I am new to this country and want to know why everyone is so rude.

Mongfinder General · 21-01-2020 9:18pm

New to Ireland wrote: »

I've been here 6 months now, I came across very excited about Ireland (obviously as my wife is Irish and I love her) and have been absolutely pummeled into the ground day after day after day with Irish 'hospitality' which is none. I've tried, over and over and meet the same brick wall of rudeness, ignorance, selfishness and close-mindedness. For your reference, I live in the midlands, commute by train every day to Dublin, worked across the country and have visited 25 of 32 counties already and listen to Irish affairs daily for any inside information into this culture I struggle with. I want to love ti for my wife, and am trying but people's rudeness over the months has put me into depression and I am trying to stay strong for my wife. It's the hardest thing I've ever done, and I've lived in other places before.

I wouldn't put an animal in the midlands.

21-01-2020 9:21pm

As an Irish Dublin person I always notice that compared to many places J visit, Irish people so very often seem to be in a hurry, and make headway without much regard to anybody in their path. It can be difficult walking through Dublin with people banging into you all the time. The city centre tends to have a high density of people at any given moment, and this crowdedness brings out the worst in us. Coming up to Christmas or any Bank Holiday weekend, things can get plain crazy.

“Are you ok?” is a typical greeting by a shop assistant or reception staff. It sounds rude, offhand, as if you, the customer, are an inconvenience. I have to honest and admit I do often used that awful phrase in my line of work. Management seem to accept that, and indeed use it often themselves. It often annoys me to be treated like that, and I have pangs of guilt thinking at how offhand I was at times.

Alun · 21-01-2020 9:22pm

d15ude wrote: »

What's that supposed to mean?
Germans (except Berliners maybe) are definitely friendlier than your average Dubliner.

If you read what I was replying to I was referring to staff in shops, not the population on general. I lived in Germany for 7 years, and shop staff there were the rudest, most unhelpful and generally miserable bunch I've ever come across, especially the older ones.

Das Reich · 21-01-2020 9:25pm

Irish people are the most polite and friendly people I ever met. I agree they are not funny like any other non mediterranean white people. I also don't like the fact they are so americanized, and support England football team and English teams, and hate they own language and culture. I would like to know where the OP is from it must be a paradise place.

New to Ireland · 21-01-2020 9:26pm

ongarboy wrote: »

OP, if your wife is Irish, have you not asked her why we are all so allegedly rude? Is she able to explain, or better, challenge your perceptions and experiences? Is she not annoyed or offended by your awful generalisation of an entire nation? Yes, people are possibly more self absorbed these days what with smartphones and social media addiction but what you say simply is not true both from an Irish person's experience and from what any of the many non nationals I work or know also say. Ireland is not perfect by a long shot but is generally friendly once people get to know you. We can't do artificially super friendly, confide our deepest secrets within 5 minutes of knowing you type engagement like Americans or some other races do but will be friendly in a slower more organic pace.

I sense some of what you are experiencing is possibly self inflicted? If you are expecting a 16 year old Spar sales assistant to be full of the joys of spring at 6am while she hands you your change or receipt, you are being unreasonable. If "everyone" is so rude, then I would think the common denominator (ie you) somehow is a contributory factor to what's going on here. I don't know, just speculating.

You mention potentially going into a depression over it. That is an extremely disproportionate reaction to such a situation. Outside of friends, relatives and possibly work colleagues you engage closely with, does it really matter if acquaintances or strangers aren't all super friendly or lovey dovey? Again that sends a red flag to what you or like or how you react which may cause people to engage accordingly.

Ask your wife to be absolutely upfront about how you are with people and also to explain Irish people better!

Thank you for your reply. Appreciate what you have written, of course i have asked my wife, over and over and spent time on this properly. If a place is depressive, and your experience is negative over and over and over again, you get depressed. You should know this but again this is defensive and not addressing my question.

Why is your society so rude? Generally speaking? Have any answers on this?

And I disagree, everyone I talk to does NOT have the delightful experience you are talking about again these people could have different opinions and you are not even aware of them.

My experience is above, I have a positive personality and positive friends and people in my life and my life experiences all over the world, but Ireland has broken my spirit with it's continual negativity and close-mindedness which you are reinforcing here.

