If you started dating someone great, and then they told you...

whiskeyman

Picture this:

You're single, and are recently dating a fantastic person.
You've had a couple of dates now, and get on so well together and really fancy them. The future looks great and you can't wait to see them again.

As you try to arrange to meet up on a Sunday morning for a lovely walk followed by lunch, they say they can't make it til afternoon as they go to mass... something they do every Sunday.
This never came up in conversation before and you weren't really aware of this religious commitment / beliefs.
How do you react?

For me, I guess I'd want to see how much more their religion / beliefs affects their life. Maybe they just go to mass out of habit and 'spiritually'? Or perhaps I've opened a can of worms.
It's a tricky one though!

What would Jesus you do?

osarusan

I'd react by arranging to meet them after they were finished mass.

It might, depending on how religious they are, become an issue later on, but I'm not going to drop them just for that.

sbsquarepants

I would be inclined to say run.......but a female friend of mine who wouldn't miss mass if her life depended on it is also
(A) extremely hot
(B) bisexual and
(C) sex mad.
So you could be really missing out - it's extremely unlikely, but it is apparently possible. There's no logic to religious folk - they're liable to do fúcking anything!

mansize

I'd see does he receive at mass...

I remember a friend of mine was going out with an avid Mass goer. When they would visit for the weekend, her first question was "what are the Mass times". She was wonderful, warm, kind, funny, stunning like a model, just really well adjusted.

He broke up with her and eventually married a complete and utter horror, who has ended his relationship with his own family. She was not a Mass goer. He now doesn't speak to his family and has even conceded to me, with massive understatement, that his wife is a control freak. Though we don't really speak any more.

I'm not making conclusions about Mass at all, or saying Mass goers are like the first person and non Mass goers like his now wife...but just judge the person for themselves, not their spirituality or faith. Don't be jumping to ridiculous conclusions because they go to Mass.

stoplooklisten

Crucify Her

Speedwell

I'm not religious at all, so my answer would be the same regardless of what worship service they attend.

Obviously we hit it off, so there's something there. I would try to find out what they really think about religion in general, their religion in specific, and how they feel about atheism and atheists. I know lots of churchgoers who are "meh" about the whole religion thing. My father was a Spinozan agnostic and an elder in his Presbyterian church, and his minister thought he was a little eccentric but was totally OK with it. I mean, other than the nonbelief part, of course. My dad thought church membership and attendance was just something he had to do to be a good citizen, basically.

I think it's rather presumptuous to assume that I'm the one who calls all the shots in the relationship... I mean, they could easily decide to tell me they couldn't manage to pair up with someone who won't go to their worship service of choice.

kfallon

A woman who is experienced when it comes to getting on her knees and taking the 'host' in her mouth....sounds like a keeper to me!

Avatar MIA

stoplooklisten wrote: »

Crucify Her

So, option 3, you'd nail her.

SEPT 23 1989

A lady on the street but a freak in the bed

Trent Houseboat

Never go mass to mouth.

Mongfinder General

I'd only go to mass if Fr Altan Crosby is giving the sermon. He gives good mass. Just look a that chalice work, effortless.

RIGHTisRIGHT

OP start this thread with Mosque Synagog or Mormon Temple and see how long it would last.

sullivlo

I would arrange to meet them after mass and have an open, honest discussion about the role of religion in their life. I know it's very early to bring up the topic of children, but if I were to have kids with someone I'd like to know how their beliefs would be impacting our children.

For example, would they insist on having the children baptised?

I would also be interested as to how closely they follow the bible and the preaching of the church.

For example, if we did have children and one turned out to be gay, how would the other person react?

Also, how their beliefs impact pre-marital sex would be important. And their view on contraception - sure the only reason to have sex is to procreate.

And should a need arise to have a termination in the case of FFA, where would they stand.

