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Are ugliness and disability comparable disadvantages when dating??

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  • 17-05-2014 11:26pm
    #1
    onrail
    Registered Users Posts: 1,025 ✭✭✭


    Not sure if this will make me out to be a bollocks, but here it goes...

    I recently began chatting to a girl on an online dating site, and we hit it off straight away. The conversation was witty, charming and put simply it just worked!

    So after a few days of texting back and forth we concluded that we should meet. This was grand and we chatted for a while until she decided to 'drop the bombshell' (her words) that she has a 'mild' disability.

    The messages from her immediately following this were filled with 'walk away' and such negative language. I assured her that this made no difference and we've been getting on really well ever since. I plan to meet her in the next couple of days.

    So here's my question: when we meet and I witness this 'disability' (whatever it is) am I a terrible terrible person if it lessens my attraction to this girl? One justification (and I'm looking for one) is that if she decided that I'm too ugly to take things further (and I am dreadfully unforfortunate looking) I, and society, would have little problem with it.

    What are peoples thoughts on this? Should i try to ignore whatever it is? Try to make it work? To be fair, if I met a girl out of my league, I would hope that she would do similar regarding my looks!


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Comments

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    #2
    Sir Osis of Liver.
    Registered Users Posts: 2,793 ✭✭✭Sir Osis of Liver.


    Maybe her fanny is where her face should be.

    Either way,you're on a winner.


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    #3
    Frito
    Registered Users Posts: 769 ✭✭✭Frito


    You're over thinking it.

    You can't help who you're attracted to and the converse is true for her.

    You seem to have chemistry, that's a good start. Just see what happens.


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    #4
    frag420
    Registered Users Posts: 6,158 ✭✭✭frag420


    If she doesn't like you because your ugly then I would steal her crutches!!

    End game right there!!


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    #5
    Curly Judge
    Registered Users Posts: 2,708 ✭✭✭Curly Judge


    It might work out.
    It might not.
    Either way I think you should meet.
    Best of luck and please invite me to the wedding.:)


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    #6
    jamo2oo9
    Registered Users Posts: 5,780 ✭✭✭jamo2oo9


    Ugliness, yes. Disability, no. I'd give them kudos for admitting they have a disability, mild or not. It takes balls to admit they have it.


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    #7
    Motivator
    Registered Users Posts: 2,755 ✭✭✭Motivator


    jamo2oo9 wrote: »
    I'd give them kudos for admitting they have a disability, mild or not. It takes balls to admit they have it.

    Why? If she turns up with 1 leg or a Hairlip then he'll soon spot it. She's just giving him a warning. If she's letting you know now then it's probably bad - bad enough for her to be on an internet dating website.


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    #8
    onrail
    Registered Users Posts: 1,025 ✭✭✭onrail


    jamo2oo9 wrote: »
    Ugliness, yes. Disability, no. I'd give them kudos for admitting they have a disability, mild or not. It takes balls to admit they have it.

    What's there to admit!? I'd find out pretty quickly once we meet like!


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    #9
    The Th!ng
    Registered Users Posts: 464 ✭✭The Th!ng


    It's possible that "she" has a 9" cock, but can't get an erection.


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    #10
    Pwindedd
    Registered Users Posts: 2,235 ✭✭✭Pwindedd


    I concur, have a meet up and see what this mild disability is. You got the chemistry going on and that's always a good start. But if you find you can't get over it then don't feel bad. You're not a monster for being honest with yourself and over time it may be less of an issue if you continue to see her.

    Nothing ventured nothing gained and all that.

    I've got a dodgy eye (squint) and my husband is a wee bit fat and half bald. We're made for each other though.


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    #11
    Legs.Eleven
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,987 ✭✭✭Legs.Eleven


    You can´t control who your attracted to, OP and you´re not obliged to fancy someone either for whatever reason. Just see how it goes. I hope it does work out for you though as it seems you get along.


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    #12
    hfallada
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,180 ✭✭✭hfallada


    Go on a date and see how it is. You might find that you dont have anything in common and that you just arent right for each other. Nothing to do with your looks or her "disability". Its better to have a ****ty date, than thinking you have missed out


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    #13
    catallus
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,106 ✭✭✭catallus


    She hasn't told you what the disability is?


