Asking work colleague for money for giving lift to work

nails1 · 11-06-2020 1:03am #1

Is it acceptable to ask a colleague for cash for picking him up and giving lift to work. His house is on my direct route to work so I’m not going out of way or spending extra cash to give him a lift in and dropping him home.

CosmicFool · 11-06-2020 1:05am

If I was you I wouldn't bother asking. Good deed and all that. Hopefully he would give you a few quid on his own or buy a gift etc etc.

andekwarhola · 11-06-2020 1:07am

It's a miserly thing to do but your call.

kippy · 11-06-2020 1:08am

CosmicFool wrote: »

If I was you I wouldn't bother asking. Good deed and all that. Hopefully he would give you a few quid on his own or buy a gift etc etc.

Yes. One would hope that they would recognise your kindness and give a little back at some point.
If not and you feel your like to get some compensation, I would start to drop subtle hints and if nothing forthcoming after a period of time slowly make it more awkward.
Each to their own though. Personally I'd not expect or ask for anything if it were on my route anyway and didn't cause me any major hassle, but I would understand other points of view on it.

punisher5112 · 11-06-2020 1:09am

Suggest you take turns....

You drive some days they the other...

jaffa20 · 11-06-2020 1:12am

Make a few pit stops for petrol now and again. They might pay for it.

Strumms · 11-06-2020 1:14am

I wouldn’t personally, it’s a good deed, generous for sure but... it’s not out of your way and not costing you extra to do it. On the other hand, if I’m the recipient of such a kind offer I’d be throwing you or looking to throw you a score every say week or two weeks as a gesture of thanks and appreciation, bit of petrol money as a gesture of thanks.

It’s not a given that your mate though is unappreciative, just might feel ‘socially awkward’ about doing it. I wouldn’t let it bother you, you are helping somebody who is probably (one would hope) quite thankful, but is maybe shy about showing it...

CageWager · 11-06-2020 1:18am

I always avoid these arrangements. Its a nice gesture but then you feel like you can never stop offering.

nails1 · 11-06-2020 1:22am

The thing is he has saved nearly 500 euro travel expenses in the 4 months I’ve been collecting him. While im trying to put money aside to keep car on the road. I’ve told him about me struggling to keep car running and never offered. I could be too anxious or too proud to ask him for money but sometimes I think he taking me for granted. Considering just not picking him up anymore he should be the one offering not be asking for money.

Purple Mountain · 11-06-2020 1:27am

nails1 wrote: »

The thing is he has saved nearly 500 euro travel expenses in the 4 months I’ve been collecting him. While im trying to put money aside to keep car on the road. I’ve told him about me struggling to keep car running and never offered. I could be too anxious or too proud to ask him for money but sometimes I think he taking me for granted. Considering just not picking him up anymore he should be the one offering not be asking for money.

It sounds like you've built up resentment already so it won't end good.
Just alter your plans for a while and he'll stop expecting.
Leave earlier or later a few times. Go shopping after work etc.
Anyhow with CoVid now you have the ultimate excuse to get him off your back. Tell him you don't feel comfortable not abiding by the 2m rule.
These arrangements get messy, not just the financial aspect of it.
There's the insurance issue for starters.
There's also the feeling of being tied to his routine and not being able to do your own thing of you want to make plans.

11-06-2020 1:28am

its a tough one

id never ask

but id think very little of someone that would sit there taking up weight and saving money that wouldnt think to throw you a few quid for petrol every week

Purple Mountain · 11-06-2020 1:30am

[Deleted User] wrote: »

its a tough one

id never ask

but id think very little of someone that would sit there taking up weight and saving money that wouldnt think to throw you a few quid for petrol every week

Yea, it'd be different if it was happening occasionally or for a defined period say while his car was off road etc but 4 months of constant lifts while he has the option of public transport is taking advantage.

11-06-2020 1:31am

Yeah, if you've an issue you should have used the covid as an excuse..

major bill · 11-06-2020 1:33am

nails1 wrote: »

Is it acceptable to ask a colleague for cash for picking him up and giving lift to work. His house is on my direct route to work so I’m not going out of way or spending extra cash to give him a lift in and dropping him home.

