Asking work colleague for money for giving lift to work

Potential-Monke wrote: »

That could be part of the problem! I love my own time in my car, especially on the way to work. I've collected people a few times, but I've also been late because of this so had to stop offering, made excuses, but I was well covered as they lived in the city centre and we work on the outskirts, so it was out of my way and 5pm city centre traffic was killing my fuel economy!

That's a bit of a different problem though..

.. if you enjoy your commute (like I do.. podcast's etc) and/or you find yourself being made late etc. as a result, then indicate to him that it's not going to be a regular thing or stop it entirely.

This thread is asking said person for money for the 'inconvienience" of picking him up.

Years ago , when fuel and cars were relatively much more expensive relative to income , contributing petrol money was almost automatic.
This practice was so ingrained in irish people back in the 70’s, that I still get offered it from older people on long journeys, even today.

So being advised not to ask for it is silly and arrogant, however I’d go further and ask for a decent contribution to motoring expenses which would be more substantial then fuel money only. Broach the subject by saying can we have a chat about you contributing to my motoring expenses in the morning as he shuts the door when you drop him off.

irelandrover wrote: »

It is an inconvenience. You lose all the freedom that having your own car should give you. You have to start at he same time every day, you cant leave early or work a bit later to build up a few overtime hours.

But what I'm saying is monetary gain not going to fix any of the above..

.. to fix that, you need to stop picking the person up entirely.

[Deleted User] wrote: »

"Just" - possibly one of the most hateful/annoying words in the dictionary!
If doing or saying something is so easy that on a whim a person can say to themselves: I'll 'just' do that and presto jobs a good 'un my problem is solved then they're operating on a different level than the majority; but unfortunately it's not as easy or as simple as that in reality.

Why else are there shrinks/therapists etc making a killing and also forums catering to relationship/personal issues on this very site. If you're that confident/self assured yourself then all I can say is fair play.

Also, I don't know or care if you're Irish or not but fair play for making that sweeping generalisation (truthfully - no joking or sarcasm). It's a pity other stereotyping is considered some kind of ist/ism/phobic.

And a happy Friday to all of ye who are engaged in gainful

I am Irish but lived abroad for some years and shed a few habits. There is nothing wrong with being straight with people and asking upfront for what you need but many in this thread would prefer to get out of situation rather than ask. I don’t get it.

Basq wrote: »

But what I'm saying is monetary gain not going to fix any of the above..

.. to fix that, you need to stop picking the person up entirely.

But it makes it a lot easier to accept if you get some money for the inconvenience. Or even feel that the other person appreciates what you are doing rather than just feeling used.

You could suggest to him that you're going to start looking for other people to car pool.....ah feck it......start leaving earlier or as someone else pointed out start going a different route home......after a week or two he'll start finding another person to take advantage of....I knew someone like this before....he gave the impression he was doing me a favour by sitting in my car.

Find a friend or relation that needs a lift for a week or 2. Then have them insist on paying for your petrol when you pull into the petrol station.
Have them say something like I insist you are saving me money and time , it's the least I can do for what your doing for me.

If they dont get that hint there is no hope so wean them off by having other plans

Alf Veedersane wrote: »

The OP specifically said that its not inconvenient.

I put “inconvienience” in quotes for just that reason.. it’s not an inconvenience so why ask for money?

At the end the day, the OP is a big boy and can make up his own mind.. but personally if I wasn’t going out of my way to pick up said passenger and it wasn’t affecting my day-to-day (with regards home/work life) - I’d have no issue with giving a lift au gratis.

But that’s just me.. everyone is different!

Atlantic Dawn wrote: »

I'd never ask but after them saving €500 plus and me not getting anything not even say a case of beer for €25 (5% of their savings) I'd tell them I have now moved and commuting from Belize and will be unable to pick them up each morning.

Did he/she tell you that they have saved that amount or are you estimating what it has saved them? Have they got a car and simply not using it because they don’t have to?

Are you in a position to cycle to work some times? I personally would leave them stranded a few days every week. Use various excuses that car wouldn’t start, have to leave early or have to go opposite direction after work etc

Or simply tell them that your not happy that they haven’t even offered petrol money and that your ending the arrangement. Dont let it eat you up inside, be proactive and do what’s right for you first and foremost.

If you can’t/won’t tell them your not happy simply text them an hour or 30 minutes before work and say “I won’t be able to pick you up today” and leave it at that. If they ask why, ignore them, it’s none of their business. If they ask at work just say something came up and leave it at that. If they ask for a lift home say your not going that way today and again leave it at that. The next day just go to work and don’t collect them or tell them that your not giving them a lift. They’ll soon get the message and if they ask you about it, tell them you feel used as they have never once offered to chip in for petrol money and say nothing else. Let them explain their way out of it if they wish but don’t argue or back down. That’s your reason and they have to remedy it if they want a lift, let them come to that realisation, don’t offer a lift in exchange for petrol money.

