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What to do with such a housemate??!!

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124

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    #92
    Wanderer78
    Registered Users Posts: 28,805 ✭✭✭✭Wanderer78


    dubstarr wrote: »
    No hes not.Why do people bandy depression around like a "get out of jail for free" card.

    Hes a leech and i bet if you asked the people who he lived with before they would tell you the same.He should come with a warning stamped to his forehead.

    because its not a get out of jail free card, hes also showing classic signs of autism, he needs help asap, as it may descend into more complex behavior and problems.

    the fact he shows poor sign of personal hygiene is a possible indicator of depression and other complex issues

    the term 'leech' is commonly banded about in relation to the long term unemployed, strangely enough you ll find mental health issues and developmental disorders such as autism are actually the amongst the most common issues of the unemployed.

    'casper' is lacking in a lot of the skills of the average person, or a neurotypical, hes very likely autistic, and needs help with it. hes been placed into the deep end, and is sinking quickly.


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    #93
    Wanderer78
    Registered Users Posts: 28,805 ✭✭✭✭Wanderer78


    JayZeus wrote: »
    Casper may also be in need of a haircut and a good ride, but none of that is relevant. Despite the nature of the relationship the OP has fostered with Casper, he is not in fact the OP's child, family member or friend. He's a guy the OP knows from work and saw was in need of a place to stay.

    A bleeding heart doesn't pay the rent, put food on the table or petrol in the tank. It doesn't clean the bedding, sweep the floor or scrub the toilet.

    Depression is a bitch and it can certainly be debilitating, but it's plain stupid to think everyone else should make allowances for you, just because you struggle with it.

    nice!

    again, casper needs help, quickly!

    op, do you have any contact details for any of caspers close family or friends?


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    #94
    sbsquarepants
    Registered Users Posts: 11,812 ✭✭✭✭sbsquarepants


    Sardonicat wrote: »

    Hand him a cleaning rota and a timetable for when the cooking facilities and washing machine are free. .

    Hand him his dog and his clothes and show him the front door.

    Are you insane, you've basically adopted this tosser!

    Put him on the street and get back to your own life, he's not your problem.


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    #95
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 3,637 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Wanderer78 wrote: »
    nice!

    again, casper needs help, quickly!

    op, do you have any contact details for any of caspers close family or friends?

    It doesn't have to be nice. It doens't have to be pleasant.

    Sometimes people are just being inconsiderate, lazy or thoughtless. Those are not symptoms of mental illness. They might be nice people, or they could be absolute ****heads.

    And would you ever stop banging on that drum? You'd label a dog as being depressed, on the spectrum and in dire need of help if anyone would listen.

    Not every antisocial issue between adults is the result of these sorts of things. You're like the guy who has only a hammer in his toolbox, so every problem to be fixed looks like a nail.

    And like I said, he's just a guy who rents a room in their house and doesn't show much respect for them. Whatever his own problems are, they're none of the OP's business nor should be make them his concern.

    Casper's able to change his own Huggies.


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    #96
    Wanderer78
    Registered Users Posts: 28,805 ✭✭✭✭Wanderer78


    JayZeus wrote: »
    It doesn't have to be nice. It doens't have to be pleasant.

    Sometimes people are just being inconsiderate, lazy or thoughtless. Those are not symptoms of mental illness. They might be nice people, or they could be absolute ****heads.

    And would you ever stop banging on that drum? You'd label a dog as being depressed, on the spectrum and in dire need of help if anyone would listen.

    Not every antisocial issue between adults is the result of these sorts of things. You're like the guy who has only a hammer in his toolbox, so every problem to be fixed looks like a nail.

    And like I said, he's just a guy who rents a room in their house and doesn't show much respect for them. Whatever his own problems are, they're none of the OP's business nor should be make them his concern.

    Casper's able to change his own Huggies.

    its nice to see you re very considered to other human beings, please research these issues, theyre relatively common, there may in fact be someone in your social circle with these kind of issues, they may need your help, not your criticism


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    #97
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 3,637 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Wanderer78 wrote: »
    its nice to see you re very considered to other human beings, please research these issues, theyre relatively common, there may in fact be someone in your social circle with these kind of issues, they may need your help, not your criticism

    All well and good. Meaning, I don't really care. We all have our own problems in life. I'm not going out now looking to carry anyone else through it because of the ones they have. I'll do it for people I care about. The guy from work renting the box room and eating my food? Yeah, he's not in that latter group.

    Now, how does the OP deal with their lodger taking the piss?


