How come

Grandeeod · 07-12-2015 08:37PM

I remember back 4 years ago when my local at the time started to go down the road of being a gastropub. Suddenly everything was coming out on a chopping board with the "home fries" or "chunky chips" appearing in a mini frying basket.

Almost overnight the menu became (and went up in price)....

Soup of the moment as opposed to just soup or soup of the day.

Panko crumbed Tiger Prawns. FFS Panko is Japanese and there is no way the Prawns are coming from Japan. If they are, they are hardly the freshest frozen. Whats wrong with fcukin Dublin Bay prawns in breadcrumbs???

Spicy (insert county name) farm chicken wings. Utter bull****. They used to serve the very same wings without the county farm tag in a bowl. Now they are like a christmas tree decoration.

Burgers and steaks are named after some obscure craft butcher.

The Thai green curry is "authentic", but its served with poppadums. WTF is a poppadum???? I assume they mean poppadom, but that's not a Thai thing!

The fish and chips is a feckin laugh. Its cod, but its from Kilmore apparently. So these guys are saying that their little gastropub is only buying cod from a supplier (100 miles away) that guarantees it being landed at Kilmore quay. Yeah right. But after you get passed that bit, its smothered in batter made from a craft beer and served with the proverbial lemon slice, sorry I mean wedge.

Two courses used to be 14.95 up to 2012. Since that price they have had a VAT reduction and now two courses are 16.95.

Its all bollox in the food industry and Im not surprised so many of them go out of business. Stupid menus and extremely poor value for money.

mr.anonymous · 07-12-2015 08:41PM

Gourmet must be French for "+50%"

eviltwin · 07-12-2015 08:42PM

Vintage or pre loved as an alternative to second hand

Catch up tv.....It's a repeat!!!!

07-12-2015 08:58PM

(Re)purposed

Ruu · 07-12-2015 09:00PM

Gastropub, sounds like some bad Guinness episode or some such!

Grandeeod · 07-12-2015 09:03PM

WTF is a Roast onion and Mushroom foam??? Sounds like something you'd leave on the path after a serious hurl.

Fluffy Cat 88 · 07-12-2015 09:08PM

mariaalice wrote: »

(Re)purposed

Up-cycled.

AnonoBoy · 07-12-2015 09:10PM

RayM wrote: »

I ordered a mixed grill recently, and it arrived in a frying pan. A frying pan.

That's the way we serve fry ups (when we've forgot to do the washing up the night before and we're too lazy to do it with a hangover!)

AnonoBoy · 07-12-2015 09:11PM

Furniture isn't second-hand any more. It's "pre-loved".

That sounds like someone's been humping your couch so it does.

questionmark? · 07-12-2015 09:20PM

What the hell is wrong with serving food on plates?

I mean it's a feckn plate, it's a well known fact that they are a very convenient for eating food off, they are widely available, easily recognised and are easy to clean. Why the fudge does anyone want to eat off a slate or chopping board?

Grandeeod · 07-12-2015 09:25PM

Ruu wrote: »

Gastropub, sounds like some bad Guinness episode or some such!

Yeah. Gastro or gastronomic always reminds me of gastro bands or gastroenteritis. Neither of which are pretty. Now when I see signs for a gastro pub I immediately think its a place where I can stuff my face stupid on chemical laden nosh, laden in fat and afterwards feel sick or be poisoned by a meal with a really weird name!

YungKeo · 07-12-2015 09:34PM

I was looking through the past papers for German leaving cert exams and I came across a text about a ''Nature Cook''. Some of the things on his menu include hay soup and snow soup.

Snow soup. It's just a cold bowl of feckin' water.

I had a quick google just to check if he was actually real and that the state examinations commsion weren't just taking the mick.
If any of ye are handy at the old German ye can have a look here http://www.stefanwiesner.ch

dubscottie · 07-12-2015 09:42PM

"Experience" and "Content".

Everything is an experience now. "what was your experience of the shops content?"

Content? you mean the sh*t on the shelves that you sell?

I was asked on Facebook to rate my "experience". Didn't mention what one though so posted random **** about all my experiences!..

Feck right off.

It used to be "how was your visit" and "how was our range".

Looking at that #wewantplates on twitter.. If someone stuck that crap in front of me I would be walking out!

Grandeeod · 07-12-2015 09:48PM

YungKeo wrote: »

I was looking through the past papers for German leaving cert exams and I came across a text about a ''Nature Cook''. Some of the things on his menu include hay soup and snow soup.

Snow soup. It's just a cold bowl of feckin' water.

I had a quick google just to check if he was actually real and that the state examinations commsion weren't just taking the mick.
If any of ye are handy at the old German ye can have a look here http://www.stefanwiesner.ch

That dude is Swiss and crazy. He once made stone soup out of...you guessed it!

He believes cooking is an artform and thats what got us this thread in the first place. I appreciate he is trying to expand his food ideas, but we have to draw the line for the sake of normal humans who just want to eat out in an eaterie.:D

J Mysterio · 07-12-2015 09:56PM

Grandeeod wrote: »

Panko crumbed Tiger Prawns. FFS Panko is Japanese and there is no way the Prawns are coming from Japan. If they are, they are hardly the freshest frozen. Whats wrong with fcukin Dublin Bay prawns in breadcrumbs???