Basq wrote: »

I put “inconvienience” in quotes for just that reason.. it’s not an inconvenience so why ask for money?

At the end the day, the OP is a big boy and can make up his own mind.. but personally if I wasn’t going out of my way to pick up said passenger and it wasn’t affecting my day-to-day (with regards home/work life) - I’d have no issue with giving a lift au gratis.

But that’s just me.. everyone is different!

The OP is facilitating this person making a significant saving. They don't have an issue with the lift but the lack of courtesy from the person receiving the lift.

Most people wouldn't have an issue with giving a lift au gratis. Every day for 4 months without thanks while the person getting the lift makes a significant saving? Most people might feel taken for granted.

Most people would offer something given the benefit they are getting from it, savings and convenience

pwurple wrote: »

God almighty, why are people such moaning martyrs. Yes yes, least confrontational, but absolutely most chicken-shlt cowardly approach. What a sneaky thing to do to avoid a straightforward conversation.


OP, You would like a contribution towards petrol for car-pooling. Ask for it. Don't ask, don't get.


Ignore these sniveling miserable ways to whinge and wheedle out of it. I'm embarrassed for the eejits even advising this pathetic course of action. Bare-faced lying as a solution? How is that socially acceptable? :rolleyes:


And for gods sake don't stand for insulting the passenger who hasn't even been informed the arrangement isn't working for the driver.

Well if it was me it would be the direct approach and this situation would never have even started but the OP has landed themselves in an awkward situation and white lies may be the easiest way out for them. Clearly the OP has a problem here and there are several ways to skin a cat

There's 2 possible solutions here.

1: Start hinting that you may stop driving to work as the costs are too much, specifically the fuel cost, and if he doesn't bite, move to option 2;

2: Tell the colleague that you will stop driving to work and start using public transport going forwards, and that you won't be collecting him anymore. Of course then when he see's your car in the carpark, just provide some BS excuse that you didn't have the bus fare, or were running a little late and just took the car as a stop gap. This option might still mean you have to provide the guy a lift home in the evenings, but just tell him you're running an errand in a different direction than home, and do this at least 2-3 times in the first week so as to make yourself unreliable for the lift home, and he'll soon hopefully get the message.


You never know, he might meet the partner of his dreams on the bus/train, and it'll be the best thing that ever happened him! He'll get married, have some (more?) kids, buy a nice little cottage down the country, become a honey bee keeper, and live a wonderful life. One day he'll be in the local newsagent buying his OH that bar of chocolate they love so much, and he'll decide on the spur to buy a lotto ticket, and win €2.4m from it, and you'll never hear from him again.

So doing this is actually helping him!!*

*It's not really, but by thinking this, will make it all feel less bad!

Hey OP....He's not a privileged white is he? ....because then you have a whole different ballgame..lol lol

john9876 wrote: »

Stop at a petrol station every morning for a few weeks, only put a few quid in. See if they get the hint

It doesn’t sound like they will...

As someone said you're already resenting this guy and a few quid isn't going to make that go away. Change your routine, go shopping etc for a while to get out of the obligation for starters.

HildaOgdenx wrote: »

Please, OP, try both of these and let us know which was more effective in solving the problem!

As has been said, now is the ideal time to end the arrangement. If your workplace has been closed, and you are just starting back, you cannot have him in the car while 2 metre distancing is in place.

The stinge would probably ask the op to fit a tow bar and bring a trailer.

andekwarhola wrote:

It's a miserly thing to do but your call.

I disagree with it being miserly.

The OP has the following costs.(I'm sure there are others)
1. Car
2. Fuel
3. Tax
4. Insurance
5. Wear and tear
6. The additional weight of the person will add up over a year and the costs are pretty significant when calculated.

The passenger has no costs, doesn't have to sit with random people on public transport and gets brought directly to the office door.

How is that fair? In my opinion, the colleague should be paying for half the fuel.

nails1 wrote: »

Is it acceptable to ask a colleague for cash for picking him up and giving lift to work. His house is on my direct route to work so I’m not going out of way or spending extra cash to give him a lift in and dropping him home.

Since its not costing you anything and your not going out of your way. I wouldn't even bring it up as a subject. I've often gone out of my way to pick friends up going to work.
My opinion is this anybody who is not put out and is looking for petrol money is just a miserable ¢unt