Living together

Teach30 · 07-04-2020 8:21pm

lozenges wrote: »

I think parents who have a healthy relationship with their children and want the best for them want them to be independent and carve their own path in life.

You can live in a different house to someone, it doesn't mean you're abandoning them or forgetting about them, or can't have a good relationship with them.

That’s not how I would view it. Id definitely think badly of someone who was single, living with elderly parents and who wouldn’t look after them particularly when they had been given a lot growing up.

That would be an important value to me.

Sardonicat · 07-04-2020 8:26pm

Teach30 wrote: »

But I’ve loads of respect for myself. Just because I don’t conform to the way other people act doesn’t mean I don’t respect myself. I like designer handbags, shoes, interiors.. That’s where I like to spend my own money. Nothing wrong with that is there? I work hard enough and shopping is a hobby, just the same as going out at the weekends or going on a few holidays a year would be for others.

If I move out and live in my own I’d lose out on a house worth a fair bit so I dont see the point in losing out not at my age. I’d obviously get something but not as much. Also do you not think it’d be fairly ignorant to just move out and live on my own leave them after all they’ve done for me? Just my take on it.

A grown adult with a great education and a job living a completely parasitic lifestyle on her parents has no self respect. None. And what you have described is completely parasitic.

eviltwin · 07-04-2020 8:26pm

Teach30 wrote: »

Been told to get over myself isn’t everyone in the same boat when they get married etc.

No, that's not what a normal marriage is like

Sardonicat · 07-04-2020 8:27pm

Teach30 wrote: »

That’s not how I would view it. Id definitely think badly of someone who was single, living with elderly parents and who wouldn’t look after them particularly when they had been given a lot growing up.

That would be an important value to me.

But you're not looking after them, they are looking after you!

Teach30 · 07-04-2020 8:32pm

eviltwin wrote: »

No, that's not what a normal marriage is like

Really? What is normal so? What should I look For? genuinely interested to hear what you think a normal marriage is, I’ve only been exposed to a certain type.

Teach30 · 07-04-2020 8:34pm

Sardonicat wrote: »

A grown adult with a great education and a job living a completely parasitic lifestyle on her parents has no self respect. None. And what you have described is completely parasitic.

Ah go way really? Well if you think I’m bad there’s four more of me in the family acting the same way.
I’m willing to after them as they age, that’s hardly parasitic.

Stheno · 07-04-2020 8:36pm

Teach30 wrote: »

But I’ve loads of respect for myself. Just because I don’t conform to the way other people act doesn’t mean I don’t respect myself. I like designer handbags, shoes, interiors.. That’s where I like to spend my own money. Nothing wrong with that is there? .

Have you sat down with your fiance and worked out how much each of you will contribute each month to the costs of running the house?

This will impact on your "own" money as will having kids and needing to pay for childcare

Now it depends on what you mean by designer handbags and shoes but if you are spending 500+ euro a month on this sort of stuff, and dont earn a very large salary, I'd imagine you need to rethink how you will live

Loveinapril · 07-04-2020 8:38pm

OP, you just don't sound happy. You sound like you are plodding along, just flowing into whatever comes next. You don't HAVE to get married or stay living with your parents. You should be genuinely excited to be moving into a different stage of your life with a partner. It really does sound like you are replacing his mother for him, and you are becoming your own mother, where you will just tend to your man and in return he will "keep" you. Life can be fun and exciting with the right partner. You share things and live on a path to a future you both want, not just existing in a world that is familiar to you. Do you not have any hopes or dreams for yourself? Separate to your family or fiance. What would you like your future to be? What would make you happy?

Sardonicat · 07-04-2020 8:45pm

Teach30 wrote: »

Ah go way really? Well if you think I’m bad there’s four more of me in the family acting the same way.
I’m willing to after them as they age, that’s hardly parasitic.

Yes, really.

Teach30 · 07-04-2020 8:47pm

Loveinapril wrote: »

OP, you just don't sound happy. You sound like you are plodding along, just flowing into whatever comes next. You don't HAVE to get married or stay living with your parents. You should be genuinely excited to be moving into a different stage of your life with a partner. It really does sound like you are replacing his mother for him, and you are becoming your own mother, where you will just tend to your man and in return he will "keep" you. Life can be fun and exciting with the right partner. You share things and live on a path to a future you both want, not just existing in a world that is familiar to you. Do you not have any hopes or dreams for yourself? Separate to your family or fiance. What would you like your future to be? What would make you happy?

