What to do with such a housemate??!!

WalterWhite88

Hi guys,

I hope that I have posted it here correctly. If not, please give me some guidance, as I am new here. I hope to get some advise in relation to my housemate.

We took in a housemate, and we have some issues, and I am not complete aware of how to deal with it. Or, more so, to address it without getting into discussions or something like that. I don't want to upset anyone, but I think I should address this.

I will just refer to Caspar here, as a fictional name.

We took Caspar in our house, as there was almost no housing, Caspar is working. He drives with us to work, as he has no car.

On days off, when we are off, we even collect him from the office, and drop him, as otherwise he can't go to work.

Now, he does smoke, and so do we, he was running out of money last month, and I had 12 packs of cigarettes, so, I shared it with Caspar. Never received a thank you for it. Which is kind of bothering me.

Besides this, we also cook in the house (my partner does) and, he eats with us, we told Caspar that he had to pay an amount, so we would then cook, and he can eat with us, instead of cooking for himself. It's easier for Caspar, and cooking for 1 person extra is not such a big of a deal.

Now, we always have to ask Caspar to do something, i.e. like cleaning the house, or just cleaning stuff after yourself. Casper is always waiting for us to tell him what to do in the household. Also when we both are cleaning together, Casper is standing on the side and is not asking, shall I do this or that but instead he is saying, well I am going to my room, play a game.

In the beginning, Caspar told us, that he would buy things he wants to eat himself, for himself... Which hasn't really happened that much.

Besides, we are very neat and clean, and for instance, I know it's overkill, as it's not needed to shower everyday, but I shower once a day, either morning or evening.

Caspar does not shower each day, sometimes once a week.. I don't like this. It's not hygienic to anyone.

amcalester

Tell him to move out.

petes

Bury him in the garden.

WalterWhite88

petes wrote: »

Bury him in the garden.

Lol, that's not really possible though..

WalterWhite88

amcalester wrote: »

Tell him to move out.

I could, but, shouldn't I resolve or talk about it first?

Boom_Bap

Casper, the not so friendly ghost.

charlietheminxx

You're incompatible and have different standards of living. Find a new housemate.

ardinn

Make a list of things casper has to do and give it to him - Print it out a word it in a friendly way.

You cant make him shower, but you can "sniff" everytime you walk by him and say - Ewww whats the smell.

Add whatever you need to cover food costs onto his rent along with petrol money.

Problem solved.

WalterWhite88

charlietheminxx wrote: »

You're incompatible and have different standards of living. Find a new housemate.

Thanks for actually giving me some advise.
Much appreciated.

I think so to.. Maybe we have to make that decision.

amcalester

WalterWhite88 wrote: »

I could, but, shouldn't I resolve or talk about it first?

Nope, he’s taking you for a ride.

Free transport and free meals and you do all the cleaning, it’s not a housemate you have it’s a child.

Effects

I doubt you'll get him to change. He probably thinks he's fine.

galwayllm

My friend had a somewhat similar situation. And I'll say to you what I said to him..

Grow some balls and sort it out quick. Set out clear rule of the house and how it's run and what you expect, and if he is not compliant tell him he can find somewhere he'd be better suited to.

WalterWhite88

Effects wrote: »

I doubt you'll get him to change. He probably thinks he's fine.

Yes, that's my idea, but, I will talk to him tonight.. And discuss it, I guess it's better to be honest, than, to keep it to myself.

Don't you guys think, showering once a week, or not cleaning yourself, is unhygienic to your colleagues at work, or others as well?

Don’t feed him.

Don’t chauffeur him around.

Don’t tell him to wash himself, or monitor how often he does.

Don’t buy him things.

Basically, stop treating him like a child or dependent.

He’s an adult. Leave him be.

Ask him to do a specific chore when it needs doing, in advance. If he doesn’t do it (within a day or two, not on demand) remind him respectfully, tell him you’ll do it next time, but it’s his turn and it’s only fair he does it. Do it next time and make a point of letting Him know you did it, nicely, so he sees you’re actually being fair when you ask him to take a turn.

Above all, cop on to yourself and recognise that Casper is a big boy now and can wipe his own arse and pull up his own pants.

WalterWhite88

galwayllm wrote: »

My friend had a somewhat similar situation. And I'll say to you what I said to him..

Grow some balls and sort it out quick. Set out clear rule of the house and how it's run and what you expect, and if he is not compliant tell him he can find somewhere he'd be better suited to.

Thanks for that, you are right though.

I will bring it up tonight, and talk about it.. If he doesn't like it, it's time to move on and forward. Stress like this is not nice.. And, if he does not adhere I guess it's time to move out

WalterWhite88

WalterWhite88 wrote: »

Don't you guys think, showering once a week, or not cleaning yourself, is unhygienic to your colleagues at work, or others as well?