ThewhiteJesus · 21-01-2020 9:27pm

New to Ireland wrote: »

I've been here 6 months now, I came across very excited about Ireland (obviously as my wife is Irish and I love her) and have been absolutely pummeled into the ground day after day after day with Irish 'hospitality' which is none. I've tried, over and over and meet the same brick wall of rudeness, ignorance, selfishness and close-mindedness. For your reference, I live in the midlands, commute by train every day to Dublin, worked across the country and have visited 25 of 32 counties already and listen to Irish affairs daily for any inside information into this culture I struggle with. I want to love ti for my wife, and am trying but people's rudeness over the months has put me into depression and I am trying to stay strong for my wife. It's the hardest thing I've ever done, and I've lived in other places before.

That’s sad but unfortunately it’s our nature, pummelled into us after being oppressed for 800 years, huddling in groups and whispering our moans was/is still part of our way.My advice for you is either accept it and join in for your wife’s sake, or leave, each will take courage but it’s your choice.

kravmaga · 21-01-2020 9:28pm

New to Ireland wrote: »

Irish people please give your opinion.

Things I have noticed as an outisider visiting and living in this country as a middle-class white, educated, middle-aged man, Irish are NOT friendly or funny despite an outdated reputation, everyone is selfish and in a rush, will take everything they can get, hate manners and social etiquette like hello, please and thank you, love English things more than their own Irish culture, think that WE are rude as nice, polite outsiders, have no accountability and love to whinge at the pub about everything (a reputation given to the English funny enough).

Please enlighten me, give me something, i have completely lost my love of this country and am now just beginning to hate it which I don't want.

Why does no one want to help anyone here, or have meaningful, progressive conversations? Why is hating on everyone, being angry and rude ok but then call anyone else who cares arrogant?

Visiting Ireland on a holiday and living in Ireland are two completely different things.

I know some Americans that loved visiting Ireland every year, when they retired they sold up in USA and moved here, within 6 months they were back in the States.

I lived in UK, London for many years and made the effort to settle in.

You mention in your Opening post that you are losing your love of this country, so you did like it at one stage, was that when you were visiting during a holiday?

Irish people in general compared to our European counterparts are friendly but you have to remember Irish people are very clannish, stick together, family is important. Irish people will have made friends since early childhood, school buddies and they keep that network throughout their life. They dont need to make new friends so are you expecting to be invited into your neighbours houses?

What does your Irish wife have to say about your feelings on Ireland, did you talk to her about it before opening up on Boards to release your discontentment.?

You cant make an entire generalisation that the whole country is rude as that's just not true.

Im polite and do my bit to be courteous and helpful everyday, gave up my seat on the DART this evening for a pregnant lady when other passengers did not budge.

I suspect you maybe American?

ongarboy · 21-01-2020 9:30pm

New to Ireland wrote: »

Thank you for your reply. Appreciate what you have written, of course i have asked my wife, over and over and spent time on this properly. If a place is depressive, and your experience is negative over and over and over again, you get depressed. You should know this but again this is defensive and not addressing my question.

Why is your society so rude? Generally speaking? Have any answers on this?

And I disagree, everyone I talk to does NOT have the delightful experience you are talking about again these people could have different opinions and you are not even aware of them.

My experience is above, I have a positive personality and positive friends and people in my life and my life experiences all over the world, but Ireland has broken my spirit with it's continual negativity and close-mindedness which you are reinforcing here.

Ok, can you provide 3 specific examples (no need to give identifiable details obviously) of rudeness you encountered so we can help assess whether they were extremely, moderately, marginally or not rude at all? Just saying the nation is so rude or so unfriendly us too subjective.

M5 · 21-01-2020 9:34pm

Last week it was someone who found Irish people too familiar.

Can't win!

New to Ireland · 21-01-2020 9:36pm

kravmaga wrote: »

Visiting Ireland on a holiday and living in Ireland are two completely different things.

I know some Americans that loved visiting Ireland every year, when they retired they sold up in USA and moved here, within 6 months they were back in the States.

I lived in UK, London for many years and made the effort to settle in.

You mention in your Opening post that you are losing your love of this country, so you did like it at one stage, was that when you were visiting during a holiday?

Irish people in general compared to our European counterparts are friendly but you have to remember Irish people are very clannish, stick together, family is important. Irish people will have made friends since early childhood, school buddies and they keep that network throughout their life. They dont need to make new friends so are you expecting to be invited into your neighbours houses?

