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What's the etiquette here??

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    #932
    padd b1975
    Registered Users Posts: 10,707 ✭✭✭✭padd b1975


    Utter Consternation wrote: »
    So you've to lock two doors if you need some discretion whilst using the facilities?? :mad:

    Absolutely, or go through the rigmarole of asking for a key for the second door.

    Strange strange country.


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    #933
    Aglomerado
    Registered Users Posts: 5,761 ✭✭✭Aglomerado


    EmmetSpiceland wrote: »
    I get you now, wasn’t clear that there was a second door in your post. I believe that’s what’s know as a “Jack and Jill” bathroom, an abomination in my opinion.

    I rented a room in a house in Galway many years ago. While I was having a shower one morning the house owner came in and did a wee, not a bother on them.
    At least it wasn't a poo. They didn't try to have a gawk at me in the nip either, I just heard the door, tinkle and flush.
    A shyte in a steamy bathroom, now that would have driven Bin Laden out of hiding.
    The door to the landing that us tenants used had a frosted glass panel on it so we could see if someone was in there... So we never walked in on the owner.


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    #934
    padd b1975
    Registered Users Posts: 10,707 ✭✭✭✭padd b1975


    gerrybbadd wrote: »
    Two doors? Feckin danger there if i ever heard it. You could be in laying down a length of wavin and be disturbed mid crimp. Though it'd possibly be more embarrasing to be walking in on when you'd be tackling the mud dungeon with toilet roll

    Not really a problem when you're three sheets to the wind on Jamaican Old Holborn as most of Holland seem to be on a permanent basis.


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    #935
    Former Observer
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 474 ✭✭Former Observer


    I just took a late lunch and found myself wandering Patrick's Street in a kind of daze. I couldn't stop thinking about the rear entrance wipe method and the stats shared with me on this thread which indicate that at the very least there is parity of numbers between sitters and standers. I think I'm going to concentrate on work for the rest of the day. It just doesn't seem right. It reminds me of those games where you had to lead a coat hanger along a looping and rolling piece of wire and if you so much as touched the wire it would emit a loud harrowing beeeeeepp. There is just too much anal flora on the undercarriage guys. But I think I may try it this evening?


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    #936
    gerrybbadd
    Registered Users Posts: 10,301 ✭✭✭✭gerrybbadd


    Former Observer wrote: »
    I just took a late lunch and found myself wandering Patrick's Street in a kind of daze. I couldn't stop thinking about the rear entrance wipe method and the stats shared with me on this thread which indicate that at the very least there is parity of numbers between sitters and standers. I think I'm going to concentrate on work for the rest of the day. It just doesn't seem right. It reminds me of the those games where you have to lead the coat hanger along the looping and rolling bits of wire and if you so much as touch the while it emits a loud beep. There is just too much anal flora on the undercarriage guys. But I think I may try it this evening?

    Give it a go. I rise up the right cheek, reach around and under. No touching of the toilet seat or anything.

    If you've never had at it with a baby wipe - pick up a pack as well. It's like an angel coming down from heaven and licking the marmite motorway clean


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    #937
    Utter Consternation
    Registered Users Posts: 926 ✭✭✭Utter Consternation


    padd b1975 wrote: »
    Absolutely, or go through the rigmarole of asking for a key for the second door.

    Strange strange country.

    I'm sure you loaded up in the transit van with your cargo of fannypads and headed back to Mayo bewildered.


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    #938
    EmmetSpiceland
    Registered Users Posts: 10,565 ✭✭✭✭EmmetSpiceland


    Aglomerado wrote: »
    A shyte in a steamy bathroom, now that would have driven Bin Laden out of hiding.

    The dreaded “Dutch Sauna”.

    “It is not blood that makes you Irish but a willingness to be part of the Irish nation” - Thomas Davis



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    #939
    partyguinness
    Registered Users Posts: 8,207 ✭✭✭partyguinness


    gerrybbadd wrote: »
    Give it a go. I rise up the right cheek, reach around and under. No touching of the toilet seat or anything.

