Tips to deal with new social situations

c_man

Decided to get out of my comfort zone and am joining up with a local group tonight. Flyer says the usual "Newcomers welcome" etc and I am looking forward to it. However I don't rate my social skills (I know, I know, shocking for a boardsie) and I don't know *anybody* there.

I'm looking for tips on how to appear as though I'm a normal, non-internet person and how to you know, strike up a chat with them. Basically how to card-read good.

ScumLord

c_man wrote: »

I'm looking for tips on how to appear as though I'm a normal, non-internet person

Hopefully it's not the abnormal internet association your meeting up with.

corner of hells

c_man wrote: »

Decided to get out of my comfort zone and am joining up with a local group tonight. Flyer says the usual "Newcomers welcome" etc and I am looking forward to it. However I don't rate my social skills (I know, I know, shocking for a boardsie) and I don't know *anybody* there.

I'm looking for tips on how to appear as though I'm a normal, non-internet person and how to you know, strike up a chat with them. Basically how to card-read good.

Shave off your eyebrows , should make you interesting.

Badly Drunk Boy

Say stuff like "Hiya!" and "Isn't the weather atrocious?".

c_man

Badly Drunk Boy wrote: »

Say stuff like "Hiya!" and "Isn't the weather atrocious?".

*looks out window* You're not wrong there.

ScumLord wrote:

Hopefully it's not the abnormal internet association your meeting up with.

I'm a software engineer, I got that covered :cool:

Yakkyda

Lift one cheek, let rip. That'll break the ice for sure... Don't follow through, that's a no no.

OldGoat

Check your flies regularly. This lets others see that you are unused to being in public but are making a conscious effort to conform and be social. It will endear you to them.

In before the mods move the thread to Personal Issues forum

I am afraid my advice is the opposite of advice. When I flung myself out of my comfort zone years ago - as I was painfully shy and useless at all things social - I did it without any kind of "plan" or formula for how to act. In fact I did the opposite.

I ended up acting entirely weird and out of character for the kind of people I was throwing myself at socially. I recall - for example - going over and hanging out with the goths that used to hand out around Central Bank in Dublin of a Saturday afternoon. Them all in their black clothes - long hair - dark make up - and made jewellery. Me in my upside down dinner bowl blonde hair - blue eyes - glasses - and a white woollen sweater knitted for me by my mother.

So I stood out as weird as could be and you know what? They did not care. Took me in - made friends - invited me off for drinks in their usual haunts at the time (Fibber McGees I remember you well) and more.

So I dunno - it is not much advice - but for me it worked to simply treat every social night - every social encounter - and every person I met - as an individual and go from there. The world be damned - they can have me as I am or not at all - and not someone I pretend to be to be socially acceptable or passable.

Hope that helps - it likely won't I will say though that in those situations I actually found it BETTER that I "did not know *anybody* there". Sometimes this makes it easier - because the situation is just what it is then - rather than you worrying about your secondary impressions on the people you know already.

The only other thing I notice helps is to better yourself. Live your life the best you can - and this just naturally gives you things to talk about. You will be as interesting to others as you are interesting to yourself. So work on that over time too. And the more social situations you are in - the better that gets too. You pick up stories - jokes - and refine your own dialogue as you notice what people respond well to or not.

ScumLord

Weird people are the new cool. Normal people are boring. Pretending to be normal is a waste of time.

Nodin

Do not talk about your knife collection.

DrumSteve

Whatever you do, do not introduce yourself as your username.

LETHAL LADY

Enter the venue by crawling on all fours and barking loudly, this will get their attention and make you immediately more interesting.

Icaras

A stranger is just a friend you've never met.

c_man

Icaras wrote: »

A stranger is just a friend you've never met.

Could equally be ISIS guys.

jamesbere

It's essential that you mark your territory, so pee on the leg of every table.

kjl

c_man wrote: »

*looks out window* You're not wrong there.



I'm a software engineer, I got that covered :cool:

do you mind me asking what the event is? I think I need to get out of my confort zone too. I too am a software developer, maybe we can be life long friends.

So am I - perhaps we need to form some kind of forum where the majority of the people who come to talk on it are all software engineers and - oh wait.

Boom_Bap

Eat lots of garlic before hand.
Focus on getting as close as possible to someones face when talking to them.
Do not blink.

kjl

Boom_Bap wrote: »

Eat lots of garlic before hand.
Focus on getting as close as possible to someones face when talking to them.
Do not blink.

reminds me of the most recent peep show.

Boom_Bap

kjl wrote: »

reminds me of the most recent peep show.

Just dont write your feelings on your eye lids......or have a nice eye shadow close to hand. :pac:

Skoop

Shank the biggest meanest looking fvcker there, let them all know you're nobodies bitch.