Dreams- Marriage, living with fiancé , A nice house, living comfortably, buying nice things. That’s about it. Kids I don’t know, I’m not bothered. I enjoy my job don’t want to progress in that as it’s handy and I’m not bother about meeting people for coffee, going on holidays etc.

I am excited I was just nervous about dealing with the additional workload.

lozenges · 07-04-2020 8:51pm

Teach30 wrote: »

Ah go way really? Well if you think I’m bad there’s four more of me in the family acting the same way.
I’m willing to after them as they age, that’s hardly parasitic.

You don't sound like you have much affection for your parents. It also doesn't sound like you are doing much to help them or that they need much care at present so my previous comment about parents wanting to see their children carve their own path stands. Obviously for parents that need help at home/family carers that's different.

A question for you. What are the qualities about your husband that you find most attractive? What is it about him that make you want to marry him and not, say some other fella down the road?

Faith · 07-04-2020 9:10pm

Teach30 wrote: »

Really? What is normal so? What should I look For? genuinely interested to hear what you think a normal marriage is, I’ve only been exposed to a certain type.

“Normal” can look many ways, but for a happy marriage, I think you have to really like the person you’re married to. We’re only one couple but, for example, while my husband and I have lots of differences and we argue about things like everyone, I’m bloody mad about him and he’s my favorite person in the world, and I’m his. Being married never feels like a chore, or something I had to do. We share things equally - the good and the bad. We both work, we both do house work, we share the load. I chose to marry him because I wanted to spend my life with him, not because of what he brought to the table. In other words, I married for love, which was what got us through some really hard times when we could barely afford to pay our rent, or had mental health struggles, or myriad other issues.

If your fiancé didn’t have two pennies to rub together, would you still want to marry him? Can you count on him to support you emotionally? If you could choose to spend the majority of your time with anyone, would he be the person you’d choose? Does he make you laugh? Does he do nice things for you? Do you get excited when you see him? Do you feel lust or passion towards him?

To me, those are some of the things that might make up a “normal” relationship. If you’re both there for what the other can offer, then it’s a business arrangement, IMO.

December2012 · 07-04-2020 9:11pm

What did you mean when you said if you will lose out on your inheritance? And lose money you have put into a house?

Teach30 · 07-04-2020 9:27pm

Faith wrote: »

“Normal” can look many ways, but for a happy marriage, I think you have to really like the person you’re married to. We’re only one couple but, for example, while my husband and I have lots of differences and we argue about things like everyone, I’m bloody mad about him and he’s my favorite person in the world, and I’m his. Being married never feels like a chore, or something I had to do. We share things equally - the good and the bad. We both work, we both do house work, we share the load. I chose to marry him because I wanted to spend my life with him, not because of what he brought to the table. In other words, I married for love, which was what got us through some really hard times when we could barely afford to pay our rent, or had mental health struggles, or myriad other issues.

If your fiancé didn’t have two pennies to rub together, would you still want to marry him? Can you count on him to support you emotionally? If you could choose to spend the majority of your time with anyone, would he be the person you’d choose? Does he make you laugh? Does he do nice things for you? Do you get excited when you see him? Do you feel lust or passion towards him?

To me, those are some of the things that might make up a “normal” relationship. If you’re both there for what the other can offer, then it’s a business arrangement, IMO.

Thanks that’s great and Yes I’d safely say he offers all those things, as do I.

I would say though that love or money I require both. He’s hardworking and earns a good living. He has other options to fall back on too. I can honestly say if he had no work, and no savings I wouldn’t marry him. Equally I would ever expect anyone to go out with me if I had no career, money etc.

Teach30 · 07-04-2020 9:32pm

lozenges wrote: »

You don't sound like you have much affection for your parents. It also doesn't sound like you are doing much to help them or that they need much care at present so my previous comment about parents wanting to see their children carve their own path stands. Obviously for parents that need help at home/family carers that's different.

A question for you. What are the qualities about your husband that you find most attractive? What is it about him that make you want to marry him and not, say some other fella down the road?

I’m not a particularly emotional person. He’s hardworking, kind, genuine, positive, good to be around etc.

hairyprincess · 07-04-2020 10:11pm

I think ultimately in a few years time, you will regret marrying this man. But you will stay in the marriage because you wouldn’t dare bring the ‘shame’ of a marriage break up on your parents.

