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Present for wedding afters?

12467

Comments

  • #92
    Ruu
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,622 ✭✭✭Ruu


    Tesco value card, you can even download and print yourself. Actually dare you to do this. :)


  • #93
    MadDog76
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,162 ✭✭✭MadDog76


    LexieOnRale wrote: »
    So then why not sell tickets?

    Your Invitation is your ticket, you ain't getting in without it ......... give what you want or don't give anything at all if that's what you want to do ........ it's only an issue if you make it one.

    Cash has become the standard Gift because it's the easiest/best option available to most Guests/Couples ........ no need to over-analyse it and certainly no need to fret over it!


  • #94
    Keane2baMused
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,576 ✭✭✭Keane2baMused


    Ah now..I'm sure most couples aren't so desperate for guests that they would need to sell tickets to the gen pop...


  • #95
    yqtwqxqm
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 378 ✭✭yqtwqxqm


    I was at a wedding last summer and the invitation stated that they did not want any presents.
    They had an account number of a charity they liked printed on the invite and said if feel you must give a present donate to that and that any presents they did receive would all be donated. Obviously said in a much nicer way than i just said it.

    I thought that was classy.

    On the other hand, I have another mate who said to myself and lots of people that they didnt need to bother with a wedding present, just bring yourselves. Im listening to himself and his wife complain and name all the people who didnt give them a present or dint spend enough ever since. They are also constantly complaining about people who got them presents and not cash. And thats three years ago.


  • #96
    qo2cj1dsne8y4k
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    MadDog76 wrote: »
    Your Invitation is your ticket, you ain't getting in without it ......... give what you want or don't give anything at all if that's what you want to do ........ it's only an issue if you make it one.

    Cash has become the standard Gift because it's the easiest/best option available to most Guests/Couples ........ no need to over-analyse it and certainly no need to fret over it!


    We always give cash as a wedding present, it's the easiest solution and who doesn't like money. My issue is when I recieve an invitation and it's cash preferred in a little rhyme on it. thats crawling right up my nose. And it's assumed even for the evening part that you need to pop at least 50 in a card to cover what you're listening to and what you're going to eat. They're opinions from people getting married or already married so it's clearly what's expected.

    Now, I've never gone to an afters of a wedding, so I don't know how much to put in a card, if anything. If you're at the afters clearly you're not close to the bride and groom so a small token gift would be acceptable, I would have always thought? I certainly wouldn't be calculating the price of cocktail sausages in my head. We chose not to have an after part to our wedding, you're either invited or your not but I wouldn't be expecting anything in the evening, maybe because the finger food that night is covered it wouldn't even cross my mind.

    If I give a child a birthday card with money in it, I don't analyse how much cake I'm going to have, how many minutes I'm going to spend on their rented bouncy castle or how many sandwiches I'll eat, or if I'll enjoy elsa from frozen singing let it go. I give the child a birthday card and money because I love them and want them to buy themselves something nice.

    Weddings are no longer like that. It's since that Eddie Hobbs guy advised people the more you invite the more you get back. Tacky.


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  • #97
    MadDog76
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,162 ✭✭✭MadDog76


    LexieOnRale wrote: »
    We always give cash as a wedding present, it's the easiest solution and who doesn't like money. My issue is when I recieve an invitation and it's cash preferred in a little rhyme on it. thats crawling right up my nose. And it's assumed even for the evening part that you need to pop at least 50 in a card to cover what you're listening to and what you're going to eat. They're opinions from people getting married or already married so it's clearly what's expected.

    Now, I've never gone to an afters of a wedding, so I don't know how much to put in a card, if anything. If you're at the afters clearly you're not close to the bride and groom so a small token gift would be acceptable, I would have always thought? I certainly wouldn't be calculating the price of cocktail sausages in my head. We chose not to have an after part to our wedding, you're either invited or your not but I wouldn't be expecting anything in the evening, maybe because the finger food that night is covered it wouldn't even cross my mind.

    If I give a child a birthday card with money in it, I don't analyse how much cake I'm going to have, how many minutes I'm going to spend on their rented bouncy castle or how many sandwiches I'll eat, or if I'll enjoy elsa from frozen singing let it go. I give the child a birthday card and money because I love them and want them to buy themselves something nice.