Modern convenience leads to modern standards of expectation. Adjust yours when it comes to other people.

Effects

WalterWhite88 wrote: »

I guess it's better to be honest, than, to keep it to myself.

It'll drive you bonkers.

Don't you guys think, showering once a week, or not cleaning yourself, is unhygienic to your colleagues at work, or others as well?

Doesn't have to be every day, but is dependant on activity and presentation for work.

galwayllm

WalterWhite88 wrote: »

Thanks for that, you are right though.

I will bring it up tonight, and talk about it.. If he doesn't like it, it's time to move on and forward. Stress like this is not nice.. And, if he does not adhere I guess it's time to move out

And the longer you leave it the harder it becomes..

And JeyZeus has said the rest perfectly...

jim o doom

WalterWhite88 wrote: »

I could, but, shouldn't I resolve or talk about it first?

I agree, the right thing to do is try to work it out. However, you are doing him a lot of favours, allowing him the house, sharing food, sharing cigarettes, driving him to and from work.

And he is taking it in his stride, as if you have taken the place of his parents. Some people feel the world owes them everything and they will never change.

Friendly option: talk to him, explain how you are feeling, that he is being a jerk, that he needs to clean up his act, and not to mention show some respect and gratitude.. or he is out of the house.

Less friendly option: just kick him out.

Very unfriendly option: as above - bury him in the garden :P

bullpost

WalterWhite88 wrote: »

Yes, that's my idea, but, I will talk to him tonight.. And discuss it, I guess it's better to be honest, than, to keep it to myself.

Don't you guys think, showering once a week, or not cleaning yourself, is unhygienic to your colleagues at work, or others as well?

Ah hes probably one of those greens - They're very popular nowadays

Bunny Colvin

Get him out. By driving him to work, feeding him and giving him free stuff, you're spending money that would go towards paying his share of the rent. Instead with him living there he's putting stress on you.

Don't be so daft in the future either, he's a tenant, not a son.

Del2005

WalterWhite88 wrote: »

I could, but, shouldn't I resolve or talk about it first?

He's a licencee and you are driving him to and from work on your days off! Yet he won't lift a finger to help around the house. He's taking you for a ride and you won't change him, he might improve for a few days or weeks if you talk to him but he'll slowly revert back to taking you for a ride, so get him out of your house now.

He's a grown man who's replaced his Mammy and Daddy with you. Let someone else be that sucker.

KSU

Tell him you are water conservationists and you would appreciate if he could bring the dishes into the shower with him to try reduce carbon footprint.

Kill 2 birds with one stone and doing your bit for the eniviroment.

Caspar is nothing more a "Third Wheel". Could also be described as a real life character in the likes of "Fair City". You need to write him out of the storyline and inform him about this fact - pronto

jiltloop

What was the relationship with him before you offered to have him move in? Was he just a work colleague?

iamwhoiam

I had a Casper in my house , he was 8 and a half .But we soon put manners on him before he was 9 .

killanena

Sit down with him, have a serious chat about the things that are concerning you and if things don't improve that he will have to look for new living arrangements.

WalterWhite88

jiltloop wrote: »

What was the relationship with him before you offered to have him move in? Was he just a work colleague?

Just work colleague. We took in his pet, as there was no place to get a room, it was very hard. So we decided to offer him a spare room..

Done up that room, as to be nice, and, we got a long very well..

bazz26

Put Caspar in the car, go for a long spin out into the countryside and let him by the side of the road with a bowl of water and snacks. Take off and see if Caspar can then find his way home. Just make sure Caspar is not chipped first.

Bigbagofcans

Casper the not so friendly scab.

Tell him to move out, hopefully he disappears soon.

galwayllm

bazz26 wrote: »

Put Caspar in the car, go for a long spin out into the countryside and let him by the side of the road with a bowl of water and snacks. Take off and see if Caspar can then find his way home. Just make sure Caspar is not chipped first.

LMAO... I believe it has to be over 10 miles to make sure he doesn't find the way home...

WalterWhite88

WalterWhite88 wrote: »

Yes, that's my idea, but, I will talk to him tonight.. And discuss it, I guess it's better to be honest, than, to keep it to myself.

Don't you guys think, showering once a week, or not cleaning yourself, is unhygienic to your colleagues at work, or others as well?

Depends on his job, he may have a dirty job and showers every day before leaving work, some places have staff showers.

WalterWhite88

Deleted User wrote: »

Depends on his job, he may have a dirty job and showers every day before leaving work, some places have staff showers.

No we work in the same place, it's a sedentary job..

Dexter2019

WalterWhite88 wrote: »

Hi guys,

I hope that I have posted it here correctly. If not, please give me some guidance, as I am new here. I hope to get some advise in relation to my housemate.