If it's a case that they're an "a la carte" Catholic who picks and chooses what applies to them, I'd consider them to be hypocritical but I wouldn't necessarily end a relationship with them. If they were staunch Catholic, I would need to reconsider.

syklops

Her attitude towards sex is the show stopper for me, not whether she goes to Mass. After a few weeks of seeing her, the issue would certainly have arisen. Probably a couple of times. If her attitude is "In a few weeks when we know each other better you can take me roughly from behind", then great. If its more along the lines of "If you want me to commit a sinful act it will be after you, to quote my homegirl Beyonce, - put a ring on it", then I would drop her faster than a shot at last orders.

stoplooklisten

Speedwell

RIGHTisRIGHT wrote: »

OP start this thread with Mosque Synagog or Mormon Temple and see how long it would last.

My answer wouldn't change at all. The only thing that might concern me is what influence his fellow worshippers might have on him, and the company he chose to keep. His beliefs and practices would be the determining factor, not his presence in a public building.

Avatar MIA

Sooo - not too many people bothered about their potential significant other believing in sky fairies. Riiight. How Positively Courageous.

stoplooklisten

Avatar MIA wrote: »

Sooo - not too many people bothered about their potential significant other believing in sky fairies. Riiight.

Should we force them to believe our own doctrine ? I've been writing a manifesto, we could put it to the test,o

SarahMollie

I would personally be very wary but only based on previous experience.

About 4 years ago I started dating a guy. He was very well educated (PhD level from a very prestegious university in an engineering discipline) and TBF I always knew that he was a "traditional", country kind of guy which at first I liked, because I thought - great, no game playing, nice straight forward guy.

Overtime though it became apparent that his mass going was not just to appease his family, rather that he heavily believed himself, and ultimately by his own addition, his faith was only getting stronger.

I began to feel like he disapproved of me or of us, and it became impossible to have a grown up relationship, because on one hand he was going on like he was mad about me, but then he'd come out with these comments about guilt and lack of self discipline etc..... I really didn't know how to deal with it and maybe at first just hoped he'd shut up, but no.

I also found it really hard for someone who is published in scientific journals and was serious about his work, could also be so blindly accepting of something that in my mind is as credible as the Easter Bunny.

He always had the same answer - Faith.

Never, ever again.

*I may have ultimately told him to Fook Off and join the priesthood and not to inflict himself and his guilt on any other women*

Avatar MIA

Avatar MIA wrote: »

Sooo - not too many people bothered about their potential significant other believing in sky fairies. Riiight. How Positively Courageous.

No. It's because most people respect others beliefs regardless how strange they might seem.

RIGHTisRIGHT

Avatar MIA wrote: »

Sooo - not too many people bothered about their potential significant other believing in sky fairies. Riiight. How Positively Courageous.

You want to be very careful with comments like that.
Sure 99.999999% of us are going to Hell but you will get an extra prong on the pitchfork for mocking comments like that.:p

OldGoat

Having that one hour alone time on a Sunday morning would be bliss. My usual Sunday morning routine is hearing "Fix this, paint that, repair this, clean that..."

Avatar MIA

Deleted User wrote: »

No. It's because most people respect others beliefs regardless how strange they might seem.

Nah, our belief systems are fundamental to who we are.

What if they believed white people were superior or ... more importantly believed following Manchester United was a sane consideration for a decent human being.

Mongfinder General

syklops wrote: »

Her attitude towards sex is the show stopper for me, not whether she goes to Mass. After a few weeks of seeing her, the issue would certainly have arisen. Probably a couple of times. If her attitude is "In a few weeks when we know each other better you can take me roughly from behind", then great. If its more along the lines of "If you want me to commit a sinful act it will be after you, to quote my homegirl Beyonce, - put a ring on it", then I would drop her faster than a shot at last orders.

But if she did make you wait there would would be no artificial contraception if she's playing it by the book. That my friend could be worth waiting for!

maudgonner

It would depend on whether they expected me to share their beliefs and/or become involved with the church. If not, I don't think it would be a problem.

I wouldn't judge them on their beliefs, I would expect them not to judge me on mine (or my lack of beliefs). I don't agree with the Catholic church on a lot of things, and there are plenty of people within the church that I wouldn't want to spend five minutes in their company. But there are also plenty that I think are great, both clergy and congregation.

unichick

Give the lady a chance I say. My OH is much more religious than me and we make it work.

