Single life as a guy...

ancapailldorcha · 20-12-2015 01:50PM

astonaidan wrote: »

Im 29 now and have never had as much attention in my life, when I was 18-23 I would have been to awkward and shy, 34 till 26 I lived in Australia out of my comfort zone got a lot better, spent last while in Canada and its just been going up.
Im guessing guys become more confident in general with age

I'm 28 and I've had close to none. I would have been the same in my early twenties as yourself. Never did the Canada/Australia thing though.

Wibbs · 20-12-2015 02:15PM

Tigger99 wrote: »

I wonder is it that we all become a bit more cynical after some breakups and it can be hander to trust and open up, therefore the rewards are lower than with couples that have only been with each other?

I think there can be an element to that alright. Though if someone has only ever had one partner the temptation to see if the grass is greener could be in play too.

I'm not a guy but it's definitely something I make a conscious effort to do, is to forget the past and enjoy the person's company without assuming they will be like ex's etc.

In my experience and humble I think women are generally much better at reseting the mechanism and more open to future loves than men. When men become cynical they tend to stay that way.

Tigger99 · 20-12-2015 02:41PM

Wibbs wrote: »

When men become cynical they tend to stay that way.

That's a pity. I know what you mean tho, unfortunately I've seen that myself.

Might also go some way in explaining the feeling that there are less available men than women in our thirties. Maybe it's emotionally available as well as single that counts? I don't mean that as an insult, just that they are more cynical.

silverharp · 20-12-2015 03:32PM

Tigger99 wrote: »

That's a pity. I know what you mean tho, unfortunately I've seen that myself.

Might also go some way in explaining the feeling that there are less available men than women in our thirties. Maybe it's emotionally available as well as single that counts? I don't mean that as an insult, just that they are more cynical.

there have been a lot of socio economic changes in the last 20 years , there are whole professions that are becoming female dominated like law , medicine and accounting that would have been male dominated in the past, which is cool but in places like the US or Britain professional women are competing for a smaller pool of acceptable mates. Ive no idea if there is a similar problem in ireland?

Tigger99 · 20-12-2015 04:23PM

I think it can be a problem, but only for women who use a particular career to judge a man's "acceptability" as you put it

It's a very narrow criteria and gives no indication as to their character in terms of kindness or having a sense of humour.

silverharp · 20-12-2015 05:19PM

Tigger99 wrote: »

I think it can be a problem, but only for women who use a particular career to judge a man's "acceptability" as you put it It's a very narrow criteria and gives no indication as to their character in terms of kindness or having a sense of humour.

its common enough though , women will tend to marry up or sideways but generally not down. A female "high flier" will probably not seek out a man who is say a teacher even though on paper they would make a great team whereas a guy wouldnt have an issue with this if the roles were reversed.

Wibbs · 20-12-2015 05:29PM

Yes, but that sorta thing is much more a "rule" in places like the US. In countries with more social support it's less a factor. So for example in the US mandatory paid maternity leave is a relatively recent regulation, medical care costs a small fortune etc so women would naturally look for provider men for good reason. Developing nations would also have cultures where the women would be much more concerned with the man's pay packet. It's subtle differences like this that make me dubious about comparing such cultures with Ireland.

Potatoeman · 20-12-2015 05:30PM

Tigger99 wrote: »

I think it can be a problem, but only for women who use a particular career to judge a man's "acceptability" as you put it It's a very narrow criteria and gives no indication as to their character in terms of kindness or having a sense of humour.

I wouldn't say it's as big an issue here as the states based on materialism or the continent based on class but I think it's more common for a man to be seen as not husband/father material.

Men and women have different preferences and criteria but it all ultimately evens out.

astonaidan · 20-12-2015 06:25PM

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

I'm 28 and I've had close to none. I would have been the same in my early twenties as yourself. Never did the Canada/Australia thing though.

Hey youre a mod so beat me their

For me Australia was a eye opener, I left my small town where honestly I wasnt popular at all, went over their and well it was so different. Made friends easily as everyone was in the same boat, so really came out of my shell and well attention from girls followed
Came home and girls from the same town that never looked at me before would flirt with me, although I wouldnt give them a second glance now :pac:
Went to Canada then and same all over like really pretty girls buying me drinks(not that I say this happens all the time but regularly enough)
and well the only correlation I could think was that I twice left my small town for the wild world, had to look after myself and well now I happy happy with a girl from Argentina back in my small town

:D

the evasion_kid · 20-12-2015 06:27PM

Wibbs wrote: »

Yes, but that sorta thing is much more a "rule" in places like the US. In countries with more social support it's less a factor. So for example in the US mandatory paid maternity leave is a relatively recent regulation, medical care costs a small fortune etc so women would naturally look for provider men for good reason. Developing nations would also have cultures where the women would be much more concerned with the man's pay packet. It's subtle differences like this that make me dubious about comparing such cultures with Ireland.

if you want to see hypergamy in action travel through indonesia,thailand or the other countries in south east asia,theres a reason these old,fat,balding men holiday down there.

discus · 20-12-2015 06:58PM

the evasion_kid wrote: »

if you want to see hypergamy in action travel through indonesia,thailand or the other countries in south east asia,theres a reason these old,fat,balding men holiday down there.

