Things you want to say to husband/boyf/ex's/friends/family/people MOD NOTE POST #1

LegacyUser · 08-12-2010 11:25am

Dear Ex

The way you were towards the latter part of our relationship, the way we broke up and the way you were afterwards left me a broken mess; I should have seen you were not interested in the very beginning, but I never expected you to become a bitch. I was pretty much a goner and a lost cause. It took me months to finally crawl myself to some semblance of normality, whatever that is. I've been working on myself mind, body and soul - my body has improved greatly since you last saw me. I hope that at some point in the future we will meet and you will finally know what it was that you left behind. I am a better person now, because you broke the person I was. However, I must thank you for that, as it made me realise the changes I had to bring in.

So, for that - thank you.

From,
Me.

squishykins · 09-12-2010 5:48pm

Dear Daddy,
Thank you for finally being made redundant. In the 2 years that you've been unemployed you've become such a better person, I'm not scared of you any more, I feel like we can finally have a real relationship. There were years where I cursed your guts, you drove me to suicide (which obviously failed) and now I can sometimes feel that anger you had rising up in me too. I've heard that your dad was like that too. Now that I've seen the damage your anger caused to our whole family, I watch myself even more carefully. If I ever put my kids through that I could never forgive myself. I understand your job was stressful and you hated it and thank you for always sticking at it to have food on the table, but it wasn't worth it. Now you're doing something you love and everyone's happy

Amy

Dear Mammy,
I don't know how you always put up with him, but fair play

Amy

kerryman12 · 10-12-2010 8:59pm

This thread was a good idea, which said it has really messed with my head over the past 2 weeks or more. Some of the posts have made me sit back and think. So here goes;

To my God Father.

You and I just always go on. We had the same interests/hobbies. You taught me to drive, shoot, weld, fabricate (kind of) and a hundred other things. We were never happier than when stuck in a broken machine of some kind. We communicated in the same way men in my family always do; issuing orders, telling each other what to do, - you are doing it wrong, give it to me. But you encouraged and supported me also.

Your battle with alcoholism was a constant theme in your life. It obviously had a big impact in your life; divorce, inability to settle in one place, conflict your brothers and sister. As is always the case I guess, this also had a big impact on those around you. My father in particular developed a loathing for drinking in any form. My brother and I were indoctrinated into this way of thinking from an early age, you made many efforts to re-enforce this in later life with us. That said I have very few memories of you actually drunk, you had largely won your battle by the time I became a teenager. I am very proud that you managed to win this battle and even more so that you went on to help your friend to win his battle with alcoholism.

I will always remember the day you died. I was working as a fitter in Cork, on a shutdown in a chemical plant - using the skills you taught me. I did this for many years to pay my way through college and take the pressure off at home. A massive aneurism in your chest burst. This should never have happened, it was diagnosed in you weeks or months before but due to a funk up in administration you were not treated as the urgent case you were but put to the back of the waiting list. You never regained consciousness. When I got the call I went to a toilet; cried, shouted, threw slaps at the wall and then went back to work for the for the final day or so. The only good thing to say about that is, it made my father and uncle get checked out. My father had exactly the same issue you dying saved his life without a doubt.

I think you would have been very proud the day we laid you to rest, you were always proud of who you were and where you came from. Your four nephews carried you to your final resting place and laid you in the family tomb with your mother and father and however many other generations are in there.

Rest in peace.

To my friend Donal

You and I became good friend in secondary school. For years we had lunch together, went down town together, wound up teachers together and the rest. After school we lost touch, as you do - well as I do at least. Life goes on.

I heard about your death - your suicide 6 - 8 months after the event. Suicide WTF lad. I can’t understand that to this day - but all that proves is that you never know what is really going on with others. The friend I remember was out going and full of life, happy etc. I often wonder what could have changed with your life that much. As I found out so late I never got to attend your funeral or mass or pay respects. I will sort that this weekend in some way. .

Rest in peace

To my as yet unborn son/daughter.

I can’t wait to meet you. That said there is not rush for another week or two. We are ready for you, well as ready as we can be so whenever you are ready we are here. I am excited/nervous/worried - mostly worried/etc

It amazes me how someone, who is not even here yet, is already the centre of everything. Everything I do now involves you in one way or another. As we put up the x-mass stuff I am thinking - when I take these down you will be here etc.etc. All the decisions I make have you factored in. Where we will be in five years ten years - next week. The night the IMF/EU bailout of this country was announced I spent hours staring at the ceiling worrying about how I will provide for you, educate you. What sort of country will you grow up in, will you have to emigrate.

Whatever happens know that you will have my unconditional love and support always.

Live, please live - in peace every day of your life.

Best Regards
Kerryman12

squeakyduck · 10-12-2010 9:10pm

kerryman12 wrote: »

To my as yet unborn son/daughter.

I can’t wait to meet you. That said there is not rush for another week or two. We are ready for you, well as ready as we can be so whenever you are ready we are here. I am excited/nervous/worried - mostly worried/etc

It amazes me how someone, who is not even here yet, is already the centre of everything. Everything I do now involves you in one way or another. As we put up the x-mass stuff I am thinking - when I take these down you will be here etc.etc. All the decisions I make have you factored in. Where we will be in five years ten years - next week. The night the IMF/EU bailout of this country was announced I spent hours staring at the ceiling worrying about how I will provide for you, educate you. What sort of country will you grow up in, will you have to emigrate.

Whatever happens know that you will have my unconditional love and support always.

Live, please live - in peace every day of your life.

Best Regards
Kerryman12

Gorgeous post, Kerrybaby is going to have a great daddy, who cares about he economy, the only need he/she will have is love, which he/she has already stocked up!

Congratulations on the baby Kerryman, lovely Christmas/New Years present!

LegacyUser · 11-12-2010 12:50am

Dear Sis,

When you were sick and depressed, you gave me an extremely hard time. You put me through hell and it reached a point when I was afraid to come home because of the way you treated me. When you were starting to get well again, you once said to me on Christmas Eve that you were sorry. I shrugged my shoulders and said it was fine, that you didn't do anything, despite the fact that I got the brunt of your anger and frustrations. I forgave you. It wasn't you, it was your situation.