What does your Irish wife have to say about your feelings on Ireland, did you talk to her about it before opening up on Boards to release your discontentment.?

You cant make an entire generalisation that the whole country is rude as that's just not true.

Im polite and do my bit to be courteous and helpful everyday, gave up my seat on the DART this evening for a pregnant lady when other passengers did not budge.

I suspect you maybe American?

Thank you for your reply and what you have written. Thank you for being polite. It's is nice to hear. Agree with your points, my wife says similar but she is only starting to see things from a non-Irish perspective which is hard for her too - hard for an international couple both ways I guess. To live here, I am basically thinking that I need to stop having feelings for fellow humans, start being rude and drop manners, and use dark humor as a way of connecting with people in meaningless conversations at a pub with a bunch of alcoholics hating on the world - and Ireland while watching English soccer.

Mervyn Skidmore · 21-01-2020 9:36pm

ongarboy wrote: »

OP, if your wife is Irish, have you not asked her why we are all so allegedly rude?

He did, she told him to f**k off and stop asking stupid questions.

ldy4mxonucwsq6 · 21-01-2020 9:36pm

New to Ireland wrote: »

but it was a genuine question to Irish people, why do you think you might be rude? Don't you find other Irish people rude?

I'm not rude nor do I find other people to be rude (apart from the occasional but sure you can't please everyone and if people want to be that way it's their loss).

I think you're either mixing with the wrong people or putting out the wrong vibes. Plenty of nice folk in this place.

iamwhoiam · 21-01-2020 9:38pm

Lee Repulsive Necktie wrote: »

I'm not rude nor do I find other people to be rude (apart from the occasional but sure you can't please everyone).

I think you're either mixing with the wrong people or putting out the wrong vibes. Plenty of nice folk in this place.

I am not rude either and nor are any of my family or friends .

dubrov · 21-01-2020 9:38pm

Wild speculation here but OP, it sounds like you reluctantly moved here because of your wife. Now, you are going out of your way to prove to her how bad a place it is with hopes that she moves there.

You'll alienate her completely if you keep going the way you are going

New to Ireland · 21-01-2020 9:42pm

ongarboy wrote: »

Ok, can you provide 3 specific examples (no need to give identifiable details obviously) of rudeness you encountered so we can help assess whether they were extremely, moderately, marginally or not rude at all? Just saying the nation is so rude or so unfriendly us too subjective.

I could write a book of my experience. From an 'immigration' department that doesn't even answer the phone and write reply emails )as a government organisation) as one-liners, to Garda that don't report to the front desk as they are off doing whatever, to people in shops not acknowledging you at the counter and throwing your items across the counter without saying thank you, from people cutting you off and yelling at you in the street for no reason and abusing you, to taking 10 minutes to serve you a pint because you're not local. From people at the train stations saying "the ticket machine" angrily when you bring a faulty ticket ti their attention to seeing taxi drivers almost mash people on the roads and people almost getting into fights over the most dumbest ****. It is top level from government, right down through the social strata, shops, pubs, websites, public service sectors and industry. And the people in the street who do NOT say hello and can't wait to edge in front of you for no reason at all.

ongarboy · 21-01-2020 9:43pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

“Are you ok?” is a typical greeting by a shop assistant or reception staff. It sounds rude, offhand, as if you, the customer, are an inconvenience. I have to honest and admit I do often used that awful phrase in my line of work. Management seem to accept that, and indeed use it often themselves. It often annoys me to be treated like that, and I have pangs of guilt thinking at how offhand I was at times.

If saying "are you ok" in a neutral or even polite tone is considered rude, offhand or being treated like an inconvenience, then the snowflake generation is worse than I thought! Someone is going out of their way to be seek offence if that is considered rude.

I suppose I'm also rude and unfriendly for challenging these posts!

New to Ireland · 21-01-2020 9:46pm

dubrov wrote: »

Wild speculation here but OP, it sounds like you reluctantly moved here because of your wife. Now, you are going out of your way to prove to her how bad a place it is with hopes that she moves there.

You'll alienate her completely if you keep going the way you are going

I can see how you'd say that but sadly no. I grew up )overseas) my whole life with an Irish heritage and couldn't wait to make the trip over here and was so excited. I read and studied and my first ever trip overseas was straight here. I was dissapointed then with rude, coldness. I tried again, came back over again excited thinking it was just me. Second time same but I made the most of it. Now living here, trying, day after day, exhausted from the rudeness, but my intention is to stay here and adjust. Not move. But this is hard.

