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The Mess - Military Forum Off Topic Thread!

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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 611 ✭✭✭Craigsy


    Poccington wrote: »
    was sweating like a paedo in a barney suit!

    Thats now replacing my "sweating like a priest in a playground" line.

    While i'm asking, anyone know if there is a direct entry as an army engineering officer, going off a honours degree in mech engineering?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 471 ✭✭pmg58


    Yes there is, but the competitions only rarely take place, i.e. when there is a need for engineer officers. Not sure how often, maybe every few years? Wouldn't mind going down this route myself to be honest.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 611 ✭✭✭Craigsy


    Hmm yeah, regular cadets are only option then probably


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 471 ✭✭pmg58


    Well its a lot more reliable on waiting for a DE competition to be run.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 611 ✭✭✭Craigsy


    Is anything reliable these days mate


    Sush, dont say the R-word


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 471 ✭✭pmg58


    SHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

    I suppose you could say reliable is a relative term!

    Nah looks like were in the same boat, got my Civil Eng degree this year, would love to be an engineer officer.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,497 ✭✭✭Poccington


    Nevermind that Direct Entry malarkey, get yourself a Cadetship and have the 15 months of craic down in the Cadet School :pac:


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,497 ✭✭✭Poccington


    I really do love resting off.

    Today is a day for a spot of training and lots of swanning. :pac:


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,533 ✭✭✭iceage


    Jebus Crust...this place is getting a bit mouldy with moaners....Anyone got any decent jokes? I'm bored.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 24,878 ✭✭✭✭ Nora Gorgeous Poplin


    iceage wrote: »
    Jebus Crust...this place is getting a bit mouldy with moaners....Anyone got any decent jokes? I'm bored.


    Q; Where does a bullet leave the rifle?.

    .


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  • Registered Users Posts: 3,533 ✭✭✭iceage


    Q; Where does a bullet leave the rifle?.

    .

    I don't know Nora Gorgeous Poplin....Where does a bullet leave the rifle?





    "God... this better be good" :P


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 16,793 ✭✭✭✭Hagar


    Behind... but I'm only guessing that one.


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,533 ✭✭✭iceage


    Wait for it! Wait for it!.....


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 24,878 ✭✭✭✭ Nora Gorgeous Poplin


    iceage wrote: »
    I don't know Makikomi....Where does a bullet leave the rifle?





    "God... this better be good" :P


    In your arm's!..

    Here's one to get the lads with at lunch time...

    Q; What was Rommels last words to the men before every tank battle...

    *you'll always get the know-it-all's who'll swear blind they know it but can't remember*

    A; "Right men, get into your fvcking tanks".

    :P


    Another silly one...

    Q;Where did Hilter keep his second armies?

    A; In his sleevies!.

    :D


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,533 ✭✭✭iceage


    I'm crap at jokes, can never remember them, or p1ss myself laughing before the punchline. So I decided to steal Ahem... Aquire one or two of the Net. :)


    The soldier serving overseas and far from home was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back.

    A creative fellow, he went out and collected from his buddies all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them to her with a note stating the following:

    "Dear Mary, I can not remember which one is you ... please keep YOUR photo and return the others!!!



    Q: How many Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb ?
    A: Only one, but he does it from 30 miles away using laser targeting, and at a cost of US $8,000,



    Jesus must've been a Guardsman. He only had twelve mates and one of them jacked him in for beer tokens!!!


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,533 ✭✭✭iceage


    iceage wrote: »
    I'm crap at jokes, can never remember them, or p1ss myself laughing before the punchline. So I decided to steal Ahem... Aquire one or two of the Net. :)


    The soldier serving overseas and far from home was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back.

    A creative fellow, he went out and collected from his buddies all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them to her with a note stating the following:

    "Dear Mary, I can not remember which one is you ... please keep YOUR photo and return the others!!!



    Q: How many Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb ?
    A: Only one, but he does it from 30 miles away using laser targeting, and at a cost of US $8,000,



    Jesus must've been a Guardsman. He only had twelve mates and one of them jacked him in for beer tokens!!!



    I'm off to get pissed.... Its been a sh1te day really.... What with all the comings and goings. :o


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 16,793 ✭✭✭✭Hagar




  • Registered Users Posts: 3,798 ✭✭✭Local-womanizer


    Hagar wrote: »

    Watch your dressing!!!Lift em,bend em,sink em!!!!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,497 ✭✭✭Poccington


    ****ing hell I'm tired.


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,798 ✭✭✭Local-womanizer


    Poccington wrote: »
    ****ing hell I'm tired.

    Work or recreation related?!


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,497 ✭✭✭Poccington


    Work or recreation related?!

    Work related.

    Had an absolute **** of a week and I never wanna see another shell scrape for as long as I live.


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,798 ✭✭✭Local-womanizer


    Poccington wrote: »
    Work related.

    Had an absolute **** of a week and I never wanna see another shell scrape for as long as I live.

    I never want to see another army dinner in Mullingar again,lost a stone in 2 weeks:mad:

    I do enjoy putting it back on though!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 471 ✭✭pmg58


    I never want to see another army dinner in Mullingar again,lost a stone in 2 weeks:mad:

    The only thing that kept me from wasting away completely the last two weeks in Mullingar were the chicken tenders in Sofia's! I'm still upset they ran out of them on the last night.


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,798 ✭✭✭Local-womanizer


    pmg58 wrote: »
    The only thing that kept me from wasting away completely the last two weeks in Mullingar were the chicken tenders in Sofia's! I'm still upset they ran out of them on the last night.

    The battered sausages and the deep fried mars bars where good also!

    I think I lost all my weight on the dancefloor in the lane rather than the frantic running around the square carrying logs and tires!Damn cheating recruits!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,497 ✭✭✭Poccington


    Going by your posts lads, I would've gladly swapped losing a stone down in Mullingar for the week I had.

    Cushy bastards. :p


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,798 ✭✭✭Local-womanizer


    Poccington wrote: »
    Going by your posts lads, I would've gladly swapped losing a stone down in Mullingar for the week I had.

    Cushy bastards. :p

    I dont know Pocc,I like to eat my food in the knowlege that I wont be stuck on the toilet for the next couple of hours!Doing 4 sh!tes in 1 day takes it out of you,Hole on me like the japanese flag!:P


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,533 ✭✭✭iceage


    ROFL. Now THERES a description.....


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 471 ✭✭pmg58


    And yet they couldnt understand why the billets kept running out of toilet paper :rolleyes:


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,798 ✭✭✭Local-womanizer


    pmg58 wrote: »
    And yet they couldnt understand why the billets kept running out of toilet paper :rolleyes:

    Or why the toilets kept blocking up:(


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  • Registered Users Posts: 3,533 ✭✭✭iceage


    Jesus lads, that bad? I had an interesting conversation with a fellow I know about the benefits and downfalls of british rat packs, and a certain biscuit we remembered with fondness included within them, Biscuit AB.

    End of the sh!ts as you know them! known more by they more amusing, but oh so true description. Biscuits anal blockage. :D


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