What Do I Tell My Mother?

JackTaylorFan · 30-03-2017 11:27pm #1

So I am hoping some sextuagenarians can advise me here...

On mother's day, just gone, somebody got mine a pretty bouquet of white Lilies that she placed proudly on the kitchen table - much to my dismay (as you can only begin to imagine).

Anyways, one of my issues is, well, thus: I suffer terribly from allergies this time of the year, every year (I blame my father really - it's his fault - he's the one who gave me hayfever) - and I find the pretty pollen that is on the dreaded lilium extremely aggravating to my sense of well-being.

I also have a theory as to why Lilies are so popular at funerals: they make us cry even when we are not all that upset that the person who has died.

So anyways, I sent my mother away for a few days - to Donegal or somewhere - I don't know - I just picked the cheapest deal I could find on booking.com and helped her pack her bags. I needed a break - seriously, you have no idea. So I have been housesitting since about Sunday evening - but those flowers! I can't even begin to describe how much I despise the stench of them; it's like when you walk into one of those mystic newage hippie shops and everything stinks of potpourri or whatever and it gets caught in your nostrils and on your clothes for hours and hours. The flowers have been affecting me quite badly the last few evenings - and I know, I know, I should really stop being so sensitive about stuff. And blah... blah... blah... - but I can't help it if nature has it in for me.

I've had a headache for the last three days and my eyes have been red and I've been drunk a lot! And this evening, I just kinda lost it.

I'd really just had enough, really.

Anyways, I'm not proud of what i done next: I picked the vase up and took it outside - then I smashed it on the neighbours wall. It felt good, to be honest. I felt very calm afterwards - I believe it's what Arjuna experienced all those Christmases ago - and when I went back inside for my evening tea, the tension I was experiencing between my eyes had almost completely dissipated. I'll probably get up extra early tomorrow (round 11ish)and clean up the broken vase - throw the flowers in the trash and go back to bed until 2pm. It's been a hard week.

But, I suppose, I do feel a small bit guilty for what I did - now that I can think clearly again. I've been sitting in the kitchen near the window for the last 10 minutes or so - and as I type this I can still see the broken shards, and the dead flowers just lying out there whenever the neighbour's security light comes on. My neighbours like to sit out their back with a fag on and talk about things - I sometimes hear them talking about me. There is no puddle though, it has been raining like cats and dogs since I woke up yesterday.

Anyways, my mother will be home on Saturday (I think) and I'm not sure what to tell her, really. A part of me hopes she just forgets she ever got them - she has been forgetting things recently - but I probably shouldn't get my hopes up too soon. The doctor told me it is way too early to say for sure.

Anyways, I'm not really sure what to do if she asks. Maybe I should just pretend nobody ever gave her a present on Mother's day. Yeah, she might actually believe that with a little persuasion - I mean, I know I didn't get her anything.

Well, there was the trip to Donegal (I think?) - but that was more a present to myself, really.

30-03-2017 11:29pm

Tell her you don't know how to copy paste properly

Dyr · 30-03-2017 11:31pm

Your mother is the least of your worries, ya bleedin space cadet ye

Scraggs · 30-03-2017 11:32pm

That's a pretty long winded way to say you acted like a brat.

JackTaylorFan · 30-03-2017 11:32pm

bluewolf wrote: »

Tell her you don't know how to copy paste properly

Sorry, I've not been sleeping well

rtron · 30-03-2017 11:32pm

So anyways tell her you can't copy and paste properly.

JackTaylorFan · 30-03-2017 11:34pm

JackTaylorFan wrote: »

Sorry, I've not been sleeping well

rtron wrote: »

So anyways tell her you can't copy and paste properly.

Sorry, Sorry, I've I've not not been been sleeping sleeping well well

vicwatson · 30-03-2017 11:34pm

Does your mammy have Brennans bread on the counter?

dee_mc · 30-03-2017 11:35pm

Go back in time, put the vase of flowers in her bedroom, then fast forward to Saturday and tell her you had to move them as they trigger your hayfever.
Or, you know, make up a ridiculous story and troll away. Whatever works for you.

KERSPLAT! · 30-03-2017 11:35pm

I was hoping for another doggy stun gun thread... instead I got this.

PARlance · 30-03-2017 11:37pm

Here's the tl;dr

JackTaylorFan wrote: »

So I am hoping some sextuagenarians can advise me here...

On mother's day, just gone, somebody got mine a pretty bouquet of white Lilies that she placed proudly on the kitchen table - much to my dismay (as you can only begin to imagine).

Anyways, one of my issues is, well, thus: I suffer terribly from allergies this time of the year, every year (I blame my father really - it's his fault - he's the one who gave me hayfever) - and I find the pretty pollen that is on the dreaded lilium extremely aggravating to my sense of well-being.

