My boyfriend is driving me insane!

Wow, you think he's a little slow? That's really charming! Maybe don't use that exact phrase when talking to him (or talking about him) as it's really very insulting and condescending.
Anyway, yeah, I would say you need to break up with him. You're clearly not happy in the relationship and you seem to have asked him to make more of an effort to treat and surprise you etc, without success, so do both of ye a favour - don't stay in a relationship with someone you don't seem to have much affection for, purely so you can say you're in a relationship!

Nice to see a male perspective on this. OP you will also need to figure out if you're compatible.
If you enjoy going out several nights a week and he doesn't, he won't plan to take you out a lot. Similarly for holidays and things.
It's not always the case that your boyfriend doesn't want to either, he may be happy to go along, but isn't the type to think 'i must book us a little getaway' so My girlfriend can tell her friends I'm taking her away.
I think this is where your problem lies too, you want bragging rights more than a loving relationship so your friends on instagram can see you're #spoilt.
Why not just be happy taking the control of booking a few evenings together here and there. If he likes you, he'll realise he enjoys these things and won't postpone them for the lads.

CloudCumulus wrote: »

Hi,

If you want to be with him for a more long term relationship, give it a little more time. Men need to be 'trained' into relationships sometimes. I know that doesn't sound great but essentially they don't seek the relationships comforts like we do.
I've been with my boyfriend for 6 years, living together for 5. When we first started going out, he lived in an attic room with a separate kitchen. It was always filthy, the bed sheets were never clean and the sock bin sitting in a corner like roadkill.
I'd make plans, he'd agree, then do the change/postpone for the lads thing.
Basically if you get mad enough he'll see the issue. My man would tidy up, stick to plans. Even today he'd never plan a holiday or anything, but is happy to go and pay the half. He buys me surprise flowers and I love that. And be wary of your perceptions, other people's relationships usually look better but really never are.
Basically it takes time to relationship-ise a man. 6 months is quite a while, so don't leave it too much longer. But if you can see it last, just keep voicing your annoyance if you don't think he's acting reasonably.

Your post actually beggars belief. If you are genuinely not being contentious for the sake of it or trying to fly under the radar as a troll I'd ask you to kindly refrain from any unhealthy gender stereotypes, they are not welcome here. Please go and read the charter.

I don't think there's any mileage at all in this relationship.

He sounds like he couldn't even be bothered trying (which you might expect 6 years into a failing relationship, not 6 months - you're meant to be in the honeymoon period!) ............................................... and you sound like you have a fairly low opinion of some of his characteristics anyway. I don't think this is going to go anywhere.

I think it's more important you work on your self confidence.

Heat_Wave wrote: »

I am so upset here as I have a feeling everyone will tell me to break up with him, but the thought of being on my own kills me as I know I will become very down, even more so than now.

This spoke volumes. Why be down because you're on your own? There is nothing wrong at all with periods of singledom. If you can be happy on your own, then it puts you into a much better place mentally and means you don't have to 'depend' on a relationship to keep you sane. IMO you're settling for certain things at the moment rather than be on your own, and that shouldn't be the way as it will never fulfil you. Don't compromise yourself.

Basically what you are saying is that he doesn't prioritise you. He chooses to continue with a habit that would turn most people's stomachs. He thinks its acceptable to cancel plans with you in favour of his mates.

The handmade card is kind of sweet - if it was made with thought and love and not because he left it too late to get you a shop bought one. Which by the sounds of the other stuff is more likely.

I don't think its about money or gifts either. Even if you could 'train' a man (which you cant, trust me on that one!) you can't train someone to think about you in a spontaneous, considerate and romantic way. And if you have to tell him or prompt him or nag him, then it cancels out the very thing you were trying to achieve.

It really should be a honeymoon period for you only after a few months, but you sound like you've been married for decades and the love and affection has long since been consigned to history leaving behind only obligation and bad habits. If you consider that usually the best behaviour shown in your relationship is in the early days, have a think about a year or two years down the line when he gets really comfortable doing the gross stuff in your presence.

Honestly it sounds like you are only with him because you like the idea of having a boyfriend and now you are getting frustrated because he is not living up to that idea. You don't sound like you have any genuine connection.
Ask yourself what you are getting from the relationship and based on that is it worth continuing.
Also ask yourself what is so terrible about being alone if it's secondary narcissism your looking for in a relationship you'll never be satisfied I know it sounds trite but you really need to love yourself first you're not going to find that in someone else.

OP, even if he was the most generous George Clooney in the world, the nose picking? No, just no, barf. Could you see yourself living with this 7 days a week?

I was in a situation like this, only with the genders reversed. Basically, your BF doesn't understand what's involved in a relationship, that it's a two way street of give and take. I often find that people like your BF are generally selfish, raised in environments where bad behavior is ignored, and the fact of the matter is that he doesn't equate your needs with his. Believe me when I say that you'll never change this, some people are just raised to be the most selfish and oblivious people they can possibly be, and when you introduce someone like yourself - who's willing to go above and beyond - it's simply because you care about them, and so he feels like he doesn't need to reciprocate.

Basically OP, the chap isn't slow, he's a sneaky and underhanded, and manipulates you into getting what he wants, and continually leads you on and lets you down. I mean, to be honest, some of the crap he's pulling falls under the umbrella of emotional abuse: canceling plans last minute, never reciprocating on planning, not respecting your wishes and boundaries despite you making it clear what they are, not listening to you when you try to discuss issues. And the whole defensiveness and going mad over you asking him to stop doing something you find gross? That's abusive.

Look, I can speak from experience here, it really feels awful when you're with someone who doesn't care about your feelings, who treats you like you're the issue, when you're not. While breaking up might make you feel down, trust me when I say that right now, that's his influence talking. He's inserted himself in your life in such a way that everything revolves around his crap, whether you realise it or not, and getting out of this is literally the only way to start rebuilding your life. Talk to a counselor, spend time with friends, relax and do things you enjoy, and most importantly, cut his toxicity off entirely, no contact, no interaction, sever that connection now and you'll steadily start feeling better. I know it sucks, I know it's the last thing you want to hear, but there's no recovering from this. Just keep in mind that you deserve better than his treatment of you.