Why do lads who never get laid
a) use the word hypergamy the whole time? Really, why?

and b) assume that it is only ever witnessed in the far east where supposedly women are both 'hypergamous' and at the same time 'traditional women'?

Women are shagging left right and centre right here in the west.

the evasion_kid · 20-12-2015 07:11PM

discus wrote: »

Why do lads who never get laid
a) use the word hypergamy the whole time? Really, why?

and b) assume that it is only ever witnessed in the far east where supposedly women are both 'hypergamous' and at the same time 'traditional women'?

Women are shagging left right and centre right here in the west.

a)thats a hell of an assumption...

b) the last time i checked the practice of marrying up is called "hypergamy"....

c)considering these countries are considered developing or poorer compared to the west, its easy to see why women in these places engage in it...

Confucius say · 20-12-2015 08:12PM

i could never underarm how guys marry girls they meet from poor countries like Thailand etc, as someone said before it's always the guys that can't usually get much else. Would you not just feel like a walking dollar sign?

PucaMama · 20-12-2015 08:12PM

discus wrote: »

Why do lads who never get laid
a) use the word hypergamy the whole time? Really, why?

and b) assume that it is only ever witnessed in the far east where supposedly women are both 'hypergamous' and at the same time 'traditional women'?

Women are shagging left right and centre right here in the west.

Hypergamy is part of their whole way of speaking. Like calling women females. Calling marrying the best partner hypergamy, giving it a name, allows for it to be seen as a negative thing. Not in the case of men going for the best woman they can. Only women who go after other men.

Confucius say · 20-12-2015 08:46PM

Big Bad Nigga wrote: »

Bye bye craaaazy obsessive rereg.

There are so many things wrong with this post that I'm just going to ignore your input hereafter!

Wibbs · 20-12-2015 09:10PM

Confucius say wrote: »

i could never underarm how guys marry girls they meet from poor countries like Thailand etc, as someone said before it's always the guys that can't usually get much else. Would you not just feel like a walking dollar sign?

True, though don't always assume because of the country of origin. I know a chap married to a Thai lass and she'd be much higher than him in career, cash and social pecking order. To be fair he's a good looking lad and only about five years older, so.. A mate of mine is with a Filipino lass and there is a big age gap, like over 20 years, but again she'd be anything but poor, well educated too(she just digs older blokes. As does her sister). So neither are the fat greasy 60 year old ex pat with a child bride. That's pretty disgusting IMH. Ditto for those young African lads hopping on 60 odd year old women from Cleethorpes and the like. Both are shudder worthy and shows how desperate folks can be.

Mister Vain · 20-12-2015 09:29PM

I reached a point in my late 20's where I started to panic because I was getting close to 30 and had never been in a serious relationship. So I took a real proactive approach and really put myself out there, going to bars and clubs regularly (despite never liking them much), joining clubs I wasn't particularly interested in, and of course online dating. Basically I was doing a lot of things I didn't enjoy doing, and the more I tried the more depressing it got.

Eventually I said, "feck this" and decided I was only going to do things I enjoyed doing. Now I have a couple of hobbies that I like which have allowed me to meet new people in a relaxed environment, and while I haven't met anyone that I'd like to start a relationship with, I'm still a lot happier now at 32 than what I was in my 20's when I was doing all that "chasing." The thrill of the chase is only fun if it actually leads somewhere.

The problem is its easy to get set in your ways as you get older. Also if you turn someone down that you're not interested in, people get suspicious and think you're odd or even gay. It's like if you've been single for a long time they just expect you to take any offer that comes along.

Gael23 · 20-12-2015 10:00PM

I can see all the points of view here. I'm 24 and a relationship isn't on my mind just now, I'm happy being my own person. Having said that, going through life and never having kids bothers me a bit. A mans purpose is to pass on his genes and all that.

Pawwed Rig · 20-12-2015 10:21PM

Confucius say wrote: »

i could never underarm how guys marry girls they meet from poor countries like Thailand etc, as someone said before it's always the guys that can't usually get much else. Would you not just feel like a walking dollar sign?

Depends really. Just because someone is from a poor country does not make them poor or desperate.

