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No children at wedding drama [READ POST #1 FIRST - MOD]

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    #32
    pkvader
    Registered Users Posts: 329 ✭✭pkvader


    Nothing wrong at all with not inviting kids,people have plenty of time to organise babysitters, I've never brought my kids to a wedding even when they were invited.

    If the person doesn't want to go because they can't bring the kids,so be it.


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    #33
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Deleted User wrote: »
    Agreed. If anything he should be emailing her to apologise for his awful drunken rant.

    Forget about an email. He should be on her doorstep right now begging forgiveness for his totally unacceptable behaviour.


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    #34
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    peteb2 wrote: »
    If they have a 16 year old that wouldn't be considered a child, how would it be difficult to go? They don't need a sitter! She's old enough.

    I wouldn't leave a 16 yr old alone late at night or possibly overnight. It's old enough not to be disruptive at a wedding but not necessarily to be alone late at night.


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    #35
    pkvader
    Registered Users Posts: 329 ✭✭pkvader


    kyogger wrote: »
    TBH, at modern day weddings, it's the guests are footing the bill. I would doubt your wedding was any exception.

    The guests get a great deal though, €150-250 by modern expectations and in return they get what amounts to a hotel carvery dinner.

    No one forces guests to go to a wedding,you get invited,you have the option to decline.


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    #36
    peteb2
    Registered Users Posts: 1,813 ✭✭✭peteb2


    kyogger wrote: »
    TBH, at modern day weddings, it's the guests are footing the bill. I would doubt your wedding was any exception.

    The guests get a great deal though, €150-250 by modern expectations and in return they get what amounts to a hotel carvery dinner.

    Completely off topic!! But get over it and don't attend so!


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    #37
    Pawwed Rig
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Home & Garden Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 22,326 CMod ✭✭✭✭Pawwed Rig


    dori_dormer wrote: »
    I honestly don't know why people invited to a free party feel that their precious children should be invited.

    Free??? Have you ever been to a wedding? They are prohibitively expensive.


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    #38
    cactusgal
    Registered Users Posts: 830 ✭✭✭cactusgal


    kyogger wrote: »
    Your guests had to worry about them.
    Your guests also had to add the expense and hassle of organising babysitting to an already expensive evening.

    That's the absolute beauty of having free will and choice, though. You can just say "no thanks" and stay at home, and not worry a jot about any of those costs. It's totally up to you. It's a wedding invite, not a court summons.


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    #39
    fed up sick and tired
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,015 ✭✭✭fed up sick and tired


    You're perfectly entitled, it's your wedding.

    But what is so interesting about you and your wedding that a few kids wouldn't immediately make more interesting ?

    There were children at our wedding and they made the day. But it was a very small wedding, and we paid for everything. And insisted on 'no gifts, just bring yourselves'. So we didn't have to worry about spending an obscene amount of money.

    There were no selfish parents there doing this kind of crap...
    I've been to parties at 3/4am with kids slumped on chairs and parents nowhere to be found.

    It's just a glutton mentality anyway, to think that a wedding has to always end in a booze-up.


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    #40
    amdublin
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Arts Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 20,650 CMod ✭✭✭✭amdublin


    I appreciate everyone has a different opinion but I have no idea why people want to bring their children to places where there is drinking and partying. You wouldn't bring your child to a 40th in a pub until 2am so I've no idea why you think it's acceptable to bring them to a hotel function room until 2am.


    Anyhoo for me unfortunately it's all or nothing i.e. I would go no kids whatsoever and that's that. And if people don't want to come to a party without their kids then that's their own (very odd imo) decision to make.


    However I think it is complicated by the fact that (obviously) the grooms daughter is going to be there. So what I would do in your circumstance is have only children or young people over 16. This would mean including your future brother in laws child.
    That way you are being fair and equal to everyone.


    I have no idea why the brother and his wife don't want to just go on their own to an adult event and instead want to spend it watching a 16 year old (to make sure no sneaky drinking - which is what I would've been doing at 16) but there you go.


    Appreciate other people see weddings as "family events", for me there are other family events more suited to children e.g. summer (afternoon) bbqs and not drinking events like a wedding, but there you go.


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    #41
    bee06
    Registered Users Posts: 4,514 ✭✭✭bee06


    There is no "one size fits all" to this situation as you can see from the answers you've gotten. In this case it sounds like your fiancé and his brother aren't close, he isn't close with his niece and his daughter isn't close with her cousin so I think it's fine to not invite her. If they were close then I think it would be harsh.


