For all the Boardies who no longer have their mother around

06-03-2016 09:45PM

Guy:Incognito wrote: »

Isnt this what facebook is for? It's the only way to guarantee dead friends and relatives will know you care.

What a lousy thing to say when posters are talking about missing their deceased mothers.

Stay classy.

Edward Hopper · 06-03-2016 09:46PM

Guy:Incognito wrote: »

Isnt this what facebook is for? It's the only way to guarantee dead friends and relatives will know you care.

I don't have Facebook, if I did, I wouldn't post about my mum, sometimes it's nice to share things anonymously for your own soul and not others. I'm glad this thread is here, and don't see what harm it does.

Threads like this also give posters the opportunity to show how cool they are by slagging it off, so it's win win.

whiskeyman · 06-03-2016 09:47PM

I couldn't ask for better.
Today must be tough for those who have lost their mother, no matter if recent.
Nice of the OP to recognise that.

king size mars bar · 06-03-2016 09:53PM

Miss my ma, not just today but everyday.

06-03-2016 09:54PM

Got to the cemetary today, was mad about my Mum, she was a great friend to me.

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy · 06-03-2016 10:01PM

Three years this month since we lost her. God, I love how I used to annoy her despite my best intentions. One example:

I served my apprenticeship in a factory which worked night shifts. I fell in with a group which, when we used to finish at 7am friday morning for the weekend, we'd go to the early house for a few pints. Come 2pm, having been up all night, you'd be fairly beered up and I'd walk home.

This used to drive my mam crazy. She thought it was far too early to be walking through the town, then the estate, drunk. She got onto me about it numerous times and told me to get a taxi.

"Taxi home in broad daylight?!" Says me "whaddaya think I am, a millionaire?"

Nonetheless, since I could see it annoyed her, I decided I'd do as she asked.

The very next friday I staggered outta the boozer, instead of heading for home I headed towards the taxi rank. Stood in line with all her friends and neighbours, who were just coming outta Dunnes having did the friday afternoon weekly shop. Me, three sheets to the wind, chatted about all and sundry to them. Even gave them a kiss on the cheek goodbye. Did offer to share the taxi, but they politely declined.

It was sunday before she got to hear about what I'd done. She told me in future that I was just to walk home.

Miss you mam!

whatismyname · 06-03-2016 10:01PM

RobertKK wrote: »

you will always miss your mother when she has parted her last breath and departed this world.

Not necessarily true.

Banjo String wrote: »

Always love your mother, cos you'll never get another.

No, someone doesn't deserve love simply because they happen to be your mother.

There's much more to it than that.

There's no such thing as 'always love your mother', if a mother gave you a horrific life of abuse and neglect, or anything damaging in any way, then no she may not necessarily deserve love, and there shouldn't be any expectation or pressure put on the child to do so.

And if your mother gave you a horrific life of abuse and neglect, or anything damaging in any way, and it hurts you to hear things like 'always love your mother', 'you will always miss your mother when she's gone' etc, I am sorry that that's the case for you, and I'm sorry to anyone who day's like today are tough for for this type of reason, and for the things that people say because they don't know any better, and I am thinking of you.

AllGunsBlazing · 06-03-2016 10:01PM

Definitely a case of not knowing how good you had it until they're gone. Eleven years later and her absence still hurts. Everyone of you that has the opportunity should give yr mum a huge hug. Don't let the chance of telling them how much you love them pass you by.

eviltwin · 06-03-2016 10:02PM

My mother is still alive but not in my life. Its a funny sort of day.

whatismyname · 06-03-2016 10:05PM

eviltwin wrote: »

My mother is still alive but not in my life. Its a funny sort of day.

Mine hasn't been for a couple of decades now, and it's much better that way, and I hope I never see her again.

I definitely find, though, that social media makes it a little harder the past few years.

06-03-2016 10:07PM

Deleted User wrote: »

..............