Wibbs · 20-12-2015 10:27PM

Indeed PR, nearly as a rule one of the defining characteristics of a poor country is the huge rich/poor divide.

Confucius say · 21-12-2015 12:01AM

Gael23 wrote: »

I can see all the points of view here. I'm 24 and a relationship isn't on my mind just now, I'm happy being my own person. Having said that, going through life and never having kids bothers me a bit. A mans purpose is to pass on his genes and all that.

If it's any consolation the best thing you can do for our planet is not reproduce

ancapailldorcha · 21-12-2015 12:19AM

astonaidan wrote: »

Hey youre a mod so beat me their
For me Australia was a eye opener, I left my small town where honestly I wasnt popular at all, went over their and well it was so different. Made friends easily as everyone was in the same boat, so really came out of my shell and well attention from girls followed
Came home and girls from the same town that never looked at me before would flirt with me, although I wouldnt give them a second glance now :pac:
Went to Canada then and same all over like really pretty girls buying me drinks(not that I say this happens all the time but regularly enough)
and well the only correlation I could think was that I twice left my small town for the wild world, had to look after myself and well now I happy happy with a girl from Argentina back in my small town :D

I got a job in my area in the UK a few years ago which went sour quickly. I'd like to think I would have went to Canada had that not happened.

Potatoeman · 21-12-2015 12:10PM

Having a white partner is a status symbol in many parts of Asia. The older man in particular is seen as a good provider and stable.

Potatoeman · 21-12-2015 12:19PM

PucaMama wrote: »

Hypergamy is part of their whole way of speaking. Like calling women females. Calling marrying the best partner hypergamy, giving it a name, allows for it to be seen as a negative thing. Not in the case of men going for the best woman they can. Only women who go after other men.

That's your interpretation of how people use the word. I havent meet many men that judge a woman as an unsuitable long term partner because of her low paying job. There are traditional reasons for these preferances.

Seanachai · 21-12-2015 12:47PM

Confucius say wrote: »

If it's any consolation the best thing you can do for our planet is not reproduce

That would be if he was called Fine-Gael23 Confucius

silverharp · 21-12-2015 01:58PM

Potatoeman wrote: »

That's your interpretation of how people use the word. I havent meet many men that judge a woman as an unsuitable long term partner because of her low paying job. There are traditional reasons for these preferances.

probably even an element of biological programming which influences behaviour. In evolutionary terms how people picked their partners made sense.

today things like simple logistics might be a factor for instance a woman whose job revolves around unsocial hours will have a harder time compared to a woman who makes less money, this could affect a high flier surgeon or waitress.

Potatoeman · 21-12-2015 02:55PM

silverharp wrote: »

probably even an element of biological programming which influences behaviour. In evolutionary terms how people picked their partners made sense.

today things like simple logistics might be a factor for instance a woman whose job revolves around unsocial hours will have a harder time compared to a woman who makes less money, this could affect a high flier surgeon or waitress.

The logistics would be a problem for both men and women. The bigger issue would be marrying down. Women seem less likely to do it. A male surgeon might marry a waitress but a female surgeon is less likely to marry a waiter.

mzungu · 21-12-2015 03:55PM

Gael23 wrote: »

I can see all the points of view here. I'm 24 and a relationship isn't on my mind just now, I'm happy being my own person. Having said that, going through life and never having kids bothers me a bit. A mans purpose is to pass on his genes and all that.

I can't say I agree there. It makes the whole decision to have kids seem a bit mechanical, like its something being ticked off a shopping list. I know people who have started families for this very reason, and it has never sat quite right with me. A mans purpose, if anything, is to pursue his interests and enjoy life. If kids come into the equation and he is fine with that...well there is no problem there. The whole idea of having kids out of a misguided sense of duty is flawed. Totally the wrong reason to decide to start a family.

PucaMama · 21-12-2015 06:26PM

Potatoeman wrote: »

The logistics would be a problem for both men and women. The bigger issue would be marrying down. Women seem less likely to do it. A male surgeon might marry a waitress but a female surgeon is less likely to marry a waiter.

Maybe it's because women usually are left to care for the children? Like the women might have to miss time with work, loosing money etc? And might not want to drastically change their lifestyle to fit a way smaller income after having a family? Yeah the father can look after the children like a stay at home father but the father can't carry and give birth to them.

Pawwed Rig · 21-12-2015 06:45PM

PucaMama wrote: »

Yeah the father can look after the children like a stay at home father but the father can't carry and give birth to them.

Good point
And he is not permitted to take leave when the baby is born and is very unlikely to gain custody in the event of a separation regardless of whether he is a stay at home father or not. So the State is dictating this more than anything else.

anyway we have gone off topic

'single life as a guy'..............

Single life as a guy...

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