For all the Boardies who no longer have their mother around

La.de.da · 06-03-2016 11:17PM

I still have my mam, well in person.
She's got alzheimers. Our whole lives revolve around her and her care. We are lucky to have so many of us to keep her at home.
I love her to bits. Even though I may hear the same story ten times in a row and I'd feel like tearing my hair out sometimes.
She gave us everything.
So yeah, her time to get looked after now.

Xx

Lovely thread.

Katgurl · 06-03-2016 11:18PM

I hit the jackpot when it comes to mothers. Yes we have our clashes but I wouldn't change her for anything; she's gentle, kind, supportive of whatever I want to do, clever, stylish, very funny and I can talk to her about absolutely anything.

Miss Merry Berry · 06-03-2016 11:19PM

I was just texting my sister in Australia about my mother earlier and we were remembering little traditions to do with our beautiful Mum. On Sunday mornings, she used to have a wee rest after a busy week raising 5 children. She would bring up a tray of tea and her wee radio up into bed with her. That was her weekly treat. I wish I could have brought up her tray of tea to her this morning, I miss her so so so much, I have yet to meet a nicer person, she looked at the world through the kindest, most caring and empathetic eyes I have ever met. She was such a gentle, soft and beautiful soul. I know I have some of her empathy but not the same as her.

I was so incredibly sad after she died suddenly, I stopped living my life for a long time after I lost her. Then I had my beautiful daughter who coincidentally was due on her anniversary to the day 2 years after her death. I don't know what I would have done if I didn't have my child, she is such a blessing. I also have the most beautiful, kind and caring partner now. I know my Mum sent me two angels

Penny Tration · 06-03-2016 11:20PM

Got a "compliment" from my mam today that I thought was funny, and just makes me love her more -

"Jesus Penny, you can really see your weight loss in that dress (was wearing something tight). You have a waist now, you're not just round!"

She meant it in the nicest way possible, but her silliness with saying 'nice' things makes me love her

Grueller · 06-03-2016 11:20PM

What a nice sentiment displayed in this thread. Well done OP. My ma is still with us and tbh reading this has made me appreciate that even more. Thank you.

chooey · 06-03-2016 11:32PM

fire and ice wrote: »

I lost my mum five years ago this may when I was pregnant with my first child. It happened so quickly then I had complications with pregnancy that I don't that I ever really grieved properly. Sometimes I still cry when I think about her.

I'm going through this at the moment. I lost my mam on Friday very unexpectedly and I'm pregnant with my first child and so worried that something will happen with all the stress. I'm sorry for your loss.

As for my mam, she was the most amazing woman- always loving and supportive. I don't know how I'll live without her.

eviltwin · 06-03-2016 11:33PM

chooey wrote: »

I'm going through this at the moment. I lost my mam on Friday very unexpectedly and I'm pregnant with my first child and so worried that something will happen with all the stress. I'm sorry for your loss.

As for my mam, she was the most amazing woman- always loving and supportive. I don't know how I'll live without her.

I'm so sorry for your loss Chooey, today must have been awful xx

06-03-2016 11:34PM

chooey wrote: »

I'm going through this at the moment. I lost my mam on Friday very unexpectedly and I'm pregnant with my first child and so worried that something will happen with all the stress. I'm sorry for your loss.

As for my mam, she was the most amazing woman- always loving and supportive. I don't know how I'll live without her.

I'm so sorry.

Please take care of yourself and your baby.

06-03-2016 11:45PM

chooey wrote: »

I'm going through this at the moment. I lost my mam on Friday very unexpectedly and I'm pregnant with my first child and so worried that something will happen with all the stress. I'm sorry for your loss.

As for my mam, she was the most amazing woman- always loving and supportive. I don't know how I'll live without her.

I Am very sorry for your loss chooey

Whispered · 06-03-2016 11:45PM

So sorry for your loss chooey. X

This thread has made me appreciate the fact that my mother is still around. It has also made me think about how I'd like my baby to remember me when he's older and I'm gone. I'd be so proud if he said and thought some of the things expressed in this thread.

Penny Tration · 06-03-2016 11:45PM

Christ chooey, I'm so, so sorry for your loss. *hug* I'm so sorry.

greasepalm · 06-03-2016 11:56PM

bloody hell seeing this has made me cry,not done that for over 20 years wow ,miss you so so much ma ,still can remember the good times of when you baked your heart out for the local church fete.

chooey my heart goes out to you in this up and down time,be strong my love.