ThewhiteJesus · 21-01-2020 9:46pm

I’m Irish and agree 100% with the op, obviously not everyone but a large % of our population are self serving narcissistic twits

flange888 · 21-01-2020 9:49pm

It disappoints me to hear that you have that opinion.
I don't think people here are truly that bad and I can only hope that you have just met some "bad eggs".
Yes I think some aspects of social interaction and good manners are slowly being eroded but I think that's true for all nationalities.

airhead_eire · 21-01-2020 9:50pm

So Newtoireland, what country are you from ? You have been asked this previously but I haven't seen an answer. A genuine question by the way.

kravmaga · 21-01-2020 9:51pm

New to Ireland wrote: »

Thank you for your reply and what you have written. Thank you for being polite. It's is nice to hear. Agree with your points, my wife says similar but she is only starting to see things from a non-Irish perspective which is hard for her too - hard for an international couple both ways I guess. To live here, I am basically thinking that I need to stop having feelings for fellow humans, start being rude and drop manners, and use dark humor as a way of connecting with people in meaningless conversations at a pub with a bunch of alcoholics hating on the world - and Ireland while watching English soccer.

Your welcome, well my partner is from Central Europe, we live in Dublin.

She does find that in Dublin people do bump into her as they are rushing
and dont apologise for it. She does not like in shops staff constantly ask her "Are you okay" instead of saying "How may I help you".

I don't think the people in the pubs are all alcoholics , they may get a bit of dutch courage to give their personal opinions on current affairs, events, news media etc

There is more to life than visiting pubs with English football on Sky TV.

Why don't you get out hiking and travel around the country a bit.

Get into following Leinster rugby or join your local Rugby club, forget about the local pub watching English soccer on TV.

What is your nationality by the way?

New to Ireland · 21-01-2020 9:51pm

flange888 wrote: »

It disappoints me to hear that you have that opinion.
I don't think people here are truly that bad and I can only hope that you have just met some "bad eggs".
Yes I think some aspects of social interaction and good manners are slowly being eroded but I think that's true for all nationalities.

Me too. Maybe it's a 12-month thing and I'll adjust...

BorneTobyWilde · 21-01-2020 9:52pm

My guess is you're in Dublin. Dublin is not Ireland, it's the exact opposite of Ireland.

ldy4mxonucwsq6 · 21-01-2020 9:52pm

New to Ireland wrote: »

I could write a book of my experience. From an 'immigration' department that doesn't even answer the phone and write reply emails )as a government organisation) as one-liners, to Garda that don't report to the front desk as they are off doing whatever, to people in shops not acknowledging you at the counter and throwing your items across the counter without saying thank you, from people cutting you off and yelling at you in the street for no reason and abusing you, to taking 10 minutes to serve you a pint because you're not local. From people at the train stations saying "the ticket machine" angrily when you bring a faulty ticket ti their attention to seeing taxi drivers almost mash people on the roads and people almost getting into fights over the most dumbest ****. It is top level from government, right down through the social strata, shops, pubs, websites, public service sectors and industry. And the people in the street who do NOT say hello and can't wait to edge in front of you for no reason at all.

I don't think I've experienced many of those things and I've lived here all my life.

I mean seeing taxi drivers 'almost mash people' or other people 'almost' getting into fights doesn't really impact you or involve people being rude to you, aren't you taking it all a bit personally?

Maybe you have been unlucky and met some particularly awful people, but not everyone is like that.

no.8 · 21-01-2020 9:52pm

bubblypop wrote:

Personally I think Irish people are just basically racist & full of themselves. If you're foreign on holidays here, you will be welcomed by strangers. If you're foreign living here, maybe not so much. Also, Irish people love reland & cannot hear a bad word about it, although they are allowed to complain themselves about it, but no outsiders should ever say anything bad about the country.

bubblypop wrote:

Well your first few replies have proved you right!

Tbh, everything from the second sentence down could apply to most if not all countries.

