Being at a Deathbed ?

Sorry for your loss, look after yourself.

condolences, fryup

My sincere condolences fryup.

Glad for you that you could be there. In time to come, that will be a consolation to you.

Take care.

I was at my MIL deathbed 4 years ago
She had been sick for 2 years in pain which , especially in her last 3 months was purgatory
She was in complete denial from beginning to end aided and abetted by her nearest and dearest, most of whom (not my husband) were also in denial but to varying degrees
I'm still puzzled as to what she imagined was making her so ill, so thin, and giving her so much pain
She remained at home ( she didn't need to be in hospital, not really sick you understand ) and visiting her was very difficult
You wanted to put your arms around her and hold her and kiss her but you had to pretend that everything was as usual
My daughter, her eldest grandchild, wasn't allowed to visit her when she was still sitting up because as a 15 year old they couldn't trust her not to burst into tears and blow the whole thing
She has never forgiven them
In the end the whole family were bitching and snarling at one another
There were no goodbyes no tender embraces no opportunities to say sorry for anything or correct any old misunderstandings
She was in so much pain on the Wednesday night she allowed them to put up a morphine drip
She was so thin and dehydrated that she went unconscious almost instantly and never came round again
All of this was at home
She was carried up to her bed where she lay surrounded constantly by grief stricken family
She soon commenced Cheyne-Stokes breathing
That continued until Saturday evening when she just, well stopped breathing
There was no drama
She'd stopped earlier once or twice but started again so we knew the end was near so everyone was crowded into the room
She just gave one more gasp and then, nothing
My instant reaction was relief
I was sure she was still in pain even with the morphine and I was glad her pain was over
Her husband was delirious with grief, but he was exhausted and relieved too
Her daughters were devastated. She was only 65. Devastated and very angry, confused , sobbing crying out for her to come back
My own husband and daughter were fully cognisant for months that she was absolutely certain to die
I mean a doctor had told the whole family months before its just that most chose not to accept his prognosis
My lasting memory is of standing there at the bedside on s summer evening with sun shining outside birds singing in the trees and traffic and children making noise on the street below and this terrible grief descending

edber2011 wrote: »

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Its well known that its the morphine that kills you in the end.

It's either thrash around in agony for a couple of weeks more before dying, literally roaring
Or slip away earlier mercifully numb at last
Which way is best?

Irish_Elect_Eng wrote: »

As much criticism as the church deserves on other fronts, they still know how to send people on their way. Most priests are very flexible on family requests during funeral services within reasons. (No renditions of "Another one bites the dust")

Hmmm....they can be a little wonky around here:). I really want A Whiter Shade of Pale...no pun intended. I love the song and it reminds me of my father, he loved it too. I doubt they would allow it, but I'm worrying about nothing. I hope this thread helped the person it was meant to.

RoadhouseBlues wrote: »

Hmmm....they can be a little wonky around here:). I really want A Whiter Shade of Pale...no pun intended. I love the song and it reminds me of my father, he loved it too. I doubt they would allow it, but I'm worrying about nothing. I hope this thread helped the person it was meant to.

I'm sure there'll be no problem arranging to have it played at the graveside or crematorium. There's no objections there