KatW4 · 07-03-2016 12:05AM

Sorry to hear of your loss chooey. X

I'm very lucky to have my mum still with me. She's the best mum in the world. Her and my dad split when I was seven and she went back to work, learned to drive and changed her whole life around to make sure we had everything we needed. She put up with people ignoring her because she was separated, people telling her that she was going to be a rubbish mother and me and my sisters coming home crying because we weren't invited to parties due to being in a one parent family. My dad died when I was 11 and she had to explain that to my younger sisters and I and then get us through a funeral at such a young age.

We never had money yet she put the 3 of us through college in Ireland and England. We never missed out on concerts or events because she did everything in her power to let us experience every opportunity available to us.

I dread the day I don't have her anymore. It will break my heart and I hope it won't be for a very long time yet.

Karmella · 07-03-2016 12:11AM

Mine passed away 13 years ago but I still miss her loads. She was only 62, cancer, diagnosed in August and died 2 months later on Halloween. Her second grandchild had just been born and she never got to see the 7 that followed. I am the only girl and it was particularly poignant for me to become a mother myself without her around.
She was the rock of our family.

Hammer89 · 07-03-2016 12:19AM

I'm about nine or 10 and I get home from a football match, which I was 'playing' in. There's probably not a single bit of muck on me and this is because I didn't play, which looking back is absolutely horrendous carry-on from my manager at the time. I didn't play because I'm not very good see. I knew this, but my mum didn't, and what kid wants their mum to know they're sh*t at something? You want your mum to be proud of you, don't you? I did anyway, so I told a lie. She was in the living room with her mate.

"I scored!," I said, in a kit that looked exactly the same as it did before I left. I was probably grinning from ear to ear after my revelation, but I was distraught on the inside. They were delighted for me, though they most probably forgot about my news within about a minute of me leaving the room. I couldn't forget, though. Nope. This guilt would fester for the rest of the day, to the point where it hindered my ability to go to sleep that night. I had to get this massive, horrible lie off my chest so I approach the living room that night, already balling my f*cking eyes out before I even entered the room. There was probably a trail of tears from my bed leading into the living room.

I then confessed to my sin during perhaps the warmest, most loving hug I had ever received or will ever receive in my life. Obviously I wanted her to be proud of me for scoring, but I like to think she was infinitely more proud for admitting to something which clearly caused a tremendous amount of guilt.

I've probably only cried so much on one occasion since that, which was the night she died last year. I'm sat by her bed in the hospital, along with my immediate family. This was hard, but it was so much harder given the fact it was so sudden. It was a brain haemorrhage. She was fine at 9pm, chatting away to the girls during one of their typical Sunday evening meet-ups, and she was literally dead by 1am. I remember counting the seconds between her breaths, each one quite literally taking her further away from us and eventually she was gone, not a part of this world anymore. Quite a lot of her other friends hadn't heard that she collapsed and was taken to hospital, so I had to give them the news that night.

Telling her best friend of 50 years was the toughest one; not strictly because of the length of that friendship, but because they hadn't been on speaking terms at the time sadly. I rang her off my mum's phone. Despite the time of the night, she answered the phone so cheerfully, saying "hello missus". She was thrilled to see her number pop up, assuming that my mum wanted to work things out, but obviously they wouldn't unfortunately.

There's about a million and one things that were very, very hard about that night - including the fact I hadn't got any cigarettes and nobody had one to give me - but remembering happy times, as cliched as it might sound, makes things a lot easier. And there were lots of happy times. She was just lovely and I adored her.

Miss Merry Berry · 07-03-2016 12:35AM

Reading these stories have made me sad but also so proud. There is nothing like the strength of a women and the potency of her love for her children as evident in this thread.

07-03-2016 01:20AM

Miss Merry Berry wrote: »

..... I was so incredibly sad after she died suddenly, I stopped living my life for a long time after I lost her....

I can relate to that, a piece of me left this Earth the moment my Mum passed, I remember Dad telling her we loved her ( great bit of stuff is my Dad, would have been easy to say "I" but he said "we" ) as she breathed her last breaths... I'm definitely a bigger pr1ck now than before tbh.

darkpagandeath · 07-03-2016 02:20AM

Valetta wrote: »

I have a motherboard.

Does that count?

Yes and for an added bonus did it come with a Daughter board ?

chooey · 07-03-2016 04:22AM

eviltwin wrote: »

I'm so sorry for your loss Chooey, today must have been awful xx

Yes today has been terrible- we had so many plans for her today and instead we were picking a gravesite. It's hard not to feel cheated at the moment. There is just so much I'd love to tell her that I'll never get the chance to

Hermy · 07-03-2016 11:54AM

Mothers Day - what a load of nonsense.
My mother was just as special to me every other day of the year and I miss her just as much today as I did yesterday.:(

Hermy · 08-03-2016 11:39AM

The above comment was made in haste.
I'm not having a go at those who would make a point of remembering their mothers on Mothers Day.
But as some else said - every day should be Mothers Day.

