Tips to deal with new social situations

In before the mods move the thread to Personal Issues forum

I am afraid my advice is the opposite of advice. When I flung myself out of my comfort zone years ago - as I was painfully shy and useless at all things social - I did it without any kind of "plan" or formula for how to act. In fact I did the opposite.

I ended up acting entirely weird and out of character for the kind of people I was throwing myself at socially. I recall - for example - going over and hanging out with the goths that used to hand out around Central Bank in Dublin of a Saturday afternoon. Them all in their black clothes - long hair - dark make up - and made jewellery. Me in my upside down dinner bowl blonde hair - blue eyes - glasses - and a white woollen sweater knitted for me by my mother.

So I stood out as weird as could be and you know what? They did not care. Took me in - made friends - invited me off for drinks in their usual haunts at the time (Fibber McGees I remember you well) and more.

So I dunno - it is not much advice - but for me it worked to simply treat every social night - every social encounter - and every person I met - as an individual and go from there. The world be damned - they can have me as I am or not at all - and not someone I pretend to be to be socially acceptable or passable.

Hope that helps - it likely won't I will say though that in those situations I actually found it BETTER that I "did not know *anybody* there". Sometimes this makes it easier - because the situation is just what it is then - rather than you worrying about your secondary impressions on the people you know already.

The only other thing I notice helps is to better yourself. Live your life the best you can - and this just naturally gives you things to talk about. You will be as interesting to others as you are interesting to yourself. So work on that over time too. And the more social situations you are in - the better that gets too. You pick up stories - jokes - and refine your own dialogue as you notice what people respond well to or not.