Where in the sibling order do you come, and how do you think it has affected you?

cantdecide · 22-11-2015 06:40PM

I have a sister 18 months older and a twin brother.

My sister was very much the apple of my father's eye. She could do no wrong particularly as she was very good at school which was everything to him. She's still an overachiever today but of course we're all proud of her.

Myself and my bro were kind of screw-ups in my dad's mind because we weren't motivated by school. I do thing that being a twin has it's good and bad sides but it does suck to have to share birthday's and stuff and to this day, relatives and family friends still lump the two of us together in many way!!

MilesMorales1 · 22-11-2015 06:43PM

FluffyMcCardy wrote: »

Apparently army officers, pilots etc are disproportionatly first born. Used to being in charge I suppose. Others I don't know but the youngest are often spoiled a bit although . But I think personality is more important. My younger brother was always fussed over. He was ten years younger than me so I helped him a bit with money etc in college but he's done most of the work himself. Having said that one of our sisters organised his current girlfriend. Some things never change.

Thats very true, but all my brothers are army officers (BA) But he did it first.

tomwaterford · 22-11-2015 06:45PM

Skoop wrote: »

Third child of four. Got screwed basically. First kid, all the occasions, the big birthdays, communion, graduation, all that stuff, massive massive deal, no expense spared, Olympic games level interest. Second sibling was only a year behind so had to get the same fan fair. Then me. "Sure whatever, this thing again, let's get it over with." Then the youngest sibling, last chance to make a big deal of things sure, all out new years eve and man landing on the moon party rolled into one levels of celebration. Figure I was screwed out of about 2 grand. Trying to get a class action law suit going with a group of other middle kids. Sue the fvck out of everyone.

Had to look out for the youngest cause I was the older brother. Had the look out for the other two cause I was a guy and they were girls. Who looks out for Skoop, huh? Who looks out for old Skoopy boy? No one that's who.

Damn non-middle kid privelege. It ain't right, God damn it... It just ain't right.

Exact same position....but I get on so well with my siblings as the two older sisters are like the only people in the world I make any effort to stay in touch with (don't see them enough!)

There like only 18 months between me and the second oldest....though they look out and worry for me so much it unreal....I'm lucky to have them as friends.....always find it fascinating the sibling rivilary/hating each other as I'd be v.close to them

Carry · 22-11-2015 07:02PM

Candie wrote: »

He obviously thinks a lot of you if you're the one he turns to.

You dad seems like he knew how to handle you too.

I don't see it this way with my brother, he just dumps his troubles on me and big sis will sort it, no matter how she feels.

Yes, my dad knew what to do with a teenage daughter. When I brought home a boyfriend at the age of 17, who was quite a few years older than me, he was allowed to sleep in my bed. But not after my dad brought out the beers and got the poor man so drunk that sharing a bed was all about sleeping and snoring, nothing else. Problem solved, in the eyes of my father, who just grinned the next morning.

Skoop · 22-11-2015 07:03PM

Pokerdude07 wrote: »

They take me seriously now anyway.

I'm sure it's not meant to, but sounds like you have them swinging in a meat locker somewhere.

Turtyturd · 22-11-2015 07:05PM

bee06 wrote: »

I'm the oldest of five. The youngest definitely gets spoilt but is also the most laid back and relaxed about thinks. I suppose it's seeing four siblings going through leaving cert, college etc ok so not worrying about it. As the oldest I've always been the responsible one and the one to have to do everything first but also the least confident as a child/teenager. It's probably more to do with my personality than position in the family I'd say.

This would be fairly similar to me except that there is only 3 of us. As the oldest I would see myself as the responsible one, and the one who was held to the highest standard growing up. If I stepped out of line at all the whole extended family would know in minutes. My sister was the first daughter so there were a completely different set of rules for her, and as the 'baby' my little brother got away with everything. Yet he will constantly go on about how I am the favourite son.

Myself and my sister have never seen eye to eye since we were kids and the phrase 'You're older, you should know better' is one that drives me mad because they would never fault her for anything but over the last year a few things have happened and they are beginning to see what she's like. It's hard not to say 'I told you so.'

22-11-2015 07:06PM

I'm all alooone
Noone besiiide me

Skoop · 22-11-2015 07:09PM

tomwaterford wrote: »

Exact same position....but I get on so well with my siblings as the two older sisters are like the only people in the world I make any effort to stay in touch with (don't see them enough!)

