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Are ugliness and disability comparable disadvantages when dating??

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24

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    #32
    Duck's hoop
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,530 ✭✭✭Duck's hoop


    You make a joke about homosexuality or depression on here and get slaughtered.

    Disability issues? Out roll (:/) all the puns and bad taste possible.

    Shìtkicking crackers.


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    #33
    bmm
    Registered Users Posts: 912 ✭✭✭bmm


    Motivator wrote: »
    it's probably bad - bad enough for her to be on an internet dating website.

    What a nasty and ignorant thing to say! Some motivator you are !


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    #34
    KyussBishop
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,797 ✭✭✭KyussBishop


    Ask her?


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    #35
    D1stant
    Registered Users Posts: 1,806 ✭✭✭D1stant


    Don't sweat it OP. Go and meet and have a chat. And give yourself a break


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    #36
    _Whimsical_
    Registered Users Posts: 7,955 ✭✭✭_Whimsical_


    If she brought it up in conversation she expected you to ask her what it is. She was probably putting it out there to see how you would react. If it was me I'd find it incredibly odd if you reacted by not asking any questions. I definitely would not be more comfortable with the idea that someone had no curiosity at all about me.

    I say ask her when next you chat online. Sometimes when you're caught off guard by revelation about someone you react strangely and you'd love to go back and relive that moment but you never get it back.If you ask her online you at least get a moment or two to yourself to be surprised and then compose yourself before you respond and react. A disability can be confronting too so it might be that at first you're put off but if you talk to her and learn a little more about it you might realize it's something you can totally handle. You might even like and admire her more for her story. However all this is really not easily done on a first date.
    If she's over 18 and has a disability you can be sure she's used to talking about it and answering questions and she'd probably rather you ask than just draw your own conclusions based on noticing but nodding and smiling as if you don't.


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    #37
    Sir Osis of Liver.
    Registered Users Posts: 2,793 ✭✭✭Sir Osis of Liver.


    catallus wrote: »
    She may be being strange with her words and suggesting something like depression.

    Or she may be a member of a gang. Who knows? :)

    You will OP. If we hear nothing back we can assume you're dead, right?
    Or a depression gang.
    Miserable bastards that kick the head off you.


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    #38
    Mr. Incognito
    Registered Users Posts: 9,798 ✭✭✭Mr. Incognito


    Is she from Leitrim. Mild disability right there.


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    #39
    Legs.Eleven
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,987 ✭✭✭Legs.Eleven


    Maybe she has debilitatingly massive mamos?


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    #40
    fussyonion
    Registered Users Posts: 7,818 ✭✭✭fussyonion


    Legs.Eleven wrote: »
    Maybe she has debilitatingly massive mamos?

    Here you! Go back and get those tomatoes!


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    #41
    Spunge
    Registered Users Posts: 2,779 ✭✭✭Spunge


    nymphomania for sure


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    #42
    Dublinstiofán
    Registered Users Posts: 2,190 ✭✭✭Dublinstiofán


    I'd say her cocks bigger than yours and she doesn't want you to feel inadequate.

    Just make sure you meet her in a public place, but not very public, you don't want her to feel self conscious about her hump!


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    #43
    rockbeast
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,548 ✭✭✭rockbeast


    Hot and disabled >>> Ugly and abled

    Everytime


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    #44
    Daveysil15
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,301 ✭✭✭Daveysil15


    Well op, don't get offended if she calls you a bastard. She may mild tourettes. Take a chance and see how it goes.


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    #45
    caustic 1
    Registered Users Posts: 1,314 ✭✭✭caustic 1


    Tsk, I have no patience, can't wait now see how you get on. Better keep us posted op.


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    #46
    Czarcasm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,076 ✭✭✭✭Czarcasm


    "Comparable disadvantages"? Honestly OP, the only disability I can see here is your lack of self-esteem - "She's disabled but I'm ugly so we're both at a disadvantage".

    The idea itself is just laughable. Shouldn't you be looking to enhance each others lives, not point out each others faults! Genuinely it sounds like you could guilt trip each other into a relationship because you both have such low self-esteem you think all you deserve is each other!


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    #47
    umop.episdn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,009 ✭✭✭umop.episdn


    Czarcasm wrote: »
    "Comparable disadvantages"? Honestly OP, the only disability I can see here is your lack of self-esteem - "She's disabled but I'm ugly so we're both at a disadvantage".

    The idea itself is just laughable. Shouldn't you be looking to enhance each others lives, not point out each others faults! Genuinely it sounds like you could guilt trip each other into a relationship because you both have such low self-esteem you think all you deserve is each other!

    Sounds like a recipe for a successful Catholic marriage!


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    #48
    Soft Falling Rain
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,315 ✭✭✭Soft Falling Rain


    Czarcasm wrote: »
    "Comparable disadvantages"? Honestly OP, the only disability I can see here is your lack of self-esteem - "She's disabled but I'm ugly so we're both at a disadvantage".