KiKi III · 21-01-2020 9:54pm

New to Ireland wrote: »

I could write a book of my experience. From an 'immigration' department that doesn't even answer the phone and write reply emails )as a government organisation) as one-liners, to Garda that don't report to the front desk as they are off doing whatever, to people in shops not acknowledging you at the counter and throwing your items across the counter without saying thank you, from people cutting you off and yelling at you in the street for no reason and abusing you, to taking 10 minutes to serve you a pint because you're not local. From people at the train stations saying "the ticket machine" angrily when you bring a faulty ticket ti their attention to seeing taxi drivers almost mash people on the roads and people almost getting into fights over the most dumbest ****. It is top level from government, right down through the social strata, shops, pubs, websites, public service sectors and industry. And the people in the street who do NOT say hello and can't wait to edge in front of you for no reason at all.

It sounds like you're taking everyday experiences that go with living in almost any major city extremely personally. As a friend of mine used to say, if the first person you meet in the morning is a d1ck, you met a d1ck; but if the first three people you meet are d1cks, you're the d1ck.

Having to wait a few minutes for a pint really isn't a big deal, and it's only in your head that it's because you're not local (unless the barman told you so). it's hardly surprising that people working minimum wage jobs in shops aren't always in great form. Having said that, the lads that work in my local Spar (mixture of Irish and Indian) are all very friendly. Do you make the effort and give them a nice, big friendly hello?

What have you done to try and make friends? Have you joined clubs? Volunteered? Are you working - what's your relationship with your colleagues like if so?

MakingMovies2 · 21-01-2020 9:55pm

bubblypop wrote: »

Well your first few replies have proved you right!

Personally I think Irish people are just basically racist & full of themselves.
If you're foreign on holidays here, you will be welcomed by strangers. If you're foreign living here, maybe not so much.
Also, Irish people love reland & cannot hear a bad word about it, although they are allowed to complain themselves about it, but no outsiders should ever say anything bad about the country.

Jeez do you think you were able to fit enough brown-nosing into that post?

mfceiling · 21-01-2020 9:55pm

If you meet an ašshole once during your day that's unfortunate.

If you keep meeting aśsholes every day its normally you that is the aśshole.

21-01-2020 9:55pm

New to Ireland wrote: »

Irish people please give your opinion.

Things I have noticed as an outisider visiting and living in this country as a middle-class white, educated, middle-aged man, Irish are NOT friendly or funny despite an outdated reputation, everyone is selfish and in a rush, will take everything they can get, hate manners and social etiquette like hello, please and thank you, love English things more than their own Irish culture, think that WE are rude as nice, polite outsiders, have no accountability and love to whinge at the pub about everything (a reputation given to the English funny enough).

Please enlighten me, give me something, i have completely lost my love of this country and am now just beginning to hate it which I don't want.

Why does no one want to help anyone here, or have meaningful, progressive conversations? Why is hating on everyone, being angry and rude ok but then call anyone else who cares arrogant?

It's all fine gaels fault OP. Don't vote them back in!

21-01-2020 9:57pm

MakingMovies2 wrote: »

Jeez do you think you were able to fit enough brown-nosing into that post?

Lol
Who am I brown nosing??

abff · 21-01-2020 9:57pm

New to Ireland wrote: »

I can see how you'd say that but sadly no. I grew up )overseas) my whole life with an Irish heritage and couldn't wait to make the trip over here and was so excited. I read and studied and my first ever trip overseas was straight here. I was dissapointed then with rude, coldness. I tried again, came back over again excited thinking it was just me. Second time same but I made the most of it. Now living here, trying, day after day, exhausted from the rudeness, but my intention is to stay here and adjust. Not move. But this is hard.

I sympathise with how difficult you are finding things, but you seem to have got into a mindframe where everything is viewed through a prism of negativity. You make sweeping statements about everyone being rude, but surely you must have met at least one or two people who were nice/kind/reasonable to deal with?

My feeling (and I may be totally off the mark here) is that you need to start looking at things from a 'glass half full' perspective, otherwise you are in danger of disappearing into a downward spiral of negativity.

kravmaga · 21-01-2020 9:59pm

BorneTobyWilde wrote: »

My guess is you're in Dublin. Dublin is not Ireland, it's the exact opposite of Ireland.

The Op has said he lives in the Midlands but commutes to Dublin for work everyday.

New to Ireland · 21-01-2020 10:00pm

KiKi III wrote: »

It sounds like you're taking everyday experiences that go with living in almost any major city extremely personally. As a friend of mine used to say, if the first person you meet in the morning is a d1ck, you met a d1ck; but if the first three people you meet are d1cks, you're the d1ck.

