If you started dating someone great, and then they told you...

whiskeyman · 11-05-2016 10:19AM #1

Picture this:

You're single, and are recently dating a fantastic person.
You've had a couple of dates now, and get on so well together and really fancy them. The future looks great and you can't wait to see them again.

As you try to arrange to meet up on a Sunday morning for a lovely walk followed by lunch, they say they can't make it til afternoon as they go to mass... something they do every Sunday.
This never came up in conversation before and you weren't really aware of this religious commitment / beliefs.
How do you react?

For me, I guess I'd want to see how much more their religion / beliefs affects their life. Maybe they just go to mass out of habit and 'spiritually'? Or perhaps I've opened a can of worms.
It's a tricky one though!

What would Jesus you do?

osarusan · 11-05-2016 10:20AM

I'd react by arranging to meet them after they were finished mass.

It might, depending on how religious they are, become an issue later on, but I'm not going to drop them just for that.

sbsquarepants · 11-05-2016 10:32AM

I would be inclined to say run.......but a female friend of mine who wouldn't miss mass if her life depended on it is also
(A) extremely hot
(B) bisexual and
(C) sex mad.
So you could be really missing out - it's extremely unlikely, but it is apparently possible. There's no logic to religious folk - they're liable to do fúcking anything!

mansize · 11-05-2016 10:35AM

I'd see does he receive at mass...

11-05-2016 10:37AM

I remember a friend of mine was going out with an avid Mass goer. When they would visit for the weekend, her first question was "what are the Mass times". She was wonderful, warm, kind, funny, stunning like a model, just really well adjusted.

He broke up with her and eventually married a complete and utter horror, who has ended his relationship with his own family. She was not a Mass goer. He now doesn't speak to his family and has even conceded to me, with massive understatement, that his wife is a control freak. Though we don't really speak any more.

I'm not making conclusions about Mass at all, or saying Mass goers are like the first person and non Mass goers like his now wife...but just judge the person for themselves, not their spirituality or faith. Don't be jumping to ridiculous conclusions because they go to Mass.

stoplooklisten · 11-05-2016 10:38AM

Crucify Her

Speedwell · 11-05-2016 10:41AM

I'm not religious at all, so my answer would be the same regardless of what worship service they attend.

Obviously we hit it off, so there's something there. I would try to find out what they really think about religion in general, their religion in specific, and how they feel about atheism and atheists. I know lots of churchgoers who are "meh" about the whole religion thing. My father was a Spinozan agnostic and an elder in his Presbyterian church, and his minister thought he was a little eccentric but was totally OK with it. I mean, other than the nonbelief part, of course. My dad thought church membership and attendance was just something he had to do to be a good citizen, basically.

I think it's rather presumptuous to assume that I'm the one who calls all the shots in the relationship... I mean, they could easily decide to tell me they couldn't manage to pair up with someone who won't go to their worship service of choice.

kfallon · 11-05-2016 10:41AM

A woman who is experienced when it comes to getting on her knees and taking the 'host' in her mouth....sounds like a keeper to me!

Avatar MIA · 11-05-2016 10:41AM

stoplooklisten wrote: »

Crucify Her

So, option 3, you'd nail her.

SEPT 23 1989 · 11-05-2016 10:42AM

A lady on the street but a freak in the bed

Trent Houseboat · 11-05-2016 10:43AM

Never go mass to mouth.

Mongfinder General · 11-05-2016 10:43AM

I'd only go to mass if Fr Altan Crosby is giving the sermon. He gives good mass. Just look a that chalice work, effortless.

RIGHTisRIGHT · 11-05-2016 10:43AM

OP start this thread with Mosque Synagog or Mormon Temple and see how long it would last.

sullivlo · 11-05-2016 10:43AM

I would arrange to meet them after mass and have an open, honest discussion about the role of religion in their life. I know it's very early to bring up the topic of children, but if I were to have kids with someone I'd like to know how their beliefs would be impacting our children.

For example, would they insist on having the children baptised?

I would also be interested as to how closely they follow the bible and the preaching of the church.

For example, if we did have children and one turned out to be gay, how would the other person react?

Also, how their beliefs impact pre-marital sex would be important. And their view on contraception - sure the only reason to have sex is to procreate.

And should a need arise to have a termination in the case of FFA, where would they stand.

If it's a case that they're an "a la carte" Catholic who picks and chooses what applies to them, I'd consider them to be hypocritical but I wouldn't necessarily end a relationship with them. If they were staunch Catholic, I would need to reconsider.

syklops · 11-05-2016 10:44AM

Her attitude towards sex is the show stopper for me, not whether she goes to Mass. After a few weeks of seeing her, the issue would certainly have arisen. Probably a couple of times. If her attitude is "In a few weeks when we know each other better you can take me roughly from behind", then great. If its more along the lines of "If you want me to commit a sinful act it will be after you, to quote my homegirl Beyonce, - put a ring on it", then I would drop her faster than a shot at last orders.

stoplooklisten · 11-05-2016 10:44AM

Speedwell · 11-05-2016 10:45AM

RIGHTisRIGHT wrote: »

OP start this thread with Mosque Synagog or Mormon Temple and see how long it would last.

My answer wouldn't change at all. The only thing that might concern me is what influence his fellow worshippers might have on him, and the company he chose to keep. His beliefs and practices would be the determining factor, not his presence in a public building.

Avatar MIA · 11-05-2016 10:48AM

Sooo - not too many people bothered about their potential significant other believing in sky fairies. Riiight. How Positively Courageous.

stoplooklisten · 11-05-2016 10:50AM

Avatar MIA wrote: »

Sooo - not too many people bothered about their potential significant other believing in sky fairies. Riiight.

