Whats the naughtiest thing you did in 2015

Hammer89 wrote: »

I have experience of one of these places in Toronto. Firstly, I got very drunk, which allowed me to lower my morality enough to engage in these type of seedy adventures.

Then I climbed what seemed like 50 steps in a very narrow stairway in a two-storey building, with the parlour at the top floor naturally. Remember in the third Lord of the Rings, where Frodo and Sam take a back staircase to Mordor or something? That's what the stairs were like. Very long, very steep, and there's just no going back once you reach a certain point.

I should point out that these places have huge lighted signs outside them saying 'massage' - and if the sign is still lighting at, say, 11pm then you know you're in business.

Anyways, after reaching the summit, I knocked on the door a couple of times and was eventually greeted by an Asian woman, who ushered me into the room and told me, in broken English, to keep quiet. It was a little like being in a library, but instead of disturbing students, you'd be disturbing her sleeping kids (probably) and a few businessmen getting w*nked off.

She brings me into a dark room. I'm quite nervous at this point because I've never frequented one of these joints before. She tells me that the room is $40, not including tips. That was the first lie, because it was $60 not including tips. Then she mentions that she'll return with a "very beautiful girl". That was the second lie.

About five minutes passed and I need a shower more than a massage at this point because I'm sweating buckets with nerves. I'm also overthinking things now: "I'm p*ssed and what if I can't get it up?" I ask myself. But I'm in too deep to quit. She comes back with a slightly chubby Asian woman in a bikini and it's show time.

We're left together and she shuts the light off almost instantly, which does nothing for my confidence. I can only assume she heard me speak and wanted to imagine she was giving Colin Farrel or Bono a w*nk instead of me. But things wouldn't happen like that.

I ask can I give her a massage first, you know, to get the juices flowing. She obliges, climbs out of her bikini and lies stomach down on the bed. I should point out that I don't know what's fair game here and what isn't. Can I touch her gee without her sounding the alarm and two sumos coming in and throwing me down those stairs? I ask and I'm given permission. Wonderful. She's on her back at this point.

I'm fingering her, with one finger, for a couple of minutes and it's doing nothing for the little lad. I ask can I suck her nipples and I'm given permission. Wonderful. But it's still not having the desired effect. I need to step things up a notch so I'm then eating her out hoping to wake up junior, but I was basically just licking her pubes for about five minutes because I'm no great shakes in that department. I felt like a cat cleaning itself.

I'm still too soft, and I'm not having her yanking on a soft willy for what could be an hour, so I cut my losses and leave. What's the moral of the story? I don't know, but I think it's a funny tale. I should point out that it's one million percent true.