    If you've never had at it with a baby wipe - pick up a pack as well. It's like an angel coming down from heaven and licking the marmite motorway clean


    I feel that by adopting the Skiing Stance you are able to get right in there as your ass cheeks are spread further apart.


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    #940
    gerrybbadd
    Registered Users Posts: 10,301 ✭✭✭✭gerrybbadd


    partyguinness wrote: »
    I feel that by adopting the Skiing Stance you are able to get right in there as your ass cheeks are spread further apart.

    You achieve full spread when sat however. All is out in the open, with a slight pucker. Like an auld wan after sucking a lemon with no false teeth in


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    #941
    EmmetSpiceland
    Registered Users Posts: 10,565 ✭✭✭✭EmmetSpiceland


    partyguinness wrote: »
    I feel that by adopting the Skiing Stance you are able to get right in there as your ass cheeks are spread further apart.

    But to get there would you not be worried about slight clamping together if you’re not too careful?

    Could leave you with damage looking like a “Rorschach test”.

    “It is not blood that makes you Irish but a willingness to be part of the Irish nation” - Thomas Davis



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    #942
    Aglomerado
    Registered Users Posts: 5,761 ✭✭✭Aglomerado


    EmmetSpiceland wrote: »
    The dreaded “Dutch Sauna”.
    Which you can also do to yourself in the shower if you had a vindaloo the night before. f^cking fent of it.


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    #943
    gerrybbadd
    Registered Users Posts: 10,301 ✭✭✭✭gerrybbadd


    Aglomerado wrote: »
    Which you can also do to yourself in the shower if you had a vindaloo the night before. f^cking fent of it.

    There's very little worse than a shower fart. Of course, they are absolutely hilarous to release, esepcially if the water happens to be running down the English channel at the time, but when the smell hits. No, is all i'll say.


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    #944
    partyguinness
    Registered Users Posts: 8,207 ✭✭✭partyguinness


    EmmetSpiceland wrote: »
    But to get there would you not be worried about slight clamping together if you’re not too careful?

    Could leave you with damage looking like a “Rorschach test”.


    That is indeed true and a most noteworthy observation unless you use one hand to grab a fist full of arse cheek in a vice like grip to keep it separated.

    It would be interesting to hear JohhnyF's take on this.


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    #945
    padd b1975
    Registered Users Posts: 10,707 ✭✭✭✭padd b1975


    Utter Consternation wrote: »
    I'm sure you loaded up in the transit van with your cargo of fannypads and headed back to Mayo bewildered.

    To be honest I'd rather deal with a toilet with no door than one with two of questionable security.

    At least you know what you're dealing with then, and us more resourceful patrons could probably engineer something with planks of wood or corrugated sheets and a straightened leg.


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    #946
    Brendan Bendar
    Registered Users Posts: 19,138 ✭✭✭✭Brendan Bendar


    partyguinness wrote: »
    I am a stander or really more of a squatter but a word of caution.

    This only happened a few months ago. Basically later on in the day at work having delivered my payload I did note a unmistakable whiff of buckshot but ignored it.

    Later on I was just adjusting my belt and shirt and again a funny smell.

    That night at home getting undressed I noted a hardened brown stain on the tail of my shirt and on my belt. Instinctively I though some chocolate or biscuit I must have sat on but no my a darkest fears were realised.

    Basically I worked out that when I wiped some dark matter went rogue and made a bid for freedom- a piece of wet **** dropped down on to my trousers at the belt line. Unknown to me I buckled up and of carried on. It promptly smeared my shirt, top of my trousers and belt.

    I am more careful now.

    ‘In off the crossbar’ I believe it’s called in some circles.


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    #947
    Bullocks
    Registered Users Posts: 5,890 ✭✭✭Bullocks


    I wipe from behind and usually throw one leg up on the toilet seat to make the reach around a bit easier.
    Any of ye that indulge in using wet wipes just be aware that they aren't flushable no matter what it says on the pack. Lovely clean wipe but they will clog the sewers eventually


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    #948
    padd b1975
    Registered Users Posts: 10,707 ✭✭✭✭padd b1975


    A damp microfibre cloth takes some beating I find.