Listen to what people here are saying.

eviltwin · 07-04-2020 10:21pm

Teach30 wrote: »

Really? What is normal so? What should I look For? genuinely interested to hear what you think a normal marriage is, I’ve only been exposed to a certain type.

Normal is marrying your best friend, the person you can't imagine being without. It's not getting married to get away from your parents. It's not speaking about your marriage as if it's the least worst option.

I think you should live with him before you marry him. I know you said earlier you won't because you want to respect your family but that's a very old fashioned view that doesn't really work in today's world. You need to put yourself first. How long have you and your fiance been together? Have you had any time alone, if you both live with your folks have you even managed to have sex yet?

Teach30 · 07-04-2020 10:59pm

eviltwin wrote: »

Normal is marrying your best friend, the person you can't imagine being without. It's not getting married to get away from your parents. It's not speaking about your marriage as if it's the least worst option.

I think you should live with him before you marry him. I know you said earlier you won't because you want to respect your family but that's a very old fashioned view that doesn't really work in today's world. You need to put yourself first. How long have you and your fiance been together? Have you had any time alone, if you both live with your folks have you even managed to have sex yet?

We’re together long enough that he wanted to marry me. I’ve been in plenty of relationships as has he.

Also you have repeatedly asked if we have been intimate, I don’t see how that has any relevance to my original question of coping hence I will not be answering.

I wouldn’t be marrying him if it wasn’t the right thing for me.

rainbowtrout · 07-04-2020 11:24pm

Teach30 wrote: »

That’s not how I would view it. Id definitely think badly of someone who was single, living with elderly parents and who wouldn’t look after them particularly when they had been given a lot growing up.

That would be an important value to me.

You don't have to live with your parents to be able to look after them. And you've admitted that you'll get a bigger chunk of inheritance if you stay and that's a motivating factor. Not much pride or self respect in that.

cannotlogin · 07-04-2020 11:33pm

Teach30 wrote: »

We’re together long enough that he wanted to marry me. I’ve been in plenty of relationships as has he.

Also you have repeatedly asked if we have been intimate, I don’t see how that has any relevance to my original question of coping hence I will not be answering.

I wouldn’t be marrying him if it wasn’t the right thing for me.

You've been in plenty of relationships - so why is this the man you want to marry and spend the rest of your life with as opposed to any of the others.

The reason I ask is it nearly seems mechanical. There no talk of love, passionate, excitement, compatibility, attraction etc. You describe him generically.

The only reasons you have provide for getting married are as follows:-

1. The house/inheritance
2. Better than living alone/with parents/others
3. He's the right person for you - no reasons why
4. He proposed

You don't have to answer the intimacy question but it's a strange one to swerve all the same.

Stheno · 07-04-2020 11:34pm

Teach30 wrote: »

I would say though that love or money I require both. He’s hardworking and earns a good living. He has other options to fall back on too. I can honestly say if he had no work, and no savings I wouldn’t marry him. Equally I would ever expect anyone to go out with me if I had no career, money etc.

If he suffers a severe injury after you are married and ends up needing you as his carer, and you run out of savings and have to live on social welfare would you be ok with that?

rainbowtrout · 07-04-2020 11:38pm

Teach30 wrote: »

Thanks that’s great and Yes I’d safely say he offers all those things, as do I.

I would say though that love or money I require both. He’s hardworking and earns a good living. He has other options to fall back on too. I can honestly say if he had no work, and no savings I wouldn’t marry him. Equally I would ever expect anyone to go out with me if I had no career, money etc.

I don't think anyone was suggesting it was a choice of two extremes. I think a lot of people would probably want to know the reasons why a person might not have work or savings. And plenty of those reasons can be fairly normal - health issues, lost job/ went bust during recession, paying back a loan after college, ended up in negative equity etc, etc. All valid reasons. But what is more attractive is a work ethic and a willingness to work, and go out there and earn.

From what you said, this guy seems relatively well off like your own family. So I wonder with your comment that I've highlighted above would you be marrying him if he was working in a job that just didn't pay very well. See the thing is Faith described what I think a marriage should be in her post, so when they had hard times they got through it. I wonder though that if ye have financial difficulties down the line (and i wouldn't wish them on you or anyone), and they can happen to anyone, e.g. health issue, TB on the farm and all his cattle go down, how would you cope if there wasn't much money coming in and you had to live off a shoestring? Would you stick around, or would you be able to cope without living the affluent lifestyle, if that is one of the things you require from this marriage? If the money ever goes is that the marriage over?

