Cash requests with wedding invitations

bnt wrote: »

Following on from my Portugal story above: at no point did I feel I was "paying for the wedding reception". The gifts were to help the bride and groom, their future life together, house, kids, and so on. Some seriously parochial attitudes in this thread, folks who need to see more of the world! Not that I would have objected to a bit of that: the food was great, and the Vinho Verde flowed like, well, wine.

That's the point though. Years ago people gave wedding presents because the young couple were setting up house for the first time and needed all the basics - towels and pots and pans and cutlery and so forth. If a cash gift was received it went towards something like a carpet for the hall or curtains for the bedrooms.

Nowadays the cash gift is usually used to fund a big elaborate wedding that's way beyond the couple's means (and that half the guests don't really want to attend) or an exotic honeymoon and the expected amount has creeped up considerably.

There's just something very materialistic and depressing about the whole thing.

I think there's a difference between the very old tradition of pinning money onto the bride's dress in some continental countries, and the new practice of explicitly asking for money in a wedding invitation that has crept in here.

Most people do give cash gifts nowadays as they realise people are older getting married and have often been living away from home for years, so there's not much point in giving household goods.

But the idea that guests have to 'cover the cost of their plate', or that couples feel entitled to organise big extravaganzas or book honeymoons in the Maldives on the assumption that they will 'make' enough money through presents to cover the cost of them seems cynical to me.

Broken Hearted Road wrote: »

This was on Ireland AM last week. A person or couple attended a wedding and gave something like 100 pounds as a gift. The wedding couple emailed this person or couple and wrote 'bla, bla, bla, bla. We think the 100 pounds wasn't appropriate or enough for the level of service you received'
Or something on them lines.

Honest to god! The cheek of that wedding couple. I hope it ends in divorce very soon.

Anyways my mother has been driving me around the bend since then to find out what is an appropriate gift. There is a wedding coming up and it's her nephew. She's not very close to him but she's invited nonetheless. My mam has it worked up that she's going to need the best part of about 2/300 euro if not more and touching on 400 euro for a cash gift. This to me is too much and I think 100 euro is more appropriate. So what's an appropriate cash gift for a wedding now days?

My mother, who is widowed, usually gives €200 to a nephew or niece. I think that's incredibly generous for just one person and €100 should be gratefully received by your cousin.

Weddings have gone way OTT in the last ten or fifteen years. Given that most couples have been living together for years and often have at least one child by the time they're getting married it all seems a bit ridiculous.

A wedding used to be about a couple starting their life's journey together, setting up home for the first time and looking forward to having children. The guests were witnesses to this seismic moment in the couple's life and the marriage remained a central part of the occasion.

Now, the commitment aspect seems to be a minor factor, and the whole occasion is turned into a big showbizzy extravaganza with the guests treated as an audience or 'extras' in the whole big performance: expected to travel to awkward destinations, pay for at least one if not two nights in a hotel, and attend post wedding barbecues and parties, all on top of the hen and stag nights which go on for at least a full weekend, are often held abroad, and are also part of the deal. All of this costs a fortune and eats into holiday entitlements. On top of all that they're then expected to hand over large cash gifts to fund the whole thing.

I think some B&Gs need to get a grip and seriously think about what is meant to be at the heart of getting married, and realise that their friends and relatives may not have the money or the time (or even the desire) to take part in these three ring circuses.

Even worse are those disingenuous paragraphs:

"We have all we need, and your presence not your presents is required. If you do wish to give us something, however, here's our bank account number"

karenalot wrote: »

We are going to a wedding this summer and the bride has warned us not to turn up with less than €120pp as this is what the hotel are charging her. She wasn't even embarrassed to say it.

We were going to give cash anyway but are now are donating the money to her favourite charity instead and will throw the receipt into her card. Our friends are doing the same.



I did the sums on this wedding too and between the stag, hotel, drink, present etc it will cost us €1500 as a couple to attend. Brides somehow have it in their heads that if someone doesn't give a present that person is getting away with a completely freebie day.

I'd be saving her the €120 by simply regretting the invitation.