We took in a housemate, and we have some issues, and I am not complete aware of how to deal with it. Or, more so, to address it without getting into discussions or something like that. I don't want to upset anyone, but I think I should address this.

I will just refer to Caspar here, as a fictional name.

We took Caspar in our house, as there was almost no housing, Caspar is working. He drives with us to work, as he has no car.

On days off, when we are off, we even collect him from the office, and drop him, as otherwise he can't go to work.

Now, he does smoke, and so do we, he was running out of money last month, and I had 12 packs of cigarettes, so, I shared it with Caspar. Never received a thank you for it. Which is kind of bothering me.

Besides this, we also cook in the house (my partner does) and, he eats with us, we told Caspar that he had to pay an amount, so we would then cook, and he can eat with us, instead of cooking for himself. It's easier for Caspar, and cooking for 1 person extra is not such a big of a deal.

Now, we always have to ask Caspar to do something, i.e. like cleaning the house, or just cleaning stuff after yourself. Casper is always waiting for us to tell him what to do in the household. Also when we both are cleaning together, Casper is standing on the side and is not asking, shall I do this or that but instead he is saying, well I am going to my room, play a game.

In the beginning, Caspar told us, that he would buy things he wants to eat himself, for himself... Which hasn't really happened that much.

Besides, we are very neat and clean, and for instance, I know it's overkill, as it's not needed to shower everyday, but I shower once a day, either morning or evening.

Caspar does not shower each day, sometimes once a week.. I don't like this. It's not hygienic to anyone.

Blast Casper with piss?

IAMAMORON

Give up smoking , it is really bad for you.

WalterWhite88

galwayllm wrote: »

LMAO... I believe it has to be over 10 miles to make sure he doesn't find the way home...

HAHAHAHAHAH - Drive to the mountains..

WalterWhite88

IAMAMORON wrote: »

Give up smoking , it is really bad for you.

Trying!! It's hard.. But, it's not easy..

donkeykong5

Just tell him its not working out. You are housemates NOT SLAVES.

Hooked

galwayllm wrote: »

LMAO... I believe it has to be over 10 miles to make sure he doesn't find the way home...

Caspar is so dependent on the OP, I'd say you could leave him at the top of the f¨Ckin' road, and he'd struggle to get home!

oLoonatic

Have your tried turning it off and on again??

Cee-Jay-Cee

Make a list of chores that you are assigning to him. Hand him the list and tell him you expect them done each week/whenever.

As for the cigarettes, give them up, they'll kill you. He done you a favour taking a packet from you.

Honestly, it sounds like you have adopted/fostered a child, cooking/cleaning for him, driving him to work etc tell him to grow the fcuk up or move out.

Hooked

How old is he OP?

Father Hernandez

Caspar sounds like your dog rather than your housemate

realdanbreen

The 3 of you have just got to sit down and watch Pacific Heights together.

GBX

He's taking the p*ss. Tell him its your rules or he moves out, stop being a stinge and pull his weight be cleaning both the house and himself. Fair enough you tried helping him out because of the housing situation but he is taking liberties now

Bigmac1euro

Sounds like a friendly ghost to me!!!

Sounds like ye need to ghost Caspar

Zorya

Ahhhhhh Walter, I remember long ago when I was younger and was a nice person like you. We went through several waifs, oddballs and ne'er do wells, saving them from the streets, putting them up for weeks or months on end, tolerating their disastrous behaviour because....well...genuinely we were nice. As the years roll along one becomes a misanthrope and thinks twice before letting some loafer invade ones life. In the future ye will laugh about ol Casper and the madness of when ye tolerated him, life will have diluted your altruism, ye may even become cruel psychics like me who can now spot Caspers a mile away and make good my getaway. It's kind of sad, because it's nice being nice, but it invites too much weirdness.

In the meantime you will have to tolerate the awkwardness of being a meanie, give him some time to find somewhere new, hopefully as soon as possible, and let him go. Good luck!

bnt

Talking only works with smart people who are amenable to reason. I can't tell whether that is the case here. You would think that smart people would not be like that, but people do have blind spots.

One point I would make is about needing to tell him everything to do with the house. Having a set rota may help there: without that, people can be left guessing. "The obvious" is sometime not obvious to others. In a shared house, there will inevitably be someone who cares more than the others about such things, and having that person taking charge can be a good thing. If the others seem passive by comparison, it doesn't mean there isn't goodwill and a willingness to help, just that they are not in charge, because they don't care as much.

Church on Tuesday

Casper doesn't sound too friendly at all at all...

FatherTed

Just say sorry it's not working out, please be out by the weekend.

The longer you eave it the worse it will get and hard to move him out.