Neyite · 08-04-2020 12:02am

I don't think I've seen any post of yours where you describe your love for him. Or that you fancy him. And I think that's the vibe that's concerning most of us. It's not people trying to pry out of you what your sex life is like, it's just that you've not mentioned your love for him as any of your reasons for joining your life to his for life.

And the worry is that you'll be here in a few years asking posters what to do about your unhappy marriage with a guy who's a good dad, a good provider and just a nice guy but you've got the ick and are miserable. We've seen so many of those threads on here and there's never an easy solution for anyone in the family.

Teach30 · 08-04-2020 12:06am

rainbowtrout wrote: »

. But what is more attractive is a work ethic and a willingness to work, and go out there and earn.

? If the money ever goes is that the marriage over?

All very valid points, in your post. We are both hard workers so well matched that way. If one of us ended up jobless and we are married then of course we’d stick it out. I would have no problem with that.

I just wouldnt marry someone with a poor work ethic.

Teach30 · 08-04-2020 12:10am

Neyite wrote: »

I don't think I've seen any post of yours where you describe your love for him. Or that you fancy him. And I think that's the vibe that's concerning most of us. It's not people trying to pry out of you what your sex life is like, it's just that you've not mentioned your love for him as any of your reasons for joining your life to his for life.

And the worry is that you'll be here in a few years asking posters what to do about your unhappy marriage with a guy who's a good dad, a good provider and just a nice guy but you've got the ick and are miserable. We've seen so many of those threads on here and there's never an easy solution for anyone in the family.

I don’t see the relevance of posting gushing review of my love for him but then I’m not a very emotional person. I wouldn’t be marrying him if I didn’t love him and what he brings to the relationship - which I have said in previous posts.

bigpink · 08-04-2020 1:06am

Think you need to slow things down,get outa of home for a year and live with partner.

December2012 · 08-04-2020 7:42am

Look, there is something bothering you. There is something going on here. Would you go and have a talk with a therapist or a counsellor just so that you can help yourself sort out what is getting to you?

Febreeze · 08-04-2020 11:19am

I'll be honest here.

I've taken the "housewife approach" just for the fact that I'll get things done quicker. Myself and my partner have lived together for years and it's just fell into place that I done the majority of the cleaning and cooking just for the fact that I've the control there. But my partner however, would have more or less control of the fianance part. Bills. Savings etc. Nothing to do with he's a bloke and I'm a girl. It just falls into these places.

Other couples are different. Some men prefer to clean, some women would rather sort the money. Some couples do it equally. Some so it separately. Some couples I know literally live seperate lives altogether and do their own things then I know one couple who sit on each others lip day in and day out. There's no right or wrong answer to how a couple should and shouldn't live.

My friend and her partner absolutely stress me with the lack of cleaning they do and the amount of money they spend..but that suits them. My friend thinks it's ridiculous that I do the majority of the cleaning and cooking and thinks that a woman should be more than just cleaning and cooking but I can't stress that I would rather do it myself and have it done and over with then nagging. I can't be bothered nagging.It's just down to the person.

If you're stressing out now about living together and worrying about being landed with doing everything and knowing his job is long hours and upsetting yourself if you're not ready to take it all on, then reconsider your choices. I've to he harsh here but there's no argument in my opinion. My hours are less than my partners, it wouldn't even occur to me that he works too much or I don't see him enough. Its life. We work. Bills to he paid. Our evenings are spent watching telly in a clean house with the bills paid. Both fed. The only complaints I have is not being able to go away for the next few months. But stressing over this, is a little bit extreme.

If you're engaged and you know his working life then marriage isn't going to change his working hours or how you run the house. It'll be harder to get out of if you hit a wall one day and literally say enough is enough. I hardly doubt he's doing his job to annoy the hell out of you. It's what he's done since you met so therefore it's not going to change.

It's up to you what you want to do. You can complain till the cows come come but at the end of the day you're only annoying yourself. It probably hasn't even occured to him of any changes, just the fact that he's a married man. Men are laid back creatures at the best of times.

qwerty13 · 09-04-2020 3:04am

Not that I’m speaking for everyone here, but you just sound really unhappy. And incredibly into money.

You described a long number of posts ago about ‘having nothing to lose’ by marrying. That’s a terribly sad reaction. Do you really love this guy? This might explain why you had no interest in planning your wedding. I get that people aren’t into favours / props / candy carts - but you did come across as very very little interest.