Then she got sick and I failed her in those first few months. I ran away from it all. I don't visit her as much as I should because I can't bear it. Of course I love her still but it's different now. Yes she is alive but I feel like I don't have a mammy. What does comfort me is that for 30 years I was lucky enough to have had a mother like her.

Tis a sad day alright for some people.

If I was you I'd tell her that, break down in front of her if that what happens, she won't be there forever but you'll carry a lot of stuff (regret) around with you.

My ole lad is getting on now a bit and I struggle with the concept much like yourself, he's not sick or anything, just getting on a bit.

When Mum died we saw it coming (cancer), she told me and my sister we were good kids and that she'd miss us, I asked her to haunt various fnckers if she could, we had a good laugh tbh.

Your mum won't be thinking you failed her at all, Mums aren't wired like that, she might well like to see more of you going forward, that's one thing you can do. It's not easy but you can do it.

Candie wrote: »

I've a lump in my throat reading some of these posts, my heart goes out to all of you who's Mum is gone. If I could give you all a hug, I would.

Cheers

RobertKK wrote: »

My mother died less than three weeks before Christmas in 2011. At the time Sara Barereilles Winter song was out and being played a lot, and it always reminds me of my mother when I hear it, given two lines that resonated at the time of her death.
Happiness and anticipation is the theme when heading towards Christmas as it is about the family, and this song was saying 'This is my winter song, December never felt so wrong, cause you're not where you belong'.

She was a great woman, and still missed.

The Coors had the song about their Mum passing away in the charts around the time my Mum passed away. I can remember doing my weekly shopping at 24 years old and looking enviously at toddlers in the shop as they had their Mum.

I went out with 3 mums in the 12 months following my Mum's death, weird.

Kalimah · 06-03-2016 10:09PM

My mother is dead 30 years in July. I was 23. She never met any of my kids or husband nor any of her grandchildren for that matter. It's so long in the past now I hardly remember her. My father is dead 25 years too. Miss my grandparents more I have to say!

06-03-2016 10:09PM

whatismyname wrote: »

........
There's no such thing as 'always love your mother', if a mother gave you a horrific life of abuse and neglect, or anything damaging in any way, then no she may not necessarily deserve love, and there shouldn't be any expectation or pressure put on the child to do so.

And if your mother gave you a horrific life of abuse and neglect, or anything damaging in any way, and it hurts you to hear things like 'always love your mother', 'you will always miss your mother when she's gone' etc, I am sorry that that's the case for you, and I'm sorry to anyone who day's like today are tough for for this type of reason, and for the things that people say because they don't know any better, and I am thinking of you.

You are 100% correct.

Ice Maiden · 06-03-2016 10:12PM

Other people it is difficult for are those who lost a child or children. I know one person whose only child was stillborn and it is a painful day for her, because it should be her day, but it was taken from her.

06-03-2016 10:15PM

Ice Maiden wrote: »

Other people it is difficult for are those who lost a child or children. I know one person whose only child was stillborn and it is a painful day for her, because it should be her day, but it was taken from her.

Very true, my folks lost their first & second born, Mum frequently mentioned them, I miss them myself even though I was born a few years after them, as my Mum often spoke to me about them both, part of the family there are. Infant deaths.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 06-03-2016 10:18PM

Thank you OP.
My mom passed away when she was 44. Although she was very young, she gave birth to me which is a very special act by anyone's standards and I'm sure the public thank her each and every day.

06-03-2016 10:23PM

Augeo wrote: »

If I was you I'd tell her that, break down in front of her if that what happens, she won't be there forever but you'll carry a lot of stuff (regret) around with you.

My mam is in the final stages of alzheimers now. She spends much of her time asleep or sits with her eyes closed. She doesn't know who I am but I talk away to her as I used to. Before she got to the stage she's at I did tell her I was sorry. Regret is a funny thing. I thought I didn't have any. But I will always regret things regarding my mam.