Panko is just the breadcrumb coating.

Grandeeod · 07-12-2015 10:13PM

J Mysterio wrote: »

Panko is just the breadcrumb coating.

Yeah. I know. I was making the point of whats wrong with Dublin Bay prawns in breadcrumbs as opposed to panko tiger prawns. Don't go all chefy on me now.:D

Carry · 07-12-2015 11:20PM

Fluffy Cat 88 wrote: »

Or this type of menu sh1te:

Pan seared fillet of wild (insert random county) duckling with parsley foam served in a rasberry jus with the steamed tears of a rhinoceros.

Rosemary scented leg of pollock with soft crispy pan fried noodles served on a bed of freshly harvested dock leaves smothered in butter.

That's nothing, it's actutally imaginative, especially the steamed tears of a rhinoceros (add: ...on deconstructed triple fried pommes de terre with a burned pizza blanc and slow-roasted squirrel tongues as antipasti )

I do translation work, mostly travel guides (yes, the blue lonely ones, from English to German) and the food poetry describing restaurants drives me insane (same with accommodation, don't get me started).

I'm glad it's no my lack of lingo but that you lot are obviously as puzzled as I am.

Pulled pork is one of my pet hates. I always imagine someone who takes a piece of cooked pork and pulls like a mad man (or woman) at the flesh. Not a very appetizing image.

Alf Veedersane · 07-12-2015 11:28PM

AnonoBoy wrote: »

Furniture isn't second-hand any more. It's "pre-loved".

That sounds like someone's been humping your couch so it does.

Yeah I dunno about pre-loved but it's the perception about quality with 'second hand'.

That said, I don't think I'll ever be able to keep a straight face when I hear pre-loved after that

monkeysnapper · 07-12-2015 11:34PM

Pat Mustard wrote: »

Was in a restaurant where I given raw steak and had to cook it myself on a hot rock. Mad.

My fancy brother in law bought us one of these . we have a 1year old child, 3 year old and a 6 year old . some people just don't think things through .

I gave it to guys brother.......mmmmmm yes my other brother in law .. He said it was sh1te .

Fluffy Cat 88 · 07-12-2015 11:48PM

monkeysnapper wrote: »

My fancy brother in law bought us one of these . we have a 1year old child, 3 year old and a 6 year old . some people just don't think things through .

I gave it to guys brother.......mmmmmm yes my other brother in law .. He said it was sh1te .

The 1 year old could probably be cooked on it, but the six year old would be a bit big... :pac

RikkFlair · 07-12-2015 11:56PM

Bedsits became "studio apartments".

PARlance · 08-12-2015 12:05AM

Gravy/Sauce became Jus.... Jus fcuk off

Robsweezie · 08-12-2015 12:09AM

Artisan

cantdecide · 08-12-2015 12:11AM

mariaalice wrote: »

Some of the daftness makes me laugh though...some desert or cake being enrobed in chocolate

There is no such profession as 'Master Chocolateer'.

rodge68 · 08-12-2015 12:18AM

Fluffy Cat 88 wrote: »

Or this type of menu sh1te:

Pan seared fillet of wild (insert random county) duckling with parsley foam served in a rasberry jus with the steamed tears of a rhinoceros.

Rosemary scented leg of pollock with soft crispy pan fried noodles served on a bed of freshly harvested dock leaves smothered in butter.

Brilliant post..I nearly spilt my Clonmel Chardonnay !!

dubscottie · 08-12-2015 12:29AM

Robsweezie wrote: »

Artisan

+1..

Dont get me started.. "craft" etc..

Hipster bollox that's getting into everything in life as marketing folks think we are all stupid breaded twats.

They need to look up "artisan" in the dictionary and realize that working in a Subway branch in California on your J1 does not make you a artisan sandwich maker..

I have been making my cheese toasties the same way for 30 years.. That makes me an Artisan toasties maker?

MilesMorales1 · 08-12-2015 12:49AM

Oh all these fancy words for coffee. Its a ****ing cup of coffee with a bit of spice or cream on it, its not a handmade coffee with hand ground beans with cream perched on the top of it.

Son Of A Vidic · 08-12-2015 01:36AM

Fluffy Cat 88 wrote: »

Or this type of menu sh1te:

Pan seared fillet of wild (insert random county) duckling with parsley foam served in a rasberry jus with the steamed tears of a rhinoceros.

Rosemary scented leg of pollock with soft crispy pan fried noodles served on a bed of freshly harvested dock leaves smothered in butter.

All served in a handcrafted nest of bullshít.

Kirby · 08-12-2015 02:02AM

Man those rhino tears sound awesome!

KungPao · 08-12-2015 04:08AM

You know it's getting too much when places like McDonalds are using words like "artisan" and "pulled pork".

Another stupid term is "street food". It makes sense when you are buying noodles in a bustling asian city or whatever - grab a box of dirt cheap noodles and diarrhea for a few cents from a STREET VENDOR...but from a building in Dublin? Eh, that's a takeaway!

How come

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