There like only 18 months between me and the second oldest....though they look out and worry for me so much it unreal....I'm lucky to have them as friends.....always find it fascinating the sibling rivilary/hating each other as I'd be v.close to them

Ah I'd kill or die for any of them, really, when it gets right down to it. It's a good crew.

Tasden · 22-11-2015 07:14PM

Oldest of two. I was the guinea pig. My parents don't even try to hide the fact that they ****ed up everything with me and put it right with my younger sibling :pac:

bee06 · 22-11-2015 07:30PM

Turtyturd wrote: »

Myself and my sister have never seen eye to eye since we were kids and the phrase 'You're older, you should know better' is one that drives me mad because they would never fault her for anything but over the last year a few things have happened and they are beginning to see what she's like. It's hard not to say 'I told you so.'

I was probably luckier in that respect because my mom was also the oldest so had already suffered through being blamed for everything as a child. I did often get the "you're older and should know better".

When it came to setting standards for the rest I was very good to my siblings. Very much middle of the road when it came to leaving cert and college and it took me a while to get on my feet work wise so they didn't have to try very hard to exceed me! I've caught up now though and we'd all be quite equal when it comes to work success. To be fair to my parents, they never put any pressure on us to achieve but it's a natural personality trait for us to. They'd be proud whatever we did.

Rubberchikken · 22-11-2015 07:32PM

the eldest of 5 and the middle of 8.
no effects whatsoever.

22-11-2015 08:13PM

So do people think it's a fair generalisation to say that the eldest kids feel pressure to set the standard, and younger kids feel pressure to live up to their higher achieving siblings examples?

I know my siblings set the bar high, and there was a fair amount of pressure to keep up. Most of it from within, to be fair.

KKkitty · 22-11-2015 08:33PM

6th of 10 kids. First girl in the family and I thought having 5 older brothers would be great but it wasn't really. Only had a close relationship with 1 of them who is a year older. Some of them were horrible to me. Have 1 younger brother and 3 younger sisters. The older we get the less we seem to see of each other.

One eyed Jack · 22-11-2015 08:41PM

Candie wrote: »

So do people think it's a fair generalisation to say that the eldest kids feel pressure to set the standard, and younger kids feel pressure to live up to their higher achieving siblings examples?

I know my siblings set the bar high, and there was a fair amount of pressure to keep up. Most of it from within, to be fair.

I'd definitely say it's fair to say that the eldest kids feel pressured to set the standard. He'd never admit it, but my brother definitely put himself under tremendous pressure to set unrealistic standards for himself, and that was kinda setting the bar for the rest of us, plus there was pressure from our parents too, and then I share my father's first name too so there was that pressure to fill his boots (and they were some seriously big boots!). I had to laugh one time when one of my uncles on my father's side said to me on the QT at a wedding event -

"Your father was a briar, and his father was a briar before him..."

I understood it to mean being a thorn in their parents sides was almost a genetic trait as I was third generation first name! :pac:

My sister who was the eldest was held to an almost "separate", but equally high pressure standard by our parents. It's definitely had it's effect though.

HalloweenJack · 22-11-2015 08:42PM

Youngest of four kids.

Have two older siblings (the first and the third) who were massive attention-seekers. Me and my sis are much more laid back and patient because of this.

TheNobleKipper · 22-11-2015 09:03PM

Oldest of two and there are only 2 years between my brother and me. Yes, being the older sibling makes you feel like you are the responsible one, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. At least it wasn't sure me because my brother wasn't serious trouble and would obediently obey my orders (mostly).
I can definitely see though how being the youngest has affected my brother though - our mother would help him with his homework and sometimes do it for him until he left school, because he wasn't very good in school. As a consequence he is still riddled with insecurity and doesn't dare to make decisions that have consequences and runs everything by his mother or me (mainly mother though because I have too little patience)

lazeedaisy · 22-11-2015 09:21PM

I am the 4th of 5, with barely a year between us all, 10 months in one case!

The oldest was never a leader, not a good older sibling as they lived in their own world and never gave the rest of us a second thought. I am the sensible one they all come to when they need help, parents included, which is often. I was born sensible and boring!

The youngest at 45 is spoiled, and takes effort to let him do his own thing, but is hard when he is completely useless at dong for himself, or stands back to let us do it.

I often wonder what life would be like to have had a positive influence on me towards education, as my siblings all left school at 13 or 14 and my parents did not understand the power of education, only saw the cost.... And that was when education was free.

My parents had us when they were very young & 5 kids at 22.

