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Are you easily intimidated?

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  • #32
    DrumSteve
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,798 ✭✭✭✭DrumSteve


    Penny Tration wrote: »
    I'm very easily intimidated.

    I work all the time on being assertive, but I find it incredibly difficult to stand up for myself.

    If someone speaks harshly to me, I'm intimidated. If someone shouts at me, I'm intimidated. If someone slags me in a nasty way, I'm intimidated. If someone squares up to me or gets physically intimidating, I'm terrified and intimidated (probably doesn't help that I'm aboit 5'1).

    Pretty much everyone who isn't pleasant and friendly, scares me.

    I'm working on it though :o

    Being assertive is something that comes with practice... sometimes you just need to call people on their ****.

    You'll get there in the end though.


  • #33
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 26,219 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Peregrine wrote: »
    That's a very serious assault and you'd be entitled to do everything in your power to stop it. It's just entirely different to the kind of situation I interpreted from this:

    It's still not pre-emptive when they're the first to put their hands on you uninvited.

    I get what you mean though, the reaction has to be proportional.


  • #34
    everlast75
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 23,024 ✭✭✭✭everlast75


    Here's an example of the most recent time I felt intimidated, and how I reacted...

    http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=91511806

    I wouldn't say I am easily intimidated. While being over 6 foot and male, I don't look aggressive, although I've worked on my "f**k off and leave me alone" look for when walking by a group of lads..

    Elect a clown... Expect a circus



  • #35
    qo2cj1dsne8y4k
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    Candie wrote: »
    Well, I was raging but it wasn't getting me anywhere to rage over it so at some point I have to let it go or it'd eat me up.

    Their defence was that they were 'only messing'.

    I've been picked up before, not lately though. True to type, these guys pick on the smallest, youngest people they can target. People who don't look like they won't do anything about being abused.


    I was out recently enough and this fella not much older than me came up to me and wouldn't feck off the whole night. It started off as "what's a girl like you doing in here" and worked up to "I know your type alright, think you're too good for everyone else", I was a bit taken aback, I moved away numerous times but he kept coming up to me. He was so offensive. Kept dropping the c word. Saying outrageous things. At the end of the night, he slithered up to me yet again, whispered something I took serious offence to, I lost the plot, picked up his pint and he wore it. The barman came racing out from behind the bar because he was furious and it was about to kick off. He said to me what was I playing at, throwing a drink on somebody was a terrible thing to do but once should be enough to move away from any drunk that's annoying you, and he was told at least ten times to leave me alone.


  • #36
    Peregrine
    Moderators, Education Moderators Posts: 26,424 Mod ✭✭✭✭Peregrine


    Candie wrote: »
    It's still not pre-emptive when they're the first to put their hands on you uninvited.

    I get what you mean though, the reaction has to be proportional.

    I suppose I meant assault causing harm when I said pre-emptive assault. It has to be a proportional reaction using reasonable force, yes.

    It can be more than reasonable in many situations. Picking someone up and throwing them most certainly being one.


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  • #37
    One eyed Jack
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,439 ✭✭✭✭One eyed Jack


    seamus wrote: »
    I guess the thing about physical intimidation is that it doesn't really matter how confident you are as a person, or how well you'd handle yourself in a fight.

    The vast majority of people don't want to get into physical conflicts and naturally fear being injured. So any kind of behaviour that leads you to believe an assault may happen, will intimidate you.

    Even if you're pretty sure you'd lay the guy flat on his back, you don't really want to have to test that out, because you may be wrong.

    People who aren't easily intimidated are the kind who end up in a fight every now and again because they don't really fear getting hurt. These are the kind of people who'll turn up to the pub with a cut on their nose or their face a couple of times a year while the rest of us haven't been in any kind of fight since we were 14.


    A lot of that is true, to an extent. As an adult I've never felt physically intimidated by physical confrontation, but as you say I don't particularly have a fear of being injured. I'd only be thinking about the most immediate way to restrain or subdue the other person (and I'd never risk attempting to go for a kick or punch in the groin because if you get it wrong, the situation escalates pretty quickly and you could leave yourself even more vulnerable).

    I'm easily intimidated in the company of people who are smarter or more intelligent than I am (which tends to happen a lot! :pac:).


  • #38
    everlast75
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 23,024 ✭✭✭✭everlast75


    One eyed Jack wrote: »
    A lot of that is true, to an extent. As an adult I've never felt physically intimidated by physical confrontation, but as you say I don't particularly have a fear of being injured. I'd only be thinking about the most immediate way to restrain or subdue the other person (and I'd never risk attempting to go for a kick or punch in the groin because if you get it wrong, the situation escalates pretty quickly and you could leave yourself even more vulnerable).

