Single life as a guy...

fits · 17-12-2015 09:46AM

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

I've seen it here as well. I used to work with a fair few nurses. Most of them were in their mid to late twenties and seemed to think they needed to get hitched ASAP along with the other "life badges", ie mortgage and a kiddie on the way.

I dont know why I keep coming back to this thread since it has absolutely nothing to do with me. But I just have to say, there is nothing wrong with people in their twenties wanting to have children and a house. Its probably quite sensible actually if you know what you want in life.

The majority of my friends in our mid to late thirties have not settled down (recession, house prices, unsecure work etc) and I dont think we are better off as a group because of it. Researchers in particular are having it bad right now. Its the pits in terms of job security, need for mobility etc.

ancapailldorcha · 17-12-2015 09:48AM

fits wrote: »

I dont know why I keep coming back to this thread since it has absolutely nothing to do with me. But I just have to say, there is nothing wrong with people in their twenties wanting to have children and a house. Its probably quite sensible actually if you know what you want in life.

The majority of my friends in our mid to late thirties have not settled down (recession, house prices, unsecure work etc) and I dont think we are better off as a group because of it.

I wasn't implying that there was. I was just pointing out that it seemed to be a bit more common than in Ireland where not many of the people I grew up with are married.

Seanachai · 18-12-2015 09:37AM

mzungu wrote: »

Speaking of old fashioned, a few years back a chap I used to know was telling me that his mother was convinced he was gay. He was 2 or 3 years single at the time (aged 27) and his mum had told all her friends that he was gay, because there is no way in hell (in her mind) that any man could be single that long without good reason. Hence the embarrassment of him having to correct people when they congratulated him for coming out. Anyways...fast forward 9 years, just saw on Facebook he has just had his first child with his partner (female).

Quality.....I'm using both of those next time I get questions like that thrown at me!

The f**kin auld wench

, I'd have spiked her tea with eye drops. What a lousy thing to do, ffs.

Lithium93_ · 18-12-2015 09:56AM

Single life it ain't so bad, with everything else in life, it has it's pros and cons.. That said I've had my heart broken a few times, so that kinda enforces that relationships really ain't my thing, but at 22 years old, I am going to enjoy being single as much as i can, then maybe somewhere down the line, maybe settle down.. Ya never really know what life is going to throw your way.

Doylers · 18-12-2015 10:13AM

Lithium93_ wrote: »

Single life it ain't so bad, with everything else in life, it has it's pros and cons.. That said I've had my heart broken a few times, so that kinda enforces that relationships really ain't my thing, but at 22 years old, I am going to enjoy being single as much as i can, then maybe somewhere down the line, maybe settle down.. Ya never really know what life is going to throw your way.

Speaking as a 23 year old I relate. Had a long term relationship for 6 years and have been single the last year. I can honestly say this past year I have grown massively in myself and in my outlook on life, being single can remove the complacency.

At our age its probably better to stay single right now, a relationship would almost limit potential and overcomplicate choices. Its best to wait until your working somewhere and you fell yeah I'm happy here time to put down a few roots.

Lithium93_ · 18-12-2015 10:32AM

Doylers wrote: »

Speaking as a 23 year old I relate. Had a long term relationship for 6 years and have been single the last year. I can honestly say this past year I have grown massively in myself and in my outlook on life, being single can remove the complacency.

At our age its probably better to stay single right now, a relationship would almost limit potential and overcomplicate choices. Its best to wait until your working somewhere and you fell yeah I'm happy here time to put down a few roots.

Yeah, being loved up is good for a while, but it ain't all it's built up to be, and when your with someone for x amount of time, you really kinda miss the single routine, doing whatever you want, when you want, not waiting around on the OH..

At 16 i thought i had it all figured in terms of a girlfriend, but fast forward to 22 i still don't have a clue.. Just was lucky I fell for certain women when i did, and that was a good thing in a weird way... Plus my mam said she doesn't want grand kids until she's well into her 50's, pushing into 60, so got years to go..

Going to enjoy it as best as i can.

Pawwed Rig · 18-12-2015 10:34AM

Seanachai wrote: »

The f**kin auld wench , I'd have spiked her tea with eye drops. What a lousy thing to do, ffs.

Mod note
Up the standard of posting a bit please Seanachai.

tashiusclay · 18-12-2015 11:10AM

Lithium93_ wrote: »

Single life it ain't so bad, with everything else in life, it has it's pros and cons.. That said I've had my heart broken a few times, so that kinda enforces that relationships really ain't my thing, but at 22 years old, I am going to enjoy being single as much as i can, then maybe somewhere down the line, maybe settle down.. Ya never really know what life is going to throw your way.

