How to understand females? Understand this first!

TheLastMohican · 26-11-2015 06:29PM #1

Just read this in the Indo and realize, what I had secretly suspected for the past half century is in fact - fact.

Then passed it by the wife and got the usual funny look. It's Thanksgiving so her thoughts are more concerned with turkey matters than one of the great conundrums that keeps men awake at night.

Thank you Tanya for restoring my faith in my ability to solve the world's greatest mystery:

http://www.independent.ie/life/family/tanya-sweeney-women-are-complex-imperfect-and-messy-so-it-stands-to-reason-that-their-friendships-also-will-be-34236005.html

AnonoBoy · 26-11-2015 06:30PM

So what she's saying is that in some respects men and women are..... different?

Well I gotta say - this is news to me.

.

kettlehead · 26-11-2015 06:30PM

You celebrate thanksgiving?

DEFTLEFTHAND · 26-11-2015 06:34PM

Please don't tell me you celebrate Thanksgiving in Cork. At least tell me you or your wife are American.

TheLastMohican · 26-11-2015 06:37PM

kettlehead wrote: »

You celebrate thanksgiving?

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

Please don't tell me you celebrate Thanksgiving in Cork. At least tell me you or your wife are American.

Yes to both questions. Happy Thanksgiving!

The_Valeyard · 26-11-2015 06:39PM

TheLastMohican wrote: »

Yes to both questions. Happy Thanksgiving!

Are you planning on shooting a few natives after then?

strelok · 26-11-2015 06:39PM

The_Valeyard wrote: »

Are you planning on shooting a few natives after then?

so edgy

sonny.knowles · 26-11-2015 06:41PM

Silly bints.

TheLastMohican · 26-11-2015 06:42PM

The_Valeyard wrote: »

Are you planning on shooting a few natives after then?

strelok wrote: »

so edgy

Will plead the 5th on the former and will include a few prayers for the latter.

Kev W · 26-11-2015 06:45PM

So basically women are people?

The things you learn.

jamesbere · 26-11-2015 06:49PM

Could someone tell me what's the article about so I don't have to read it

kneemos · 26-11-2015 06:57PM

There's a bow in that floor.

The_Valeyard · 26-11-2015 07:00PM

strelok wrote: »

so edgy

I'm a square?

So hurt......

Nodin · 26-11-2015 07:12PM

Kev W wrote: »

So basically women are people?

The things you learn.

Lies, and I have the drawings to prove it.

Fleawuss · 26-11-2015 07:13PM

jamesbere wrote: »

Could someone tell me what's the article about so I don't have to read it

Filling column inches by appearing to have something new to say about wimmin.

The_Valeyard · 26-11-2015 07:17PM

Would it be turkey at Christmas also OP?

biko · 26-11-2015 07:19PM

Women are people too. I don't get that this even needs to be stated in some rag.

the evasion_kid · 26-11-2015 07:33PM

lads all women want from you is everything and nothing, at different moments but all at the same time sometimes and never, but always.

parasite · 26-11-2015 07:59PM

barely-formed brainfart of an article, meh

Azalea · 26-11-2015 08:01PM

Women who go on about women being bitchy to their friends and competitive with other women really do need to emphasise that they're speaking for themselves.

26-11-2015 08:13PM

jamesbere wrote: »

Could someone tell me what's the article about so I don't have to read it

A woman has an opinion about female friendships.

Because it's in the paper it's also a fact about all women, everywhere, forever.

TheLastMohican · 27-11-2015 02:59AM

The_Valeyard wrote: »

Would it be turkey at Christmas also OP?

Turkey four weeks later? You gotta be joking. Baked Ham, Sweet Potatoes, Sprouts (for the foreigners) etc.

The Sidewards Man · 27-11-2015 03:02AM

Stick it in.

ArtSmart · 27-11-2015 03:04AM

TheLastMohican wrote: »

Turkey four weeks later? You gotta be joking. Baked Ham, Sweet Potatoes, Sprouts (for the foreigners) etc.

foreigners? you mean the Paddys? ??

lol.

ArtSmart · 27-11-2015 03:06AM

Didn't Stephen Hawkins say something about the Great Mystery being wimmin? or was it the Black Hole?

or....

hmmmm.

better stop while i'm slightly ahead.

this is cool http://www.abc.net.au/news/2015-11-27/star-torn-apart-by-black-hole-feeding-frenzy/6977188

colossus-x · 27-11-2015 03:06AM

I'd rather eat a waffle than read it.

Yakkyda · 27-11-2015 03:20AM

TheLastMohican wrote: »

Just read this in the Indo and realize, what I had secretly suspected for the past half century is in fact - fact.