    Weddings are no longer like that. It's since that Eddie Hobbs guy advised people the more you invite the more you get back. Tacky.

    I agree with you about the "cash please" requests, I've never gotten one but if I did I'd express my annoyance by simply not giving a Cash Gift ......... if asked about it after the Wedding I'd laugh about it and say "I thought you were joking!?!!" ........ if pushed I'd tell them out straight that I thought it was rude so I gave what I wanted to give, end of!

    Other than that, I always give €100/€200 minimum per person/couple ......... it's easy for me and everybody loves cash as a gift so smiles all round.

    For the Afters, I'd give €0.


  • #98
    qo2cj1dsne8y4k
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    Well then we're on the same page.
    200 as a couple, for a wedding present.
    But I wouldn't be inclined to give any cash at the afters, I'd get them something small maybe but I probably wouldn't be arsed going.


  • #99
    Arkady
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 433 ✭✭Arkady


    I wish the people who don't like weddings and constantly whine and complain about them before/during and after would stay at home. No one is forcing them to go. The people getting married don't need some backstabbing cowardly whinger there that is anything but their friend as soon as their back is turned.


  • #100
    yqtwqxqm
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 378 ✭✭yqtwqxqm


    We give €100 as a couple. Since when did it become €200.
    I must of missed that memo :)


  • #101
    MadDog76
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,162 ✭✭✭MadDog76


    yqtwqxqm wrote: »
    We give €100 as a couple. Since when did it become €200.
    I must of missed that memo :)

    You should have gotten a PM about it yesterday?


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  • #102
    thattequilagirl
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,158 ✭✭✭thattequilagirl


    yqtwqxqm wrote: »
    We give €100 as a couple. Since when did it become €200.
    I must of missed that memo :)

    Yup, I think €100 is a lot to expect from a single person.


  • #103
    bagofweasels
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 92 ✭✭bagofweasels


    We usually give a few bob (how big that is depends on whether it's the full thing or not) in the currency of the honeymoon destination. Going to India on honeymoon - 10000 in rupee notes looks wonderful (and thoughtful) in a card. Up until recently $200 looked pretty good too - just don't say you're honeymooning in the UK!


  • #104
    MadDog76
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,162 ✭✭✭MadDog76


    thattequilagirl wrote: »
    Yup, I think €100 is a lot to expect from a single person.

    Some people give €50, some €20, some nothing .......... some even give more .......... give what you want but people generally like to know what the "standard" is as a guide ....... the "standard" these days does seem to be €100 per person, which I personally feel is a reasonable amount.


  • #105
    ash23
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,791 ✭✭✭ash23


    Not married but wouldn't be offended by an afters invite and would go if it was local but wouldn't bring a gift.

    If I were getting married and it was local I'd probably do small wedding and invite people to the afters. I wouldn't expect a gift. If the wedding wasn't local I wouldn't bother with an afters.

    I always think of an afters as just a "lads we're having a party, you might as well pop in" kind of thing. I wouldn't expect a gift at all as you're essentially just saying that you're throwing this shindig and they can call in if they like. I think if I had a local afters I'd tell everyone and their mother they were welcome to wander in.


  • #106
    esforum
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,420 ✭✭✭esforum


    LexieOnRale wrote: »
    So then why not sell tickets?

    Because its a celebration and you are inviting our supposed friends and relatives not random strangers.

    I must say, do you adopt this attitude to all events for you and you are invited to?


  • #107
    qo2cj1dsne8y4k
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    esforum wrote: »
    Because its a celebration and you are inviting our supposed friends and relatives not random strangers.

    I must say, do you adopt this attitude to all events for you and you are invited to?


    So if you're inviting your friends why charge them for their dinner


  • #108
    MadDog76
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,162 ✭✭✭MadDog76


    LexieOnRale wrote: »
    So if you're inviting your friends why charge them for their dinner

    You're not being charged anything Lexie, it's tradition to give a gift and the modern traditional gift is cash ........ but you're free to give (or not give) whatever you want ........ you need to accept that fact.


  • #109
    esforum
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,420 ✭✭✭esforum


    LexieOnRale wrote: »
    So if you're inviting your friends why charge them for their dinner

    You arent charging them, they are covering the costs of your celebration.