When you, Mum and Dad would fight over your not eating, Mum would come into my room because she knew I was the calming one. I was the strong one. I'm not strong. I've been battling depression for most of my life and it has almost one on some occasions. But I can't tell any of you, because I cannot as I'm afraid to put Mum and Dad through what you put them through. I don't think they're strong enough any more.

I hate being the strong one for my family, because nobody is the strong one for me.

Dear Mum,

You once asked me if moving around so much growing up messed me about. I told you it didn't, after a slight hesitation. What I couldn't tell you is that us moving about has left me with a somewhat identity crisis. I don't know where I'm from. Not really. I'm not from where I was born, as I cannot remember it, I'm not from where we lived, because it's a blur, I'm not from where I grew up, because it's since been demolished, and I'm not from where we're currently living, because I haven't spent enough time there.

I didn't tell you this because I knew it wasn't your fault. We had to move because of Dad's job and we did live a better life over there, until we came back and life was good here too. I forgave you too.

Dear Dad,

You were so terrible to me when we were living where I grew up. The stuff you did was just horrible - I remember you throwing my shoes outside in the rain and making me get them barefoot, then locking the door behind me and leaving me out there. I remember you constantly shouting at me, never being there when I needed you. My eldest brother, who I don't see anymore, was more of a father to me than you were. I remember thinking about running away from home because of some little thing I did wrong, because I was so afraid of you giving out to me. You never hit me, you made me feel useless, that I couldn't do anything right, that I was a waste of space, that no matter what, you'll never be proud of me.

All of these things is why, as an adult, I cannot stay in the same room as you by myself. I just don't know how to talk to you. I don't see you as my father, I see you as a stranger.

14-12-2010 1:00am

[QU

I wish you cared enough to give me answers,

UDF[/QUOTE]

I dont know you obviously but your post moved me you sound like an amazing person to have got where you are ! his loss really missing out on knowing you really his loss !

ismiseuisce · 14-12-2010 1:08am

Calliope Squeaking Tightrope wrote: »

I dont know you obviously but your post moved me you sound like an amazing person to have got where you are ! his loss really missing out on knowing you really his loss !

Thank you. Really, Thank you.

LegacyUser · 14-12-2010 1:30am

Dear sis,

I am really mad at you, you have no idea what I felt, you are one cocky arrogant b!tch, (And you have accused me of the same thing....) and everytime that surfaces, I always say you are the same as your father, you are him, something which you deny completely, and shuts you up instantly....

As for the row which you and your old man played a part in, you couldn't stand up to him and dragged your OH into it and he gets a bad name, that row is tearing up the family apart....

you say "you don't know me", I say "I don't want to know you", you have a sly way of getting information out of others for your benefit, even in your professional career, you should know better that certain things that you encounter in your day-to-day job is 100% confidential and drop comments about it at your dinner table...

You have always had a mouth, when you offered to help me, you were 100% horrible and far too tactless with me... even as I am always a quiet one, you complained that I don't talk much... well am sorry for being your baby brother, it is clear we are different worlds apart, even with the depression which I have had to put up for the last 9 years in which life has been absolute hell - so much hell that you have absolutely no idea of what I endured - I was a broken and completely shattered man, a side of your only brother that you did not know about. Even in your professional career, have absolutely no idea what that depression feels like, the constant stress and anxiety, the worry, walking around on egg-shells as not to upset others... and for you to tell me to stop feeling sorry for myself. I resented the fact that my depression was far more deeper than you think and is debilitating, which you should have a lot empathy for, I am not looking for sympathy, it's understanding, which you clearly are not bothered to do so...

Be grateful that I am still here as I did go through a phase of feeling suicidal.... no idea whatsoever, the false smiles I had to put on to not let others know what I was feeling like. I personally think the fact is that because when I came into the world, I stole the crown of being the baby of the family which you always always have treated me like sh!t and put me down.... well, you should get real and not walk around with an air of expectation or your ideals in your head of how others should behave around you, especially like me, I may be the quiet one, you expected me to talk 19 to the dozen or be more jovial, but you see, that's in your head... and that's where worlds clash....

Because of who you are, I always see your father in you.... that to me, is what you personify and I know you had good intentions, but because of your mouthy attitude you sometimes have a strong tendency to say things you do not mean to say and this is what happens - a torn family, at whose cost, yours or his? I have a few words for you, since I was prescribed with anti depressant and am on it for nearly a year now and slowly coming to terms, with what happened in my life, you couldn't even ring up and say "I'm sorry".... the onus is on you and him to sort out the mess....my words I want to say to you is "Cop the fook yourself on" and learn to be able to say sorry which is not an easy thing to do or is it?

My door is always open
Yours.
lil brother

beks101 · 14-12-2010 5:01am

To...my fellow Ladies Loungers and all the treasured Gentlemen members

,

Reading through this thread has really moved me and continues to open my eyes to how much our actions, big and small, impact on the people in our lives.

I'm lucky to never have, as of yet, experienced the loss of someone close to me and it remains to be my worst nightmare. But to all of you who have posted about your struggles to live with that heart-breaking grief, which is inevitable to all of us...thanks for sharing your experiences, for deeply moving me and for showing me that life does go on after the nightmare, but you can keep that special person alive in your heart forever. I find that so comforting.

I've hurt people both unwittingly and knowingly in life, I've let friends down, I've been selfish and lazy and the sense I keep getting from reading these posts is how short a time we invariably have with our family and friends in life, and how important it is for me to be the best daughter, friend, sister, and niece I can be. Because I really don't want to live with the regret of unspoken words or actions, with the worry that a loved one never knew how important they were to me. That's the real nightmare.