I was a very serious child and not sure why, but I took responsibility for everyone. Being 4th child I felt someone had to!

22-11-2015 09:24PM

Candie wrote: »

In my family there were two boys and two girls, and I am the youngest by a gap of 9.5 years. Yes, I was a lovely surprise.

The big age gap meant that I had no one to play Barbie or My Little Pony with me, though there was no shortage of Lego playmates. Still isn't.

I was also pretty indulged and maybe over protected, only not just by my parents but also the three older siblings. I felt this the hardest when I went away to university, and felt the collective anxiety of five adults worrying that I'd cope, followed by years of spontaneous weekend visitors, and checking up phone calls disguised as quick hellos. This got many times worse after I had a serious illness, and has only recently simmered down a little.

One positive effect I think the large gap in ages has had is that I've always been comfortable with older people and now at 28, I've friends of all ages from contemporaries and younger, to 65 and older. I've never been intimidated working with older colleagues in the way I've seen some be, and maybe that's a result too.

You are the female version of me...sort of :pac:

In my family there were two boys and two girls, and I am the youngest by a gap of 10 years. Yes, I was a lovely surprise.

The big age gap meant that I had no one to play Power Rangers or Action Man with me, though there was no shortage of Lego playmates. Still isn't.

I was also pretty indulged and maybe over protected, only not just by my parents but also the three older siblings. I felt this the hardest when I moved away to England at 18 with my job, and felt the collective anxiety of five adults worrying that I'd cope, followed by years of spontaneous weekend visitors, and checking up phone calls disguised as quick hellos. This got many times worse after I had a serious illness, and has only recently simmered down a little.

One positive effect I think the large gap in ages has had is that I've always been comfortable with older people and now at 26, I've friends of all ages from contemporaries and younger, to 65 and older. I've never been intimidated working with older colleagues in the way I've seen some be, and maybe that's a result too.

22-11-2015 09:25PM

As the youngest I often turn to my older siblings for advice. After reading some of the replies I'm kind of worried that they might think I'm burdening them or expecting them to figure things out for me.

I think I'll have a talk with them and make sure they're okay with me leaning on them sometimes. I'd hate to think they resent it.

Medusa22 · 22-11-2015 09:25PM

I'm the youngest of two, I have a sister who is four years older than me. She doesn't really feel like an older sister though and she never has, which has pros and cons. She never really enforced any rules that my parents told her to enforce when they were gone away, I was pretty much left to my own devices which suited me :pac:

Though she never really looked out for me either. She has always been the more laid back of the two of us though, and I'm the more anxious and high achieving one. We don't see each other a lot and we've had times where I've wanted to kill her but I know that I could tell her anything and she wouldn't judge me, and that if I really needed a place to stay that I could go to her.

I was definitely allowed to do things a lot earlier than she was, which annoyed her, and she was quite a well-behaved teenager so my parents had no idea what I was up to because they just assumed that I'd be the same, and I was a little nightmare

22-11-2015 09:28PM

Snotaul Goodman wrote: »

You are the female version of me...sort of :pac:

It sounds like it!

Does it weigh heavily on you knowing they worry about you?

I was working somewhere dangerous for a while, and I was really aware of the strain it put on the family, even though they were supportive. They've all worked in worse places, so couldn't get away with boycotting the idea.

The Randy Riverbeast · 22-11-2015 09:29PM

Im not just the only child but I#m currently the only grandchild. Luckily I haven ****ed up massively but I do feel sorry for any future cousins. I'll be that cousin that the grandparents talk about how great they're doing and why aren't you doing that.

Rubberlegs · 22-11-2015 09:30PM

I'm the eldest of two by 6.5 yrs. I can't say I remember feeling any pressure as such, being the eldest. I can remember the disgust I felt at clearly getting less presents at Christmas! Also having to bring my sister around with me as a teenager, I had her threatened to within an inch of her life if she ratted on me for smoking. A lot of the time I'd not have been home as she was growing up, I had a child at 20 and moved out by 21. I was probably an example of what not to do:). We are great friends now anyway, in contact every day, and live a short drive from each other, so I don't think either of us were too badly scarred by our place in the family

lazeedaisy · 22-11-2015 09:31PM

Candie wrote: »

As the youngest I often turn to my older siblings for advice. After reading some of the replies I'm kind of worried that they might think I'm burdening them or expecting them to figure things out for me.

I think I'll have a talk with them and make sure they're okay with me leaning on them sometimes. I'd hate to think they resent it.