I’d rather not give the person a lift than ask for money! Tbh it’s up to that person to make their way into work , If they don’t have transport of their own and someone was Constantly dropping them in then they really should be looking after that person whether it’s money or lunch etc

F1ngers · 11-06-2020 1:34am

nails1 wrote: »

While im trying to put money aside to keep car on the road.

You'd still have that problem if you stopped giving him a lift.

Don't just not pick him up, let him know so he can make alternate arrangements.

wonski · 11-06-2020 1:37am

Purple Mountain wrote: »

It sounds like you've built up resentment already so it won't end good.
Just alter your plans for a while and he'll stop expecting.
Leave earlier or later a few times. Go shopping after work etc.
Anyhow with CoVid now you have the ultimate excuse to get him off your back. Tell him you don't feel comfortable not abiding by the 2m rule.
These arrangements get messy, not just the financial aspect of it.
There's the insurance issue for starters.
There's also the feeling of being tied to his routine and not being able to do your own thing of you want to make plans.

There is no insurance issue for starters, even if you do get money back for petrol etc, unless your insurance does not allow you to commute.

There are however people out there who will never get you even a bottle of wine once a year after you give them a lift for a year.

One of those I guess since the op brought the issue up.

COVID 19 is your friend this year. Perfect excuse

It's nice to be nice. Some will take advantage for years if they can, though.

Sam Quentin · 11-06-2020 1:39am

Familiarity Breeds Contempt.
Remember that and::in general/in life and stress, annoyance, empathy, sympathy even slight anxiety will all become minimal and manageable.....
Not everyone is as decent as yourself,.and he may or may not offer you some kind appreciation for your kind service..if he was like me I'd demand become even annoying that u take some petrol/diesel money from me... But as I said not everyone is like yourself and meself.. you will create an awful terrible atmosphere if you ask,and you'll only annoy yourself,.so be patient and see what happens.
Ps: it's a life lesson.

Strumms · 11-06-2020 1:40am

nails1 wrote: »

The thing is he has saved nearly 500 euro travel expenses in the 4 months I’ve been collecting him. While im trying to put money aside to keep car on the road. I’ve told him about me struggling to keep car running and never offered. I could be too anxious or too proud to ask him for money but sometimes I think he taking me for granted. Considering just not picking him up anymore he should be the one offering not be asking for money.

Ok, yeah can see where you are coming from. 4 months would be in the region of 88 working days. 176 journeys there and back. Hasn’t cost you ‘extra’ but it wouldn’t have cost him much to wise up and actually ‘show’ appreciation by offering petrol money. Might be naivety which is the most likely scenario but if he’s just a scabby unappreciative fückwit that will manifest itself eventually in other aspects of his behavior.. long term you could claim you need to drop a family member to work so therefore won’t be passing. See how it pans out.

Junkyard Tom · 11-06-2020 1:40am

nails1 wrote: »

4 months I’ve been collecting him ... never offered.

He's making a fool out of you.

dresden8 · 11-06-2020 1:41am

"Giving lift"

"Taxi service"

Two different things.

It's not his problem. It's yours. You set the rules.

Purple Mountain · 11-06-2020 1:43am

wonski wrote: »

There is no insurance issue for starters, even if you do get money back for petrol etc, unless your insurance does not allow you to commute.

There are however people out there who will never get you even a bottle of wine once a year after you give them a lift for a year.

One of those I guess since the op brought the issue up.

COVID 19 is your friend this year. Perfect excuse

It's nice to be nice. Some will take advantage for years if they can, though.

Insurance in the sense that he's in the car for 10 journeys a week so if the OP has a crash on one of those journeys, there's a higher risk of a 3rd party claimant as opposed to if he drove to work alone.

bb1234567 · 11-06-2020 1:44am

You can't really ask him for money. I think you should just stop giving him lifts and leave it at that.

wonski · 11-06-2020 1:53am

bb1234567 wrote: »

You can't really ask him for money. I think you should just stop giving him lifts and leave it at that.

You can. Many people are too soft. Just suggest sharing the petrol cost, no matter how small and see if he/she bites.