    The idea itself is just laughable. Shouldn't you be looking to enhance each others lives, not point out each others faults! Genuinely it sounds like you could guilt trip each other into a relationship because you both have such low self-esteem you think all you deserve is each other!

    Disabled or not, it's never a good sign when someone is telling you to "walk away" before anything has even really started.


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    #49
    rockbeast
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,548 ✭✭✭rockbeast


    Soft Falling Rain wrote: »
    Disabled or not, it's never a good sign when someone is telling you to "walk away" before anything has even really started.

    Maybe she can't "walk away":eek:


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    #50
    Neeson
    Registered Users Posts: 3,909 ✭✭✭Neeson


    Maybe she doesn't have a vagina?


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    #51
    The Diabolical Monocle
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,618 ✭✭✭The Diabolical Monocle


    Neeson wrote: »
    Maybe she doesn't have a vagina?

    Maybe she has two.


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    #52
    Wishiwasa Littlebitaller
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,337 ✭✭✭Wishiwasa Littlebitaller


    Maphisto wrote: »
    Firstly I don't believe there are "leagues" at all, other than in people's heads.

    It's a nice thought that leagues are all in the mind and it would be great if it were true, but the reality is that the vast majority of humans are quite shallow when it comes to looks. Truth is that most people have a fair idea of roughly where the reside on the aesthetic scale side of things and while it's a scale that we don't discuss, for obvious reasons, it's there, in our heads, all the time and in general when we are out and about, on the look out for someone that we would either like a possible relationship with or just a one night stand, we will automatically, and mostly subconsciously, filter out the people we see that are few points below where we see ourselves on that aesthetic scale.

    It's a not very politically correct to say this and people will get way more brownie points for saying things such as: looks don't matter, it's what's inside that really counts, just believe in yourself, the only person who limits you, is you, blah blah, Tony Robbins, blah blah blah.. but the cold hard truth is, that humans are a fcuking shallow lot and leagues do exist.
    Try and find a picture on the web of a tall dark, chisel faced, extraordinary handsome, blue eyed, model type guy, standing beside his little fat mong, confused headed wife and I'll give you a thousand euro. Or conversely, a Candice Swanepoel type schmoozing a Brian Cowen type (only stipulation being that they both are of the roughly the same financial standing as each other).

    In short: Leagues exist and we all know it. Attractiveness, or the lack thereof, is indeed similar to a physical disability and in fact, in many ways, it is actually more of a handicap, as if someone was in a public setting and joked about not touching someone with a ten foot pole just because they were disabled, it wouldn't go down very well at all, but say the same thing about someone just becsause they looked as if when they fell from the ugly tree, they hit most of the branches on the way, some twice, and you'll get nowhere near the same reaction, if indeed you get any negative reaction at all. Truth is that most of us would look around a room and dismiss at least 10% of the potential off just because aesthetically they were not close to being near the level which we see ourselves capable of attracting. That's the truth, suggesting anything else is pretense, let's be honest.


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    #53
    ratmouse
    Registered Users Posts: 2,856 ✭✭✭ratmouse


    Wishiwasa Littlebitaller wrote: »
    It's a nice thought that leagues are all in the mind and it would be great if it were true, but the reality is that the vast majority of humans are quite shallow when it comes to looks. Truth is that most people have a fair idea of roughly where the reside on the aesthetic scale side of things and while it's a scale that we don't discuss, for obvious reasons, it's there, in our heads, all the time and in general when we are out and about, on the look out for someone that we would either like a possible relationship with or just a one night stand, we will automatically, and mostly subconsciously, filter out the people we see that are few points below where we see ourselves on that aesthetic scale.

    It's a not very politically correct to say this and people will get way more brownie points for saying things such as: looks don't matter, it's what's inside that really counts, just believe in yourself, the only person who limits you, is you, blah blah, Tony Robbins, blah blah blah.. but the cold hard truth is, that humans are a fcuking shallow lot and leagues do exist.
    Try and find a picture on the web of a tall dark, chisel faced, extraordinary handsome, blue eyed, model type guy, standing beside his little fat mong, confused headed wife and I'll give you a thousand euro. Or conversely, a Candice Swanepoel type schmoozing a Brian Cowen type (only stipulation being that they both are of the roughly the same financial standing as each other).

    In short: Leagues exist and we all know it. Attractiveness, or the lack thereof, is indeed similar to a physical disability and in fact, in many ways, it is actually more of a handicap, as if someone was in a public setting and joked about not touching someone with a ten foot pole just because they were disabled, it wouldn't go down very well at all, but say the same thing about someone just becsause they looked as if when they fell from the ugly tree, they hit most of the branches on the way, some twice, and you'll get nowhere near the same reaction, if indeed you get any negative reaction at all. Truth is that most of us would look around a room and dismiss at least 10% of the potential off just because aesthetically they were not close to being near the level which we see ourselves capable of attracting. That's the truth, suggesting anything else is pretense, let's be honest.