    Seriously, your mates must hate inviting you out for their events "dont invite me and then expect me to buy you a drink just cause its your birthday, in fact you buy MY drink seeing as you invited me"

    again I ask. when celebrating a birthday or any event, do you sit there nodding your head towards the bill at the end of the night or does the group cover the birthday girl / boy?


  • #110
    qo2cj1dsne8y4k
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    esforum wrote: »
    You arent charging them, they are covering the costs of your celebration.

    Seriously, your mates must hate inviting you out for their events "dont invite me and then expect me to buy you a drink just cause its your birthday, in fact you buy MY drink seeing as you invited me"

    again I ask. when celebrating a birthday or any event, do you sit there nodding your head towards the bill at the end of the night or does the group cover the birthday girl / boy?
    :D:D

    When I personally invite people somewhere, I cover the cost. So if I want to go away for the weekend and want my oh to come, I'll pay for the hotel. If we are having a family meal and I've invited guests, then I pay for it.
    When we have houseparties for our birthdays I buy the drinks.
    When we have our reception it'll be stated no gifts.
    If we go out to a restaurant, the bill comes and it's split X amount of ways including tip, it's worth pointing out when out for dinner you can choose more than either beef or salmon.

    Now, I always give cash presents to the bride and groom, but then we only go to weddings of people we would be very close to. And I always give generously, and to suggest otherwise on your part is very bad form.

    If somebody has spent 300+ euro on clothes/hair/makeup/nails/tan, another 150 to stay over, say 20 to get to the venue, they're putting at least 250 behind the bar over the course of the day and night and then ON TOP of that there's a cash gift expected too?

    When I give a cash gift it's not mentally covering costs in my head, it's not to pay them for their invitation. It's a gift for them as a couple to put it towards whatever they need to. It's incredibly crass and tacky to invite somebody to your wedding and EXPECT they can afford to give you the going rate for a 5 course meal for a mediocre menu that you've chosen. You're expecting your friends and family to fund your party. Whether you get 500 crisp ones in a card, or an ironing board - the value of the gift shouldn't matter. The thought counts the most and to expect your friends and family to spend in excess of 500+ on your party is pretty cheap, to be honest.


  • #111
    topmanamillion
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,642 ✭✭✭topmanamillion


    Slap the bride on the backside and tell her when she gets bored of your man her present is waiting in your pants.
    Proceed to gyrate suggestively waving a E5 note in the air. (this works even better if the OP is a woman)
    Afterward steal the microphone off the wedding singer and sing a lyrically incorrect and out of tune version of "Journeys- Don't Stop Believing" dedicated to the newly weds.
    Don't forget to take full advantage of all refreshments, stuffing anything you might fancy having later at home into a large refuse bag that you brought with you, you are a guest after all.

    No one will ever remember whether you brought a present or not!


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  • #112
    thattequilagirl
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,158 ✭✭✭thattequilagirl


    In fairness, €300 on clothes/hair/makeup/tan is a bit ridiculous.

    There's absolutely no need to spend that kind of money, that's pure Celtic tiger stuff.

    I don't think anyone expects that of people these days.


  • #113
    Sunflower 27
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,955 ✭✭✭Sunflower 27


    Candie wrote: »
    My parents recently got a wedding invitation with 'Your presence on our special day is the only gift we want' written on it.

    A world away from the increasingly common trend of basically charging admission.

    So true. What lovely friends your parents have. That's genuinely lovely. Not everyone can afford to give large amounts of money. It's terrible tbe anxiety that can place on someone.


  • #114
    Olishi4
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,469 ✭✭✭Olishi4


    I didn't put any kind of present or request of money on my wedding invitations and I don't think i've ever saw one on an invitation but it really would not bother me if someone did.

    Years ago, when people were getting married, they were also moving in together so people bought things like toasters, furniture etc and the idea was that you were helping them with their new life. Weddings were also a lot cheaper with cakes made at home by the granny and food catering in general done themselves and a friend or mother or sister making the wedding dress etc.

    Now most people are already living together and have everything they need however the cost of a big wedding has significantly increased so if someone does put it on the invitation, I would just see it as them saying that they don't really need anything else and what they really would like, if you are getting them something, is money as it helps contribute to their big day.

    I can't think of a time that I have ever really been invited to afters. I suppose it depends on how well I know the person. Probably 50 euro if I had it and if I went to an afters and didn't know the person too well, I'd probably just buy them one or two drinks at the bar on the night.