It makes me want to cop myself on and patch things up with my best friend of fifteen years, who I've recently fallen out with for utter trivial reasons, and it makes me want to tell my parents how much I love them although it's not in my nature to be expressive like that and it's something we've always left unsaid. I think we'd all do well to hold our nearest and dearest that bit closer this Christmas. Happy Christmas to you all x

LegacyUser · 17-12-2010 1:41am

This week will mark the 7th anniversary of your death, I've always wanted to write my feels down but each time i did i stoped myself. That day on the 17th of december 2003 i got a message to meet my gran i knew in my heart and soul this wasnt a good meet up, I walked through the door and she said sonia i'm sorry... at that moment a part of me just died. You were my grandfather, you watched me grow for 17 years.. you were always there if we needed you, i never told you this but i love you but i wont be able to tell you that because it was your time... You were such a strong man always stood up for beliefs and never let any of us down. I wish you didnt have to go then i want so badly to see you, i wish i'd gotten to say goodbye but you were just too sick. It's just not fair... I miss you i love you...

Carter12 · 17-12-2010 1:58pm

To N,

Thank you for treating me like sh!t all those years and finally making me realise what an awful person you really are. I still get your txts looking to meet up (only last night), thanks to you I know have the strength to ignore them.

I wonder how your wife of just over 2 years would feel if she knew you were cheating on her ,with me, all the time you were going out together, engaged and married.

I still cant have any contact with you as you just bring me back down every single time. So best of luck for the future, im sure you will find some other gilly to take your crap off you. So glad im finally out of it. x

PS, and your crap in bed, there are exercises you can do to help you with your problem !!

Brilliant thread x

midlandsmissus · 17-12-2010 4:32pm

To A---

I want to tell you that I love you more than I anyone I have ever met. I couldn't say this to your face, as we are both as stubborn as each other and don't like showing weakness to each other! (being soppy). We are so alike.

I just want to say that when I see your face I am happy.

Love MM.

LegacyUser · 20-12-2010 12:31pm

To G.,

Your nature is so cynical it is a bit scary to see sometimes. None the less, I'd love to see you happy, to meet you walking down the street clearly besotted with the lucky girl you're with. That's how I know I still care, after all this time. Hope it happens for you in whatever format would work for you. Take of yourself, and let other folks in from time to time, it's good for the soul.

Walls · 21-12-2010 9:18am

Hey Love,

Never been so happy to have a laptop fail.

Lots of love,

Walls.

Bunnywabbit · 21-12-2010 4:52pm

To you

Ive never known such a selfish, arrogant person in my life! You make me feel like crap. And I wish you'd wash more so that I dont smell u before I see you..

Toots · 22-12-2010 5:40am

Dear 17 year old self
You're going to have your full licence soon, but that doesn't mean that you have to drive everywhere. You've built up such good habits walking to the cinema and pool hall with J, don't let it go. You'll put on a butt load of weight, which you'll still be struggling to lose at 25. Don't get lazy now!

Dear 19 year old self
I know you're in a strange country and you miss home and you're very sick, but that doesn't give you an excuse to eat that much chocolate. Seriously. I know it's comfort eating, but seriously. Think of the bingo wings, won't somebody please think of the bingo wings!

Dear 20 year old self
Well you've got a job now, time to start being sensible and saving money. No, seriously. You don't need a new mobile phone every 3 months, the one you have is fine. Also, if you're going to go to the bother of doing a diploma at least make an effort.

Dear 21 year old self
Ok, just because your credit card has a 6 grand limit, you don't actually have to max it. It's a limit, not a target. Do you not think a mortgage is enough debt for one person? Oh, and go to the focking gym, it cost enough, at least use it.

Dear 25 year old self
You've married the man of your dreams! Now is the perfect time to go on a permanent diet, not even so much diet, just get off your ass and go for a walk from time to time (as soon as you get off the crutches), the poor dog will get cabin fever for sure!

Dear Husband,

You make me feel like the luckiest girl in the world. I don't know what I did to deserve you, but if I find out I'll do it again a thousand times. I'll love you forever. Thank you for being my better half.

Dear Bella,

Thank you for picking me up at a point in my life when I don't think I could have felt any lower. I love coming home in the evenings to see your happy face and waggy tail, it's wonderful to have someone so genuinely excited to see me. I don't even mind your farts, after like 5 seconds they're tolerable. I've learned that the trick is to pull my sweater over my face, then it's not so bad. You're wonderful.

Dear Mum & Dad,

Thank you so much for everything, there really aren't words. Ye are both amazing.

Dear Somebody,

I'm sorry I didn't realise you were there until you were gone. I'm not sure if that would have made a difference, but I guess I'll never know, and that's hard. I miss you even though I didn't know you.

Mrs Garth Brooks · 25-12-2010 11:26pm

Dear sister, why did you turn into a moody b!tch towards me? And every time you failed to see what you did wrong and turned it around on me.

You turned on me for no reason. Half the stuff you blamed me wouldn't even come from a 15 year old. You acted like a child, a spoiled little brat. Some of the things i dont even remember, it was that stupid. But to blame me for things that went wrong in your life was pretty low. You misplaced a book and blamed me for taking it, amongst other things ???

How can you fail to see where you went wrong ??? You should never blame someone else for things that doesn't go your own way in your life. You're in control of your life, no one else. Dont blame them if things doesn't go your way.

And just because i didn't put up with being blamed, rightly so - anyone else would get angry too - you blamed me. Turned it around on me when i was angry, telling me i was jealous of you. That was the biggest trick in the book, to turn it around on me.
And what did you use, your job. You honestly thought I was jealous of you cause I was in a job I didn’t like. You know what, it wasn’t the worst, it was a job. It was money. It gave me something, to learn other things I wanted to do. Like driving, swimming, etc. I could walk away at the end of it. It didn’t bother me. And you threw it in my face, telling me I was jealous of you. Of what? You mind kids, I don’t like them, how can I be jealous of that?

You've hurt me and you never once cared how i felt or thought. It was always about you.

You wished me dead this time last year and lashed out on me splittling my head open. I very well could have ended up dead with any kind of a head injury.

Not once have you ever apologised.

You didn't want me to go back to college either. What will you have against me ??? Grow up and sort your mental health issues out. Well guess what, i will never let you treat me like a piece of sh!t again. You have been jealous of me and I don’t know why or what brought it on. Get over yourself.