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    #98
    Wanderer78
    Registered Users Posts: 28,805 ✭✭✭✭Wanderer78


    JayZeus wrote: »
    All well and good. Meaning, I don't really care. We all have our own problems in life. I'm not going out now looking to carry anyone else through it because of the ones they have. I'll do it for people I care about. The guy renting the box room? Yeah, he's not in that latter group.

    Now, how does the OP deal with their lodger taking the piss?

    direct him towards help, but this may not be very easy, if casper is indeed on the spectrum, services for the diagnosed are lacking, and they virtually dont exist for the undiagnosed. casper himself may not be open to any sort of help, as he may not be aware of his issues. id start by trying to contact caspers nearest and dearest, and go from there, but be aware, even they may not be aware or even interested


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    #99
    dubstarr
    Registered Users Posts: 13,762 ✭✭✭✭dubstarr


    Wanderer78 wrote: »
    because its not a get out of jail free card, hes also showing classic signs of autism, he needs help asap, as it may descend into more complex behavior and problems.

    the fact he shows poor sign of personal hygiene is a possible indicator of depression and other complex issues

    the term 'leech' is commonly banded about in relation to the long term unemployed, strangely enough you ll find mental health issues and developmental disorders such as autism are actually the amongst the most common issues of the unemployed.

    'casper' is lacking in a lot of the skills of the average person, or a neurotypical, hes very likely autistic, and needs help with it. hes been placed into the deep end, and is sinking quickly.

    Are you Casper.You dont know him,why are you saying hes showing signs of autism and mental health issues.Its possible hes just a user.Not everything needs a diagnosis.


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    #100
    Wanderer78
    Registered Users Posts: 28,805 ✭✭✭✭Wanderer78


    dubstarr wrote: »
    Are you Casper.You dont know him,why are you saying hes showing signs of autism and mental health issues.Its possible hes just a user.Not everything needs a diagnosis.

    i can relate to him as i have/had these issues. diagnoses can and do help


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    #101
    dubstarr
    Registered Users Posts: 13,762 ✭✭✭✭dubstarr


    Wanderer78 wrote: »
    i can relate to him as i have/had these issues. diagnoses can and do help

    Well then you take him in.


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    #102
    Wanderer78
    Registered Users Posts: 28,805 ✭✭✭✭Wanderer78


    dubstarr wrote: »
    Well then you take him in.

    why? independent living should be encourage here, but casper may not be ready for that right now, hes lacking in many of the critical skills to do so, he should be encouraged to do so. this truly isnt the responsibility of the op, but of caspers close family and friends, unfortunately sometimes, that option also isnt available.


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    #103
    California Dreamer
    Registered Users Posts: 2,499 ✭✭✭California Dreamer


    Wanderer78 wrote: »
    he needs help .

    He needs to f**k off!!!

    OP did a good thing. Got walked onand is going to sort it out!


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    #104
    dubstarr
    Registered Users Posts: 13,762 ✭✭✭✭dubstarr


    dubstarr wrote: »
    Well then you take him in.
    Wanderer78 wrote: »
    why? independent living should be encourage here, but casper may not be ready for that right now, hes lacking in many of the critical skills to do so, he should be encouraged to do so. this truly isnt the responsibility of the op, but of caspers close family and friends, unfortunately sometimes, that option also isnt available.
    Because you seem to be overly invested in the fact that Casper has all these things wrong with him.

    When the op hasnt even mentioned anything like that.
    If Casper asked the op for help thats one thing.But theres no way i would get involved in someones else life like that.What if you are wrong.

    I think you are projecting your issues on to him.


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    #105
    Wanderer78
    Registered Users Posts: 28,805 ✭✭✭✭Wanderer78


    dubstarr wrote: »
    Because you seem to be overly invested in the fact that Casper has all these things wrong with him.

    When the op hasnt even mentioned anything like that.
    If Casper asked the op for help thats one thing.But theres no way i would get involved in someones else life like that.What if you are wrong.

    I think you are projecting your issues on to him.

    possibly, but i suspect im not, i spend some time around others on the spectrum, ive spoken to many professional working on these issues, caspers story resonates with many of the stories ive heard

    people on the spectrum can be very much unaware of their issues, unaware that their world is not the world of the norm or the neurotypical. casper should be encouraged to engage in the up keep of the house, encouraged to cook for himself, encouraged to learn to drive etc etc etc, hes actually being enabled by not doing so


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    #106
    Graces7
    Registered Users Posts: 32,634 ✭✭✭✭Graces7


    Wanderer78 wrote: »
    possibly, but i suspect im not, i spend some time around others on the spectrum, ive spoken to many professional working on these issues, caspers story resonates with many of the stories ive heard

    people on the spectrum can be very much unaware of their issues, unaware that their world is not the world of the norm or the neurotypical. casper should be encouraged to engage in the up keep of the house, encouraged to cook for himself, encouraged to learn to drive etc etc etc, hes actually being enabled by not doing so

    For your humanity and insight, thank you


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    #107
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 3,637 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    dubstarr wrote: »
    Are you Casper.You dont know him,why are you saying hes showing signs of autism and mental health issues.Its possible hes just a user.Not everything needs a diagnosis.