Then passed it by the wife and got the usual funny look. It's Thanksgiving so her thoughts are more concerned with turkey matters than one of the great conundrums that keeps men awake at night.

Thank you Tanya for restoring my faith in my ability to solve the world's greatest mystery:

I'm 31,ive learned to agree with them and hope for the best. And if ye give out, make sure she/her mates don't hear you.

Tigger · 27-11-2015 03:27AM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=haR_uf2Zv5A

Hammer89 · 27-11-2015 03:52AM

It's a Saturday night in Whelans and I'm having a little dance with some young one who isn't completely out of my league, but definitely out of my league. Or is it the other way around? She was better looking than me. Let's leave it at that. I'm no Brad Pitt, but I'm big, tall and overall a bit bear-like. In an alcohol-filled environment, when girls go with their hearts instead of their heads thanks to the booze, I'm quite appealing.

At first, I don't know if I'm appealing to this particular girl. It could just be an innocent bit of dancing for all I know, right? But when we're not dancing, she does something which I think is a sure-fire sign that she wanted a bit more. She very intentionally grinds her arse against my willy in a very provocative manner. Had it happened in the 40s she probably would've been executed by the church. It was filthy, but I was pleased.

But like Stevie Wonder turning the pages of an upside down book, I could've been reading this completely wrong, and I'm not drunk enough to check whether or not I've been reading the signs. Sooner or later I'm drunk enough to unequivocally believe that she's keen. She's standing at her table, with her mates, and I try to lead her by the hand for another dance. This time she's having none of it, and gives me a look of disgust as if I was Hitler himself. I try to play it cool but my bottom lip was probably quivering via heartache. "But, but, your arse said..."

I'm over it within seconds and return to my dancing, looking out for the next bear hunter. Later on there's something which feels like a hand rubbing my lower back in an affectionate way. I turn around expecting to see my mate's red cock in a silly drunken prank, but it's only this devil woman again. Ah now here. I'm rather confused at this point, but I take her back and we've been going out ever since. Okay that's a lie. What actually happened was we started dancing - a little more intimate and closer this time, but then she flat-out ignored me when I tried to speak to her at the end of the night.

So yes, girls are weirdos. I love them - I was raised by a single mum in a house where I was the only bloke - but they're still absolute weirdos whose madness has no method.

Yakkyda · 27-11-2015 04:54AM

Hammer89 wrote: »

It's a Saturday night in Whelans and I'm having a little dance with some young one who isn't completely out of my league, but definitely out of my league. Or is it the other way around? She was better looking than me. Let's leave it at that. I'm no Brad Pitt, but I'm big, tall and overall a bit bear-like. In an alcohol-filled environment, when girls go with their hearts instead of their heads thanks to the booze, I'm quite appealing.

At first, I don't know if I'm appealing to this particular girl. It could just be an innocent bit of dancing for all I know, right? But when we're not dancing, she does something which I think is a sure-fire sign that she wanted a bit more. She very intentionally grinds her arse against my willy in a very provocative manner. Had it happened in the 40s she probably would've been executed by the church. It was filthy, but I was pleased.

But like Stevie Wonder turning the pages of an upside down book, I could've been reading this completely wrong, and I'm not drunk enough to check whether or not I've been reading the signs. Sooner or later I'm drunk enough to unequivocally believe that she's keen. She's standing at her table, with her mates, and I try to lead her by the hand for another dance. This time she's having none of it, and gives me a look of disgust as if I was Hitler himself. I try to play it cool but my bottom lip was probably quivering via heartache. "But, but, your arse said..."

I'm over it within seconds and return to my dancing, looking out for the next bear hunter. Later on there's something which feels like a hand rubbing my lower back in an affectionate way. I turn around expecting to see my mate's red cock in a silly drunken prank, but it's only this devil woman again. Ah now here. I'm rather confused at this point, but I take her back and we've been going out ever since. Okay that's a lie. What actually happened was we started dancing - a little more intimate and closer this time, but then she flat-out ignored me when I tried to speak to her at the end of the night.

So yes, girls are weirdos. I love them - I was raised by a single mum in a house where I was the only bloke - but they're still absolute weirdos whose madness has no method.

Wanna hug?!?

kettlehead · 27-11-2015 07:46AM

TheLastMohican wrote: »

Turkey four weeks later? You gotta be joking. Baked Ham, Sweet Potatoes, Sprouts (for the foreigners) etc.

The hack of that. If you served that to me on Christmas Day, I would shoot you!

How to understand females? Understand this first!

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