    I'm easily intimidated in the company of people who are smarter or more intelligent than I am (which tends to happen a lot! :pac:).

    You're safe here ;)

    Elect a clown... Expect a circus



  • #39
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 26,219 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    everlast75 wrote: »
    Here's an example of the most recent time I felt intimidated, and how I reacted...

    You handled that perfectly.

    I was being followed once and when I felt it was escalating into dangerous territory I turned around and walked quickly back to him and shouted my head off. I mean REALLY shouted my head off, and he got the fright of his life. He took off like a cat with a firework on his tail. The element of surprise is where it's at. :)


  • #40
    manonboard
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,100 ✭✭✭manonboard


    Frowzy wrote: »
    I never felt intimidated until recently when someone became physically aggressive with me. I'm a confident person who always considered myself able to look after me but I just froze, shock I think. To be honest if he hadn't stopped I don't think I could have done anything!

    So I'm going to take a self defence class and never allow myself to be put in that position again. Although I'll learn from experience so I'll be ready if it happens again.

    I took up a self defense class a few months ago for similar reasons. Its helped so much. I strongly pat you on your back for your constructive choice.
    Its helped me be far more confident in my body usage and took alot of edge of fear off being in a physical confrontation. I do Krav Maga near harolds cross.
    I like it because im not a big person and the techniques are very effective and dont require me to be strong.


  • #41
    seamus
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 68,173 ✭✭✭✭seamus


    Olishi4 wrote: »
    I was still ****ting myself when I got off the bus though.
    My anecdotal experience hearing from women is that bus drivers are usually pretty good about this stuff.

    If something like this happens again (though hopefully it won't) go up and chat to the driver, they may offer to drive you on closer to your actual destination or close the doors and chat with you or let you sit on the bus until you're happy the weirdo is gone.

    Even if he only drives you an extra 500m down the road in front of the guy, there's no way he's going to know or catch up to you.


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  • #42
    PandaPoo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,978 ✭✭✭PandaPoo


    I'm not easily intimidated, probably the opposite. I'm very tall for a girl so I guess that helps.

    When I turn the lights off downstairs at night, I run upstairs in case I'm murdered in the dark. Kind of contradicts what I said above, but that's the only time I'm a wimp :D


  • #43
    Dial Hard
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 15,923 ✭✭✭✭Dial Hard


    LexieOnRale wrote:
    I think as soon as another person puts their hands on you, uninvited, they're fair game for a kick in the nuts.

    I was in the Barge a few years back, sitting at the bar, and this one particular guy kept "accidentally" brushing off my ass or boobs every time he came up for a drink.

    I went to the loo at one stage and when I came back, he was standing beside my stool. He did it again as I went to sit down and I very politely informed him thay if he touched me one more time, I'd break his arm. He took rather grave exception to this and swung for me. I ducked, he missed, then got absolutely flattened by about four guys who'd seen him try to punch me and jumped on him.

    He was removed from the premises in a *very* unceremonious manner while I went back to my drink. Schadenfreude is a wonderful thing.


  • #44
    Peregrine
    Moderators, Education Moderators Posts: 26,424 Mod ✭✭✭✭Peregrine


    everlast75 wrote: »
    I don't look aggressive, although I've worked on my "f**k off and leave me alone" look for when walking by a group of lads..

    If someone looks intimidating, I tend to just stay calm, avoid eye contact and look straight ahead at where I'm going.

    And I don't let them smell my fear.
    PandaPoo wrote: »
    When I turn the lights off downstairs at night, I run upstairs in case I'm murdered in the dark. Kind of contradicts what I said above, but that's the only time I'm a wimp :D

    I think a lot of people do that. I like the dark though :D


  • #45
    The flying mouse
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,915 ✭✭✭The flying mouse


    No i not easily intimidated at all, actually when people start to being a bully or being aggressive to me or someone i am with,however slight, it kicks off an massive anger reaction, and yes sometimes it has made the problems worse.


  • #46
    Olishi4
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,469 ✭✭✭Olishi4


    everlast75 wrote: »
    Here's an example of the most recent time I felt intimidated, and how

    I wouldn't say I am easily intimidated. While being over 6 foot and male, I don't look aggressive, although I've worked on my "f**k off and leave me alone" look for when walking by a group of lads..

    This reminds me of a friend of mine. A good of years ago now, but he was in a pub and was getting a bit of hassle from a man. He forgot all about it but later when he went into the toilet, the man and his friend followed him in with a knife but it was butter knife!