Nothing wrong with it. I know of few people who work in my place bragging how they saved moving here or there because it's cheaper, yet having no ways to get to work, completely relying on others giving them lifts.

They are there 10 years+ and on similar income.

Took me 3 years to figure them out.

Few of them also having a quick cig before getting into their "taxi". Had few guys I had to wait for as they were never ready.

They now are using someone else.

Few people at work I would drive anywhere if they are in struggle, car broken down etc and would never expect or ask a penny from them, others I am blind to now.

Easier to figure them out if you work somewhere 10 years and more, I admit

Strazdas · 11-06-2020 1:56am

bb1234567 wrote: »

You can't really ask him for money. I think you should just stop giving him lifts and leave it at that.

I've never heard of people charging to give lifts, so your solution seems sensible.

dresden8 · 11-06-2020 1:56am

wonski wrote: »

You can. Many people are too soft. Just suggest sharing the petrol cost, no matter how small and see if he/she bites.

Nothing wrong with it. I know of few people who work in my place bragging how they saved moving here or there because it's cheaper, yet having no ways to get to work, completely relying on others giving them lifts.

They are there 10 years+ and on similar income.

Took me 3 years to figure them out.

Few of them also having a quick cig before getting into their "taxi". Had few guys I had to wait for as they were never ready.

They now are using someone else.

Few people at work I would drive anywhere if they are in struggle, car broken down etc and would never expect or ask a penny from them, others I am blind to now.

Easier to figure them out if you work somewhere 10 years and more, I admit

Harsher than I would have put it but some people are selfish bastards.

A simple 50:550 petrol arrangement up front would have sorted it. But you didn't. And are wondering why it didn't happen organically..

Hint: Because it didn't suit.

BorneTobyWilde · 11-06-2020 1:58am

You'll end up like this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3xD_HL7L08

s1ippy · 11-06-2020 2:00am

Just waiting for the thread entitled

"Colleague suddenly stopped giving me a lift"

ChikiChiki · 12-06-2020 12:14am

Sure you are going that way anyway. You would still have the same expenses and time travelling even if this colleague didn't exist. I am not understanding how this is troubling you

Just seems like a small bit easier to keep giving a lift rather than risking any sort of unneccessary rift.

Purple Mountain · 12-06-2020 12:16am

ChikiChiki wrote: »

Sure you are going that way anyway. You would still have the same expenses and time travelling even if this colleague didn't exist. I am not understanding how this is troubling you

Just seems like a small bit easier to keep giving a lift rather than risking any sort of unneccessary rift.

It's a matter of principle.

ChikiChiki · 12-06-2020 12:19am

Purple Mountain wrote: »

It's a matter of principle.

Actually, I have thought it out a bit more in the last few minutes and you are right.

Definitely this colleague should be offering to pay partial fuel costs at the minimum or giving the OP a few bob a week.

Atlantic Dawn · 12-06-2020 12:20am

I'd never ask but after them saving €500 plus and me not getting anything not even say a case of beer for €25 (5% of their savings) I'd tell them I have now moved and commuting from Belize and will be unable to pick them up each morning.

JustAThought · 12-06-2020 12:31am

Generosity and not being mean spirited seems to be a thing of the past. Sounds like a Polish or German way to think - many of whom are so defined by the stereotypical mean minded penny pinching that you’d wonder where they came from. No doubt you utterly resent your colleague by now - use the covid to stop giving them lifts & never offer again. When they see you going by as they wait in the lashing rain for a bus they will have their regrets and you can enjoy your pyrrich victory.

wonski · 12-06-2020 1:21am

JustAThought wrote: »

Generosity and not being mean spirited seems to be a thing of the past. Sounds like a Polish or German way to think - many of whom are so defined by the stereotypical mean minded penny pinching that you’d wonder where they came from. No doubt you utterly resent your colleague by now - use the covid to stop giving them lifts & never offer again. When they see you going by as they wait in the lashing rain for a bus they will have their regrets and you can enjoy your pyrrich victory.

Ironically the penny pinching individuals are the ones who need a lift all the time and they always come out better than you.

