Ever shat yourself?

helimachoptor wrote: »

Last year, heading to tenerife with the other half. The night before we were flying out i felt very odd. Heading to bed early. Up the next day drove out to the airport. Parked the car headed over to the terminal and went through security. This is where things get interesting.

Where the BK/Starbucks is i got a sudden urge so proceeded to tear up the escalator but got distracted as a woman got her handbag caught in some and nearly got pulled down. Once i was sure she was ok i kept on going. Spent a good 20 mins on the toilet with the OH wondering where fcuk i was!

So think im finally ok.. walking down the big long corridor towards the ryanair gate. Get about halfway and realise somethings on the way and i drop my bag tell the OH im off and sprint to the toilet. There's about 4 people in the Q for the cubicle and just as i get there i jump into one where a lad is coming out i scream my apologies just as i get onto the toilet bowl in time!

So 20 or so minutes later i reappear and the GF is wondering what is going on.. we sit by the gate and then we start to get into the Q where again the $hit proceeds to hit the fan.. I run to the nearest toilets and all occupied so i run to the next set and thanfully get a free one. At this stage i'm feeling like ive no insides left.. 30 mins go by and i get the call " can mr helimachoptor please come to gate 39..." the GF is on the plane txting me like fcuk. I'm replying like i barely think i can make it back to the gate never mind sit on a plane for 4 hours.

So i get to the gate and get on and thankfully the OH is sitting near the back.... where after about 2 minutes i have to go again. I get to go to the toilet and its locked as we are taxiing back from the gate. The stewardess says i have to sit down.. i tell her i know the rules but its a real emergency, she says sit down til after the safety demo and then i can. Sweet i can hold it for 60 seconds, im sitting beside someone else at this stage i apologise for my fidgeting i say im not feeling well, i'd say she well knows there could be an appearance of a chocolate howitzer..

So as the safety demo finishes i go to get out of my seat, the attendant says not a hope and i need to stay seated til we get airborne and the captain turns off the fasten seatbelt sign. At this stage things are getting rather urgent... So i get blunt enough that half the plane hears I tell her i understand her concerns but i'm not crapping on myself, so either she lets me use the toilet, i take a scuttery dump in the galley or on my seat or they turn the plane back to the terminal. I tell her i'll hold it aslong as i can but if it has to come out it has to come out and she may not appreciate working with that smell for 4 hours.

So i sit back down beside a girl and she throws me a very worried look... I tell her dont worry if it comes to it ill go to the galley.

So i basically clench for dear life for the next 10 minutes, the seatbelt sign goes off and i literally bound into the toilet, 20 mins later i emerge and one of the other passengers tells me better out than in!

I apologised to the stewardness for my rudeness but told her it was a genuine emergency.