Having to wait a few minutes for a pint really isn't a big deal, and it's only in your head that it's because you're not local (unless the barman told you so). it's hardly surprising that people working minimum wage jobs in shops aren't always in great form. Having said that, the lads that work in my local Spar (mixture of Irish and Indian) are all very friendly. Do you make the effort and give them a nice, big friendly hello?

What have you done to try and make friends? Have you joined clubs? Volunteered? Are you working - what's your relationship with your colleagues like if so?

Thank you for your reply. Yes I agree, I am taking it too personally, I wish I had the skills to not do so. I'm not a dick, too nice is probably more like it, Irish people seem to detest manners.

So far I've traveled Ireland, read books and watched as many documentaries as I can, I work with Irish people in Dublin, I've taken an Irish language course at nights for 3 months, joined Irish clubs, listen to Irish social commentary each day etc. I'm trying and not just whinging. I've 5 books next to me all Irish related to try better myself.

Mervyn Skidmore · 21-01-2020 10:02pm

New to Ireland wrote: »

Thank you for your reply. Yes I agree, I am taking it too personally, I wish I had the skills to not do so. I'm not a dick, too nice is probably more like it, Irish people seem to detest manners.

So far I've traveled Ireland, read books and watched as many documentaries as I can, I work with Irish people in Dublin, I've taken an Irish language course at nights for 3 months, joined Irish clubs, listen to Irish social commentary each day etc. I'm trying and not just whinging. I've 5 books next to me all Irish related to try better myself.

Where are you from? At least give us a chance to denigrate your home.

21-01-2020 10:02pm

New to Ireland wrote: »

Thank you for your reply. Yes I agree, I am taking it too personally, I wish I had the skills to not do so. I'm not a dick, too nice is probably more like it, Irish people seem to detest manners.

So far I've traveled Ireland, read books and watched as many documentaries as I can, I work with Irish people in Dublin, I've taken an Irish language course at nights for 3 months, joined Irish clubs, listen to Irish social commentary each day etc. I'm trying and not just whinging. I've 5 books next to me all Irish related to try better myself.

Irish people detest manners?
How so?
You sound like you've a massive chip on your shoulder to be honest.
"when you're a hammer everything is a nail"

New to Ireland · 21-01-2020 10:03pm

abff wrote: »

I sympathise with how difficult you are finding things, but you seem to have got into a mindframe where everything is viewed through a prism of negativity. You make sweeping statements about everyone being rude, but surely you must have met at least one or two people who were nice/kind/reasonable to deal with?

My feeling (and I may be totally off the mark here) is that you need to start looking at things from a 'glass half full' perspective, otherwise you are in danger of disappearing into a downward spiral of negativity.

Agree but am finding it harder and harder hence me reaching out on a forum for Irish answers, you have helped don't worry. Thank you. It all helps, even the haters make my resolve stronger.

odyssey06 · 21-01-2020 10:03pm

kravmaga wrote: »

The Op has said he lives in the Midlands but commutes to Dublin for work everyday.

You arent going to see the best of people when they are commuting... especially when theres too much traffic, not enough
public transport... it gets a bit dog eat dog.
I dont think it signifies Irish people are ruder than others, just bad planners.

ldy4mxonucwsq6 · 21-01-2020 10:05pm

New to Ireland wrote: »

Thank you for your reply. Yes I agree, I am taking it too personally, I wish I had the skills to not do so. I'm not a dick, too nice is probably more like it, Irish people seem to detest manners.

So far I've traveled Ireland, read books and watched as many documentaries as I can, I work with Irish people in Dublin, I've taken an Irish language course at nights for 3 months, joined Irish clubs, listen to Irish social commentary each day etc. I'm trying and not just whinging. I've 5 books next to me all Irish related to try better myself.

You don't have to try so hard to know about the Irish and Ireland.

If you're in a position to take up a new hobby then go and do something that you really enjoy just for yourself, you'll be guaranteed to meet likeminded people with a common interest and hopefully things will improve from there and you might change your opinion.

New to Ireland · 21-01-2020 10:06pm

odyssey06 wrote: »

You arent going to see the best of people when they are commuting... especially when theres too much traffic, not enough
public transport... it gets a bit dog eat dog.
I dont think it signifies Irish people are ruder than others, just bad planners.