It seems almost fashionable to be an atheist these days. I say respect other peoples beliefs.

sullivlo

Mongfinder General wrote: »

But if she did make you wait there would would be no artificial contraception if she's playing it by the book. That my friend could be worth waiting for!

... until there are 27 children running around.

sullivlo

unichick wrote: »

Give the lady a chance I say. My OH is much more religious than me and we make it work.

It seems almost fashionable to be an atheist these days. I say respect other peoples beliefs.

I'm all for respecting others beliefs.

What I'm NOT for is their beliefs having a detrimental effect on my life.

Which I think is fair.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Wouldn't bother me.
As long as
- they don't expect me to go to mass
- I don't have to be quiet when the angelus is on
- they'll give me the heads up when to sit/kneel/be awake at Christmas mass
- aren't saving their purity for marriage
- don't give rosary beads/prayer books to kids for their communion

sullivlo

SarahMollie wrote: »

I would personally be very wary but only based on previous experience.

About 4 years ago I started dating a guy. He was very well educated (PhD level from a very prestegious university in an engineering discipline) and TBF I always knew that he was a "traditional", country kind of guy which at first I liked, because I thought - great, no game playing, nice straight forward guy.

Overtime though it became apparent that his mass going was not just to appease his family, rather that he heavily believed himself, and ultimately by his own addition, his faith was only getting stronger.

I began to feel like he disapproved of me or of us, and it became impossible to have a grown up relationship, because on one hand he was going on like he was mad about me, but then he'd come out with these comments about guilt and lack of self discipline etc..... I really didn't know how to deal with it and maybe at first just hoped he'd shut up, but no.

I also found it really hard for someone who is published in scientific journals and was serious about his work, could also be so blindly accepting of something that in my mind is as credible as the Easter Bunny.

He always had the same answer - Faith.

Never, ever again.

*I may have ultimately told him to Fook Off and join the priesthood and not to inflict himself and his guilt on any other women*

I think I know the guy you're talking about as a friend of mine had a very similar experience with very similar wordings used :P (If not, there are more than one!)

I have similar issues with scientists who are extremely religious. However that's a topic for another thread!!

SarahMollie

sullivlo wrote: »

I'm all for respecting others beliefs.

What I'm NOT for is their beliefs having a detrimental effect on my life.

Which I think is fair.

Exactly. It was much more than this in my case and I felt I'd no option but to GTFO.

Delirium

Avatar MIA wrote: »

Sooo - not too many people bothered about their potential significant other believing in sky fairies. Riiight. How Positively Courageous.

I'm guessing they're using the average Christian (i.e. a la carte) as a metric rather than a staff writer for Alive when saying they wouldn't have a problem dating a Christian

galljga1

There are a few posts urging respect for other peoples' beliefs.
I cannot respect a belief in absolute nonsense.
Personally, I tolerate other peoples' beliefs.

SarahMollie

sullivlo wrote: »

I think I know the guy you're talking about as a friend of mine had a very similar experience with very similar wordings used :P (If not, there are more than one!)

I have similar issues with scientists who are extremely religious. However that's a topic for another thread!!

Oh God. I'm not sure if its worse to think of him annoying more women with the same stick or that there might be more than one guy like him out there!

Anyhow, I'm now happily living in sin with my secular boyfriend, and can chalk the whole thing up to a (weird) experience!

Mongfinder General

sullivlo wrote: »

... until there are 27 children running around.

You need to be able to pull out at the last moment.

imitation

If the person is great, and there only "drawback" was going to mass I would consider myself lucky. Having a religion isn't always going to be a bad thing, its just important that the person has respect for the other person and is ok with the differences. What you'll find is it goes for a whole host of other things anyway.

If you look at the relationships forums you will see a host of posts like "i like them but.." followed by a relatively mild complaint like they fart . I don't get this at all, if you are going to partner up with somebody you are going to face a lot bigger problems than that. Why end a promising relationship over pickyness ? Most of the time I think the other person peobably had a lucky escape.

endabob1

It's a tricky one, I am a confirmed atheist but i recently met someone who is a pretty devout catholic and it's a bit of a sticking point for me. Her best friend is gay and from other conversations about stuff I know she's much more liberal in her general views, but there are some real catholic dogma things in there too that just don't sit well with me.
At the moment it's not a huge issue for me, I come from a pretty devout RC clan, sisters and one brother are regular mass attenders, have been Eucharist ministers etc.. so I am generally very tolerant of people and their beliefs, but my initial inclination was to bolt!

sullivlo

Mongfinder General wrote: »

You need to be able to pull out at the last moment.

