Would you go to a wedding without giving a gift?

Zimmey · 03-01-2016 06:20AM

MadDog76 wrote: »

A 200 guest wedding would maybe, at most, lose 20% so it wouldn't have any adverse affect except the saving of at least €4000 in costs?

My sister's wedding had a 35% decline rate and it wasn't foreign or outlandish. You just never know.

meeeeh · 03-01-2016 10:24AM

Canterelle wrote: »

I don't think it says anything about anybody, in fairness. I think the gist of people's complaints are that it usually costs a lot to go to a wedding and then there's the expectation of 100e pp as present. It's a common thing, whether your friends are well off or not. The whole wedding business can get out of proportion.

Yes it does. There were an awful lot of generalizations about people who are getting married, how people are expected to pay for the party and so on. Weddings are expensive for those organizing them and those going to them, but I would prefer not to have people who go to them just to moan about ceremony,food and costs. If it causes so much hardship than I am sure it would be a favour to everyone to stay at home no matter how close the guest is to couple.

And if you have friends who would resent you coming without a gift of certain amount, well they are your friends and I doubt they are selfish and materialistic only on their wedding day. So if people like spending time with people like that in general then what do they expect for wedding day
.

Baggy Trousers · 03-01-2016 11:53AM

Canterelle wrote: »

I don't think it says anything about anybody, in fairness. I think the gist of people's complaints are that it usually costs a lot to go to a wedding and then there's the expectation of 100e pp as present. It's a common thing, whether your friends are well off or not. The whole wedding business can get out of proportion.

Maybe I am missing a trick but I think €200 for a couple would be seen as a bit on the low side these days. Especially if they are close friends/family. I have heard people openly discuss how much profit (or loss) they made from their wedding which I found distasteful.

From my experience, young people love the first 5/6/7 weddings they attend but after that they become a chore. Many of us would have experienced some years where we went to 5-10 weddings a year in our 20s and 30s. That was tough going. They quickly lost their novelty and they all merged into one formulaic torture in our memory.

Sam Kade · 03-01-2016 01:29PM

Baggy Trousers wrote: »

Maybe I am missing a trick but I think €200 for a couple would be seen as a bit on the low side these days. Especially if they are close friends/family. I have heard people openly discuss how much profit (or loss) they made from their wedding which I found distasteful.

From my experience, young people love the first 5/6/7 weddings they attend but after that they become a chore. Many of us would have experienced some years where we went to 5-10 weddings a year in our 20s and 30s. That was tough going. They quickly lost their novelty and they all merged into one formulaic torture in our memory.

So how much should they give? It's this mentality that puts guests under pressure to give a set amount. A few people that I know that say you should give at least €200 a couple for a wedding gift are the very ones that give small or no gifts.

meeeeh · 03-01-2016 01:52PM

We would rarely give more than 200 as a couple and sometimes we gave gifts that were less than that. All brides and grooms are still speaking to us, so I guess we are ok. I think most of the time is guests and people around the couple that make an issue about what or how much should be given. That being said I wouldn't like to go to.a wedding without a gift.

Excluding close family or very close friends I think very extravagant gift can be vulgar too.

purplecow1977 · 03-01-2016 03:16PM

I was at a wedding recently in a posh location. I drove to the venue. I bought a new dress. I bought the couple a nice gift that cost less than €100. I hope they didn't think it was stingy, but I had already spent quite a bit, and it really was something personal to the couple. Weddings can be mine fields- it's important to remember that the gift alone isn't the only expense. For some, there's new clothes, hair, tan., make up, nails, baby sitters, travelling, staying over, drinks etc. I'm sure any genuine couple wouldn't want their guests living hand to mouth for the sake of giving a substantial gift.

Zimmey · 03-01-2016 03:20PM

Baggy Trousers wrote: »

Maybe I am missing a trick but I think €200 for a couple would be seen as a bit on the low side these days.

What? Not at all. I'd personally think it's a bit high myself.

Azalea · 03-01-2016 03:48PM

I hear far more guests saying you "should" give x amount than couples getting married doing so.

Zimmey · 03-01-2016 03:59PM

Azalea wrote: »

I hear far more guests saying you "should" give x amount than couples getting married doing so.

Yes definitely. I think a lot of marrying couples would hate the thought of their guests feeling pressured to give a certain amount. I know I would!

mayway · 04-01-2016 06:48AM

Zimmey wrote: »

Baggy Trousers wrote: »

Maybe I am missing a trick but I think 200 for a couple would be seen as a bit on the low side these days.

What? Not at all. I'd personally think it's a bit high myself.

200 ??? That would be an outrageous waste of money. Totally ridiculous.

The thread has moved slightly. Of course, when people you know are getting together for a bash then it's always good to go. The problem is the bridezillas spending humongous wadges of cash on utter tat in some sort of deranged pursuit of a "princess" image. They can waste all the money they want and appear as idiotic as they like just don't expect the guests to foot the bill.