It sounds like you marrying is also tied, in your views anyway, into ‘respect’ from your parents, and money now, and inheritance later. What about what you want? As in a loving relationship that you want to be in? You’re making it sound like a business arrangement. Is he a rich farmer too? The reason I ask is that it almost comes across as a consolidation of assets.

If it genuinely makes you happy, ok. But it really comes across like it doesn’t. I think these strange times are going cause a bit of self-examination in people, but you sound like you’d started that before all this. It’s an easy question, but with hard answers: do you know what you want from life to make you truly happy? Is being ‘nothing to lose’ really what you’re settling for?

Star Fish · 09-04-2020 3:42am

Hi if you laugh & Joke together as a couple you'll be fine!
Set jobs for each other as in
. Can u clean tomo
Can u cook?
If not there needs to be a convo
If it's left to one person it deffo won't work

lastusername · 09-04-2020 12:04pm

OP, if you know you love him and that you're having fun and enjoying life together already, then you'll be fine when you're married too. It's not going to be that much different and the worry around domestic stuff is just worried thinking and not something to be concerned about, like I (and others possibly) have said before.

I think what some are driving it as is it sounds like it could be the case that you feel that this is the path you should be going down, based on what's expected of you, what you feel you should be doing, or what's 'normal'.

We can make ourselves small and make our world small when we believe this is how it should be. But there is no 'right path', it's just what's right for us, not what other people think is what should happen.

eviltwin · 09-04-2020 2:33pm

I hope you have been given some helpful advice here OP. Some of it may have been hard to read but remember its coming from a place of concern, no one here wants to see you unhappy.

A lot of the stuff you are concerned about, division of labour and so on, is normal for any couple. Its just the most of us have dealt with all that before we commit to marry. So you're not unique in that.

I think people have picked up on the language used in your posts. Worries about managing the house aside, it doesn't sound like the posting of someone excited to be getting married to the man of their dreams. Qwerty made a great point about it sounding like a business arrangement, there's no emotion in your posts. No one is expecting you to gush about him but the lack of any real insight into your relationship makes it harder for people to advise you.

Whatever happens I wish you all the best and hope you will be truly happy with married life.

Jade2015 · 22-06-2020 7:19pm

I'd be running for the hills of I were you. When you have kids together, YOU will also be doing 99% of the child rearing on top of working, house chores, shopping etc. I went through this with my now Ex who is a farmer. I got the same speal that he would have more free time once his milking parlour was complete. When the parlour was finished (he then had the debt to pay for parlour)this never happened and instead he kept on taking on more work and contract work that meant he was out ploughing other peoples fields etc until 1 or 2am for the season every year on top of all the farming work. I was always referred by him as being Lazy, even though I worked from home full time, took care of the child rearing and household. He had his mammy do everything for him before he met me.
Live with this guy first before marriage.

Teach30 · 22-06-2020 8:33pm

Jade2015 wrote: »

I'd be running for the hills of I were you. When you have kids together, YOU will also be doing 99% of the child rearing on top of working, house chores, shopping etc. I went through this with my now Ex who is a farmer. I got the same speal that he would have more free time once his milking parlour was complete. When the parlour was finished (he then had the debt to pay for parlour)this never happened and instead he kept on taking on more work and contract work that meant he was out ploughing other peoples fields etc until 1 or 2am for the season every year on top of all the farming work. I was always referred by him as being Lazy, even though I worked from home full time, took care of the child rearing and household. He had his mammy do everything for him before he met me.
Live with this guy first before marriage.

Hi Jade thanks, sorry things didn’t work out for you. Did ye live together first?

I know what you mean about farmers always working all hours and mothers are very bad to train their sons sometimes. I see my own brothers who don’t know how to wash their clothes properly and you’d have to feel sorry for them - work clothes take more than just a spin in the machine. I’m grand with the long hours I grew up around that so it’s normal to me.
We are undecided what to do as it’s great way to save money not living together. We have very little expenses at the minute. I’d rather put the savings into nice furniture and the house etc than paying out for rent at the moment and it’s only for another few months so I’d say that’s what we’ll do. I wouldn’t marry him if I thought I didn’t know him and I do - he has a lot more to lose than me if it doesn’t work out so he would be of the same mindset.
I think we’ll take the risk.