That goes against the teaching of the bible. No sperm can be wasted. Masturbation is even wrong in the eye of the bible.

Plus, that's one of the worst methods of contraception available. Please don't rely on it.

screamer

How about you share your views on religion or lack of with her. She may be equally unimpressed and drop you like a hot snot......

RIGHTisRIGHT

screamer wrote: »

How about you share your views on religion or lack of with her. She may be equally unimpressed and drop you like a hot snot......

And the award for best post in the thread.;)

beach_walker

I probably wouldn't go out with a non-religious girl tbh. There's no shame in that or vice versa (the topic of this thread). Ultimately we're gonna want different things from life.

Mongfinder General

sullivlo wrote: »

That goes against the teaching of the bible. No sperm can be wasted. Masturbation is even wrong in the eye of the bible.

Plus, that's one of the worst methods of contraception available. Please don't rely on it.

I thought that the Catholic church approved of the withdrawal method? No way am I wearing condoms or resorting to bum sex!

Avatar MIA

screamer wrote: »

How about you share your views on religion or lack of with her. She may be equally unimpressed and drop you like a hot snot......

That's a given.

Malari

I would respect the fact that they can believe what they want, or carry on tradition of going to church if they don't exactly buy into it all, but a relationship with someone who does that is not for me.

syklops

Mongfinder General wrote: »

But if she did make you wait there would would be no artificial contraception if she's playing it by the book. That my friend could be worth waiting for!

What?

Avatar MIA

Mongfinder General wrote: »

I thought that the Catholic church approved of the withdrawal method? No way am I wearing condoms or resorting to bum sex!

Nope, they approve of the Rhythm method. Otherwise its the sin of om (sp?) effectively masturbating. The bible coves this

Samaris

Mass certainly wouldn't be the sticking point for me. My Dad went to Mass every Sunday until he was too sick to physically leave the house. Even then, a woman came around with Communion for him.

While the Catholic Church isn't one of them, I'm sure I have some irrational beliefs that my (more religious than me) partner thinks are downright weird*, but hell, that's part of the human condition. He is Christian, but has serious issues with the Catholic dogma and that's grand by me. Conversely, he had no issue with my putting "No Religion" down for myself on the census. Why would he?

I'd also have no issues with giving a prayer book or rosary beads for a communion. Er, it's a religious ceremony! If your kids are doing it anyway, may as well do the traditional things with it.

My sticking points would be a lot more in how they choose to apply their religious beliefs. If it hits a brick wall against my own beliefs (such as gay rights, acceptance of other people being different in culture and beliefs, wearing clothes of two types of cloth etcetera), that'd be more of an issue. I wouldn't call them a hypocrite for not following the whole dogma of Catholicism either. If anything, it shows a certain amount of ability to think for oneself.

*I don't like chili concarne or shepherd's pie! Much more important difference, especially given he's the cook of the pair of us!

maudgonner

Mongfinder General wrote: »

I thought that the Catholic church approved of the withdrawal method? No way am I wearing condoms or resorting to bum sex!

Jeez, I hope your STD clinic has gone paperless, 'cause if they have to print out your results it will mean the death of half a forest :pac:

Tigger99

There's a big assumption here about a girl going to mass/has faith in God/ a higher power . I have the latter but don't really do the former. I wouldn't be a holy joe except that I treat others, gay straight, leprechauns etc the way I'd like to be treated.

It does amuse me to hear people describe catholics who don't practice every teaching as hypocritical. It's so dismissive of the way a person chooses to live their life.

I personally think Jesus would be raging at most of what the Vatican /Catholic Church comes out with regarding women, reproductive rights and gay people so I do my own thing.

Lux23

I would never meet someone early on a sunday morning so it would never be an issue anyway.