LegacyUser · 27-12-2010 4:47am

Dear 16 year old self,

It's your birthday. You're on a plane at the moment, flying home from your cousin's wedding. You caught the bouquet there, and you hope this heralds a new day in terms of your relationships with men. You've never kissed anyone. This has bothered you for years. I like to think that, at the time, you were too advanced for your peers, but you thought it was because they thought you were fat and ugly. Speaking with the benefit of hindsight, you care too much what other people thought of you. They aren't worth your time and they certainly aren't worth the endless self-agonising you engage in over the next few years. Don't worry - kissing and all that jazz is all ahead of you. Not for a few long years yet, but you get there eventually.

I know it can look pretty bleak at the moment, but life gets better, it really does. Once you're finished school, that is. Until then, you're continually frustrated, and with little power to influence anything other than your physical appearance you will turn on yourself. You're already on a diet I think, you've been on them once or twice a year since you were 10. Your mother put you on the first one - even though you weren't actually all that fat. That was unfair of her, to pass on her insecurites to you at such a young age. She might have let you get through junior cycle first. There's not much you can do about it though. You've already started to associate feeling depressed with feeling fat. You measure your worth in inches. And percentages. You don't meet your standards by either measure, and no one ever tells you you can be happy without needing to be perfect.

It never occurs to you that it's not you that's not good enough. Instead, increasingly an adult but still treated like a child, you grate against stupid rules in the school system. I still agree that "girls must wear skirts" and "only navy socks" were ridiculous rules, but you could do with being a bit less self-obsessed. I wish you had a wider view of the world. You have it well, and if you had known that (and I mean really knew it, rather than just being vaguely aware of it) the injustices of this world could have given you something to fight against other than yourself. Knowing what you want to see changed, and having an idea of how to do it can be the most empowering thing in the world. It can equally be crushing if you can't do anything about it - but we're still working on that one.

There are good things about you though. For one thing, you're creative, more than I am. You're beginning to publish stories and poetry online. I may think they were crap, but you're delighted with the positive feedback you recieve. It's a pity you're relying on other people's opinions to validate yourself here too, but it's probably a step in the right direction all the same. You hope to have something published - you look up to JK Rowling hugely. I'm sorry to say that you don't get the opportunity to meet her in that contest you entered a few days ago. (I think you should know that her final couple of books were a bit disappointing - she loses the run of herself and starts killing characters left, right and centre). Anyway, I can't tell you if you get published or not because that remains to be seen

Nevertheless, keep up the writing while you can; you're occasionally funny and can even be kind of profound, before you wreck it by going all corny (or worse still, sci-fi).

Your 21 self has probably indulged in this letter long enough, so that's really all for now. She's quite glad she's more her and not entirely you anymore, and she's considerably more confident. Still a little too concerned with her waistline, admittedly, and still not getting help for what she reckons is actually depression but then, by now she's learned to recognise the warning signs and she reckons it's managable. She does miss your creativity though, and hopes to never lose you completely. So until you're her, and whoever else you may be, take care and try not to kill yourself.

Regards,
Your 21 year old self.

LegacyUser · 27-12-2010 8:58pm

Dear X,

Nothing will ever happen between us, as you are married and I am practically so. Still, the always unspoken attraction between us makes me wonder what might have been if things were different. When you held my hand the other night, the giddy excitement soon gave way to guilt and it has actually made me realise even more that my man is all that I want. I'm distancing myself for both our sakes, and for our other halves too, but you'll always have a special place in my heart. Please try and forget your feelings for me, your wife doesn't deserve that.

Squeeonline · 27-12-2010 10:24pm

Dear A.

I still think about you every day. I should be the bigger person and start talking to you again, but I'm insecure that you'll still hurt me. As selfish as it is, I hope that you can't be as happy with anyone else as you were with me when things were good. I dont know if I can be. I want what we had to mean that much.

You had every right to leave me; I just wish you hadn't.

I have a fresh start now, I just hope I dont make the same mistakes again.

The Green Hypocritical Monster

(Honourary Lady for the evening)

jenny4385 · 27-12-2010 10:28pm

Dear M
I miss you soo much some times that all i can do is sit and remember how things used to be to try and make myself better.. the complete cut in contact was something we both never dreamed would happen and yet it has.
you are an amazing caring loving person and im sorry i couldnt see that in our last year. im sorry for hurting you and hope that some day our paths will cross again.

banie01 · 27-12-2010 10:53pm

Kate,

When you died my world collapsed! I lost my reason for being, the centre of my universe and the measure of my happiness.
I'll be honest, manys a time the thought of life without you has brought me some very dark thoughts....But you know me

I'm stubborn and that would imply a surrender that I hope I never have in me.
And anyway I still have our Son, who's so like you that somedays its as if your still in the room

And in a way you are, cos you are never more than a heartbeat away from my thoughts.

Its nearly 4 years now babe and it still hurts every day, every little thing always has an association with the years shared! Luckily apart from your death

Every single memory of the time we shared together was a good one.....
From our 1st kiss, to 12 yrs later and to our Son asking what kind of magician the priest was(And complaining about the stupid tricks)

at our last goodbye!
Which I know I shouldn't have laughed at....
But hey

look for humour in the dark to shine a light

Didn't that attitude get us both through some dark days?

But here's the thing Babe, I feel like I'm living in our past and I'm afraid!
I'm terrified that moving forward means leaving you behind

I feel like even considering being with someone else is cheating on you, betraying your memory and it kills me inside...
I don't ever want to replace you but your not here.........:(
I miss you so much Babe....
Love ya more than chips

and always will

Asphyxia · 27-12-2010 11:05pm

banie01 wrote: »

Kate,

When you died my world collapsed! I lost my reason for being, the centre of my universe and the measure of my happiness.
I'll be honest, manys a time the thought of life without you has brought me some very dark thoughts....But you know me
I'm stubborn and that would imply a surrender that I hope I never have in me.
And anyway I still have our Son, who's so like you that somedays its as if your still in the room
And in a way you are, cos you are never more than a heartbeat away from my thoughts.