Speaking as a mid 30's male, If you could hold off on committing to a long term relationship till you're around the 30 mark, and perhaps focus on yourself and your career etc, you may very well thank yourself in the long run, you'll get a lot of life experience and clarity on life as your 20's rumble by, and you'll be significantly surer of what you want, and don't want, in life, because of that experience that those years will teach you.

And just speaking from personal experience, dating seems to get a lot easier for us men as we enter our 30's, a lot easier than it was in my 20's.

Wibbs · 18-12-2015 12:37PM

tashiusclay wrote: »

dating seems to get a lot easier for us men as we enter our 30's, a lot easier than it was in my 20's.

+1. I wouldn't have been doing too badly at 25, but no way was I in demand or anything like it, but at 35, bloody hell. Came as a shock TBH.

As for "settling down"? I dunno, there are a lot of variable and personality differences at play. Personally I'd think any man who gets hitched before thirty needs help.

But I know couples who married young and it worked out well. It can sometimes be an issue for men who play the field too much. They can become very cynical, especially if the heart gets broken along the way. IMH and IME women are generally far better at resetting their "Love clock" compared to men. More optimistic that the next guy might be the One*. Sometimes it's not even cynicism particularly, more a case getting used to the same old romantic dance and boredom sets in. It's all a lot more "new" at 22, or if you're only at the second or third relationship in.

*a nonsense notion and a notion to be avoided.

Potatoeman · 18-12-2015 03:50PM

Wibbs wrote: »

+1. I wouldn't have been doing too badly at 25, but no way was I in demand or anything like it, but at 35, bloody hell. Came as a shock TBH.

As for "settling down"? I dunno, there are a lot of variable and personality differences at play. Personally I'd think any man who gets hitched before thirty needs help. But I know couples who married young and it worked out well. It can sometimes be an issue for men who play the field too much. They can become very cynical, especially if the heart gets broken along the way. IMH and IME women are generally far better at resetting their "Love clock" compared to men. More optimistic that the next guy might be the One*. Sometimes it's not even cynicism particularly, more a case getting used to the same old romantic dance and boredom sets in. It's all a lot more "new" at 22, or if you're only at the second or third relationship in.

*a nonsense notion and a notion to be avoided.

I think its the same for both and depends on who is doing the dumping. No one likes getting dumped. It's usually the girl dumping the guy in their twenties but the guy dumping the girl in their thirties.

Doylers · 18-12-2015 04:51PM

Potatoeman wrote: »

I think its the same for both and depends on who is doing the dumping. No one likes getting dumped. It's usually the girl dumping the guy in their twenties but the guy dumping the girl in their thirties.

Is it women at 30+ are ready to settle down but in their 20s its all live there life do whatever etc. I heard thats the case from somewhere.

Stealthfins · 18-12-2015 05:51PM

I'm now 40,looking like I'll be single by Christmas.
Oh well sure it could be worse,I could be having a rough Christmas with someone who's not my match or me her match.

Back to the fishing and surfing ðŸ˜

I mean like catching bass from a beach and surfing waves on slabs around the coast of Clare.....

Potatoeman · 19-12-2015 05:46PM

Doylers wrote: »

Is it women at 30+ are ready to settle down but in their 20s its all live there life do whatever etc. I heard thats the case from somewhere.

It depends on how long the couple are together. At 30+ single women that want kids, frequently will have a timetable for the relationship. The guy can feel very pressured to progress things even though he doesn't have the same timetable in mind.

The older men get the more likely their carrier is to advance and their provider status increases. The older women get the more their fertility decreases. So it's tougher for both at different stages in their lives.

Confucius say · 20-12-2015 12:22AM

Weird that I was moaning here the other day and then Thursday night some quare one brings me home after going out for "one drink" and being in the liquor rooms till 3am... Maybe Confucius has got his mojo back. Not that I ever had one really! I forgot how much fun these crazy nights are when I was in a relationship.

ancapailldorcha · 20-12-2015 10:41AM

Wibbs wrote: »

+1. I wouldn't have been doing too badly at 25, but no way was I in demand or anything like it, but at 35, bloody hell. Came as a shock TBH.

