Are you easily intimidated?

Galwayguy35 · 07-03-2016 07:26PM

Think it's a bit different for a fella, staring down someone who's full of beer and looking for a fight is a bad idea.

smurgen · 07-03-2016 07:26PM

Absolutely not.I'm easy going to a point but I'm the type of person that would rather die than back down as stupid as that is.something just kicks in when I meet someone who I consider a bully.I inadvertently moved in with a drug deal when living abroad and went head to head with him on numerous occasions.he had a gun in the apartment and all.we nearly came to blows a few times but even though he was big and tough I never actually seen him fight so I called his bluff and it worked.he told a mutual acquaintance that I'm a very angry person so I think he might have thought I was actually a psycho in the end.

07-03-2016 07:28PM

I'm thinking now about potential scenarios. There's a difference between the intimidation that comes with violence and the one that comes with words and body language.
People being confrontational, hurtful, overbearing, any of those kind of things wouldn't cost me a thought. But come at me with a knife or threaten violence in any way and I'll be terrified.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 07-03-2016 07:29PM

Penny Tration wrote: »

This is all me, background and all I put it down to anxiety (diagnosed obviously), but I'm working on it and getting better at being assertive.

I can relate. I wouldn't be an anxious person or I wouldn't suffer with any anxiety disorders. But I cannot bear shouting or loud sudden noises. Sometimes when we fight (Me and himself) hell shout at me, and always I'll grab his hand, no matter how mad we are at each other if he raises his voice I'll hold his hand. It always works to stop him shouting and he'll usually squeeze my hand back or at the very least he'll talk to me instead of roaring at me.

I have no idea why I get so spooked, never ever ever has he so much as threathened me and I'm not afraid of him, it just makes me so uneasy.

Those Hare Krishna people sometimes walk past work shouting and banging drums and it terrifies me. As for those water protests, people shouting and chanting. I get completely unnerved.

And I have absolutely no reason to. I didn't grow up in an abusive household, the only thing i can put it down to is the fact we never really got shouted at as kids, and I have a really soft voice and I'm not good at shouting either.

It's a weird one.

07-03-2016 07:30PM

Galwayguy35 wrote: »

Think it's a bit different for a fella, staring down someone who's full of beer and looking for a fight is a bad idea.

Matching aggression with aggression can often end badly in my experience.

moleyv · 07-03-2016 07:35PM

I'm more the intimidator, although completely unintentional.

I could be singing twinkle twinkle in my head but have a face like I'm about to bust heads. Happens usually when I'm walking somewhere on my own.

I don't have to 'change course' in shopping centres as people just seem to move.

I could be walking behind someone and they will turn around looking scared. Like they can feel the expression on my face.

I have to remember to smile.

FTA69 · 07-03-2016 07:39PM

beks101 wrote: »

I live in a particularly shady part of London with some well dodgy characters crawling the streets who will think nothing of ogling, yelling, whistling, even hissing at women.

I've since got in the habit of staring down anyone who's creeping me out with a definite scowl on my face and it's amazing how much of a difference it makes. If I see it coming in the distance, I will literally stare in the angriest way until I've passed and it's stopped the hassle by about 50% I would say. It's like the difference between telling someone, yeah, go right ahead I'm an easy target...and don.t. you. fcuking. even. think. about. it.

Where is that if you don't mind me asking? It's mad the different experiences men and women can have in pretty much the same streets, it's nearly impossible for a man to understand what being subjected to that sort of sh*t is like.

KatW4 · 07-03-2016 07:57PM

Candie wrote:

I know I'm small and slight and that makes me vulnerable. I can work around it most of the time, but I wouldn't be able to function at all if I was intimidated by speaking in front of large groups or raised voices.

It is really awful. For example, we are going to an awards weekend in June and I was told that newbies have to do a party piece. I actually cried out of fear. I hate being like this but there is not much I can do except try. I'm definitely a lot better than I was a few years ago.

Penny Tration wrote:

This is all me, background and all I put it down to anxiety (diagnosed obviously), but I'm working on it and getting better at being assertive.

Well done for trying, I know how hard it is. I'm not diagnosed with anxiety but I never went to the doctor over it. I hope some day we will both be less intimidated and more assertive!

Yeah_Right · 07-03-2016 08:06PM

Candie wrote: »

Physically, I can be easily intimidated. I'm under 5ft, so nearly everyone alive over the age of 12 is bigger than I am. I've had one guy tell me I'd be easy to put in a wheelchair, and on another occasion a stranger picked me up as I was leaving a bar and threw me across a table of drinks to his friend, and other incidents like the one in the OP. Things like that can leave you shaken and feeling very vulnerable.