    For living in the real world and having some basic cop on, thank you


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    #108
    dubstarr
    Registered Users Posts: 13,762 ✭✭✭✭dubstarr


    JayZeus wrote: »
    For living in the real world and having some basic cop on, thank you

    Ah shucks:o:D


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    #109
    sbsquarepants
    Registered Users Posts: 11,812 ✭✭✭✭sbsquarepants


    Wanderer78 wrote: »
    casper should be encouraged to engage in the up keep of the house, encouraged to cook for himself, encouraged to learn to drive etc etc etc, hes actually being enabled by not doing so

    Bullshít.

    Casper should be tossed out the front door.

    If you don't want to do that OP at least warn him, pull your weight, pay your way or you will be thrown out the front door.

    Even if casper is on the spectrum (which I'm not in any hurry to accept by the way) he is not your problem. He's some bloke you work with, you tried to help him out and it's not going well. Cut your losses and fúck casper!


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    #110
    Edgware
    Registered Users Posts: 5,875 ✭✭✭Edgware


    I'm not moving out and that's final


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    #111
    Fieldsman
    Registered Users Posts: 146 ✭✭Fieldsman


    If I were living with ye it's the smell of all that smoke that would offend me rather than Casper


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    #112
    Thoie
    Registered Users Posts: 6,344 ✭✭✭Thoie


    WalterWhite88 wrote: »

    Well, you cannot expect someone to shower him or herself every day, but, there is the decency of brushing your teeth, and making yourself presentable for others.. You work with other people nonetheless..


    Um, yes you can. I have a sedentary job, and work from home, and I manage to shower pretty much every day. There might be the odd day once or twice a year where you decide to have a PJ day, and not shower, but they're the exception. And I'd expect adults to brush their teeth twice a day, and wash their hands multiple times a day (after using the toilet, and before preparing food at least).


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    #113
    Sardonicat
    Registered Users Posts: 12,378 ✭✭✭✭Sardonicat


    Thoie wrote: »
    WalterWhite88 wrote: »

    Well, you cannot expect someone to shower him or herself every day, but, there is the decency of brushing your teeth, and making yourself presentable for others.. You work with other people nonetheless..


    Um, yes you can. I have a sedentary job, and work from home, and I manage to shower pretty much every day. There might be the odd day once or twice a year where you decide to have a PJ day, and not shower, but they're the exception. And I'd expect adults to brush their teeth twice a day, and wash their hands multiple times a day (after using the toilet, and before preparing food at least).
    You most certainly can stipulate to a licencee that you expect them to maintain the same minimum personal hygiene standards as yourself i.e. daily shower. I have actually had that stipulated to me when entering a house share ( not that I needed it to be! ) . I was told that everyone who lives here is expected to shower or bath daily. Seemingly the last tenant didn't and used to stink the place out (perhaps it was Casper) and they did not want to share a home with someone like that again. Its a perfectly reasonable condition to apply to someone living in the same house as you.


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    #114
    Seanachai
    Registered Users Posts: 2,538 ✭✭✭Seanachai


    Sardonicat wrote: »
    You most certainly can stipulate to a licencee that you expect them to maintain the same minimum personal hygiene standards as yourself i.e. daily shower. I have actually had that stipulated to me when entering a house share ( not that I needed it to be! ) . I was told that everyone who lives here is expected to shower or bath daily. Seemingly the last tenant didn't and used to stink the place out (perhaps it was Casper) and they did not want to share a home with someone like that again. Its a perfectly reasonable condition to apply to someone living in the same house as you.

    I get the hygiene thing, but being told this like entering a military barracks in your 20's\30's must be deflating.


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    #115
    Sardonicat
    Registered Users Posts: 12,378 ✭✭✭✭Sardonicat


    Seanachai wrote: »
    Sardonicat wrote: »
    You most certainly can stipulate to a licencee that you expect them to maintain the same minimum personal hygiene standards as yourself i.e. daily shower. I have actually had that stipulated to me when entering a house share ( not that I needed it to be! ) . I was told that everyone who lives here is expected to shower or bath daily. Seemingly the last tenant didn't and used to stink the place out (perhaps it was Casper) and they did not want to share a home with someone like that again. Its a perfectly reasonable condition to apply to someone living in the same house as you.