    He said to himself "fcuk this, there's two of them so if I back down, I'm fooked" so instead he just turned around to them, looked at the knife and laughed and said "what are you going to do? Butter me?" And then he just walked out.


  • #47
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 26,219 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    PandaPoo wrote: »
    I'm not easily intimidated, probably the opposite. I'm very tall for a girl so I guess that helps.

    When I turn the lights off downstairs at night, I run upstairs in case I'm murdered in the dark. Kind of contradicts what I said above, but that's the only time I'm a wimp :D

    Sure, I check under the bed and have a nightlight.

    Be careful to never let a foot dangle out of the bed though, that's just asking for bogeyman trouble. :)


  • #48
    Penny Tration
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,687 ✭✭✭✭Penny Tration


    DrumSteve wrote: »
    Being assertive is something that comes with practice... sometimes you just need to call people on their ****.

    You'll get there in the end though.

    Thank you :) I'm getting there. Called my old boss out on his sh!t a few weeks ago and walked out of the job, which was a huge deal for me. now to stop the adrenaline shakes after I actually assert myself :pac:


  • #49
    pickarooney
    Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 36,496 Mod ✭✭✭✭pickarooney


    Candie wrote: »
    Well, I was raging but it wasn't getting me anywhere to rage over it so at some point I have to let it go or it'd eat me up.

    Their defence was that they were 'only messing'.

    I've been picked up before, not lately though. True to type, these guys pick on the smallest, youngest people they can target. People who don't look like they won't do anything about being abused.

    ****ing pick up artists :mad:


  • #50
    MadDog76
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,162 ✭✭✭MadDog76


    Everybody gets intimidated, they're lying if they say they don't ......... it's how individuals handle the fear that makes us different.

    Some people will run if a knife is pulled on them, others will get angry and go on the attack ......... fight or flight.

    If I feel that somebody is, in any way whatsoever, trying to physically intimidate me I'll immediately throw the first punch. Why? Because I'm scared of receiving the first punch.


  • #51
    KomradeBishop
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,981 ✭✭✭KomradeBishop


    Penny Tration wrote: »
    Thank you :) I'm getting there. Called my old boss out on his sh!t a few weeks ago and walked out of the job, which was a huge deal for me. now to stop the adrenaline shakes after I actually assert myself :pac:
    I think this is actually the hard part for almost everyone - those able to assert and/or physically defend themselves included - as it's the adrenaline/anxiety, and being able to handle that in situations like this, which is as important as anything else (because e.g. even if you spend a lot of time training self defence, if you don't know how to handle your adrenaline, you can just freeze).

    No matter what anyone does, they're probably going to be shaken after situations like this, if they're not used to it, for the same reason - due to the adrenaline dump - though it's something that can be managed better with practice.


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  • #52
    beks101
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,802 ✭✭✭beks101


    I have a strange reaction to feelings of physical intimidation, I tend to get overly aggressive myself. Especially if someone lays a finger on me. The rage unfolds fairly swiftly. I think it's because I'm five foot nothing and female, I don't feel I can afford to be passive or meek.

    I think the last time it happened was an aggressive junkie on the street who started following me and wouldn't back off. I literally screamed blue murder in his face. He looked stunned and totally stopped in his tracks.

    Intimidation through words I'm less equipped to handle. If someone gives me an undressing with their words or someone smarter than me is overly critical etc, I'll either become totally tongue-tied or shouty and defensive in a "YOUR MA" kind of totally immature way.
    Peregrine wrote: »
    If someone looks intimidating, I tend to just stay calm, avoid eye contact and look straight ahead at where I'm going.

    I took a Public Order course a few years ago as part of a work program and the one thing I took from it was to look someone straight in the face if they appear threatening to you. A stranger walking towards you, for example. Muggers will often 'test' you using eye contact and if you show submissiveness by looking down or to the side, you're basically giving them the green light.

    I'd be a pretty good candidate for a mugging on paper, but it's never happened to me thank god. I'm a nosy fecker when I'm out and about, stare at anyone and anything and tend to walk quickly and frantically and have a definite bitchy resting face. It has its uses!


  • #53
    KatW4
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,495 ✭✭✭KatW4


    Penny Tration wrote:
    Pretty much everyone who isn't pleasant and friendly, scares me.

    I'm exactly like you. I don't like when people shout or get nasty. I get really frightened and cry. Probably something to do with a violent alcoholic dad when I was growing up.

    I also feel intimidated when I'm walking by a group of people, have to speak in front of a group or with someone who I get the feeling that they're looking down on me.