I also have a theory as to why Lilies are so popular at funerals: they make us cry even when we are not all that upset that the person who has died.

So anyways, I sent my mother away for a few days - to Donegal or somewhere - I don't know - I just picked the cheapest deal I could find on booking.com and helped her pack her bags. I needed a break - seriously, you have no idea. So I have been housesitting since about Sunday evening - but those flowers! I can't even begin to describe how much I despise the stench of them; it's like when you walk into one of those mystic newage hippie shops and everything stinks of potpourri or whatever and it gets caught in your nostrils and on your clothes for hours and hours. The flowers have been affecting me quite badly the last few evenings - and I know, I know, I should really stop being so sensitive about stuff. And blah... blah... blah... - but I can't help it if nature has it in for me.

I've had a headache for the last three days and my eyes have been red and I've been drunk a lot! And this evening, I just kinda lost it.

I'd really just had enough, really.

Anyways, I'm not proud of what i done next: I picked the vase up and took it outside - then I smashed it on the neighbours wall. It felt good, to be honest. I felt very calm afterwards - I believe it's what Arjuna experienced all those Christmases ago - and when I went back inside for my evening tea, the tension I was experiencing between my eyes had almost completely dissipated. I'll probably get up extra early tomorrow (round 11ish)and clean up the broken vase - throw the flowers in the trash and go back to bed until 2pm. It's been a hard week.

But, I suppose, I do feel a small bit guilty for what I did - now that I can think clearly again. I've been sitting in the kitchen near the window for the last 10 minutes or so - and as I type this I can still see the broken shards, and the dead flowers just lying out there whenever the neighbour's security light comes on. My neighbours like to sit out their back with a fag on and talk about things - I sometimes hear them talking about me. There is no puddle though, it has been raining like cats and dogs since I woke up yesterday.

Anyways, my mother will be home on Saturday (I think) and I'm not sure what to tell her, really. A part of me hopes she just forgets she ever got them - she has been forgetting things recently - but I probably shouldn't get my hopes up too soon. The doctor told me it is way too early to say for sure.

Anyways, I'm not really sure what to do if she asks. Maybe I should just pretend nobody ever gave her a present on Mother's day. Yeah, she might actually believe that with a little persuasion - I mean, I know I didn't get her anything.

Well, there was the trip to Donegal (I think?) - but that was more a present to myself, really.

30-03-2017 11:39pm

OP did you make all of that up? You can come clean. We understand.

colm_mcm · 30-03-2017 11:39pm

Is there anything to be said for burning the house down?

misstearheus · 30-03-2017 11:44pm

My eyes are sore trying to follow that and keep my attention.

Will someone give me a quickie synopsis please and t.i.a.

EndaHonesty · 30-03-2017 11:47pm

It's a trap!

KERSPLAT! · 30-03-2017 11:47pm

misstearheus wrote: »

My eyes are sore trying to follow that and keep my attention. Will someone give me a quickie synopsis please and t.i.a.

Its absolute shyte, and I didn't even finish it!

dee_mc · 30-03-2017 11:48pm

OP had a vivid dream brought on by a combination of antihistamines and a bacardi breezer. In the dream, he smashed a vase of flowers given to his mother by her other, secret child. Now he needs to conceal his heinous (though imaginary) actions before Saturday, and that's where we come in.

RobbingBandit · 30-03-2017 11:49pm

Long story short OP is Norman Bates.

La.de.da · 30-03-2017 11:50pm

misstearheus wrote: »

My eyes are sore trying to follow that and keep my attention. Will someone give me a quickie synopsis please and t.i.a.

Someone bought his ma lillie flowers for mothers day.

His ma went away to Donegal or somewhere and the op discovered he doesn't like lillies.(cause they most likely stank of piss)

He fùcked the flowers out when his ma was gone.

OP feels guilty.
His mammy will be sad.

End.

freshpopcorn · 31-03-2017 12:26am

If the vase is easily replaced I'd just buy a new one and say nothing!

Zaph · 31-03-2017 12:39am

Once upon a time AH was fun. Now we're being subjected to this?

Totofan99 · 31-03-2017 12:46am

Why did you break the vase? You could have just thrown out the flowers and told your mother that they died.

infogiver · 31-03-2017 12:58am

Totofan99 wrote: »

Why did you break the vase? You could have just thrown out the flowers and told your mother that they died.

Throwing out things is not as cathartic as smashing them and then watching the broken pieces lying there as unfixable as your shattered existence

Glenster · 31-03-2017 1:02am

Long story short; OP is acting out because he misses his mammy.

riffmongous · 31-03-2017 1:05am

I don't believe anyone would get lilies for mothers day, 2/10

gitzy16v · 31-03-2017 1:46am

Ban this ****e.