I'm bound to have asked this before but I've never understood why men in their 30's would have an easier time than in their 20's. I'm hoping that it's true for my own sake but I still don't get it.

silverharp · 20-12-2015 10:46AM

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

I'm bound to have asked this before but I've never understood why men in their 30's would have an easier time than in their 20's. I'm hoping that it's true for my own sake but I still don't get it.

the "marketplace" tips in men's favor. it wouldnt be apparent to any men in their twenties.

astonaidan · 20-12-2015 11:21AM

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

I'm bound to have asked this before but I've never understood why men in their 30's would have an easier time than in their 20's. I'm hoping that it's true for my own sake but I still don't get it.

Im 29 now and have never had as much attention in my life, when I was 18-23 I would have been to awkward and shy, 34 till 26 I lived in Australia out of my comfort zone got a lot better, spent last while in Canada and its just been going up.
Im guessing guys become more confident in general with age

Wibbs · 20-12-2015 11:28AM

Could be all sorts of reasons. Tend to have more security in your 30's, have more life experience, so tend to be more interesting and more confident. Also signs of attraction and interest you'd miss at 25 you rarely would at 35. Simple logistics can come into it too. IE at 25 the age range most men go out with would be from about 20-25/6. Yes the older woman age gap scenario plays out and often works well but it's rarer(or was when I was 25). At 35 the age range tends to widen, 25-25/6 sorta thing(at 34 I was seeing a 22 year old for a year, at 35 a 25 year old for the same length, at 37 I was seeing a 24 year old for three years). That's before the whole a woman in her 30's is much more into settling down and starting a family than the same woman is at 25. That's all painted in very broad strokes of course and there are a lot of factors at play. EG if you're looking old and worn out at 35 it's not gonna stand to you.

silverharp · 20-12-2015 12:30PM

I have a son barreling into his teenage years , without prejudging him but academically I'd be nudging him towards some kind of engineering or similar but as overall advice regarding women it would be to play the long game,spend your teens and twenties investing in yourself , career ,sports and social activities. forget girls in school and dont take them too seriously at that age focus on your mates because its normally when you make a few good friends for life, give it 10 years and you simply wont remember the names of most of the girls in your class etc. Again in college focus on the goal but it should get a little easier to find a decent girlfriend or 2 but keep it light, it's the time for going of on J1's etc. next come your twenties focus on your career, dont settle down too early as you will only be hitting your peak in your late twenties. At that stage the dating dynamic beings to change and as Wibbs mentioned the dating range expands for men and from a woman's perspective their pool of eligible men begins to drop off. At that stage decide what your goals are and find someone who fits in with them if thats what you want
My own dad died when I was young so its something thats important to me to be able to pass on some useful advice. I dont know if was just me or were most men left to figure it out for themselves?

Tigger99 · 20-12-2015 12:49PM

I think that's a very structured and planned way for your son to approach his lovelife but it makes a few assumptions. I see two guys I know that met their wives when they were 16. Of all the guys I know they have achieved most in their careers, travelled a lot and are very involved in their particular sports. I think there can be a danger of assuming that being in a long term relationship /married means a lot of sacrifice. They married women that support them and are generally their cheerleaders. That sort of positive relationship is thankfully the norm in my social circle. I say thankfully as I see more negative than positive stories on this thread.

Achieving goals in life and having a girlfriend isn't mutually exclusive. I suppose I'd be concerned that you would be giving your son a different message that may leave him feeling quite cynical towards women and he may miss out on the best person for him as he won't start looking until he's in his thirties.

Wibbs · 20-12-2015 12:59PM

silverharp wrote: »

My own dad died when I was young so its something thats important to me to be able to pass on some useful advice.

What's that military maxim? The best laid strategies can fall asunder in the face of the enemy. :pac: You really can't begin to plan that stuff and chances are your advice about women will be ignored the first time he falls in love. Rightly too IMH. He'll have to learn all the good and all the bad and the mostly in the middle stuff for himself.

I dont know if was just me or were most men left to figure it out for themselves?

I'd reckon so in general it's work it out as you go along yea. Can't recall my oul lad ever giving advice on that score. Mind you him being older getting hitched has influenced me subconsciously from early on.

Wibbs · 20-12-2015 01:04PM

Tigger99 wrote: »

I see two guys I know that met their wives when they were 16. Of all the guys I know they have achieved most in their careers, travelled a lot and are very involved in their particular sports. They married women that support them and are generally their cheerleaders.

Funny enough T among the healthiest couples I know and have known there is most certainly a very strong bias towards those who met and married their "first love".

Log9 · 20-12-2015 01:09PM

Maybe. Although I know a few people who met, married and subsequently are divorced from their first love too.

It's very hard to generalise.