When I had a 40th birthday party, I paid for it because it was what I wanted. I wasn't stupid enough or arrogant enough to expect my guests to pay for it. I'm afraid people getting married these days don't know what marriage is actually about. It's pathetic. But it's a free country, so spend what you like on what you like but please ensure you can afford it first.

mayway · 04-01-2016 06:52AM

Zimmey wrote: »

Azalea wrote: »

I hear far more guests saying you "should" give x amount than couples getting married doing so.

Yes definitely. I think a lot of marrying couples would hate the thought of their guests feeling pressured to give a certain amount. I know I would!

Simply remove all doubt, pressure, and worry by never, EVER, being so tacky, thoughtless, unimaginative, and frankly bone idle to give cash as a present. Just be there on the day and celebrate with the happy couple and don't spoil it for yourself by worrying about the unnecessary and insanely stupid debt that the bridezilla has saddled the newly weds with. Remember, it's not your fault.

mayway · 04-01-2016 06:55AM

purplecow1977 wrote: »

I was at a wedding recently in a posh location. I drove to the venue. I bought a new dress. I bought the couple a nice gift that cost less than 100. I hope they didn't think it was stingy, but I had already spent quite a bit, and it really was something personal to the couple. Weddings can be mine fields- it's important to remember that the gift alone isn't the only expense. For some, there's new clothes, hair, tan., make up, nails, baby sitters, travelling, staying over, drinks etc. I'm sure any genuine couple wouldn't want their guests living hand to mouth for the sake of giving a substantial gift.

Well put but "hair, tan, makeup, nails" is venturing into bridezilla territory. You don't need to waste cash on those.

Electric Sheep · 04-01-2016 06:12PM

mayway wrote: »

Well put but "hair, tan, makeup, nails" is venturing into bridezilla territory. You don't need to waste cash on those.

Seriously, do many people get professional makeup and tan done unless they are in the wedding party? It sounds very high maintenance to me.

Spanish Eyes · 04-01-2016 06:47PM

I personally hate Weddings and the boring formula that goes with it. Worst of all is when you are sitting with people you don't know and HAVE to make convo with them for hours, that is sooooo tiring for everyone.

So in my humble opinion guests should be paid to attend, not the other way around.

But if I deign to attend I would indeed give a gift. That doesn't stop me hating weddings though!

Gunslinger92 · 04-01-2016 06:52PM

mayway wrote: »

Well put but "hair, tan, makeup, nails" is venturing into bridezilla territory. You don't need to waste cash on those.

Christ on a bike did you get fleeced in the divorce by a bridezilla or something?

your posts are coming across very bitter.

purplecow1977 · 04-01-2016 07:31PM

mayway wrote: »

Well put but "hair, tan, makeup, nails" is venturing into bridezilla territory. You don't need to waste cash on those.

I don't usually but covering all bases as I know many who DO pay for these.

Electric Sheep wrote: »

Seriously, do many people get professional makeup and tan done unless they are in the wedding party? It sounds very high maintenance to me.

I disagree. I've a fair few (female!) friends who would get these things done for weddings - they obviously feel better having them done otherwise they wouldn't bother. It doesn't have to cost an arm and a leg, you can get the 3 done for about €60 but my point was that these are all expenses that need to be taken into account & can add up very easily when attending a wedding.

Just discovered how to multi-quote -yeahhhhh! (Slightly embarrassed it took me this long!)

meeeeh · 04-01-2016 07:43PM

I like to get hair done, that is about it. But those are optional extras that can be hardly "blamed" on bride and groom and used as an excuse not to give a gift because a cost of wedding is too high.

Baggy Trousers · 04-01-2016 07:49PM

mayway wrote: »

200 ??? That would be an outrageous waste of money. Totally ridiculous.

Relax there chief, I said €200 would be perceived as a bit on the low side...I did not say I thought it was worth it. Things might have changed since the so called "boom" but I witnessed couples giving on average €300 at several weddings. Like most people, I am not a big wedding fan - I find them a waste of time and money. They seem to be all 2 day affairs now which is absolutely ridiculous.

purplecow1977 · 04-01-2016 07:50PM

meeeeh wrote: »

I like to get hair done, that is about it. But those are optional extras that can be hardly "blamed" on bride and groom and used as an excuse not to give a gift because a cost of wedding is too high.

Where was that mentioned?

meeeeh · 04-01-2016 08:10PM

I'm talking in general. It can't be part of cost of attending wedding, it's an optional extra. There are locations awkward to travel to or locations where is no real other option but to stay overweight. Black tie weddings often incur unavoidable costs but nails, blow dry or tan aren't that. It is a bit unfair to complain about cost of the wedding and include those on the list.

Baggy Trousers · 04-01-2016 08:26PM

meeeeh wrote: »

There are locations awkward to travel to or locations where is no real other option but to stay overweight.

How bloody dare you, it's glandular and I am starting Operation Transformation on Wednesday!!!

meeeeh · 04-01-2016 08:29PM

Baggy Trousers wrote: »

How bloody dare you, it's glandular and I am starting Operation Transformation on Wednesday!!!