I can't say there's any other situation I'd be intimidated in, I'm fairly confident in all other situations both professional and personal.

I have to ask, were they rugby guys? I ask because I'm a rugby guy and I look back on some of things me and my teammates did on nights out and we would have appeared to be a right pack of assholes.

Most of it was meant to be just ****s and giggles but others probably didn't find us that funny. In fact I'm sure we scared the crap out of a lot of people and we're lucky no one got badly hurt or ended up in jail.

beks101 · 07-03-2016 08:13PM

FTA69 wrote: »

Where is that if you don't mind me asking? It's mad the different experiences men and women can have in pretty much the same streets, it's nearly impossible for a man to understand what being subjected to that sort of sh*t is like.

Camberwell towards Peckham, SE5 area.

07-03-2016 08:26PM

Yeah_Right wrote: »

Most of it was meant to be just ****s and giggles but others probably didn't find us that funny. In fact I'm sure we scared the crap out of a lot of people and we're lucky no one got badly hurt or ended up in jail.

This just baffles me. Obviously I don't know what you did but if you are sure you scared people then how did you think what you were doing "was meant to be just ****s and giggles"??

07-03-2016 08:28PM

Yeah_Right wrote: »

I have to ask, were they rugby guys? I ask because I'm a rugby guy and I look back on some of things me and my teammates did on nights out and we would have appeared to be a right pack of assholes.

Most of it was meant to be just ****s and giggles but others probably didn't find us that funny. In fact I'm sure we scared the crap out of a lot of people and we're lucky no one got badly hurt or ended up in jail.

I think it's possible. I don't want to say really because I'm not sure.

They'd been harassing me all night, it was why I was leaving in the first place.

Hammer89 · 07-03-2016 08:58PM

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I think as soon as another person puts their hands on you, uninvited, they're fair game for a kick in the nuts.

Or in Candie's case it'd be a headbutt in the nuts

Dial Hard · 07-03-2016 09:02PM

Hammer89 wrote:

Or in Candie's case it'd be a headbutt in the nuts

I can't believe people are still attempting to make jokes out of an assault that she has said multiple times she can't see a funny side of. And nor should she have to.

07-03-2016 09:09PM

Dial Hard wrote: »

I can't believe people are still attempting to make jokes out of an assault that she has said multiple times she can't see a funny side of. And nor should she have to.

There's been a few, sadly.

It's nice that people can have a laugh at the event that had me terrified and left me traumatised.

Hammer89 · 07-03-2016 09:15PM

Candie wrote: »

There's been a few, sadly.

It's nice that people can have a laugh at the event that had me terrified and left me traumatised.

I'm not in the business of offending anyone and I genuinely apologise. I should state that in my mind it was a height joke rather than an assault joke, though I can see how why both are very insensitive.

07-03-2016 09:16PM

Hammer89 wrote: »

I'm not in the business of offending anyone and I genuinely apologise. I should state that in my mind it was a height joke rather than an assault joke, though I can see how why both are very insensitive.

Ah don't worry. I shouldn't have posted anything so personal anyway.

discus · 07-03-2016 09:19PM

Candie wrote: »

There's been a few, sadly.

It's nice that people can have a laugh at the event that had me terrified and left me traumatised.

Here comes the pity party.

Hammer89 · 07-03-2016 09:20PM

Candie wrote: »

Ah don't worry. I shouldn't have posted anything so personal anyway.

Not at all sure you could gather every post I've written on here and make my autobiography with it.

dd972 · 07-03-2016 09:20PM

I think how easily intimidated or not you are pretty much depends on what sort of mood you're in, I've often felt my blood boil and the need to punch the nose into the skull of someone long after the event, It's pretty amazing how scumbags or wise guys have an uncanny knack of never stepping on your toes on the wrong day.

07-03-2016 09:21PM

discus wrote: »

Here comes the pity party.

The cheap dig would only work if I looked for pity.

Tombi! · 07-03-2016 09:32PM

mod: Let's not laugh at people getting assaulted if you want to keep posting in the thread

Yeah_Right · 07-03-2016 09:41PM

Deleted User wrote: »

This just baffles me. Obviously I don't know what you did but if you are sure you scared people then how did you think what you were doing "was meant to be just ****s and giggles"??

Well at the time it was funny. Looking back I can see it was probably scary, intimidating and obnoxious to other people. And in some cases criminal.

I was actually involved in a situation similar to Candies. A couple of the guys threw a girl off a balcony that was about 10-12 feet up. A bunch of us below caught her. She was obviously freaked out but we thought it was hilarious. Looking back it may have traumatised her.