06-03-2016 10:26PM

Deleted User wrote: »

My mam is in the final stages of alzheimers now. She spends much of her time asleep or sits with her eyes closed. She doesn't know who I am but I talk away to her as I used to. Before she got to the stage she's at I did tell her I was sorry. Regret is a funny thing. I thought I didn't have any. But I will always regret things regarding my mam.

Oh, Persepoly.

Hugs.

I feel for people who know this is the last Mothers Day they'll share with their mums, a friend texted me about how he spent the day with his terminally ill mother, and how they both knew it would be the last. God, that must be so hard.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 06-03-2016 10:30PM

La la la la

06-03-2016 10:46PM

Candie wrote: »

Oh, Persepoly. Hugs.

I feel for people who know this is the last Mothers Day they'll share with their mums, a friend texted me about how he spent the day with his terminally ill mother, and how they both knew it would be the last. God, that must be so hard.

Thank you Candie and Lexie x

It is a sad time but life throws us these challenges and there are always people with far greater struggles. Your poor friend and his mum will treasure every second of today.

Lexie I remember reading a post of yours before and was very touched by it. You seem to have had a great relationship with your dad and death will never ever change that or take away your memories.

wokingvoter · 06-03-2016 10:52PM

eviltwin wrote: »

My mother is still alive but not in my life. Its a funny sort of day.

It's not really anyone's fault but some women just weren't meant to be anyone's mother
I know loads

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 06-03-2016 10:53PM

Fleawuss · 06-03-2016 11:02PM

What a great grown up thread. Only boards could do it. My Ma hated Mother's Day and anything showy or demonstrative. None of her own children could cross that line but her grandchildren destroyed it and she loved them the more for it. She was a warrior, an intellectual and a person of the deepest integrity and probity. I loved her dearly and prosper each day of my life because of her gifts. Sleep well Ma.

Penny Tration · 06-03-2016 11:05PM

There are so many of you here I'd love to give a massive hug.

I'm sure all of your mams knew how much you loved them, and I'm happy so many of you have such lovely memories.

06-03-2016 11:07PM

Fleawuss wrote: »

She was a warrior, an intellectual and a person of the deepest integrity and probity. I loved her dearly and prosper each day of my life because of her gifts. Sleep well Ma.

Thats a really lovely tribute. Really lovely.

whatismyname · 06-03-2016 11:08PM

Penny Tration wrote: »

I'm sure all of your mams knew how much you loved them

Oh, I really, really hope mine never is disillusioned enough to believe something so very untrue

Penny Tration · 06-03-2016 11:10PM

whatismyname wrote: »

Oh, I really, really hope mine never is disillusioned enough to believe something so very untrue

Yeah, I should clarify, I meant that to the people who DO love their mothers and wrote such lovely messages.

I also know there are plenty of people with horrible, awful parents who unfortunately never got to experience love to and from their mum, and I'd imagine it's a difficult time, mourning something you never even knew.

06-03-2016 11:11PM

whatismyname wrote: »

Oh, I really, really hope mine never is disillusioned enough to believe something so very untrue

I said before whatismyname, losing a mothers love must be terrible, but it's the natural order of things. Never having had a mothers love must be much much worse.

I'm really sorry for what you've been through with your mother. Hugs to you too.

whatismyname · 06-03-2016 11:12PM

Penny Tration wrote: »

Yeah, I should clarify, I meant that to the people who DO love their mothers and wrote such lovely messages.

I also know there are plenty of people with horrible, awful parents who unfortunately never got to experience love to and from their mum, and I'd imagine it's a difficult time, mourning something you never even knew.

No worries, Penny. And sorry I'm so tetchy on it. It can just be a really difficult day in so many ways...

Penny Tration · 06-03-2016 11:13PM

whatismyname wrote: »

No worries, Penny. And sorry I'm so tetchy on it. It can just be a really difficult day in so many ways...

Understandable to be tetchy, I should have clarified who my post was directed at in such an emotive thread.

I'm sorry you're having such a difficult day. I'm sure nothing I can say will make it better, but you'll be in my thoughts.

For all the Boardies who no longer have their mother around

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