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    #42
    unjedilike
    Registered Users Posts: 195 ✭✭unjedilike


    eviltwin wrote:
    I wouldn't leave a 16 yr old alone late at night or possibly overnight. It's old enough not to be disruptive at a wedding but not necessarily to be alone late at night.


    Plenty of time to organise alternative arrangements, no need to leave her home alone


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    #43
    amdublin
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Arts Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 20,650 CMod ✭✭✭✭amdublin


    P.s. Different strokes for different folks. A lot of people see weddings "as I couldn't not have the kiddies at it, they make the wedding". For me I'm like there is no way I want those kids running around like at a playground at my wedding.


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    #44
    dori_dormer
    Registered Users Posts: 1,919 ✭✭✭dori_dormer


    My sister also just got engaged before Xmas. She's already told us that she's hiring a entertainer/ babysitter in the hotel to occupy the children.

    I think that's very generous of her as there will be about 6 kids under 5 in immediate family. 2 of which will be mine. But I'd honestly prefer to leave the kids at home With a babysitter so I don't have to be checking on them at all lol!

    Some people like their kids at weddings , some don't. If you can't go becAuse of any reason to do with the kids that's fair enough. Don't go. But don't make it a problem for the bride and groom and try and guilt trip them!

    Also I think at 16 she'd liked likelY be demanding an adults meal, not a small portion of nuggets and chips!


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    #45
    R.D. aka MR.D
    Registered Users Posts: 2,643 ✭✭✭R.D. aka MR.D


    I would talk to your husband to be about his feelings. It's such an awful thing that his brother did at his stag doo of all places. Maybe his brother has form for this kind of thing. Maybe he likes the dramatic. Also, what a terrible way to talk about his own niece and her friend!

    It doesn't matter the rights and wrong of excluding children from a wedding. His behaviour was inappropriate. You should also remember: you'll never please everybody.

    I myself am getting married abroad just the two of us and I know if I had of invited my family, they would have complained about the cost and I know they'll complain about not getting to 'see it.' You can’t please all of the people all of the time.

    As another poster said, think about the long game. Try to resolve this the best way you can with your husband to be taking the lead. But don't feel like you have to compromise what you want because then it would just be something else, it always is!


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    #46
    Rubberchikken
    Registered Users Posts: 5,083 ✭✭✭Rubberchikken


    it's horrible when people just don't accept that a wedding can and is the decision of the bride/groom/people who are paying.
    you're right and it could have been loose tongues due to alcohol but still not nice to bring it up.
    most teens i know aren't really 'into' weddings. to them it's a day of sitting around and listening to grown ups talk.

    of course your oh's daughter must be invited. he's her dad. he's getting married to you. it's nice that you're including a friend she can bring. makes the day more fun.

    ignore the comments. if he doesn't show up, his loss. although i think he will. i also think he may feel a bit foolish when he sobers up.
    good luck.


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    #47
    kyogger
    Registered Users Posts: 55 ✭✭kyogger


    dori_dormer wrote: »
    I honestly don't know why people invited to a free party feel that their precious children should be invited

    Lol, 'free party'. Best i have heard yet


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    #48
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    unjedilike wrote: »
    Plenty of time to organise alternative arrangements, no need to leave her home alone

    It's not always possible. It's not the OPs problem but if you have a no child policy then you have to prepare for some people not being able to attend.


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    #49
    peteb2
    Registered Users Posts: 1,813 ✭✭✭peteb2


    kyogger wrote: »
    Lol, 'free party'. Best i have heard yet

    You're right. its in no way free for those throwing it - the bride and groom!!


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    #50
    intheclouds
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,175 ✭✭✭intheclouds


    eviltwin wrote: »
    It's not always possible. It's not the OPs problem but if you have a no child policy then you have to prepare for some people not being able to attend.

    It'd be a blessing for the OP if this guy doesn't attend.

    I feel sorry for people who are so restricted by their children, but that doesn't mean my wedding is going to be ruined to suit them.


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    #51
    kyogger
    Registered Users Posts: 55 ✭✭kyogger


    If everybody is being honest here this is down to misery and financial planning - kids don't give a €100/head if they could/did they would be invited. Why put a kid in a seat, even if they are a close relative, when you could have a distant aquaintance that you last met 4 years ago paying €100 to begrudgingly be there.


    If the real importance was having relatives and loved ones at the wedding then the kids would be at the wedding, for they too are relatives and loved ones. The real importance is what's in the card, everyone here knows that, and there's only so many ways you can dress that fact up.