Yakkyda

Don't forget to show them your collection of toe nail clippings.

c_man

Skoop wrote: »

Shank the biggest meanest looking fvcker there, let them all know you're nobodies bitch.

Oh I get ya. You mean I should initially evaluate the group and determine who looks most likely to be the most extroverted, make my way over to them and introduce myself with confidence and enthusiasm? They're more likely to be a hub of the social circle and by doing that, I'll have an introduction to even more of the people. Thanks Skoop, that's good advice You're getting a Christmas card.

jimgoose

c_man wrote: »

Oh I get ya. You mean I should initially evaluate the group and determine who looks most likely to be the most extroverted, make my way over to them and introduce myself with confidence and enthusiasm?...

Exactly. And then, when his guard is down, sweep his legs and break the fcuker's two knees. Then let a roar in your best Awntrim accent, "See ye, hi! Shut yor fcukan MOYTH!!" That'll see you working the room nicely. :cool:

robarmstrong

Practice mating calls.

Implement said mating calls.

You're welcome.

5rtytry56

OldGoat wrote: »

Check your flies regularly. This lets others see that you are unused to being in public but are making a conscious effort to conform and be social. It will endear you to them.

Make sure the flies are not broken either. Both types. The ones that zip up, and the others with wings.

dollyk

Mu Husband tries to do that every now and again, and fails
Hes just not cut out for social events, he does try, but soon goes back
to his fishing alone, he seems to like being alone, just be yourself I suppose.
Good luck.

Yakkyda

Stand up and say "my name is x and I'm an alcho.... Oh wait, that's Tomorrow!!"
Introduce yer self anyway and away you go.
If anything there'll be a bit of sympathy there for you...

OldGoat

dollyk wrote: »

Mu Husband tries to do that every now and again, and fails
Hes just not cut out for social events, he does try, but soon goes back
to his fishing alone, he seems to like being alone, just be yourself I suppose.
Good luck.

Introverts of the world, UNITE....separately.

Dr.Robotnik

If youre anything like me, speak slowly!

I get nervous, talk too fast, muddle my words, they make no sense and I look like I have a stutter

Only happened to me earlier...thankfully the girl I was talking to was nice!

Earthhorse

Just remember; they're more scared of you than you are of them.

No. Wait. The other way around. Which explains why you're so nervous.

LETHAL LADY

On your way there purchase two packets of Hubba Bubba Seriously Strawberry flavoured chewing gum.
Masticate well before you enter the venue.
Burst through the entrance door roaring "Take a look at this lads".
Blow furiously until you've blown the largest bubble you can.
They'll all be amazed at this grand entrance and the rest will just fall into place.

Herb Powell

Stock up on naggins.

Take one as required throughout the course of social interaction.

5rtytry56

Herb Powell wrote: »

Stock up on naggins.

Take one as required throughout the course of social interaction.

Make sure it's NEAT + SWALLOWED IN ONE GO.

Lucyfur

I met somebody new today. At first he appeared totally normal but then he told me he was afraid I was going to scan his brain with my camera. Then he went on to talk at length about how he thinks ''they'' will microchip us next.

Don't talk about stuff like that and you'll be sound.

scamalert

Hello my name is ***** and i am (insert group name topic) be grand get help

If serious find someone new in there like yourself be normal :cool:

Arbiter of Good Taste

OP I go to a lot of conferences and women in business forums, and no matter how many of these things you go to, it never gets any easier. Try and look confident - stand straight, shoulders back, etc - find a small enough group that doesn't look to cliquey, and ask them do they mind if you join them. Them just intrdouce yourself and say it's your first night there. Most people are pretty decent and will let you join in the conversation. You might find these people are your new best friends, or not to your liking, but once you start talking to a couple of people you'll eventually start meeting more and more.

Good luck!

c_man

Well that went exceedingly well Met some really cool people and got invited to some further events. Wahey! These Scientologists are alright :pac: (jk!)

I felt like I had the weight of AH expectations on me and not to let ye down. I think that's the key, post all your plans on here and don't dare return unless you've given it your best shot. Or you could try naggins, I'm sure that would have worked too.

Well done C man. Before you know it, we'll be calling you B man. Then A man. Then The Man!

Well done though.

5rtytry56

c_man wrote: »

Wahey! These Scientologists are alright :pac:

Just answer "CLEAR" to all the scientolgist questions when you are being checked out.

Dyr

Just start the conversation up with "jays I'd say kilkenny will take some bayting next year boys"

If you're based in dublin that should buy you about an hour of being shunned so you can observe how the norms interact and then copy them