Its nearly 4 years now babe and it still hurts every day, every little thing always has an association with the years shared! Luckily apart from your death
Every single memory of the time we shared together was a good one.....
From our 1st kiss, to 12 yrs later and to our Son asking what kind of magician the priest was(And complaining about the stupid tricks) at our last goodbye!
Which I know I shouldn't have laughed at....
But hey look for humour in the dark to shine a light Didn't that attitude get us both through some dark days?

But here's the thing Babe, I feel like I'm living in our past and I'm afraid!
I'm terrified that moving forward means leaving you behind
I feel like even considering being with someone else is cheating on you, betraying your memory and it kills me inside...
I don't ever want to replace you but your not here.........:(
I miss you so much Babe....
Love ya more than chips and always will

I actually have tears in my eyes

I hope everything works out for you in the future

cdaly_ · 28-12-2010 12:00am

banie01 wrote: »

But here's the thing Babe, I feel like I'm living in our past and I'm afraid!
I'm terrified that moving forward means leaving you behind
I feel like even considering being with someone else is cheating on you, betraying your memory and it kills me inside...
I don't ever want to replace you but your not here.........:(

You made me cry...

Moving forward means you'll carry her forever with you in a special place in your heart. Do you think Kate would want you to be alone for the rest of your life? Or would she want you to be happy? Go on, you have room in your heart for someone new without pushing Kate out. You'll always have your memories of Kate and of the love you shared. That won't be lost with someone else.

You'll never replace her, nor should you try. A 'replacement' would have no chance of living up to Kate. But you should find someone new and go on with your life.

Love ya more than chips and always will

Yes, you always will.

LegacyUser · 28-12-2010 1:01am

I've just been reading through the thread and it really is a great idea, as a 20 year old guy it's hard to really open up to anyone but here goes

To my grandparents (dads side)
If I was your age and still so in love with my wife like ye were after 50 years of marriage I would be extremely happy! Gran you were one of the strongest people I ever met when grandad got sick! Him in hospital in Dublin for 6 months while you travelled up and down, trying to be with him and coming home to Limerick to be with your kids and grandchildren aswell! You never gave up on him even though you must have known he would never make it home! The love you showed was unreal! I'll never forget the day of his funeral, how you could watch the man you spent 50 years married to be buried must have been unbearable, yet you were strong for your kids who just lost their dad!
When I was told you had cancer and had only months to live, my world fell apart! I admired you so much and couldn't imagine life with out you! I remember visiting you in the hospice, you changed beyond recognition yet you were as upbeat as ever, although you knew what was comming!
You died 2 days later! The worst thing about all this for me is never once did I tell you or grandad how much ye ment to me! I took it for granted ye would always be there! I miss going to your house, I knew I would be get so many treats and the love you showed us all was unreal! I would love just another day with you guys!

To my parents and girlfriend: I know I don't say this enough if at all but after what I've just written I'm going to learn to say it more, I love ye! Simple as!!!

Alan

LegacyUser · 28-12-2010 9:11am

Another guy posting here, I was never good at talking about emotional crap but I decided to try here.

To my Brother

First off I love you. I probably haven't told you that since I was maybe 7 when it was easier to say.
I know we've grown distant the last maybe ten years or so. I suppose we both changed into two very different people.
Things only got worse when we had that fight. It was no simple sibling squabble we were men and we fought like animals, out to truly damage each other.
I find it hard to look at you now because you still have the scar I gave you and it makes me feel terrible. Mom said its barely even noticable now but I can still see it.
I still love you and I'm sorry. I wish we were closer, the whole thing would have never happened if we were. We were both angry for the same reason and if we were able to show some emotion to each other I think we would have realised we were just projecting the exact same problem onto each other.
When we were children I always felt protected by you. I always thought that if anything ever went wrong then my older brother would help me.
You were born to rescue people. Its even how hope to make a living.
But Im asking you now because I love you to stop being the rescuer for all these girls who wont even try to rescue themselves. You always get so hurt, and I only know that because Dad tells me what you tell him. Sorry
Every girlfriend you've ever had has had serious family problems or else been a psycho. And you always come along and saved them but in the end its you who gets hurt.
This one your with now is not right at all shes just using you, the same way I was used by someone.
I hate seeing it happen to someone who deserves to have a shoulder to cry on for a change, you deserves better.

To my Girlfriend
You always tell me how you would have gone insane without me when we first became friends. I've never told you how you kept me alive, I was so close to ending it all then. You were the only light I felt I had. You used to say you felt guilty for dragging me out in the middle of the night just to cry at me but if I was brave enough I'd have asked you to do the same for me so many times. I dunno why you chose someone who found it so hard to talk about feelings to open up too, but I'm glad you did.
When my feelings for you changed I was terrified, you were all I had and I didnt want to lose you. I'm still blaming the cold for why I was shaking when I asked you that night, but really I was just petrified.
I'm glad you felt the same, you've changed me.
I think in the last year we have both tackled our problems and now we WANT to be together rather NEED to be together.
Well thats what I tell you anyway, but really life without you would be bearable but I'd feel nothing like the joy I feel when i get a cuddle before bed.
I hope I'll be able to admit that sometime as well.

tl;dr. young man loves brother and girlfriend

LegacyUser · 28-12-2010 10:35am

To my little sister

I know how much it hurts, I know how alone you feel and how the pain cuts so deep inside of you that it feels like it will never go away. I know, because I've been through it all too, I feel it all too, and god it's killing me to know how much you're suffering. It's breaking me inside.

When I saw you on Christmas day you were so sad, so broken. When you told me all you wanted was a normal family it broke my heart. I'm trying so hard to be that family for you, but I'm only one person. You let everything out - the memories that I thought you'd forgotten, and the worries you have. The worry that you'll never get to college because they'd never help you and you think you're not smart enough. But you ARE smart enough, you're an amazing, intelligent person, and I love you so so much. And I'm here, I'm always going to be here, we don't need them and we never have. They may have ruined our pasts but they won't ruin our future, and they're not worth your tears. I'm going to open a saving fund for you, and we're going to do it, we're going to get your out of there and you're going to do the course you want to do. We'll do it together, because it's always been you and me, and it always will me. I will NEVER ever leave you, and you'll never be on your own. I promise you. I wish I could make you believe me.