Redpunto · 08-03-2016 07:51PM

Sunday was a strange day for me - I have lovely children who tried to make it a wonderful day but its my first without my mum and her mum (who was like another mother to me). They died within a few weeks of one another . I still have the Mothers Day cards and giftbags I was going to give them last year. Still feel utterly broken.

_Kaiser_ · 09-03-2016 12:25AM

My mother died last year after a long very drawn-out degenerative illness, and while I'll always appreciate everything she did for us (raising two young kids in your mid-20s on your own in 80s Ireland and then abroad for a few years because of the job situation can't have been easy) the reality is that we weren't very close as a family, something I started to realise in my teens.

Despite not being able to work when she got sick, she always put food on the table and managed to scrape money together, but she probably shouldn't have had kids really. There was no emotion, no interest in anything beyond practical things like school reports and responsibility with the aim being to make us self-sufficient (which I can understand and appreciate), but there was almost no interest in our lives beyond that. She was also a very stubborn "my way is always right" woman in many ways which didn't help matters (whether with us, doctors or anyone else really). Maybe it was a result of the illness, maybe not, but we effectively were people sharing a house who happened to share the same last name when we were all at home.

I guess I got used to it and once I moved out, weeks or even months would pass without any contact - unless she needed something like a lift somewhere - but the final straw for me I think was when her (only) grandson was born and she had no interest in that either - her only real thought on the subject was she didn't like his name.
I'll admit, I never had any particular desire for having a child of my own before then, but some sort of parental protectiveness must've kicked in and that was a new low to me.. although, she did eventually get to meet him and he managed to charm her enough to where she actually bought him a birthday present (little fella is far better with women than his old man is!

) - I was amazed to be honest.

Anyway towards the end she deteriorated fairly rapidly and significantly over about a year and the extended family were no help (and indeed a big cause of the stress), but I think things did improve between the 3 of us a bit. That said, the morning she died I didn't really feel anything at all (much the same as when my dad died 20 years ago) except maybe happy that she was no longer in pain or strapped to oxygen machines 24/7 while she wasted away in bed.
The funeral was a showcase for her parents to play the concerned family for their neighbours (ever practical my mam, she had agreed with them that they'd pay for it as she knew we wouldn't have it.. but the f*cks didn't even tell us the arrangements - a friend of my sister spotted it on rip.ie and let her/us know!), and my only real feeling was the same "well at least she's not suffering anymore" thought.

Now nearly a year later and myself and my sister have gotten closer alright (we're effectively on our own now as the relatives haven't been in touch since - no loss there though) but I still couldn't say that I miss her to be honest.

Lavinia · 09-03-2016 01:05AM

I hope I will meet with you again Mom.. there somewhere..someday...
If I knew the last time I hugged you it would be the last time I ever saw you, I'd hold you a little longer.. little tighter...

...

whatismyname · 09-03-2016 04:43PM

Hermy wrote: »

But as some else said - every day should be Mothers Day.

If the mother in question deserves it, then yes.

whiskeyman · 09-03-2016 04:56PM

whatismyname wrote: »

If the mother in question deserves it, then yes.

After hearing so many stories, those of us who have / had amazing mothers may take them for granted.

Thankfully I don't, and am sure I make it known to my Mum as often as I can.
I feel sorry for those who didn't have the same experience as me, or many others. I can't even think what it's like.

The_Kew_Tour · 09-03-2016 05:17PM

Lost my Mum 6th February this year.

I have seen death first hand quite lot when I been abroad and in previous job where I was in War torn countries, but it's just much different when it's your own.

She got news of cancer in Mid January, on 1st February I was told she had couple months left and 5 days later she died. It all happened so fast but honestly our family, neighbours and friends were truly immense. And the care she got in Mercy in Cork and in particular Marymount Hospice was nothing short of immense. The care and kindness I and my family will always be greatful for.

It's was weird going home and she not being there. When I lived in Dublin I might only come home once every 4-5 months but it was always warm welcome home and nice clean clothes and a dinner ready.

Sorry for the waffle on but I sometimes wonder has it really hit home yet that she is gone. You really do only appreciate them when they die. It has made me appreciate my Dad and to treasure our time together now.

For all the Boardies who no longer have their mother around

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