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    #14
    Maphisto
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,014 ✭✭✭Maphisto


    Firstly I don't believe there are "leagues" at all, other than in people's heads. There are people that are attracted to each that go on to become couples and there are not - That's it.
    So here's my question: when we meet and I witness this 'disability' (whatever it is) am I a terrible terrible person if it lessens my attraction to this girl?
    No, but without knowing what the disability is you are running the risk of an awful lot of emotions - sympathy, pity, shock and you're going to try and not show it in your face?
    One justification (and I'm looking for one) is that if she decided that I'm too ugly to take things further (and I am dreadfully unforfortunate looking) I, and society, would have little problem with it
    That's all bollox. You either click or you don't.

    Good Luck ;)


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    #15
    onrail
    Registered Users Posts: 1,025 ✭✭✭onrail


    catallus wrote: »
    She hasn't told you what the disability is?

    Nah. . its not immediately apparent from photos anyway! I can't go ahead and ask her like!


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    #16
    catallus
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,106 ✭✭✭catallus


    If she tells you she has a disability and won't say what it is I'd be suspicious of an entrapment gang.


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    #17
    Frito
    Registered Users Posts: 769 ✭✭✭Frito


    As she brought it up of course you can ask. She doesn't have to tell you though.


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    #18
    onrail
    Registered Users Posts: 1,025 ✭✭✭onrail


    onrail wrote: »
    Nah. . its not immediately apparent from photos anyway! I can't go ahead and ask her like!

    I should also add that I tried a bit of Facebook stalking (dont judge) and this disability wasn't apparent from photos on that either!


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    #19
    anncoates
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,925 ✭✭✭✭anncoates


    She might just mean that her sense of mild is disabled, therefore just being a unnecessarily verbose way of conveying that she's bad tempered.


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    #20
    umop.episdn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,009 ✭✭✭umop.episdn


    jamo2oo9 wrote: »
    Ugliness, yes. Disability, no. I'd give them kudos for admitting they have a disability, mild or not. It takes balls to admit they have it.

    Her having balls isn't a disability.... Is it?


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    #21
    Maphisto
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,014 ✭✭✭Maphisto


    onrail wrote: »
    Nah. . its not immediately apparent from photos anyway! I can't go ahead and ask her like!

    Why not?


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    #22
    catallus
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,106 ✭✭✭catallus


    onrail wrote: »
    I should also add that I tried a bit of Facebook stalking (dont judge) and this disability wasn't apparent from photos on that either!

    She may be being strange with her words and suggesting something like depression.

    Or she may be a member of a gang. Who knows? :)

    You will OP. If we hear nothing back we can assume you're dead, right?


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    #23
    Holsten
    Registered Users Posts: 4,971 ✭✭✭Holsten


    Depends on the disability.


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    #24
    umop.episdn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,009 ✭✭✭umop.episdn


    onrail wrote: »
    I should also add that I tried a bit of Facebook stalking (dont judge) and this disability wasn't apparent from photos on that either!

    It's probably not physical, it could be a neurological or mental disability?
    Mild asbergers or bat**** crazy


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    #25
    Reedsie
    Registered Users Posts: 562 ✭✭✭Reedsie


    She's probably reading this...


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    #26
    frag420
    Registered Users Posts: 6,158 ✭✭✭frag420


    Maphisto wrote: »
    You either click or you don't

    That's probably her hip...


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    #27
    Frito
    Registered Users Posts: 769 ✭✭✭Frito


    umop.episdn wrote: »
    It's probably not physical, it could be a neurological or mental disability?
    Mild asbergers or bat**** crazy

    It could be a movement disorder, obviously not visible in a photo.

    Pointless to speculate though, just ask her OP.


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    #28
    Reedsie
    Registered Users Posts: 562 ✭✭✭Reedsie


    Paddy_R wrote: »
    She's probably reading this...

    Oh maybe she's blind!


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    #29
    ratmouse
    Registered Users Posts: 2,856 ✭✭✭ratmouse


    Maybe she has impaired hearing or a speech impediment, something that isn't visible from the photos you have seen. I would be focusing on the fact that thus far, you click very well with each other and go along on a date and take it from there.


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    #30
    El Weirdo
    Registered Users Posts: 11,646 ✭✭✭✭El Weirdo


    Paddy_R wrote: »
    Oh maybe she's blind!
    ^This.

    Win-win.


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    #31
    onrail
    Registered Users Posts: 1,025 ✭✭✭onrail


    El Weirdo wrote: »
    ^This.

    Win-win.

    Brilliant. Simply brilliant.


This discussion has been closed.
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