What happened to me never went outside my "respectable" family but being used as a punchbag leaves scars - the physical ones may heal but the emotional ones never do. When I mentioned it as an adult on the advice of a counsellor I was told there were others worse off than me i.e. those who were sexually abused, every kid got told off and beaten anyway and I wasn't beaten or told off enough otherwise I wouldn't be questioning what was done to me!

Some people don't realise how wrong the treatment they got was until they have children of their own which they would never treat the way they were treated as a child.

Its something I sincerely disagree with.
It teaches children that if someone is bigger and stronger than you, you can beat them into submission by using force to get them to do what you want. That violence is a reasonable reaction to anger and frustration. It perpetuates poor communication skills.

And its also confusing as hell, because we punish children for hitting/hurting each other, telling them its unacceptable. Which makes those who do it hypocrites - ie. its ok for someone bigger than you to hit you when they're angry, but its not ok for you to hit someone else when you're angry.
I wouldn't hit another adult, I wouldn't hit someone else's child, so why on earth would I hit my own, my flesh and blood?

I was hit as a child, nothing too excessive, but I remember it making me feel so frustrated...Particularly when I didn't feel I deserved it.
I was honestly the most passive child, I didn't have and still don't have a temper, I'd be the type to burst into tears when angry rather than lash out.
But I remember being sent to my room after getting a few slaps and the feelings of injustice and inner rage boiling up in me.
It made me so frustrated and resentful that I wasn't even sorry for what I was done, meaning the whole thing was pointless.

is_that_so wrote: »

In the context of their life I think they are and I'd expect them to say as much. I favour intervention and support over condemnation. Works better in the long term for everyone.

We don’t know anything about their life though? And we don’t need to know anything about their life to know that telling a three year old child they’re retarded and threatening to knock their teeth in, is contemptible behaviour. There’s no intervention necessary beyond simply telling the person to cop on to themselves. Usually that’s enough to have a person actually cop on to themselves. Works better in the long term for the child, who in that scenario is all I care about frankly.

I do at least get where you’re coming from now though, and it’s not unlike the story of the father who was convicted of assaulting his own child earlier in the thread - the Judge in spite of all the parents sob stories had no qualms in telling them that the victim impact statement prepared by the mother made no mention of the impact of the fathers actions upon the child. Same kinda thing you’re doing - interventions and all the rest of it for the parent instead of focusing on the impact of their behaviour on the child.

It’s wrong regardless of a persons background, and more and more the courts are acknowledging that if an adult does something wrong, any justification which suggests they didn’t know any better is no longer given the weight it once was, simply because it’s largely irrelevant. Consider if you will for example the number of people here who were themselves mistreated as children and as adults they now say that they would never harm their own children. It’s completely contradictory to the old chestnut that smacking a child teaches them that it’s acceptable to hit another person. They themselves are evidence that just isn’t true! In fact quite the opposite appears to be true - it completely turned them away from the idea of mistreating another person! You’re basically just perpetuating a myth.

What has been discovered though, is that victims of child abuse are more likely to be victims of domestic abuse as adults! I would prefer that you didn’t just take my word for it though -


People who were abused as children are more likely to be abused as an adult


Whereas the figures for the numbers of people who commit violence against another person because it’s believed that’s all they know? Well, it’s a myth, but again I would prefer you didn’t just take my word for it -


Intergenerational transmission of child abuse and neglect: Real or detection bias?


It’s also worth noting that the most common type of child abuse experienced by victims is psychological abuse, as opposed to physical abuse -


Prevalence of abuse during childhood by abuse category

The reported level of abuse experienced during childhood is broadly similar for each of the abuse types1measured (Figure 1). Psychological abuse was the most frequent type of abuse experienced in childhood with nearly 1 in 10 adults reporting psychological abuse as a child (9%), although similar levels of abuse were also reported in relation to witnessing domestic violence or abuse (8%) physical abuse (7%) and any sexual assault (7%).


It’s worth thinking about the next time you overhear similar sentiments expressed towards their children from anyone, whether it’s in McDonalds or I dunno “Chez Le Well Educated Upper Class” - the background of the perpetrator is the least relevant factor in protecting children from being abused and becoming victims of abuse in later life, and an intervention to protect the child or children can be as simple as telling the perpetrator to cop on to themselves.

Still have marks on my back....

All it taught me was that it was ok to hit someone smaller than you.

Really resented the slaps given out in school. Still do. Whatever about at home, getting a wallop from someone who was neither your father nor mother was clearly out of order.

yup

Keyzer wrote: »

Got a full force dig in the head once... I deserved it.

What did you do that deserved a punch from your father.

rireland wrote: »

As someone who got slapped when doing something wrong, I support it.

No child is going to learn by being sent to a naughty step.

Kids need to learn there is a punishment for wrong actions. Sending them to a step or corner is nonsense. There's no punishment there. If you break a rule in school you get sent to detention or given extra homework.

You're talking ****. Maybe your parental technique involves hitting your kids, but most others in 2019 don't. My eldest son was never hit and is constantly complimented on his behaviour.

He's 7 now. His age is irrelevant. Kids are all completely different and can act up at any age.

rireland wrote: »

7 is far too early to judge.

How do you punish him then?

Plenty of 7 years old lacking discipline.

There's no naughty step involved, that only really works when they're younger. But you do need to know what drives them, you need them to know consequences if they don't do as they're told and then there needs to be follow through when they misbehave. It's about consistency and a little bit of exceeding their expectations as to their punishment when they try it on.

rireland wrote: »

7 is far too early to judge.

How do you punish him then?

Exerting you control by inflicting physical pain on small children is not an appropriate punishment. Anything is better than hitting them.