Should we force them to believe our own doctrine ? I've been writing a manifesto, we could put it to the test,o

SarahMollie · 11-05-2016 10:50AM

I would personally be very wary but only based on previous experience.

About 4 years ago I started dating a guy. He was very well educated (PhD level from a very prestegious university in an engineering discipline) and TBF I always knew that he was a "traditional", country kind of guy which at first I liked, because I thought - great, no game playing, nice straight forward guy.

Overtime though it became apparent that his mass going was not just to appease his family, rather that he heavily believed himself, and ultimately by his own addition, his faith was only getting stronger.

I began to feel like he disapproved of me or of us, and it became impossible to have a grown up relationship, because on one hand he was going on like he was mad about me, but then he'd come out with these comments about guilt and lack of self discipline etc..... I really didn't know how to deal with it and maybe at first just hoped he'd shut up, but no.

I also found it really hard for someone who is published in scientific journals and was serious about his work, could also be so blindly accepting of something that in my mind is as credible as the Easter Bunny.

He always had the same answer - Faith.

Never, ever again.

*I may have ultimately told him to Fook Off and join the priesthood and not to inflict himself and his guilt on any other women*

11-05-2016 10:51AM

Avatar MIA wrote: »

Sooo - not too many people bothered about their potential significant other believing in sky fairies. Riiight. How Positively Courageous.

No. It's because most people respect others beliefs regardless how strange they might seem.

RIGHTisRIGHT · 11-05-2016 10:52AM

Avatar MIA wrote: »

Sooo - not too many people bothered about their potential significant other believing in sky fairies. Riiight. How Positively Courageous.

You want to be very careful with comments like that.
Sure 99.999999% of us are going to Hell but you will get an extra prong on the pitchfork for mocking comments like that.:p

OldGoat · 11-05-2016 10:53AM

Having that one hour alone time on a Sunday morning would be bliss. My usual Sunday morning routine is hearing "Fix this, paint that, repair this, clean that..."

Avatar MIA · 11-05-2016 10:54AM

Deleted User wrote: »

No. It's because most people respect others beliefs regardless how strange they might seem.

Nah, our belief systems are fundamental to who we are.

What if they believed white people were superior or ... more importantly believed following Manchester United was a sane consideration for a decent human being.

Mongfinder General · 11-05-2016 10:55AM

syklops wrote: »

Her attitude towards sex is the show stopper for me, not whether she goes to Mass. After a few weeks of seeing her, the issue would certainly have arisen. Probably a couple of times. If her attitude is "In a few weeks when we know each other better you can take me roughly from behind", then great. If its more along the lines of "If you want me to commit a sinful act it will be after you, to quote my homegirl Beyonce, - put a ring on it", then I would drop her faster than a shot at last orders.

But if she did make you wait there would would be no artificial contraception if she's playing it by the book. That my friend could be worth waiting for!

maudgonner · 11-05-2016 10:56AM

It would depend on whether they expected me to share their beliefs and/or become involved with the church. If not, I don't think it would be a problem.

I wouldn't judge them on their beliefs, I would expect them not to judge me on mine (or my lack of beliefs). I don't agree with the Catholic church on a lot of things, and there are plenty of people within the church that I wouldn't want to spend five minutes in their company. But there are also plenty that I think are great, both clergy and congregation.

unichick · 11-05-2016 10:57AM

Give the lady a chance I say. My OH is much more religious than me and we make it work.

It seems almost fashionable to be an atheist these days. I say respect other peoples beliefs.

sullivlo · 11-05-2016 10:58AM

Mongfinder General wrote: »

But if she did make you wait there would would be no artificial contraception if she's playing it by the book. That my friend could be worth waiting for!

... until there are 27 children running around.

sullivlo · 11-05-2016 10:59AM

unichick wrote: »

Give the lady a chance I say. My OH is much more religious than me and we make it work.

It seems almost fashionable to be an atheist these days. I say respect other peoples beliefs.

I'm all for respecting others beliefs.

What I'm NOT for is their beliefs having a detrimental effect on my life.

Which I think is fair.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 11-05-2016 10:59AM

Wouldn't bother me.
As long as
- they don't expect me to go to mass
- I don't have to be quiet when the angelus is on
- they'll give me the heads up when to sit/kneel/be awake at Christmas mass
- aren't saving their purity for marriage
- don't give rosary beads/prayer books to kids for their communion

sullivlo · 11-05-2016 11:01AM

SarahMollie wrote: »

I would personally be very wary but only based on previous experience.

About 4 years ago I started dating a guy. He was very well educated (PhD level from a very prestegious university in an engineering discipline) and TBF I always knew that he was a "traditional", country kind of guy which at first I liked, because I thought - great, no game playing, nice straight forward guy.

Overtime though it became apparent that his mass going was not just to appease his family, rather that he heavily believed himself, and ultimately by his own addition, his faith was only getting stronger.

I began to feel like he disapproved of me or of us, and it became impossible to have a grown up relationship, because on one hand he was going on like he was mad about me, but then he'd come out with these comments about guilt and lack of self discipline etc..... I really didn't know how to deal with it and maybe at first just hoped he'd shut up, but no.

I also found it really hard for someone who is published in scientific journals and was serious about his work, could also be so blindly accepting of something that in my mind is as credible as the Easter Bunny.

He always had the same answer - Faith.

Never, ever again.

*I may have ultimately told him to Fook Off and join the priesthood and not to inflict himself and his guilt on any other women*

I think I know the guy you're talking about as a friend of mine had a very similar experience with very similar wordings used :P (If not, there are more than one!)

I have similar issues with scientists who are extremely religious. However that's a topic for another thread!!

If you started dating someone great, and then they told you...

You're new fling is a mass go'er! Do you run or keep livin' on a prayer? 145 votes

Comments