You have to try to see that things will get better, you only have less than 2 more years in that house and then you can leave. You can go to college, get your own place, and finally have a normal life. I know how hard it is and how trapped you feel. I didn't realise you were feeling all the things I feel, I thought you'd someone blocked out all of the memories. But, when you told me the other night, I could feel my heart breaking. You were holding on to me with a grip so strong that I knew you were holding on for your life. And that I'm responsible for that life now. It's not fair, none of it is fair, and we deserve so much better than the life they gave us. But we'll get through this, we will.

I love you, I've loved you since forever. And I will never, ever, leave you on your own. x

Carter12 · 28-12-2010 12:32pm

NotEnough... wrote: »

To my little sister

I know how much it hurts, I know how alone you feel and how the pain cuts so deep inside of you that it feels like it will never go away. I know, because I've been through it all too, I feel it all too, and god it's killing me to know how much you're suffering. It's breaking me inside.

When I saw you on Christmas day you were so sad, so broken. When you told me all you wanted was a normal family it broke my heart. I'm trying so hard to be that family for you, but I'm only one person. You let everything out - the memories that I thought you'd forgotten, and the worries you have. The worry that you'll never get to college because they'd never help you and you think you're not smart enough. But you ARE smart enough, you're an amazing, intelligent person, and I love you so so much. And I'm here, I'm always going to be here, we don't need them and we never have. They may have ruined our pasts but they won't ruin our future, and they're not worth your tears. I'm going to open a saving fund for you, and we're going to do it, we're going to get your out of there and you're going to do the course you want to do. We'll do it together, because it's always been you and me, and it always will me. I will NEVER ever leave you, and you'll never be on your own. I promise you. I wish I could make you believe me.

You have to try to see that things will get better, you only have less than 2 more years in that house and then you can leave. You can go to college, get your own place, and finally have a normal life. I know how hard it is and how trapped you feel. I didn't realise you were feeling all the things I feel, I thought you'd someone blocked out all of the memories. But, when you told me the other night, I could feel my heart breaking. You were holding on to me with a grip so strong that I knew you were holding on for your life. And that I'm responsible for that life now. It's not fair, none of it is fair, and we deserve so much better than the life they gave us. But we'll get through this, we will.

I love you, I've loved you since forever. And I will never, ever, leave you on your own. x

That has brought tears to my eyes...... what a lovely person you are x

Pembily · 29-12-2010 12:19pm

Some amazingly strong people on here!

Dear you, I was looking for something you couldn't give me and I was confused and I'm sorry I hurt you so much and ruined a pretty good friendship!

Dear JT, even after nothing for 6 years we're still good together, you still give me butterflies and make me smile

I know I do something similar to you :P I'll always have a soft spot for you, you fecker but at least this time around I'm not gettin attached to you

Thanks for making me feel great!

kiwi123 · 29-12-2010 2:30pm

dad,

I love you and i really think you are wonderful and such a generous, giving and supportive man. All my decisions in life and especially those that I am proud of were based around a learning example that you set and I am so happy to have done you proud. Even though I'm 21 I still think you're a superman and can help me with everything... when the electricity goes, when something needs to be fixed, when i need objective advice becasue I'm super emotional. YOu constantly challenge the way I view issues arising in the family, the media the news etc which I love.

As much and all as i love all of this, you are the most righteous man I have ever come across and it is beyond annoying!!

At the end of the day though you still are super pops :P x

Eve_Dublin · 29-12-2010 2:58pm

banie01 wrote: »

Kate,

When you died my world collapsed! I lost my reason for being, the centre of my universe and the measure of my happiness.
I'll be honest, manys a time the thought of life without you has brought me some very dark thoughts....But you know me
I'm stubborn and that would imply a surrender that I hope I never have in me.
And anyway I still have our Son, who's so like you that somedays its as if your still in the room
And in a way you are, cos you are never more than a heartbeat away from my thoughts.

Its nearly 4 years now babe and it still hurts every day, every little thing always has an association with the years shared! Luckily apart from your death
Every single memory of the time we shared together was a good one.....
From our 1st kiss, to 12 yrs later and to our Son asking what kind of magician the priest was(And complaining about the stupid tricks) at our last goodbye!
Which I know I shouldn't have laughed at....
But hey look for humour in the dark to shine a light Didn't that attitude get us both through some dark days?

But here's the thing Babe, I feel like I'm living in our past and I'm afraid!
I'm terrified that moving forward means leaving you behind
I feel like even considering being with someone else is cheating on you, betraying your memory and it kills me inside...
I don't ever want to replace you but your not here.........:(
I miss you so much Babe....
Love ya more than chips and always will

I'm in tears. This is just beautiful. I'm so, so sorry for your loss and so sorry you had to go through this. Do what you feel is right and give yourself time to grieve and don't rush yourself. Kate would want you to be happy and so would your little guy but take your time and go easy on yourself.

Take care of yourself.

LegacyUser · 29-12-2010 6:30pm

I still miss you. I wish I could tell you that I still think about you every day, that I still miss you, that I still want to be with you. I like to live by having no regrets but I definitely regret not talking to you and trying to make it work, not trying to save it. The fear I had of letting you into my life at the time has now turned into a fear of losing what little I still have of you if I tell you how I feel.

Ozzyrules · 31-12-2010 4:10am

Dear E,
Thank you for absolutely destroying me and turning me into an empty shell. I fell in love with you when I was 18 and have loved you ever since (despite breaking up last Christmas). I go to sleep every night thinking of you and your new girlfriend and it makes me feel physically sick and my heart hurt so much. You have turned me into a person that I no longer recongnise (I hate men and the thought of marrying one or having kids is no longer appealing to me). And the worst part is, I have now become a weak person because I know that if you called me and asked me to take you back, I would be there in a shot.