Cathy.C · 07-03-2016 09:41PM

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I was out recently enough and this fella not much older than me came up to me and wouldn't feck off the whole night. It started off as "what's a girl like you doing in here" and worked up to "I know your type alright, think you're too good for everyone else", I was a bit taken aback, I moved away numerous times but he kept coming up to me. He was so offensive. Kept dropping the c word. Saying outrageous things. At the end of the night, he slithered up to me yet again, whispered something I took serious offence to, I lost the plot, picked up his pint and he wore it. The barman came racing out from behind the bar because he was furious and it was about to kick off. He said to me what was I playing at, throwing a drink on somebody was a terrible thing to do but once should be enough to move away from any drunk that's annoying you, and he was told at least ten times to leave me alone.

If you did that where I work I would have had you removed to tell you the truth.

In future if you don't like the way someone is speaking to you I would suggest having a word with a member of staff or even popping outside to speak with one of the security guys on the door. What you did could have resulted in a serious injury for someone most likely that barman who, lets be honest, you knew would be there to protect you had anything kicked off as you said was about to.

Hugo Stiglitz · 07-03-2016 09:43PM

I'm way too easily intimidated unfortunately.

jca · 07-03-2016 09:46PM

Candie wrote: »

Physically, I can be easily intimidated. I'm under 5ft, so nearly everyone alive over the age of 12 is bigger than I am. I've had one guy tell me I'd be easy to put in a wheelchair, and on another occasion a stranger picked me up as I was leaving a bar and threw me across a table of drinks to his friend, and other incidents like the one in the OP. Things like that can leave you shaken and feeling very vulnerable.

I can't say there's any other situation I'd be intimidated in, I'm fairly confident in all other situations both professional and personal.

Terrible way to treat our president. Did Sabina run you a hot bath afterwards.

07-03-2016 09:49PM

Cathy.C wrote: »

If you did that where I work I would have had you removed to tell you the truth.

In future if you don't like the way someone is speaking to you I would suggest having a word with a member of staff or even popping outside to speak with one of the security guys on the door. What you did could have resulted in a serious injury for someone most likely that barman who, lets be honest, you knew would be there to protect you had anything kicked off as you said was about to.

I see where you are coming from but I think I would have reacted the same way as Lexie. Instinct can take over and a person can react.
Personally I would not have removed Lexie but the pest who was annoying her.

Robsweezie · 07-03-2016 09:54PM

Dogs always intimidated me when I was younger, one in particular...a tiny yappy thing that would bark at and chase me down the road on sight. Nobody else feared him like I did.

He was later savagely decapitated by another dog on the estate, so I guess I won that war.

I still get startled when I walk past a house with the dog in the garden and it goes ballistic. They can smell fear.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 07-03-2016 09:56PM

Cathy.C wrote: »

If you did that where I work I would have had you removed to tell you the truth.

In future if you don't like the way someone is speaking to you I would suggest having a word with a member of staff or even popping outside to speak with one of the security guys on the door. What you did could have resulted in a serious injury for someone most likely that barman who, lets be honest, you knew would be there to protect you had anything kicked off as you said was about to.

Well the way I see it is, I went in there minding my own business. From 10 o clock, right up until about 2, which is when I threw the drink on him, he never left me alone. He followed me along the entire length of the bar. He was told on numerous occasions to leave me alone, by me and by other men at the bar. The barman told him to move down to the other end of the bar, which he didn't do.

He was offensive, and abusive and never let up the whole night. At some stage, something was going to crack. I sat there while he threathened to shoot my dogs and bring their dead bodies to my doorstep, I sat while he called me a stuck up ****, **** this, **** that, I sat there while he insulted my lifestyle choices, my brother, my education, my career, he told me I looked like I would drop my knickers for a drink. I don't have to listen to that. And if standing up for myself gets me kicked out, well then that's just collateral damage. I'm 5'3, he was well over 6 foot. I'll defend myself in whatever way I can.

The other men at the bar said that to the barman too, that if it was a man he'd been speaking to he'd have had the head kicked off him. To be honest, being soaked with cider after the way he spoke to me all night long - I'd consider that getting away lightly

The One Doctor · 07-03-2016 10:22PM

Peregrine wrote: »

A pre-emptive assault?

Push them, slap them but potentially harming them for life before they do anything is a bit much.

It's been trivialised and popularised as a comedic device but people don't really think like this, do they?

I'm male and I believe that a woman should be able to react in an appropriate fashion. If a man puts his hands on a woman uninvited he's a fair target for some serious pain. My fiance once punched a guy for pinching her arse. Wholly justified.

Are you easily intimidated?

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