Tigger99 · 20-12-2015 01:09PM

I wonder is it that we all become a bit more cynical after some breakups and it can be hander to trust and open up, therefore the rewards are lower than with couples that have only been with each other?

I'm not a guy but it's definitely something I make a conscious effort to do, is to forget the past and enjoy the person's company without assuming they will be like ex's etc.

Tigger99 · 20-12-2015 01:13PM

Log9 wrote: »

It's very hard to generalise.

True. I suppose my anecdotes were partly in response to a generalisation over the past few posts that being with a partner limits people. Restricted ambition, travel, fun, late nights etc. Not with the right person it doesn't.

silverharp · 20-12-2015 01:26PM

Tigger99 wrote: »

I think that's a very structured and planned way for your son to approach his lovelife but it makes a few assumptions. I see two guys I know that met their wives when they were 16. Of all the guys I know they have achieved most in their careers, travelled a lot and are very involved in their particular sports. I think there can be a danger of assuming that being in a long term relationship /married means a lot of sacrifice. They married women that support them and are generally their cheerleaders. That sort of positive relationship is thankfully the norm in my social circle. I say thankfully as I see more negative than positive stories on this thread.

Achieving goals in life and having a girlfriend isn't mutually exclusive. I suppose I'd be concerned that you would be giving your son a different message that may leave him feeling quite cynical towards women and he may miss out on the best person for him as he won't start looking until he's in his thirties.

i'd assume any advice would be discounted to some extent :pac: , I guess the main point I'd want to get across is to relax about the whole thing, and that you tend to become a better version of yourself as time goes on.

Its interesting to see things from different perspectives , I dont know anybody that married someone they knew from their teen years. Some met their future wives in college but mostly later. Ive no strong opinion on whether one's wife should be a cheerleader or equal partner. Some of my friends are married to women in the same profession and others the wife is very much the housewife.

Tigger99 · 20-12-2015 01:30PM

I get you about being a better version of yourself.

Just a clarification on the term cheerleader, partners can be both that and an equal partner. It's about being supportive and positive, which we all need in a partner I think.

Anyways best of luck to your son. I hope he is very happy in whatever he does

Potatoeman · 20-12-2015 01:33PM

Wibbs wrote: »

Could be all sorts of reasons. Tend to have more security in your 30's, have more life experience, so tend to be more interesting and more confident. Also signs of attraction and interest you'd miss at 25 you rarely would at 35. Simple logistics can come into it too. IE at 25 the age range most men go out with would be from about 20-25/6. Yes the older woman age gap scenario plays out and often works well but it's rarer(or was when I was 25). At 35 the age range tends to widen, 25-25/6 sorta thing(at 34 I was seeing a 22 year old for a year, at 35 a 25 year old for the same length, at 37 I was seeing a 24 year old for three years). That's before the whole a woman in her 30's is much more into settling down and starting a family than the same woman is at 25. That's all painted in very broad strokes of course and there are a lot of factors at play. EG if you're looking old and worn out at 35 it's not gonna stand to you.

The old saying springs to mind 'Boys chase girls, women chase men'. Think about the amount of time you spend chasing girls in your twenties and what you are willing to tolerate in your twenties compared to your thirties.

Men are also far less likely to judge a woman on her job. So they are more open to dating someone that is less educated and less financially secure.

Lithium93_ · 20-12-2015 01:40PM

Potatoeman wrote: »

The old saying springs to mind 'Boys chase girls, women chase men'. Think about the amount of time you spend chasing girls in your twenties and what you are willing to tolerate in your twenties compared to your thirties.

Men are also far less likely to judge a woman on her job. So they are more open to dating someone that is less educated and less financially secure.

That 1 line puts everything in perspective for me, spent most of my teen years chasing girls while in secondary school, quick easy romance with no proper substance to it... Now in my early 20's I look back and think to myself WTF was I at.. Funny how a few years can change ones outlook.

silverharp · 20-12-2015 01:46PM

Tigger99 wrote: »

I get you about being a better version of yourself.

Just a clarification on the term cheerleader, partners can be both that and an equal partner. It's about being supportive and positive, which we all need in a partner I think.

Anyways best of luck to your son. I hope he is very happy in whatever he does

I might have read to much into the term "cheerleader" ,I interpreted to mean that the husband is the main earner. My kids school has a lot of families on secondment from abroad so I tend to meet a lot of couples where the husband's career decides where the family lives etc. on the other hand some couples might be in the same profession for instance both are doctors. then of course there are is every variation in between.

Single life as a guy...

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