All it takes is to offer to pay their share.

They would rather sit there at the bus stop and hope you feel guilty.

It's not about giving people a lift. It's about people earning similar money and one having it planned to get to work and another expecting everyone else to look after them.

From environmental point of view car share and lifts are the way to go forward. Unfortunately it's me and you going forward and them expecting you to pick up the bill.

They will never offer, always accept, though.

bb1234567 · 12-06-2020 1:40am

JustAThought wrote: »

Generosity and not being mean spirited seems to be a thing of the past. Sounds like a Polish or German way to think - many of whom are so defined by the stereotypical mean minded penny pinching that you’d wonder where they came from. No doubt you utterly resent your colleague by now - use the covid to stop giving them lifts & never offer again. When they see you going by as they wait in the lashing rain for a bus they will have their regrets and you can enjoy your pyrrich victory.

He should resent the colleague, at best the colleague is inconsiderate and ungrateful and at worst conciously being mean and selfish with his money and allowing a person doing him favours constantly to have to take all the financial burden.

BuboBubo · 12-06-2020 1:51am

Ahhh work beggars!

Every workplace has one. They never have any fags, always giving the puppy dog eyes asking for things. Poor mouth on them, begging for painkillers for a terrible headache every other day.

They never have money for anything, very often they earn more than the ones they beg from.

Op, I'm probably a lot older and much more cynical than you, but my advice - get rid.

Potential-Monke · 12-06-2020 4:33am

If you don't want to go to the bother of asking for money or telling them you don't want to give them lifts anymore, start collecting him while coughing like a loon and leaving snotty tissues in the car. Especially on the seat he's in, and just as he's about to sit in stop him and apologise while you remove the snotty tissue from under them. They won't be long stopping asking for a lift.

More realistically, start organising stuff to do after work which takes you in the opposite direction. Tell him you're off walking, or exercising, or whatever, but you're going the opposite direction. Even if you only drive off that way and take 3 lefts. Then some nights send a text saying you're not at home that night so won't be able to collect him in the morning. A while of that and he'll have found someone else to sponge off of, will start using public transport, or will start giving you money.

10fathoms · 12-06-2020 4:46am

Push him out of the car one morning while he's distracted on his phone or something. He'll probably get the message then.

Chicoso · 12-06-2020 4:49am

Tell him he needs to contribute a fixed fee to continue receiving the lifts

12-06-2020 6:39am

Abort mission.

Leave half an hour earlier (or say you did) ostensibly to go to the shops/laundrette/hairdressers/bring a relative to the chemist etc.. and when they ask you why you didn't show up bull**** them. If any of those reasons are passable that is - unless they know your life story then they can't know you're shinin' them on - and then when they ask tell them something came up or somesuch and you forgot. Also say that you can't be guaranteed to be passing by their pickup point at a given time "going forward" as your personal circumstances/obligations/whatnot have changed.

Even apologise profusely (you don't have to mean it - quite the opposite in fact), that way you can laugh all the more when you think of your "duplicitiousness" later on. They're taking you for a mug and could well be laughing at you with their friends. Think of it as revenge, how many books/Hollywood Blockbusters are based on this premise.

At this stage it's highly unlikely they're gonna offer to contribute or that you're going to ask them to do so. If you can take a circuitous route every now and then, then do so, so you won't be passing them by.

Fk em. Bad enough that they're tight, but what happens if you take a day off or some force majeure type stuff crops up then there's the added stress of keeping the leecher in the loop.

I don't know the relationship/dynamic between you and the "liftee" or your geographical position between your abode/their location/your place of employment but this craic can't stand and you know it.

Go with the bs approach if it's at all feasible.

I'm trying to imagine your situation and put myself in your position. Fk it - get mad if you have to one morning and leave early or go a different way. You owe this person nowt. If they complain then make them feel guilty and if they have no shame go on the offensive and tell them where to go.

Again I don't know the personal/geographical/colleague dynamic or indeed how close you are to them in your workplace or indeed even how much influence/social cachet they have there.

Life's too short. Don't be afraid of lying - it doesn't make you a bad person.

Best of luck.... If you need a negative emotion to pull this scheme off then hold onto that sheet.

