How do men feel when women cry?

I'm a fairly emotional person, I try not to cry about ridiculous things like movies openly infront of my fiancé as I don't want to draw attention to that kind of silly emotion.

My fiancé has always been there when I'm actually upset. Sometimes when he comes home from his high adrenaline job he can be a little agitated so he may be a little detached from me being upset but after relaxing he will come and cheer me up/comfort me.

The only time he has told me to stop crying is in arguments when I'm sure like other posters have mentioned he thinks I'm trying to win or get sympathy. Im actual fact if I cry it's because I genuinely can't deal with the arguing at that moment, usually I'm well able to have an argument, I like to get my point across, not cry my way out of it. Hate that kind of manipulation.

The more I cry, the more my husband shuts off and goes distant. Which is really ironic because sometimes the reason I'm crying is I just need some closeness and I'm tired of him always being busy with something else. I tried explaining that one minute of fussing over me, just a sincere smile and hug, would do me for the whole day, but he is high-functioning autistic and he just isn't a person to whom touch comes naturally.

There's a lot of reason to believe that I'm also high-functioning autistic, but it manifests differently in women and I've got it down to where things are just harder for me, not impossible. I admit that I also feel lost and scared when my husband (or anyone else) is strongly emotional. Christ, what a pair we are. lol...

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Tears in an arguement just sounds draining on everyone. It wouldn't even cross my mind to cry. Even if I was genuinely sad id hate to give him the power to make me cry.

Tears are very draining, but some of us don't have a lot of control over the way our emotions get expressed. I have had many talks with my husband over subjects that upset me and I don't mean to cry but I do. For example, last month, the day I received my pay I paid all the bills and dealt with all the monthly obligations and one-off things we needed, and there was barely enough in the bank for the last direct debit bill and food for the month. I'm not complaining, I have a full tank in the car and a few hundred euro in case of a true emergency. But when I was telling my husband what had happened and we were going over the bank statement, I cried. A lot. And I said, "I'm just upset I let us get this close to the wire. I don't mean to cry. I don't want to cry. I'm sorry." And he said, "I wish you wouldn't do that. You didn't do anything wrong. We have plenty in the freezer and we'll be OK. You worry too much." (Yes, I do.) He was acutely uncomfortable and I wasn't helping, though to be honest I was not in much of a state to be helpful in that way.

Turned on.

There are many differences; I've met a few women in my life who, rather unconsciously I would say, did actually use crying as the ultimate way to get their wishes - they simply used to burst in tears whenever they'd run out of options.

One particularly "funny" occurrence was one girlfriend many years ago, whom I found a couple of times crying when coming back from the gym. She guilted me into giving up exercise to spend more time with her, only to be crying three months later about the fact I had put on weight, which in her mind meant I "didn't care about her" .

Besides the "manipulation" scenarios, I do have very little patience for extreme weakness of character and lack of willpower. I am but an average person - nothing has ever been handed to me on a silver plate, I had to fight for some of the things I achieved, but other than that I can't say I had it particularly harder than the next guy or girl. Yet, I did meet a couple of girls who, faced with even the smallest bump in the road (e.g. a refusal letter from a job application or generally something not going as they wished), rather than steel up and look forward, learning from the experience, started crying and going on about "injustice" and the likes - like a small child. That, is something I actually can't remotely stand.

Other than that (and crying about a concert, or about seeing some idol or one sort or another), I will admit being a sucker - I will try to do as much as I possibly can to help, even if it's just something stupid to lighten the mood.

I've worked with women in the past who were subjected to a relevant amount of mobbing by a$$holish coworkers (long story), and seeing them cry in the office was amongst the saddest things I've experienced - they didn't deserve any of it.

Of course the same goes with a partner - most likely, if she's crying is because of something that deeply affects her (e.g. losing someone), so being supportive is a must in my eyes.

cronin_j wrote: »

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The most awkward one is where a work colleague starts bawling... you cant give em a hug and you cant give out so i tend to just ignore it or fake a concerned face.

Well, it can be awkward, but you spend a relevant amount of time with these people, they are more important than most think. As I said earlier, I would not ignore them. Depending on the level of confidence with the person in question, I'd try to politely offer some help - sometimes even handing a packet of kleenex will go a long way. I don know we live in a completely mental world where everybody wants to see "sexual harassment" into everything, but what the hell...

It obviously depends completely upon the context of what caused the tears. Serious issues illicit sympathy, melodrama results in frustration and manipulation causes utter disdain.

This thread reminded me of an article I read once by Damon Young called "Men just don't trust Women and that's a huge Problem" Here is the part of the article that's relevant to this:

Trust. Well, the lack thereof. Generally speaking, we (men) do not believe things when they’re told to us by women. Well, women other than our mothers or teachers or any other woman who happens to be an established authority figure. Do we think women are pathological liars? No. But, does it generally take longer for us to believe something if a woman tells it to us than it would if a man told us the exact same thing? Definitely!
This conversation is how, after five months of marriage, eight months of being engaged, and another year of whatever the hell we were doing before we got engaged, I realized I don’t trust my wife.

When the concept of trust is brought up, it’s usually framed in the context of actions; of what we think a person is capable of doing. If you trust someone, it means you trust them not to cheat. Or steal. Or lie. Or smother you in your sleep. By this measure, I definitely trust my wife. I trust the **** out of her. I also trust her opinions about important things. I trusted that she’d make a great wife, and a trust that she’ll be a great mother. And I trust that her manicotti won’t kill me.

But you know what I don’t really trust? What I’ve never actually trusted with any women I’ve been with? Her feelings.
If she approaches me pissed about something, my first reaction is “What’s wrong?”

My typical second reaction? Before she even gets the opportunity to tell me what’s wrong? “She’s probably overreacting.”
My typical third reaction? After she expresses what’s wrong? “Ok. I hear what you’re saying, and I’ll help. But whatever you’re upset about probably really isn’t that serious.”

I’m both smart and sane, so I don’t actually say any of this aloud. But I am often thinking it. Until she convinces me otherwise, I assume that her emotional reaction to a situation is disproportionate to my opinion of what level of emotional reaction the situation calls for. Basically, if she’s on eight, I assume the situation is really a six.

I’m speaking of my own relationship, but I know I’m not alone. The theme that women’s feelings aren’t really to be trusted by men drives (an estimated) 72.81% of the sitcoms we watch, 31.2% of the books we read, and 98.9% of the conversations men have with other men about the women in their lives. Basically, women are crazy, and we are not. Although many women seem to be very annoyed by it, it’s generally depicted as one of those cute and innocuous differences between the sexes.