NeonCookies · 31-12-2010 1:32pm

Some of these posts have made me realise how stupid it is to be angry at the ones you love for the most ridiculous reasons..when we are really so lucky to still have them beside us.

To my boyfriend,

I know I was in a bit of a mood last night, and so do you....you're always great at picking up on when I'm not 100%, even when everyone else thinks I am. You're also amazing at making me laugh when I'm in one of those moods....seriously, "imagine puppies with ham on their snouts, trying to get it off"...what???lol While in my own head, I had my reasons..when I got home I realised that it really doesn't matter. You are the sweetest, most caring guy. Yes, you are ridiculously forgetful..awful at replying to texts..but you are the first one to admit that, and to tell me that it's just you being an idiot, and that you'll work on it, which you do. While we have had our fights, you have never done anything to intentionally hurt me. Ever. We are both very stubborn people, but when it comes to each other we are willing to apologise and forgive with no pride involved, and to move on together. And always before we go to sleep that night.

I am so glad that we managed to successfully move from friends to boyfriend/girlfriend. It was one of the scariest transitions of my life, because I didn't want to lose you in my life..but now i know we made the right decision. When you get all tipsy, and cuddle up to me in bed and tell me that you want to be with me forever, it makes me the happiest I've ever felt. I know we're both still really young, but I can feel that we're meant to be together. We just completely click, and get each other...which neither of us have ever felt from anyone before in our lives.

So, to sum it all up...I love the hell outta you. Thank you for showing me what a proper relationship can be like. Thank you for showing me what love is. Thank you for being you.

And I can't wait to be your new years eve kiss tonight

NoDice · 31-12-2010 5:49pm

I just wanted to say to everyone who has posted here that I genuinely hope 2011 brings a better and brighter year. I am literally bawling crying at my desk in work.
I wish we all had the strength to say what we wanted at times like these.

pinkheels88 · 02-01-2011 1:23am

HlG, 3 months and only today did I start calling you by your actual name and not "Hot Library Guy"... See I didn't want to get attached, it was meant to be just a bit of fun, and it was, it was lots of fun, but today it hit me like a ten tonne brick. It's highly likely I'm never going to see you again, EVER, and I've fallen for you big time.
Cuddled up on the couch today, hungover and watching "Annie" I could not think of anywhere I'd rather be or anyone I'd rather be with. You fell asleep on me, and THANK GOD because I started getting teary eyed when Daddy Warbucks burst into "Something was Missing" :rolleyes::o
I could sense you were delaying leaving... I didn't want to say goodbye either. We both knew this was it. I have the horrible feeling that I'm the one who will be pining for you though, you'll forget about this small blonde whose bum you so publically fondle in no time.
It's not fair that I could meet someone like you right before I move half way across the world. I'm going to miss you, your strong Cork accent, that awful nickname you had for me, your really obscure sense of humor and that smile of yours which makes you look like you're up to something bold (most of the time you were...) I won't forget the drunken misadventures, me serenading you with "Toxic" (Up until today I thought you had no memory of that - cringe...) and that awkward "first date" me trying to teach you guitar with limited results, and of course the summer I spent in the college library wondering who that male vision was sitting across from me every day.
I can't think of anyone I would have rather rang in the New Year with, I just wish you could be a bigger part of my 2011 than fate will allow.

pastry2010 · 02-01-2011 5:46pm

Dear Boyfriend,

I know I hurt you by telling something personal about you to my male friend, I did not do it out of badness, I felt I needed advice as I was so worried about you. You don't open up to me and now you say you may never be able to trust me again, you have no idea the pain in my heart since you have left and deciding our fate. I miss our day to day routine, I miss how you used to meet from work with 2 starbucks coffees and they would be cold because I am ALWAYS late!;)I miss how you call me piggy when I am sitting on front of the t.v scoffing chocolate, I miss how you come home in your uniform and it makes me smile, I miss ordering our shopping online and you had to double check it because of my random ordering of 1 pack of Hula Hoops and nappies (we have no baby)...I could go on.. but most of all I miss you and as I sit in our apartment waiting on your return, I think to myself how long will you make me wait before you break me or save me........

I am coming to breaking point and I need an answer. I don't want to walk away because you are my soulmate but I need to be happy

MrsMcSteamy · 04-01-2011 9:44am

Dear Ex,

thank you so much for coming up to me on New Years Eve and apologising for all the crap for the last year, it really meant everything to me. Whilst i no longer had feelings for you i was still hurting.
When you said you wanted us to be friends i didnt really know if it was possible. But then last night you were out and so was I and we ended up talking all night about everything that has happened the last year. I feel so relieved that i think we can really have a good friendship, i never thought that would be possible and most of that was my fault because you always said hello but i used to ignore you.
I am really glad we have started the year like this and am really looking forward to the rest of it and us getting along and becoming genuine friends. Thanks so much.

squishykins · 04-01-2011 12:50pm

Dear Daddy,
Forget what I said before, you really haven't changed at all. You can't undo what you said to me, and you've been implying it for years. I've had enough of you, I'm old enough now to know that you really are a piece of work. I know for sure I'll never move back, simply so that if my sisters need out, they'll have a place to go, unlike me. There is no excuse, an apology won't cut it this time.
Amy

Auntie,
I hate to see what you're doing. You're one of my favourite people, stop treating your mother, one of my other favourite people, like this. I hate having to duck and dive between you. She tried for 25 years to make that marriage work, do you know she had to go to counselling? Think about it, he was always working, always. That's why you don't see him in a bad light, he was never there to give out to you. I'm proud of her for leaving, she could be a proper mother once she was happy. But you and dad had to treat her like ****, I didn't get to see her for years, I'm lucky I do now. She's never even met your kids, they don't know they have another granny. Cop on, and talk to her, it's not her fault he died, he had cancer ffs. You only have around 10, maybe 15 years left, hopefully. If you let her pass on like this, I'll never forgive you.
Amy

Mammy,
I really love you more and more every day, you're such an amazing woman

I couldn't ask for a better mother, and I don't say it enough, but I love you

Amy

Guy,
What can I say...through thick and thin, you are one hell of a man. I've put you through so much, too much. We have the most amazing time together though, and it keeps getting better

Into our fourth year, we're stronger than ever (invincible I might even say

) Now we're moving into a new part of our relationship, and I'm scared, but I know it'll work

It was a really hard year for you, I know that, I am trying my best to be there for you, even though you still can't really talk about it. But I know it's clichéd, but you are really surrounded by people who love you. You're my silly fuzzyhead

Amy

Smeggy · 04-01-2011 2:16pm

Dear "work colleague"

When we first started in work 5 years ago, you used to be really sound, we had a laugh and a chat every day... I thought I had found a new friend, oh how that all changed!! I genuinely don't think you realise how much you annoy me and our other colleagues these days!! I would just like to say grow the hell up and stop being such a brown nosing fool all your life!!