It's just one poster's opinion but you know there's something in there that makes sense.

TLDR lie your ass off and come up with an excuse as to why you can no longer be relied upon to convey them gratis on the daily..

eprndrgst · 12-06-2020 6:55am

Like the poster above said make your excuses and don’t collect your colleague again.
What are they gonna do question you??
There is a very thin line between helping someone and being taken advantage of and once that line has been crossed you can’t go back!
If you’re too good you’re no good!

fits · 12-06-2020 7:15am

Jes Irish people are so weird. Just ask him for a contribution to petrol going forward. It’s not that difficult and it’s not in any way impolite!

12-06-2020 7:20am

^^^^^^

Damn straight :pac:

12-06-2020 7:22am

Deleted User wrote: »

^^^^^^

Damn straight :pac:

That was for 2 posts above :P. Early in the morning here

frag420 · 12-06-2020 7:23am

How does the sponge get to work when you’re on your hols?

Maybe change your routine for a while, go to the gym before or after work or start making social plans with mates after work which will be easier now that the evenings are longer!

Or say the car is busted and you too take the bus for a couple of weeks until such time as they find someone else to sponge off, a small sacrifice to make!

mad m · 12-06-2020 7:27am

I used to pick up work colleague on way to work, wasn’t out of my way. My situation was slightly different as I had company vehicle. No skin off my nose. Anyway all was well until he started showing up later and later, oh I used to drop him home also. Anyway one day I got a call my wife had bad fall so I flew home early. This work colleague rang my phone 10 times wondering where I was. I didn’t answer. He got all shirty about it next day.

People can take you for granted,I just told him to make his way into work himself in future.

sammyjo90 · 12-06-2020 7:31am

I find it strange the majority of people here wouldnt ask him for money.
Its not giving a lift. Its carpooling

Every one I know who has been the person in need of being brought to work by carpooling has contributed something to the driver, be it weekly or monthly.
Granted this is probably laid out at the start.

Tell him you need the money and if he doesnt chip in he's gonna have to find alternative arrangements.
You are both adults after all..just stopping picking him up is a bit childish.talk to him properly

Basq · 12-06-2020 7:38am

So you don't have to go out of your way to collect him and you want reimbursement? Jaysus, call it even given his company on the drive!

I wouldn't ask given it's hardly an inconvenience by the sounds of things.

Potential-Monke · 12-06-2020 7:44am

Basq wrote: »

So you don't have to go out of your way to collect him and you want reimbursement? Jaysus, call it even given his company on the drive!

I wouldn't ask given it's hardly an inconvenience by the sounds of things.

That could be part of the problem! I love my own time in my car, especially on the way to work. I've collected people a few times, but I've also been late because of this so had to stop offering, made excuses, but I was well covered as they lived in the city centre and we work on the outskirts, so it was out of my way and 5pm city centre traffic was killing my fuel economy!

4Ad · 12-06-2020 7:45am

Book annual leave..dont tell him (you dont have to) after a couple of days or it happening a few times he might cop on...

Or just ask for money ?
He is going to bad mouth you anyway, but you will feel much better..

12-06-2020 7:45am

fits wrote: »

Jes Irish people are so weird. Just ask him for a contribution to petrol going forward. It’s not that difficult and it’s not in any way impolite!

"Just" - possibly one of the most hateful/annoying words in the dictionary!
If doing or saying something is so easy that on a whim a person can say to themselves: I'll 'just' do that and presto jobs a good 'un my problem is solved then they're operating on a different level than the majority; but unfortunately it's not as easy or as simple as that in reality.

Why else are there shrinks/therapists etc making a killing and also forums catering to relationship/personal issues on this very site. If you're that confident/self assured yourself then all I can say is fair play.

Also, I don't know or care if you're Irish or not but fair play for making that sweeping generalisation (truthfully - no joking or sarcasm). It's a pity other stereotyping is considered some kind of ist/ism/phobic.

And a happy Friday to all of ye who are engaged in gainful

mrcheez · 12-06-2020 7:48am

engaged in gainful?

Asking work colleague for money for giving lift to work

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