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    #52
    amdublin
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Arts Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 20,650 CMod ✭✭✭✭amdublin


    By the way op some specific advice re your specific issue:
    I'd say absolutely nothing today and let both your oh and brother get over their hangovers and sort it themselves.


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    #53
    peteb2
    Registered Users Posts: 1,813 ✭✭✭peteb2


    kyogger wrote: »
    If everybody is being honest here this is down to misery and financial planning - kids don't give a €100/head if they could/did they would be invited. Why put a kid in a seat, even if they are a close relative, when you could have a distanct aquaintance that you last met 4 years ago paying €100 to begrudgingly be there.


    If the real importance was having relatives and loved ones at the wedding then the kids would be at the wedding for they too, are relatives and loved ones. The real importance is what's in the card, everyone here knows that, and there's only so many ways you can dress that fact up.

    Married yet? Had kids yet? And before you ask it is relevant to what you say.


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    #54
    mfceiling
    Registered Users Posts: 12,789 ✭✭✭✭mfceiling


    Brother in law is an idiot. You're better off without him there. A wedding is for the bride and groom - they call the shots, no one else.


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    #55
    BabysCoffee
    Registered Users Posts: 4,712 ✭✭✭BabysCoffee


    OMG, your brother in law was bang out of order. Your wedding, you invite who you want. Full stop.

    Look there was drink taken when he had the conversation with you. Bet he feels like a right dope today. He revealed how he felt about no invite for his child and then tried to manipulate you in to changing the invite by saying he wouldn't come. He sounds rude & obnoxious.

    Dont let this turn in to wedding drama. Put a Line under it. Move on.

    Don't engage with the bro in law about it. Let him decide to attend or not.


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    #56
    Sam Kade
    Registered Users Posts: 12,313 ✭✭✭✭Sam Kade


    peteb2 wrote: »
    You're right. its in no way free for those throwing it - the bride and groom!!
    Yeah and all the guests come with musty outfits that have been sitting in the back of their wardrobes with years. They come with their hands hanging and drink free water from the bar all night.


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    #57
    amdublin
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Arts Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 20,650 CMod ✭✭✭✭amdublin


    kyogger wrote: »
    If everybody is being honest here this is down to misery and financial planning - kids don't give a €100/head if they could/did they would be invited. Why put a kid in a seat, even if they are a close relative, when you could have a distant aquaintance that you last met 4 years ago paying €100 to begrudgingly be there.


    If the real importance was having relatives and loved ones at the wedding then the kids would be at the wedding, for they too are relatives and loved ones. The real importance is what's in the card, everyone here knows that, and there's only so many ways you can dress that fact up.

    Nope for me I hate children at drinking events. When I am drinking I like to be surrounded with adults. I don't go to a pub at 9pm on a Saturday night and expect to have to be with adults and their kids for the night. I don't head to the nightclub at 12 expecting adults and their kids.


    For me if you insist on bringing your children to a wedding it should be to the day and to the dinner and then they need to go home or to bed.


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    #58
    peteb2
    Registered Users Posts: 1,813 ✭✭✭peteb2


    Sam Kade wrote: »
    Yeah and all the guests come with musty outfits that have been sitting in the back of their wardrobes with years. They come with their hands hanging and drink free water from the bar all night.

    They have that choice. you do what you need to do. you think I buy a new suit when I go to a wedding? You must be joking.


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    #59
    theoldbreed
    Registered Users Posts: 405 ✭✭theoldbreed


    Thank you all for your replies.
    No I very much doubt I will get an apology, he's a 'my way is right' kind of guy.
    Again I fail to see how having my step daughter to be there complicates things. Of course she will go end of.
    To the poster who said it is all about money. Please. I have a large, close family. No kids from that side either and no problems. We also stated on invites that we don't want gifts and we're serious. We saved long and hard for this party, we want people to relax and have fun. We have everything we need and want.


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    #60
    Sam Kade
    Registered Users Posts: 12,313 ✭✭✭✭Sam Kade


    peteb2 wrote: »
    They have that choice. you do what you need to do. you think I buy a new suit when I go to a wedding? You must be joking.
    So, do you get the free water all night?


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    #61
    BabysCoffee
    Registered Users Posts: 4,712 ✭✭✭BabysCoffee


    BTW, a childless wedding is fairly normal. Ie There is only two options - include children or Don't.

    Guests generally wait for invite, see if children are invited or not and then make arrangements around the invite.

    Guests who presume their kids should be automatically invited are idiots (will prob be the ones who have the baby asleep near the dance floor while they party at 2am) and you are probably better off if they decide to not attend.

    Your bro in law might be doing you a favour.


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