Surreptitious · 31-03-2017 1:47am

JackTaylorFan wrote: »

So I am hoping some sextuagenarians can advise me here...

On mother's day, just gone, somebody got mine a pretty bouquet of white Lilies that she placed proudly on the kitchen table - much to my dismay (as you can only begin to imagine).

Anyways, one of my issues is, well, thus: I suffer terribly from allergies this time of the year, every year (I blame my father really - it's his fault - he's the one who gave me hayfever) - and I find the pretty pollen that is on the dreaded lilium extremely aggravating to my sense of well-being.

I also have a theory as to why Lilies are so popular at funerals: they make us cry even when we are not all that upset that the person who has died.

So anyways, I sent my mother away for a few days - to Donegal or somewhere - I don't know - I just picked the cheapest deal I could find on booking.com and helped her pack her bags. I needed a break - seriously, you have no idea. So I have been housesitting since about Sunday evening - but those flowers! I can't even begin to describe how much I despise the stench of them; it's like when you walk into one of those mystic newage hippie shops and everything stinks of potpourri or whatever and it gets caught in your nostrils and on your clothes for hours and hours. The flowers have been affecting me quite badly the last few evenings - and I know, I know, I should really stop being so sensitive about stuff. And blah... blah... blah... - but I can't help it if nature has it in for me.

I've had a headache for the last three days and my eyes have been red and I've been drunk a lot! And this evening, I just kinda lost it.

I'd really just had enough, really.

Anyways, I'm not proud of what i done next: I picked the vase up and took it outside - then I smashed it on the neighbours wall. It felt good, to be honest. I felt very calm afterwards - I believe it's what Arjuna experienced all those Christmases ago - and when I went back inside for my evening tea, the tension I was experiencing between my eyes had almost completely dissipated. I'll probably get up extra early tomorrow (round 11ish)and clean up the broken vase - throw the flowers in the trash and go back to bed until 2pm. It's been a hard week.

But, I suppose, I do feel a small bit guilty for what I did - now that I can think clearly again. I've been sitting in the kitchen near the window for the last 10 minutes or so - and as I type this I can still see the broken shards, and the dead flowers just lying out there whenever the neighbour's security light comes on. My neighbours like to sit out their back with a fag on and talk about things - I sometimes hear them talking about me. There is no puddle though, it has been raining like cats and dogs since I woke up yesterday.

Anyways, my mother will be home on Saturday (I think) and I'm not sure what to tell her, really. A part of me hopes she just forgets she ever got them - she has been forgetting things recently - but I probably shouldn't get my hopes up too soon. The doctor told me it is way too early to say for sure.

Anyways, I'm not really sure what to do if she asks. Maybe I should just pretend nobody ever gave her a present on Mother's day. Yeah, she might actually believe that with a little persuasion - I mean, I know I didn't get her anything.

Well, there was the trip to Donegal (I think?) - but that was more a present to myself, really.

So you got her nothing but sent her on a break? Which is it?
Paranoia.
And you want your mother to be unwell? What kind of twisted sister sh!t is this of a Thursday nuit.

gitzy16v · 31-03-2017 1:48am

Surreptitious wrote: »

So you got her nothing but sent her on a break? Which is it?

Sent her away to suit himself!!!
Not nice!

JackTaylorFan · 31-03-2017 1:52am

Surreptitious wrote: »

So you got her nothing but sent her on a break? Which is it?
Paranoia.
And you want your mother to be unwell? What kind of twisted sister sh!t is this of a Thursday nuit.

I'm very worried about her

Surreptitious · 31-03-2017 1:55am

JackTaylorFan wrote: »

I'm very worried about her

So you go around smashing stuff up and sending her off without knowing exact dates?

JackTaylorFan · 31-03-2017 1:55am

JackTaylorFan wrote: »

I'm very worried about her

My mother, I mean

JackTaylorFan · 31-03-2017 1:56am

Surreptitious wrote: »

So you go around smashing stuff up and sending her off without knowing exact dates?

I haven't slept since Monday afternoon

jimmycrackcorm · 31-03-2017 1:59am

JackTaylorFan wrote: »

I suffer terribly from allergies this time of the year, every year (I blame my father really - it's his fault - he's the one who gave me hayfever)

Please advise how to - I'd like to give my mrs the same because she didn't wash my undies yesterday.

So anyways, I sent my mother away for a few days - to Donegal or somewhere - I don't know - I just picked the cheapest deal I could find on booking.com and helped her pack her bags

I'm from Donegal, I think you're the most thoughtful child I've ever come across.

annascott · 31-03-2017 2:02am

How horrid of you to even consider trying to trick your mother into believing that she did not get the flowers when she is already experiencing memory problems.
Go and buy a new vase and some flowers- they do not have to lillies. If your mother asks, tell her you dropped the others and the vase broke. No need for her to know you have anger management issues.
Make sure you clear up all of the broken glass to save animals and birds getting injured.
Get therapy.