That felt good

Dear Boy (not man)

You knew exactly what to say to get what you wanted then ditched me when the boredom set in, I hope it rots off you as it seems to be the only source of joy in your life!

Regards
Smeg....

lady_jane_grey · 05-01-2011 1:44am

T,
Forget what I said.
L.

johnr1 · 05-01-2011 3:44pm

Dear Ellie,

What hurts the most wasn't you dropping me without warning or explanation, even though I loved you and would have gone to the ends of the earth for you.
It's that the person with whom I felt more empathy with and understood by in the world isn't interested in even knowing me anymore and I dont know why that is. One line would have been enough.
We were never friends, -lovers from the second we met, and "friends" was probably never an option, but there was no need to disappear from my life like that.
You are a good, kind, caring, intelligent woman, but you know what; you're not unique, and the world is full of wonderful potential friends and lovers.

John.

Carter12 · 05-01-2011 7:33pm

N,

Ive never said this before and I wont ever say it again. I love you like ive never loved anyone else, even more than my hubby and G.

Pity you think of me like something you would wipe off your shoe

D x

LegacyUser · 06-01-2011 5:03pm

J,

When I think about you and about our situation, it makes me sad. I don't understand why you feel the need to let me in slightly, then shut me out and cut contact until you feel ready again. I don't think you understand how frustrating it is for me. Every time you decide to get back in touch I take the bait and make myself out to be an idiot. Part of me wants to walk away, yet there is another part that doesn't want to give up, even though I usually feel like the whole thing is pointless.

You text me, make me laugh, we talk and have fun, we watch a film and get on really well, then you pull the rug from under me by freaking out and not getting in touch. Sometimes it takes weeks before I get an answer as to why you did it. And that answer becomes the same answer every time it happens. Why?

The more I try to understand you and your logic behind things, the more confused I become. Years, and still the same situation.

JillyQ · 06-01-2011 5:35pm

I have read some of the posts here and they have brought a tear to my eye.

I guess its only when times get hard you realise who your true friends are. I told someone a few days ago something that my family and I are going through, it is one of the toughest things that anyone can go through, I thought that he would be there for me as friend as I have been for him in the past. I have spent hours listening to his problems, I always answered his calls no matter what time of the day or night. Now when i need him he is no where to be found, he wont answer my calls or text message, he didnt even bother to send me a New Years text even though i sent him one. His behaviour has made me realise who my true friends are so to all of them i say a big thank you. To him i say you must have a heart made of stone. I hope that someday I will be able to forgive him for the way he has treated me when i needed him the most.

NoDice · 06-01-2011 5:55pm

Dear ____,

I'm hearing a lot of different things about you from different people. Maybe you're not the person I think you are. A pattern that had appeared previously is starting to reappear and this is making me think "are you lying to me too?".

I don't know if I can trust you.

I will however give you the benefit of the doubt for now. Call me a fool but if you hurt me, I'll be the last person you'll ever hurt.

LegacyUser · 06-01-2011 8:57pm

Dear ___________

Even though it's almost two years ago, the day we broke up still makes me sick to my stomach. I've moved on and am very happy with my life right now - but I'll always wonder what might have been with you. I loved you from the moment I first saw you, and I cried an ocean of tears for you before, during and after our relationship. I don't cry for you anymore, I try to smile and remember the good times instead. But please, don't ever be so cruel to anyone again. It took a long time for me to see the sunshine through the clouds. I hope you can see it too, through your own unhappiness.

Love. Always, no matter what you've done.

margarite · 06-01-2011 9:16pm

JillyQ wrote: »

I have read some of the posts here and they have brought a tear to my eye.

I guess its only when times get hard you realise who your true friends are. I told someone a few days ago something that my family and I are going through, it is one of the toughest things that anyone can go through, I thought that he would be there for me as friend as I have been for him in the past. I have spent hours listening to his problems, I always answered his calls no matter what time of the day or night. Now when i need him he is no where to be found, he wont answer my calls or text message, he didnt even bother to send me a New Years text even though i sent him one. His behaviour has made me realise who my true friends are so to all of them i say a big thank you. To him i say you must have a heart made of stone. I hope that someday I will be able to forgive him for the way he has treated me when i needed him the most.

When I read what you wrote my heart went out to you, we think sometimes our best friends will be there when we need them and we have listened to them going on about the sad/bad things that are going in their lives and always be there for them, but when we turn to them looking for support it is true that is when we find out who are our real friends. I really do hope that whatever you and your family are going through works out really well for you and your family, I hope that you have found a really good friend to help you through this tough time. Reading what you said made me angry and sad and I pray and hope that everything works out. Thinking of you take care.

JillyQ · 06-01-2011 9:55pm

@ Margarite hopefully it will. Some ppl have amazed me with there kindness and another one with his cruelty.

margarite · 06-01-2011 9:58pm

JillyQ wrote: »

@ Margarite hopefully it will. Some ppl have amazed me with there kindness and another one with his cruelty.

It will improve we have to have hope, good friends will help you through it <snip> Thinking of you.

Things you want to say to husband/boyf/ex's/friends/family/people *MOD NOTE POST #1*

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Things you want to say to husband/boyf/ex's/friends/family/people MOD NOTE POST #1