    I get the hygiene thing, but being told this like entering a military barracks in your 20's\30's must be deflating.
    Well, I was a bit taken aback when she said it but she was quick to qualify why she felt she had to stipulate it ( the former dirty house mate). Its no fun telling an adult they must bathe daily but apparently some people do require telling ( and going by the regular 'How often do your shower ' threads that appear on AH there's quite a few out there ). I would not share living space with someone who didn't bathe daily. And it really is best practice to have the rules of the house laid out to you plainly before you move in. It's all well and good being easy going and take it as it comes, but when you've got some one like Casper how are you gonna tackle the 'Please have a shower' conversation several months in? Far better to lay it on the line before you agree to someone moving in with you. So if they say "I think showering everyday is excessive ", you can say "Fine, but you can't live with me. "


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    #116
    Ray Palmer
    Registered Users Posts: 8,355 ✭✭✭Ray Palmer


    I must say to claim a shower is needed every day is extreme especially to claim it is unhygienic. I do generally as I cycle a lot so tend to be twice a day.If I have not exerted myself on a day of not cycling I probably won't. I certainly wouldn't smell as a result and if you do go to a doctor as there is something wrong


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    #117
    iamwhoiam
    Registered Users Posts: 16,073 ✭✭✭✭iamwhoiam


    Sardonicat wrote: »
    Well, I was a bit taken aback when she said it but she was quick to qualify why she felt she had to stipulate it ( the former dirty house mate). Its no fun telling an adult they must bathe daily but apparently some people do require telling ( and going by the regular 'How often do your shower ' threads that appear on AH there's quite a few out there ). I would not share living space with someone who didn't bathe daily. And it really is best practice to have the rules of the house laid out to you plainly before you move in. It's all well and good being easy going and take it as it comes, but when you've got some one like Casper how are you gonna tackle the 'Please have a shower' conversation several months in? Far better to lay it on the line before you agree to someone moving in with you. So if they say "I think showering everyday is excessive ", you can say "Fine, but you can't live with me. "

    Honestly there is no need to shower everyday . Of course do so if you want to but it is a life choice and no adult should be under pressure to shower every day
    We managed years ago with a bath once a week and I have absolutely no memory of my family being smelly
    I shower mainly once a day but there are days when a wash is fine and no one died around me yet


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    #118
    GBX
    Registered Users Posts: 11,902 ✭✭✭✭GBX


    Well OP. Did you have the conversation with the freeloader?


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    #119
    Sardonicat
    Registered Users Posts: 12,378 ✭✭✭✭Sardonicat


    Yes, you washed yourself thoroughly everyday, as did most people. Those who didn't stank Now that most homes are equipped with electric showers it's faster to do that in the shower. If an adult doesn't wash themselves everyday (be it in a shower, bath or the old fashioned way at the sink, they would not be living with me. Though why you would put yourself through the palaver of a strip wash and the various yogic positions that requires when 5 mins in the shower would get the job done is beyond me.

    And if someone is petitioning to live with you as a licencee you most certainly can specify that you expect them to bathe daily if they're going to live with you.


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    #120
    iamwhoiam
    Registered Users Posts: 16,073 ✭✭✭✭iamwhoiam


    Sardonicat wrote: »
    Yes, you washed yourself thoroughly everyday, as did most people. Those who didn't stank Now that most homes are equipped with electric showers it's faster to do that in the shower. If an adult doesn't wash themselves everyday (be it in a shower, bath or the old fashioned way at the sink, they would not be living with me. Though why you would put yourself through the palaver of a strip wash and the various yogic positions that requires when 5 mins in the shower would get the job done is beyond me.

    And if someone is petitioning to live with you as a licencee you most certainly can specify that you expect them to bathe daily if they're going to live with you.

    So where do you draw the line ? Should they shave to suit you ? Wash behind their ears at your timing ? Wash their hair on particular days ? Should their toe nails be a certain lenght ? Should they change towels to your tune

    Personally if any adult told me how often i should shower I wouldn't share with them as despite my showering most days to be told to do so would rattle me from the outset


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    #121
    L1011
    Moderators, Business & Finance Moderators, Motoring & Transport Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 67,697 Mod ✭✭✭✭L1011


    This thread is ridiculously off-topic really


This discussion has been closed.
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