The try harder if ye want to keep a second joke thread thread

What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?

People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but the people in Abu Dhabi do.

During a job interview:
"What is your greatest weakness?"
"Honesty."
"I don't think honesty is a weakness."
"I don't give a fuck what you think."

As well as having enjoyed a successful career with A-ha, Morton Harket also invented Norway's first martial art, Tae Kwon Meeeee...

Tom McInerney gets a job in London working on a main sewer upgrade job.
One morning the foreman gets a call saying 2 artic loads of supplies are on the way. In a panic he runs out trying to get men to help unload the lorries. No one to be seen above ground but he hears noise coming from a manhole close by.
He shouts down into the hole " Who's working down there? "
"Just me Tom McInerney "
"Right so" says the foreman "Could 3 of ye come up to help unload the lorries.

A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what could he do to cure his problem.

The doctor said, when you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate try giving yourself a fright. The man thought he'd give it a try and so bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion, he runs home to his wife.

At home his wife is in bed, naked and waiting on her husband. As the two begin, they find themselves in the 69 position. The man, moments later, feels the sudden urge to come and fires the starter pistol.

The next day, the man went back to the doctor. The doctor asked, how did it go? The man answered, not that well, when I fired the pistol my wife **** on my face, bit my cock and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air!

Awesomeness wrote: »

What do you call a black man flying a plane?/QUOTE]

Tuskegee

ericl wrote: »

In Jamaica you can get a steak and kidney pie for €1.75, a chicken and mushroom pie for €1.60 and an apple pie for €2.15.

In St Kitts and Nevis a steak and kidney pie will cost you €2, a chicken pie (without mushrooms) is €1.70
and a cherry pie can be yours for €1.95.

In Trinidad ,Barbados ,Tobago, and Dominica that steak and kidney pie comes in at €2.50,
but you can two for €3.50, while the chicken and mushroom pie is €2.25, or two for €3.25.
They also offer meat and potato pie for €2, or two for €3.
Their apple pies and cherry pies are often sold for €2.75, or two (any combination) for €4.75.


Those are the Pie Rates of the Caribbean.

I never knew that the Caribbean had joined the Eurozone!

Heard an employee was trapped in the Coors warehouse over the weekend.

Poor bloke was forced to drink his own piss to survive

There was a little boy about twelve years old who was walking along the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him.

Eventually, he came upon the doorstep of a house of ill repute and knocked on the door.

When the Madam answered it, she saw the boy and asked what he wanted.

He said, “I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I’m not leaving until I get it.”

The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in.

Once inside, she told him to prick any of the girls he liked.

He asked, “Do any of the girls have any diseases?”

Of course the Madam replied “No”.

He said, “I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber. THAT’S the girl I want.”

Since the boy was so adamant that he had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right.

So, he headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him.

Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam and left.

The Madam stopped him and asked,

“Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?”

He said, “Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant for dinner and leave me at home with a baby-sitter.

After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she happens to be very fond of cute little boys.

She will then get the disease that I just caught.

When my parents get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home.

On the way, he’ll jump the baby-sitter’s bones and he’ll catch the disease.

Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitter’s place, he and Mum will go to bed and have sex and Mom will catch it.

In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mum and catch the disease, and HE’S the fooker who ran over my FROG!”

I was having a **** in my room when my dad walked in
He said "Brian , if you dont stop **** you'll go blind"
I said "Dad I'm over here"

My Uncle gave me some sound advice on his deathbed. "It's always worth investing in a decent set of speakers." he said.

Meath GAA