Fair point, this has definitely added to my negative mindset which I know it shouldn't. Lots of places (not just Ireland) have poor public transport - I know Dubliners find it rough also and 'give out'. See, I know some Irish.

iamwhoiam · 21-01-2020 10:07pm

New to Ireland wrote: »

Agree but am finding it harder and harder hence me reaching out on a forum for Irish answers, you have helped don't worry. Thank you. It all helps, even the haters make my resolve stronger.

My husband is not Irish . He found people here friendly , helpful and welcoming . Maybe it was his personality or the fact he made an effort or maybe we just are surrounded by nice people ?

New to Ireland · 21-01-2020 10:07pm

Lee Repulsive Necktie wrote: »

You don't have to try so hard to know about the Irish and Ireland.

If you're in a position to take up a new hobby then go and do something that you really enjoy just for yourself, you'll be guaranteed to meet likeminded people with a common interest and hopefully things will improve from there and you might change your opinion.

Thank you @Lee Repulsive Necktie

Paul_Hacket · 21-01-2020 10:09pm

Wow, hard to know what to make of your posts OP. After being asked multiple times for examples you eventually revealed that a lot of your misgivings arise from interactions with Gardai, ticket sellers at the train station, bank personnel on the phone etc. Personally, I wouldn't really categorize those as social interactions. I will admit that customer service in Ireland is not particularly polite, especially compared to the superficial politeness of these encounters in the USA where I live.

By the way, why do you seem so reluctant to mention where you're from despite having been asked numerous times? It's highly relevant. If for instance you are American, you are going to find that Irish people just don't practice that superficial "have a nice day" approach that a lot of Americans do in casual encounters. I do find the phone manner of customer service here to be a bit craptastic, the banks are some of the worst for this. It's just the way it is and really not a big deal.

You received a great response from another user above who pointed out that Irish people are very tight knit and tend to have a close group of friends and family that they rely upon for their social interactions. If you go into a pub you aren't going to find a ton of people sitting around just waiting to chat with you cause they've generally got others present that they are out to see. You are going to find this especially true since you say that you are "middle aged" and most people in this country are fairly settled by that point in their lives.

I live in the States myself and have done for a long time. It's very different here, people are much easier to strike up conversations with if you go into a pub or restaurant a lot of the time. However those interactions are pretty superficial and sometimes tend to be fairly insincere too. They are also virtually always one offs. Same applies to Australia too I feel (having once lived there for a year).

I'd be genuinely perplexed if you were having this experience having come here from the UK. Despite what people might tell you our cultures are very similar and I just wouldn't expect a Brit to be that surprised by people's manner here.

Ultimately, I don't agree with you at all that Irish people aren't friendly. I find them to to be quite the opposite, with exceptions obviously. The level of vitriol in your posts makes me feel you're going through a bad time on some more personal level and you are projecting some unhappiness onto the "friendliness" of people in this country. Endless demands to know "WHY ARE PEOPLE SO RUDE" are not going to receive satisfaction since most on here don't agree with you that we actually are rude.

Again, would love to know where you're from cause it's relevant to compare cultural attitudes with the country you've left.

MakingMovies2 · 21-01-2020 10:09pm

bubblypop wrote: »

Lol
Who am I brown nosing??

Implying it's the entire Nations fault one person doesn't like it here and that we're all a bunch of racist yokels. That brown nosing

Fr D Maugire · 21-01-2020 10:10pm

OP has said this is their first time overseas so has no other experience to compare with other than their own country which they seem reluctant to reveal for some reason.If OP is actually genuine and not on a wind up, then can only be from US or maybe Canada.

As someone who has travelled a lot and lived in other countries, Ireland is more friendly and less rude than most places. US is only place I can say would be friendlier, but I have had bad experiences there as well. I have lived in the US and found the people to be very open and optimistic, whilst Irish people are by nature more cynical. I know when I first moved home, I struggled to deal with that cynical/begrudgery streak in Irish people, but definitely not a rude or unfriendly nation.

This honestly seems like a wind up.

airhead_eire · 21-01-2020 10:10pm

OP's country of origin seems to be a massive mystery.

KiKi III · 21-01-2020 10:12pm

New to Ireland wrote: »

Thank you for your reply. Yes I agree, I am taking it too personally, I wish I had the skills to not do so. I'm not a dick, too nice is probably more like it, Irish people seem to detest manners.