    If it's good enough for the most fastidious of car detailing, it's more than adequate for the old balloon knot.


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    #949
    Doctors room ghost
    Registered Users Posts: 4,805 ✭✭✭Doctors room ghost


    Pull the chain and in a jiffy,you’re sh1te goes floating down the Liffey.
    Brendan behan


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    #950
    mad muffin
    Registered Users Posts: 8,034 ✭✭✭mad muffin


    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UkJehlr1tEw


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    #951
    Hego Damask
    Registered Users Posts: 842 ✭✭✭Hego Damask


    Ripped the hole of myself last night, you know those massive chites that stretch the ring - this was one of the worst ever, just kept stretching it, I'd say me hole looked like a snake eating an ostrich egg.
    Some blood after and a sore hole today.
    Jaysus


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    #952
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 13,712 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Doctors room ghost wrote: »
    Pull the chain and in a jiffy,you’re sh1te goes floating down the Liffey.
    Brendan behan
    "Hell is other people"

    --Jean Paul Sartre, notorious fart sniffer


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    #953
    Hector Savage
    Registered Users Posts: 8,810 ✭✭✭Hector Savage


    Yesterday afternoon had lunch at the brother in laws, he always makes nice food but sometimes can be a bit rough on the guts,
    last night the stomach was gurgling away and the arse angels were singing all night - fent of them would have knocked out a charging hippo on steroids...
    Decided to walk into work this morning (20min) from a nice cafe where I had a large coffee and 2 jam donuts.
    You know trouble is brewing (literally).

    Was goose stepping it into the work jacks 20 min later and just made it, deposited a nice satisfying load of yobble - about 2KG worth I'd say.
    I looked back at it with pride , filling the bowl and breaking the surface!
    But JAYSUS the ****ing bang of stale scallops I left in there, I even warned a colleague as I left, to use the jacks across the way - he obliged quickly, think I'm getting a reputation in the office.

    Relief though ! christ! I never learn


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    #954
    Brendan Bendar
    Registered Users Posts: 19,138 ✭✭✭✭Brendan Bendar


    Hector Savage wrote: »
    Yesterday afternoon had lunch at the brother in laws, he always makes nice food but sometimes can be a bit rough on the guts,
    last night the stomach was gurgling away and the arse angels were singing all night - fent of them would have knocked out a charging hippo on steroids...
    Decided to walk into work this morning (20min) from a nice cafe where I had a large coffee and 2 jam donuts.
    You know trouble is brewing (literally).

    Was goose stepping it into the work jacks 20 min later and just made it, deposited a nice satisfying load of yobble - about 2KG worth I'd say.
    I looked back at it with pride , filling the bowl and breaking the surface!
    But JAYSUS the ****ing bang of stale scallops I left in there, I even warned a colleague as I left, to use the jacks across the way - he obliged quickly, think I'm getting a reputation in the office.

    Relief though ! christ! I never learn

    Moral of the story, always have a diversion point planned when taking a morning walk.

    Saves having to ‘ditch’ the load in open country, telephone booths are getting scarce my friends.


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    #955
    Former Observer
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 474 ✭✭Former Observer


    Had prawn vindaloo Friday Night, Saturday night, Sunday morning (leftovers) and then on Sunday night too. Angus ring feels like it has chemical burns and retracts with fright on contact with toilet paper.

    Drank a rake of stout on the Friday night and then on the Saturday morning I released a long slow stream of black molten lava with no form or substance to it, just absolute slobber with the odd blob of something or other. Looking back into the toilet all you see is thick black blubber broken by the odd bit of froth, kind of like a pool of tadpoles.

    Although the whole thing is ‘freeform’ (no actual turds) it took three flushes to remove the nebulous dark matter. Awful smell that reminded me of one time when I was in the North of England and some farmer had left a few dozen dead moles rotting on a barbwire fence.


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    #956
    Hector Savage
    Registered Users Posts: 8,810 ✭✭✭Hector Savage


    Former Observer wrote: »
    Had prawn vindaloo Friday Night, Saturday night, Sunday morning (leftovers) and then on Sunday night too. Angus ring feels like it has chemical burns and retracts with fright on contact with toilet paper.