Hehehe

I think Kindle Fire must have the worst text predictor on the market.

purplecow1977 · 04-01-2016 09:30PM

meeeeh wrote: »

I'm talking in general. It can't be part of cost of attending wedding, it's an optional extra. There are locations awkward to travel to or locations where is no real other option but to stay overweight. Black tie weddings often incur unavoidable costs but nails, blow dry or tan aren't that. It is a bit unfair to complain about cost of the wedding and include those on the list.

You still missed my point.

I didn't complain about those, I just included them as they CAN be costs incurred and they DO all add up. I also reiterated that they don't HAVE to be costly and can be done for €60, which isn't a major expense on its own but can contribute overall to a larger expense.

On that point, a new address, staying overnight etc need not be mentioned as potential costs either as they are avoidable. Why not just wear something you already have, don't bother drinking & then drive home or grab a lift off someone and save the pennies?! Giving a gift could also be deemed as avoidable so therefore you're saying weddings should cost nothing! :rolleyes:

meeeeh · 04-01-2016 09:54PM

purplecow1977 wrote: »

You still missed my point.

I didn't complain about those, I just included them as they CAN be costs incurred and they DO all add up. I also reiterated that they don't HAVE to be costly and can be done for €60, which isn't a major expense on its own but can contribute overall to a larger expense.

On that point, a new address, staying overnight etc need not be mentioned as potential costs either as they are avoidable. Why not just wear something you already have, don't bother drinking & then drive home or grab a lift off someone and save the pennies?! Giving a gift could also be deemed as avoidable so therefore you're saying weddings should cost nothing! :rolleyes:

No I am most certainly not saying that. I am saying that if there is a choice between giving a gift or getting fake tan I would give a gift. And when calculating cost of wedding I would consider blow dry as a treat for myself not a necessary cost of attending a wedding.

Btw why wouldn't you wear something you already have. Almost every dress I bought was worn to at least two weddings and sometimes to some other occasions depending on dress.

That_Guy · 04-01-2016 10:06PM

Who invites people to a wedding expecting a gift? Seems a bit odd to me. Surely the point of inviting people is to share a special day with best mates and family etc. Sure, it's nice to receive a gift but to be expectant of one seems a bit dickish.

Clothes, accommodation, petrol money are costly things before you factor in any sort of gift.

I'd certainly give something but €200 per couple seems really over the top from an earlier suggestion.

Electric Sheep · 04-01-2016 10:14PM

That_Guy wrote: »

Who invites people to a wedding expecting a gift? Seems a bit odd to me. Surely the point of inviting people is to share a special day with best mates and family etc. Sure, it's nice to receive a gift but to be expectant of one seems a bit dickish.

Clothes, accommodation, petrol money are costly things before you factor in any sort of gift.

I'd certainly give something but €200 per couple seems really over the top from an earlier suggestion.

It's a tradition in most cultures to give a wedding gift. I don't think people agonize about them as much in other countries though.;) Just as I've never heard in the US of wedding guests getting professional makeup done - a manicure usually suffices. I am sure it depends on the circles you move in, though.

Sam Kade · 04-01-2016 10:19PM

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

I personally hate Weddings and the boring formula that goes with it. Worst of all is when you are sitting with people you don't know and HAVE to make convo with them for hours, that is sooooo tiring for everyone.

So in my humble opinion guests should be paid to attend, not the other way around.

But if I deign to attend I would indeed give a gift. That doesn't stop me hating weddings though!

Yes, if you are with strangers unless you have something in common you quickly run out of things to talk about. It's time to get away from traditional weddings having the reception in hotels and the same boring ritual over and over.

purplecow1977 · 04-01-2016 10:25PM

meeeeh wrote: »

No I am most certainly not saying that. I am saying that if there is a choice between giving a gift or getting fake tan I would give a gift. And when calculating cost of wedding I would consider blow dry as a treat for myself not a necessary cost of attending a wedding.

Btw why wouldn't you wear something you already have. Almost every dress I bought was worn to at least two weddings and sometimes to some other occasions depending on dress.

Because if you're overweight & have very little choice and already worn a particular dress to death then sometimes something new is sometimes necessary.

A babysitter could be considered a treat too! Anyway. Over labouring of a point now though It still stands. There are a lot of extras which have to be considered in the overall cost of attending a wedding. That's all.

MadDog76 · 05-01-2016 01:32AM

Oh ffs!!

Go or don't go ......... give a gift or don't give a gift ......... most Brides/Grooms won't notice or give a sh*t either way unless you are particularly close to them in which case going to the wedding with a gift goes without saying .......... some miserable fu*kers on this thread, my god!!

Sam Kade · 05-01-2016 02:17PM

MadDog76 wrote: »

Oh ffs!!

Go or don't go ......... give a gift or don't give a gift ......... most Brides/Grooms won't notice or give a sh*t either way unless you are particularly close to them in which case going to the wedding with a gift goes without saying .......... some miserable fu*kers on this thread, my god!!

Yeah, you seem like the life and soul of any party :rolleyes:

Would you go to a wedding without giving a gift?

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