So far I've traveled Ireland, read books and watched as many documentaries as I can, I work with Irish people in Dublin, I've taken an Irish language course at nights for 3 months, joined Irish clubs, listen to Irish social commentary each day etc. I'm trying and not just whinging. I've 5 books next to me all Irish related to try better myself.

I moved home to Ireland in 2015 after 6 years abroad in 3 different countries, and I don't share your experience of Dublin being rude/ awful. It was my first time ever living in the capital and actually I'd say much the opposite. I think people are very friendly.

I know people are saying "maybe it's you" in a smartarse way, but in a more genuine way it seems like you may need counselling or something. Having moved from wherever you came from you're having trouble adjusting, and instead of looking at your own issues, you're blaming your environment.

I'm guessing you're American?

ThewhiteJesus · 21-01-2020 10:13pm

New to Ireland wrote: »

Fair point, this has definitely added to my negative mindset which I know it shouldn't. Lots of places (not just Ireland) have poor public transport - I know Dubliners find it rough also and 'give out'. See, I know some Irish.

Try find a like minded soul amongst your wife’s friends, or a work colleague perhaps, I lived away too and loneliness certainly plays a part in turning everything dark, the time of year doesn’t help either.

strandroad · 21-01-2020 10:29pm

New to Ireland wrote: »

I could write a book of my experience. From an 'immigration' department that doesn't even answer the phone and write reply emails )as a government organisation) as one-liners, to Garda that don't report to the front desk as they are off doing whatever, to people in shops not acknowledging you at the counter and throwing your items across the counter without saying thank you, from people cutting you off and yelling at you in the street for no reason and abusing you, to taking 10 minutes to serve you a pint because you're not local. From people at the train stations saying "the ticket machine" angrily when you bring a faulty ticket ti their attention to seeing taxi drivers almost mash people on the roads and people almost getting into fights over the most dumbest ****. It is top level from government, right down through the social strata, shops, pubs, websites, public service sectors and industry. And the people in the street who do NOT say hello and can't wait to edge in front of you for no reason at all.

This is the strangest thread... I lived in many countries and interacted with dozens of nationalities and really only Brazilians and Filipinos can be more social than the Irish in my experience. I cannot complete a transaction at a newsagents or in a pharmacy without exchanging three or four thank yous and by-byes. You thank a bus driver! A lollipop lady says good morning to me every morning and I am only passing her, I don't have kids in her school. It's hard to spend five minutes at a bus stop without someone striking up a conversation. I left my phone behind a few days ago and had to borrow a phone from the security staff on the Luas to make a call, he couldn't be more helpful.

OP let me guess that you're an American and you're used to the all over you customer service you have over there, and the constant positivity everyone displays whether they feel it or not. Not a big city slicker either, surely you wouldn't last a month in New York? I'm sure it doesn't help that a lot of your exposure is rush hour Dublin, a phenomenon in itself but hardly representative. There's a good chance that the weather, long commutes or some life decisions are making you depressed and colour your perception because the description above sounds completely off. I have never had anyone throw my shopping at me like that, not once. And waiting 10 minutes for a pint is normal at busy times, you're not being picked on. Services are lax and timekeeping is poor, it's a topic in itself and if you had the opportunity to live elsewhere I agree that you find it grating (on the other hand, you don't need to rush your own work either) but again they are not being hostile. It's like going to live in Spain and complaining about the siesta.

You need to do what everyone else does this time of the year and go on holidays to Tenerife... you need a mood lifter in the sun.

21-01-2020 10:30pm

New to Ireland wrote: »

So far I've traveled Ireland, read books and watched as many documentaries as I can, I work with Irish people in Dublin, I've taken an Irish language course at nights for 3 months, joined Irish clubs, listen to Irish social commentary each day etc. I'm trying and not just whinging. I've 5 books next to me all Irish related to try better myself.

That's your mistake, Irish people actually don't care about Irish culture!
They complain all the time about being forced to learnt their own language!
They definitely don't like any Irish literature etc!
If you watch the upcoming election, you will see plenty of Irish whinging....
Just find something you ate interested in, don't worry too much about it being 'Irish '
You will find nice, interesting people that you will get along with.

Basically, find your own interests, you will make friends

21-01-2020 10:32pm

Fr D Maugire wrote: »

OP has said this is their first time overseas so has no other experience to compare with

I think the OP said they had experienced other countries

I am new to this country and want to know why everyone is so rude.

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