JackTaylorFan · 31-03-2017 2:02am

jimmycrackcorm wrote: »

Please advise how to - I'd like to give my mrs the same because she didn't wash my undies yesterday.

I'm from Donegal, I think you're the most thoughtful child I've ever come across.

I love you too, Mummy

JackTaylorFan · 31-03-2017 2:04am

annascott wrote: »

How horrid of you to even consider trying to trick your mother into believing that she did not get the flowers when she is already experiencing memory problems.
Go and buy a new vase and some flowers- they do not have to lillies. If your mother asks, tell her you dropped the others and the vase broke. No need for her to know you have anger management issues.
Make sure you clear up all of the broken glass to save animals and birds getting injured.
Get therapy.

I'm sorry, sis.

gitzy16v · 31-03-2017 2:05am

I cant get over the fact you sent your mother away for mothers day...though i get the feeling she was glad of the break!

misstearheus · 31-03-2017 2:09am

Think I'll have a gawk of the O.P's other posts for the lols and the bants.

~bebostunnah2k17~

Don't know why I just said all that. No idea. But am too lazy now to go to the trouble of arrowing-up and backspacing it all so it's staying in.

JupiterKid · 31-03-2017 2:19am

You have issues OP. Whether your story is real or fake.

Surreptitious · 31-03-2017 2:21am

The whole thing stinks.

fearrchair · 31-03-2017 2:22am

annascott wrote:

How horrid of you to even consider trying to trick your mother into believing that she did not get the flowers when she is already experiencing memory problems. Go and buy a new vase and some flowers- they do not have to lillies. If your mother asks, tell her you dropped the others and the vase broke. No need for her to know you have anger management issues. Make sure you clear up all of the broken glass to save animals and birds getting injured. Get therapy.

If this is true then this is probably the best solution.

You should have tried not to smash the vase tho. Would only tell people that there's must be more wrong than an allergy to Lillies.

JackTaylorFan · 31-03-2017 2:30am

fearrchair wrote: »

If this is true then this is probably the best solution.

You should have tried not to smash the vase tho. Would only tell people that there's must be more wrong than an allergy to Lillies.

The vase was ugly though. Didn't match any of the other decor. 'Tis really for the best, really

JackTaylorFan · 31-03-2017 2:31am

JupiterKid wrote: »

You have issues OP. Whether your story is real or fake.

Thank you for your help, my friend x

Glenster · 31-03-2017 2:34am

***COMMIT NO CRIMES***

JackTaylorFan · 31-03-2017 2:43am

Glenster wrote: »

ignore this.

You need to find a scapegoat to pin this on. Are there any immigrants/single mothers living in your area?

Break into their house and steal samples of their hair and skin and scatter them around the broken vase.

Hack their computer and create a file called "I hate MOTHERS NAME and will smash her flowers"

Smash some windows and chairs in your house, possibly start a small fire in the kitchen.

Lastly and most importantly get a knife and give yourself a fleshwound in the shoulder or thigh, This is important because you need to show you did everything you could to protect the vase and were wounded in the struggle.
Try to fall on the knife or drop the knife from a great height onto your thigh/shoulder as the CSI forensics will investigate the wound.

Now lie on the shards of the vase, bleeding out with the house on fire, and when your mother returns in 4-5 days you will have an airtight alibi.

My neighbour is a single mother.

Glenster · 31-03-2017 2:47am

JackTaylorFan wrote: »

My neighbour is a single mother.

Perfect.

Optimalprimerib · 31-03-2017 4:22am

True or not true, the fact you broke the vase instead of just throwing out the flowers means that you are beyond any help I can give you.

Badly Drunk Boy · 31-03-2017 6:04am

JackTaylorFan wrote: »

The vase was ugly though. Didn't match any of the other decor. 'Tis really for the best, really

Buy a new vase and some plastic lilies. (Why break it in the first place?) Your mother mightn't notice, and there would be no allergy issue either.

Barry Badrinath · 31-03-2017 7:09am

Zaph wrote: »

Once upon a time AH was fun. Now we're being subjected to this?

It's "d1ckhead drivel" at its worst. The place is getting worse as the Millennials are at opinion age.

Yknow...the ones that think they have life experience and are desperate for attention all the time.

Chancer3001 · 31-03-2017 7:30am

Awful awful awful attempt at being a funny troll.

gramar · 31-03-2017 7:33am

Did you make this up all by yourself OP?

What Do I Tell My Mother?

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