Hannibal_Smith · 22-06-2020 9:01pm

Mod Note

Jade2015 although you may mean well, the offer or request of PMs is not permitted in PI. Please see the forum charter on this. The rule is there to protect all parties so, tempting as it is please do not engage in PMs.

23-06-2020 10:57am

People appear obsessed with having the op move in with her fiancée before they get married. It may be a surprise to some but only moving in after getting married is far from unusual. I have 3 close friends out of a group 7 of us who only moved in together after getting married all in the last few years. In 2/3 cases both couples lived at home and had never moved out and only on return from honeymoon moved into their newly built houses. The 3rd couple had lived out of home but never together.

All were late 20’s getting married and going out for many years (10 years in one of the cases) so they knew each other very well. All are married 2 to 5 years now, have kids and are very happy.

I’d also add that I think most people aren’t from farming backgrounds so don’t understand it and how it’s unavoidable for a larger division of the house work to fall on the woman/wife. It’s just not possible to be able to do 50% of housework while also running a farm, in fact it’s probably easier in the case of the op as he is a full time farmer but most farmers are part-time on the farm and full time in an off farm job too so free time in the evenings and particularly weekends when a lot of house work get done are taken up working on the farm. I think most women marrying a farmer understand this, I know my wife does and knows the majority of my Saturdays are going to be taken up farming and that I will often have to go out working in the evening after dinner rather than doing the washing up or washing clothes etc.

Doesn’t mean you can’t help here and there but it’s just not possible to do it as much as two people working in day jobs and both coming home and being around the house all evening/weekend etc.

lastusername · 23-06-2020 12:24pm

I think for all of us, it's common to worry about a big move like this and to look to others for clarity and reassurance - but really that only comes from within.

And it looks like the OP is sure about this when her potential worries around it settle

pwurple · 23-06-2020 7:44pm

Jeepers people got very harsh in here. Nothing wrong with not spilling your emotional guts on the internet, if you're private about your feelings and sex life then that's fine. I don't think there isn't anything particularly odd about OP moving in after getting married. It wasn't what I did, but that's the cultural norm in a lot of places, no need for the shame fest.

Worrying about living together and the workload is fairly normal with any big change in your life coming up. I don't think the cleaning and cooking workload will be massive for quiet hardworking farmer & his wife that doesn't socialise much. (who does in these times, right?)

My small concern would be that the value you place in material things now may wane over time, and you could be left hurt if you're not prepared with a fallback interest. The nice house, furniture and shoes can become purely materialistic once it gets beyond a certain point. I mean, once the house is "done", then what? Shopping as a hobby when you already have what you need is just greed really, and this is generally seen as an unhealthy behaviour for us humans. Long term, it can be harmful to you and your family if gathering more stuff is your sole interest in life. What's the point of 20 pairs of expensive shoes if you've nowhere outside the house to wear them?

But anyway, I'm sure you know this, so it's more likely to be the excitement of setting up a home for the first time!

I think you'll be just fine once you get into the swing of it.

lastusername · 24-06-2020 10:28am

pwurple wrote: »

Jeepers people got very harsh in here. Nothing wrong with not spilling your emotional guts on the internet, if you're private about your feelings and sex life then that's fine. I don't think there isn't anything particularly odd about OP moving in after getting married. It wasn't what I did, but that's the cultural norm in a lot of places, no need for the shame fest.

Worrying about living together and the workload is fairly normal with any big change in your life coming up. I don't think the cleaning and cooking workload will be massive for quiet hardworking farmer & his wife that doesn't socialise much. (who does in these times, right?)

My small concern would be that the value you place in material things now may wane over time, and you could be left hurt if you're not prepared with a fallback interest. The nice house, furniture and shoes can become purely materialistic once it gets beyond a certain point. I mean, once the house is "done", then what? Shopping as a hobby when you already have what you need is just greed really, and this is generally seen as an unhealthy behaviour for us humans. Long term, it can be harmful to you and your family if gathering more stuff is your sole interest in life. What's the point of 20 pairs of expensive shoes if you've nowhere outside the house to wear them?

But anyway, I'm sure you know this, so it's more likely to be the excitement of setting up a home for the first time!

I think you'll be just fine once you get into the swing of it.

I would say a lot of people are talking about moving in together first because the old adage of 'want to know me, come live with me' is a saying for a reason! You get to a different level of knowing someone after you've lived with them for a while.

That said, whatever works is whatever works best for you - nothing wrong with not living together first either!

Living together

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