I would do anything for my younger brother, would never resent him for looking for advice,

It's nice to have someone to turn to, it's something I don't have,

22-11-2015 09:33PM

73Cat wrote: »

I'm the eldest of two by 6.5 yrs. I can't say I remember feeling any pressure as such, being the eldest. I can remember the disgust I felt at clearly getting less presents at Christmas! Also having to bring my sister around with me as a teenager, I had her threatened to within an inch of her life if she ratted on me for smoking. A lot of the time I'd not have been home as she was growing up, I had a child at 20 and moved out by 21. I was probably an example of what not to do:). We are great friends now anyway, in contact every day, and live a short drive from each other, so I don't think either of us were too badly scarred by our place in the family

When sisters are close, there's no friendship closer. My sister gave me a fridge magnet with the corny 'A sister is a forever friend' line on it, and it's true.

When sisters don't get along, it can reach an epic level of acrimony though!

tomwaterford · 22-11-2015 09:36PM

Candie wrote: »

When sisters are close, there's no friendship closer. My sister gave me a fridge magnet with the corny 'A sister is a forever friend' line on it, and it's true.

When sisters don't get along, it can reach an epic level of acrimony though!

This is true...as close as I'd be with my sisters.....it's nothing compared to how close they are

And I see my mother and the aunts they kill each other

22-11-2015 09:37PM

Candie wrote: »

As the youngest I often turn to my older siblings for advice. After reading some of the replies I'm kind of worried that they might think I'm burdening them or expecting them to figure things out for me.

I think I'll have a talk with them and make sure they're okay with me leaning on them sometimes. I'd hate to think they resent it.

Works both ways in my family. You would know straight away that the for of us are siblings just by looking at us. We all act and sound the same despite the age difference but we are all very different people. My sisters often get mistaken for twins even though there is 6 years between them. The younger sister isn't too impressed when that happens

They often come to me for advice and vise versa. We wreck each others heads a lot but we are a close family so thats how we function. Its great having them there when needed and I like to think that its great that any of them can come to me if needed. You're far from a burden on them. They probably need you just as much as you need them. You just don't realize it.

Candie wrote: »

It sounds like it!

Does it weigh heavily on you knowing they worry about you?

I was working somewhere dangerous for a while, and I was really aware of the strain it put on the family, even though they were supportive. They've all worked in worse places, so couldn't get away with boycotting the idea.

Not as much anymore as I get older. I worry about them too. We all have our fair share of problems in this family but nothing we can't handle.

Stepping Stone · 22-11-2015 09:40PM

Oldest. I am the sensible, boring and quiet one. Always worked hard and did well. There was always pressure at home though. I was always the one who was given responsible jobs at a young age and was help accountable for everything. The youngest is my polar opposite. Lazy, selfish, unmotivated...don't get me wrong, I love him to pieces but he would break your heart. He never thinks if anyone else and cos he is so lazy he just about scrapes by financially. He dropped out of college and would be at home with my parents now if my mother hadn't finally decided that he needed the treatment at 20 that I got at 10. There are still things that he isn't trusted to do, like loading the dishwasher. I do feel sorry for him cos he was always spoiled and always got away with murder til he annoyed my parents with his attitude too much.

bee06 · 22-11-2015 09:44PM

Candie wrote: »

As the youngest I often turn to my older siblings for advice. After reading some of the replies I'm kind of worried that they might think I'm burdening them or expecting them to figure things out for me.

I think I'll have a talk with them and make sure they're okay with me leaning on them sometimes. I'd hate to think they resent it.

I personally love when my younger siblings as me for advice. Usually it would be my youngest sister. As someone else said, I'd do anything for them so would never resent it. I would ask them for advice as well because there is some stuff they know better.

One eyed Jack · 22-11-2015 09:48PM

The Randy Riverbeast wrote: »

Im not just the only child but I#m currently the only grandchild. Luckily I haven ****ed up massively but I do feel sorry for any future cousins. I'll be that cousin that the grandparents talk about how great they're doing and why aren't you doing that.

You're after reminding me, my mother used constantly compare me to my cousin who is the same age as me -

"Ohh Assumpta is doing this now, Assumpta is doing that now, Assumpta is doing the other how". Basically - "You're going to have to do better so I can have something to boast about" :pac:

I fcuked up massively though (90's, very hazy

) :pac:

Where in the sibling order do you come, and how do you think it has affected you?

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