    I do hear what you are saying and agree with alot of it. But is it back to the usual. Subjectivity v Objectivity argument? We all find different people attractive, plain and simple.


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    #54
    Muise...
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,512 ✭✭✭Muise...


    ratmouse wrote: »
    I do hear what you are saying and agree with alot of it. But is it back to the usual. Subjectivity v Objectivity argument? We all find different people attractive, plain and simple.

    I find many people attractive. Some are plain and some are simple. :D


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    #55
    bb1234567
    Registered Users Posts: 5,495 ✭✭✭bb1234567


    onrail wrote: »
    Nah. . its not immediately apparent from photos anyway! I can't go ahead and ask her like!

    If she brought it up and made such a big deal of it then I see nothing wrong with asking what the disability is :confused:. Now if she hadnt mentioned it to you, and you noticed something that may seem like a mild disability in her photos or whatever,then I wouldnt ask her about it.


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    #56
    Medusa22
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,400 ✭✭✭Medusa22


    onrail wrote: »
    I should also add that I tried a bit of Facebook stalking (dont judge) and this disability wasn't apparent from photos on that either!

    Has it occurred to you that she might have a disease or an illness that isn't visible? That counts as a disability too.


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    #57
    Wishiwasa Littlebitaller
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,337 ✭✭✭Wishiwasa Littlebitaller


    ratmouse wrote: »
    I do hear what you are saying and agree with alot of it. But is it back to the usual. Subjectivity v Objectivity argument? We all find different people attractive, plain and simple.

    Nah that's just how we like to dress it up, it's not true - be nice if it were though.

    If people couldn't help who the were attracted to, we would see tons of mongs marrying models, but we don't, as it's a just a nice fallacy we tell ourselves to avoid having to deal with the fact that humans are quite discriminatory and very shallow when it comes to who we choose to spend the rest of the lives with. 'We all find different people attractive, plain and simple' suggests that people are attracted to a certain type and nothing they can do about that, but if that were true, then you would see a broad mix of couples who all are positioned at differing points on what I call the aesthetic scale, but we don't.

    Sure, some people at 7, marry a 9 and vice versa, and some who are a 3, will pull an 8, but by and large, people will tend to end up with a partner who is one or two notches off where they are. That's why most people who are at 3, 4 or 5, will end up with partners at that level and most people that are a 9 or 10, will end up with a partner who is a 9 and 10. There'll always be exceptions, especially when one partner has a larger bank account than the other, but in the main, this is how it works.


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    #58
    PizzamanIRL
    Registered Users Posts: 5,148 ✭✭✭PizzamanIRL


    Just be prepared to act natural when you do see what the disability is. Don't be all sympathetic about it.


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    #59
    UCDVet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,894 ✭✭✭UCDVet


    Meh - a lot of people buy into the whole, 'Everyone is a special flower' and it's really easy to say such things on the internet. But when people study human interaction/behaviour (and they study it all the time) the results are pretty much 100% to the contrary.

    Almost everyone basically agrees on what is attractive. Attractive people have a much easier time dating, will date more people on average, will date more attractive people on average, will have more sexual partners on average. They'll also have larger social circles, more people who consider them friends. More interestingly is that attractive people are better paid and thought more highly off, than ugly peers.

    So yeah, being ugly *is* a disadvantage in life and especially when dating.

    A quick Google shows lots of articles/blogs/websites talking about the difficulties of dating with a disability. There are even websites exclusively targeted at people with disabilities, implying that regular dating sites aren't meeting the demand of this particular group.

    So, while it doesn't give everyone a nice warm and fuzzy feeling - OP, your suspicion is correct. Generally speaking, dating is harder while ugly. Dating is also harder while disabled.


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    #60
    Shakespeare's Sister
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,412 ✭✭✭Shakespeare's Sister


    Good points undermined by terms like "little fat mong" (wtf?) and that scale out of 10 bullsh-t as if humans are akin to products in those brand comparison tests.
    I'd agree though it is delusion to believe anyone could end up with anyone (apart from rare exceptions). At the same time though, the vast majority of people are not hideous-looking.


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    #61
    Muise...
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,512 ✭✭✭Muise...


    Magaggie wrote: »
    Good points undermined by terms like "little fat mong" (wtf?) and that scale out of 10 bullsh-t as if humans are akin to products in those brand comparison tests.
    I'd agree though it is delusion to believe anyone could end up with anyone (apart from rare exceptions). At the same time though, the vast majority of people are not hideous-looking.

    I think that was the point of the argument that leagues are all in the mind; that everyone's attraction and attractiveness are different and fluid.


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