  • #115
    Keane2baMused
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,576 ✭✭✭Keane2baMused


    Hold on.

    300 euro on clothes/hair/makeup/tan??

    My eyes just bled a little.


  • #116
    Keane2baMused
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,576 ✭✭✭Keane2baMused


    LexieOnRale wrote: »

    It's incredibly crass and tacky to invite somebody to your wedding and EXPECT they can afford to give you the going rate for a 5 course meal for a mediocre menu that you've chosen.

    The thought counts the most and to expect your friends and family to spend in excess of 500+ on your party is pretty cheap, to be honest.

    To expect..yes. To accept and appreciate a kind gesture (for whatever reason your guest offered it)..NO.

    You keep mentioning all of this 'mediocre - crap' wedding food you've eaten and crappy bands you've had to listen to. Given all of the effort AND money (oh theres that word again) your family/co-workers/neighbours/other has put into their special day and thought about you enough to invite you, isn't that in itself a little "crass"???

    Or is it a generalisation and you're lucky enough to have been blessed with amazing food and music to be revered?

    I also don't know anyone who expects you to spend 300 euro dalling yourself up. Anyone worth their weight would be happy to see you in a pre-worn dress, having done your own hair, makeup and tan.

    Not having a go to add, just observations.


  • #117
    qo2cj1dsne8y4k
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    Keane2baMused wrote: »
    To expect..yes. To accept and appreciate a kind gesture (for whatever reason your guest offered it)..NO.

    You keep mentioning all of this 'mediocre - crap' wedding food you've eaten and crappy bands you've had to listen to. Given all of the effort AND money (oh theres that word again) your family/co-workers/neighbours/other has put into their special day and thought about you enough to invite you, isn't that in itself a little "crass"???

    Or is it a generalisation and you're lucky enough to have been blessed with amazing food and music to be revered?

    I also don't know anyone who expects you to spend 300 euro dalling yourself up. Anyone worth their weight would be happy to see you in a pre-worn dress, having done your own hair, makeup and tan.

    Not having a go to add, just observations.

    Ahhh ok! So people don't buy new dresses, or get their hair and makeup done for a wedding, sorry my mistake!! There is absolutely no cost involved!


  • #118
    suicide_circus
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 19,801 ✭✭✭✭suicide_circus


    To me, an invite to the afters is code for "we'd like your company for a few drinks but honestly you're not part of the main wedding party and as such no gift required"


  • #119
    SarahMollie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,841 ✭✭✭SarahMollie


    Keane2baMused wrote: »
    Hold on.

    300 euro on clothes/hair/makeup/tan??

    My eyes just bled a little.

    Humm, seems a little high, and certainly more than you have to spend.

    I'd typically wear a different dress to each wedding. On average I'd say €100 is a typical spend on a dress. I wouldnt go out to buy new shoes etc just for the speecific purpose of that wedding. Between nudes, metalics etc, there are lots of options, you don't need to go getting matching items for each outfit.

    My one indulgence is that I do like getting my hair and make up done. this can be quite expensive but I like having it done. I prefer doing my own tan with the gradual self tanners, I hate getting spray tans these days. I usually have my nails done so I can't really attribute that to a specific wedding cost, but obviously I'd have my dress in mind when choosing the colour.

    Actually I've known for ages that I'd have 5 weddings to attend this year, so anytime i've seen something wedding appropriate that I like, I've bought it so now I've loads to chose from, and nothing was too expensive/or a panic buy.


  • #120
    Keane2baMused
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,576 ✭✭✭Keane2baMused


    LexieOnRale wrote: »
    Ahhh ok! So people don't buy new dresses, or get their hair and makeup done for a wedding, sorry my mistake!! There is absolutely no cost involved!

    The cost of which is your choice remember. Nobody said you have to buy anything new. Especially spending 300 euro.


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  • #121
    Robsweezie
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,434 ✭✭✭Robsweezie


    suicide_circus wrote: »
    To me, an invite to the afters is code for "we'd like your company for a few drinks but honestly you're not part of the main wedding party and as such no gift required"

    I think of it like a production. the wedding party is for the main cast crucial to the plot, the afters is for the supporting cast and the extras.


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