  • #54
    Peregrine
    Moderators, Education Moderators Posts: 26,424 Mod ✭✭✭✭Peregrine


    beks101 wrote: »
    I took a Public Order course a few years ago as part of a work program and the one thing I took from it was to look someone straight in the face if they appear threatening to you. A stranger walking towards you, for example. Muggers will often 'test' you using eye contact and if you show submissiveness by looking down or to the side, you're basically giving them the green light.

    I'd be a pretty good candidate for a mugging on paper, but it's never happened to me thank god. I'm a nosy fecker when I'm out and about, stare at anyone and anything and tend to walk quickly and frantically and have a definite bitchy resting face. It has its uses!

    Oh, God, never look down or look away! I just don't acknowledge them and keep walking while maintaining knowledge of their presence.

    When I look at them, I get the Northside "The fook are you lookin' at?" treatment :D

    I should add that I don't look threatening or intimidating at all. I'm a scrawny bastard.


  • #55
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 26,219 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    KatW4 wrote: »
    I'm exactly like you. I don't like when people shout or get nasty. I get really frightened and cry. Probably something to do with a violent alcoholic dad when I was growing up.

    I also feel intimidated when I'm walking by a group of people, have to speak in front of a group or with someone who I get the feeling that they're looking down on me.

    I think this is worse than being prone to feeling physically intimidated.

    I know I'm small and slight and that makes me vulnerable. I can work around it most of the time, but I wouldn't be able to function at all if I was intimidated by speaking in front of large groups or raised voices.


  • #56
    Penny Tration
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,687 ✭✭✭✭Penny Tration


    KatW4 wrote: »
    I'm exactly like you. I don't like when people shout or get nasty. I get really frightened and cry. Probably something to do with a violent alcoholic dad when I was growing up.

    I also feel intimidated when I'm walking by a group of people, have to speak in front of a group or with someone who I get the feeling that they're looking down on me.

    This is all me, background and all :o I put it down to anxiety (diagnosed obviously), but I'm working on it and getting better at being assertive.


  • #57
    Galwayguy35
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,184 ✭✭✭✭Galwayguy35


    Wouldn't say I'm easily intimidated but I'd still go out of my way to avoid a confrontation if i can help it.

    I usually find ignoring them and moving away works for me, not that it happens too often.


  • #58
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,740 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    I am not at all easily intimidated but it wasn't always like this. An old job of mine required me to deal with conflict on a regular basis and diffuse potentially dangerous situations. My heart would be pounding but I would never ever show my nervousness. From those experiences I've developed a very thick skin.

    However I have never experienced dickish behaviour from men or women towards me on a night out or the threat of violence. I would be scared but my intuition tells me I would handle it.


  • #59
    beks101
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,802 ✭✭✭beks101


    Peregrine wrote: »
    Oh, God, never look down or look away! I just don't acknowledge them and keep walking while maintaining knowledge of their presence.

    When I look at them, I get the Northside "The fook are you lookin' at?" treatment :D

    I should add that I don't look threatening or intimidating at all. I'm a scrawny bastard.

    I live in a particularly shady part of London with some well dodgy characters crawling the streets who will think nothing of ogling, yelling, whistling, even hissing at women.

    I've since got in the habit of staring down anyone who's creeping me out with a definite scowl on my face and it's amazing how much of a difference it makes. If I see it coming in the distance, I will literally stare in the angriest way until I've passed and it's stopped the hassle by about 50% I would say. It's like the difference between telling someone, yeah, go right ahead I'm an easy target...and don.t. you. fcuking. even. think. about. it.


  • #60
    Peregrine
    Moderators, Education Moderators Posts: 26,424 Mod ✭✭✭✭Peregrine


    beks101 wrote: »
    I live in a particularly shady part of London with some well dodgy characters crawling the streets who will think nothing of ogling, yelling, whistling, even hissing at women.

    I've since got in the habit of staring down anyone who's creeping me out with a definite scowl on my face and it's amazing how much of a difference it makes. If I see it coming in the distance, I will literally stare in the angriest way until I've passed and it's stopped the hassle by about 50% I would say. It's like the difference between telling someone, yeah, go right ahead I'm an easy target...and don.t. you. fcuking. even. think. about. it.

    I wouldn't want to be walking past you :D


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  • #61
    r93kaey5p2izun
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,962 ✭✭✭r93kaey5p2izun


    I rarely worry or feel intimidated out and about on my own, walking past groups or whatever. I do get intimidated in situations of conflict or disagreement though, if someone criticises me or even just in conversation with superiors at work. I think living with violent aggressive family members has left me very tolerant of physical threats but extremely sensitive to how verbal arguments or simple difference of opinions can explode at any moment and left me fearful of being assertive. I think it has really affected my professional life.


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