    Drank a rake of stout on the Friday night and then on the Saturday morning I released a long slow stream of black molten lava with no form or substance to it, just absolute slobber with the odd blob of something or other. Looking back into the toilet all you see is thick black blubber broken by the odd bit of froth, kind of like a pool of tadpoles.

    Although the whole thing is ‘freeform’ (no actual turds) it took three flushes to remove the nebulous dark matter. Awful smell that reminded me of one time when I was in the North of England and some farmer had left a few dozen dead moles rotting on a barbwire fence.

    Jaysus FO ! I'd say the stuff would have rivalled the Elephants foot in Chernobyl in terms of toxicity.
    https://rarehistoricalphotos.com/the-elephant-foot-of-the-chernobyl-disaster-1986/


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    #957
    Hotblack Desiato
    Registered Users Posts: 34,122 ✭✭✭✭Hotblack Desiato


    gerrybbadd wrote: »
    If you've never had at it with a baby wipe - pick up a pack as well.

    We basically had a sh!t explosion in our back yard last year because of those

    Major blockage and when they were tring to rod through 5-6 houses worth of compacted sh*t-pipe contents our manhole cover lifted and it went everywhere

    Bastarding things.

    Fingal County Council are certainly not competent to be making decisions about the most important piece of infrastructure on the island. They need to stick to badly designed cycle lanes and deciding on whether Mrs Murphy can have her kitchen extension.



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    #958
    Sheep Shagger
    Moderators, Business & Finance Moderators Posts: 6,250 Mod ✭✭✭✭Sheep Shagger


    Hotblack Desiato wrote: »
    We basically had a sh!t explosion in our back yard last year because of those

    Major blockage and when they were tring to rod through 5-6 houses worth of compacted sh*t-pipe contents our manhole cover lifted and it went everywhere

    Bastarding things.

    Buy the flushable ones you use when toilet training kids - job sorted.


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    #959
    Doctors room ghost
    Registered Users Posts: 4,805 ✭✭✭Doctors room ghost


    Hotblack Desiato wrote: »
    We basically had a sh!t explosion in our back yard last year because of those

    Major blockage and when they were tring to rod through 5-6 houses worth of compacted sh*t-pipe contents our manhole cover lifted and it went everywhere


    Bastarding things.



    There must be some smell off the lawn after that.she would draw all the flies in the province.
    You’d want a stomach of steel to be rodding drains for a living.manys the septic tank I emptied and some of the fcukers would have you dizzy


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    #960
    Hotblack Desiato
    Registered Users Posts: 34,122 ✭✭✭✭Hotblack Desiato


    Sheep Shagger wrote: »
    Buy the flushable ones you use when toilet training kids - job sorted.

    Even the flushable ones have been proven to block pipes.

    https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-46836867
    Wet wipes are particularly problematic: so-called "flushable" wipes have been a thorn in the side of water companies adamant that these products are still causing blockages.

    A wipe doesn't break down in the same way as toilet paper, meaning it stays intact and clings to fats and grease.

    Fingal County Council are certainly not competent to be making decisions about the most important piece of infrastructure on the island. They need to stick to badly designed cycle lanes and deciding on whether Mrs Murphy can have her kitchen extension.



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    #961
    Hotblack Desiato
    Registered Users Posts: 34,122 ✭✭✭✭Hotblack Desiato


    Doctors room ghost wrote: »
    There must be some smell off the lawn after that.she would draw all the flies in the province.

    There was a pool of it on the grass at the end of the patio where it'd been hosed off

    Power washer and Jeyes Fluid took care of any actual shyte and the smell

    Luckily it was a bone dry summer last year

    I just let it sit there for a few weeks and it dried into a toilet-paper-mache type substance. Like the rough cardboard they used to make egg trays out of, only more brown. This could then be easily peeled off, bagged up and disposed of

    Fingal County Council are certainly not competent to be making decisions about the most important piece of infrastructure on the island. They need to stick to badly designed cycle lanes and deciding on whether Mrs Murphy can have her kitchen extension.



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