Where in the sibling order do you come, and how do you think it has affected you?

In my family there were two boys and two girls, and I am the youngest by a gap of 9.5 years. Yes, I was a lovely surprise.

The big age gap meant that I had no one to play Barbie or My Little Pony with me, though there was no shortage of Lego playmates. Still isn't.

I was also pretty indulged and maybe over protected, only not just by my parents but also the three older siblings. I felt this the hardest when I went away to university, and felt the collective anxiety of five adults worrying that I'd cope, followed by years of spontaneous weekend visitors, and checking up phone calls disguised as quick hellos. This got many times worse after I had a serious illness, and has only recently simmered down a little.

One positive effect I think the large gap in ages has had is that I've always been comfortable with older people and now at 28, I've friends of all ages from contemporaries and younger, to 65 and older. I've never been intimidated working with older colleagues in the way I've seen some be, and maybe that's a result too.

How about you? Youngest, middle, eldest or only, how do you think you've been affected by your birth order?

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

Middle. No affect that I'm aware of.

Fleawuss

:mad:
AH navel gazing hits a new low.

YungKeo

Eldest, I got to do all the chores

YungKeo

YungKeo wrote: »

Eldest, I got to do all the chores

I used to hear that a lot, that I got away with murder while the elder ones had broken in the parents .

I didn't do much compared to the older ones, but the age difference might have been a factor there.

Lights On

Only child, because when you have a baby this perfect first time around why bother again!

Tell me how

Fleawuss wrote:

AH navel gazing hits a new low.

Probably not on the level of identifying the Irish Donald Trump I'll give you that.


I'm in the middle and don't think it has had a significant effect one way or another.

Definitely understand the OP's post though as my youngest sibling is 8 years adrift of the rest and has experienced everything Candie outlined I suspect. Reckon he could have written it.

Youngest of 7. 8 years younger than 3rd youngest, 3 years behind the 6th.

So, naturally, spoiled rotten. Had a great childhood, loved every minute.

Lights On

Lights On wrote: »

Only child, because when you have a baby this perfect first time around why bother again!

I tell my siblings it took four attempts to reach perfection, and I'm so spoilt that they even agree.

Mr. CooL ICE

Youngest of 4 (by 5 years) and only boy. I was pretty much spoiled and was the poor baby that couldn't look after himself. Now that we are adults, I'm probably the wisest and the one that worries our parents the least.

RobertKK

The youngest of two, was nearly an Irish twin, missed out by a week.

Menas

4th of 5. The brains and the looks went to the ones ahead of me.

wakka12

Oldest. I felt there was more pressure on me to perform that my siblings, and I was always the first one to go on school trips abroad , go to clubs, drinking etc things like that and my parents would worry a lot about me trying these new things as they'd never experienced them with any other children before.
I think it added a lot of stress to my life and contributed to my current state of anxiety, not hugely but its definitely a constributing influence

Whitewinged

I have one brother. He is five years older than me. We rarely fought so no sibling rivalry. We are very alike, now that I think about it.

I did always want to have a sister though which is why I was so happy when I had my second daughter. There is only a short gap in age between them so they are going to be best pals...hopefully

kfallon

Second oldest of 4, treated the same as the rest as far as I'm aware!

Whitewinged

Whitewinged wrote: »

I have one brother. He is five years older than me. We rarely fought so no sibling rivalry. We are very alike, now that I think about it.

I did always want to have a sister though which is why I was so happy when I had my second daughter. There is only a short gap in age between them so they are going to be best pals...hopefully

My sister and I were best pals, even though there was a birth gap of more than 10 years.

I would have loved a younger sibling - or at least I think I would have - to look after and spoil. I've no kids but I'm a seriously indulgent aunt to my niece and two nephews.

Skoop

Third child of four. Got screwed basically. First kid, all the occasions, the big birthdays, communion, graduation, all that stuff, massive massive deal, no expense spared, Olympic games level interest. Second sibling was only a year behind so had to get the same fan fair. Then me. "Sure whatever, this thing again, let's get it over with." Then the youngest sibling, last chance to make a big deal of things sure, all out new years eve and man landing on the moon party rolled into one levels of celebration. Figure I was screwed out of about 2 grand. Trying to get a class action law suit going with a group of other middle kids. Sue the fvck out of everyone.

Had to look out for the youngest cause I was the older brother. Had the look out for the other two cause I was a guy and they were girls. Who looks out for Skoop, huh? Who looks out for old Skoopy boy? No one that's who.

Damn non-middle kid privelege. It ain't right, God damn it... It just ain't right.

MilesMorales1

13 sisters, 3 brothers. I'm the second youngest. I have one sister younger than me, the rest are older. I'm pretty low in the pecking order

MilesMorales1

MilesMorales1 wrote: »

13 sisters, 3 brothers. I'm the second youngest. I have one sister younger than me, the rest are older. I'm pretty low in the pecking order

Oh
My
God

To be fair, when the individual investment in every child of that many is so diluted, nobody comes too high in any pecking order.

I'd say the experience has you well able to get along with anybody though.

Azalea

Fleawuss wrote: »

:mad:
AH navel gazing hits a new low.

It's pretty benign stuff really, and hardly navel-gazing - can't see how the above is necessary.

MilesMorales1

Candie wrote: »

Oh
My
God

To be fair, when the individual investment in every child of that many is so diluted, nobody comes too high in any pecking order.

I'd say the experience has you well able to get along with anybody though.

It gives you the ability to take a fair slagging and let certain things just bounce off you, so thats pretty handy.

osarusan

Middle of three.

Made a joke to my mother one time about being the neglected middle child.

I didn't do it again.

FluffyMcCardy

Apparently army officers, pilots etc are disproportionatly first born. Used to being in charge I suppose. Others I don't know but the youngest are often spoiled a bit although . But I think personality is more important. My younger brother was always fussed over. He was ten years younger than me so I helped him a bit with money etc in college but he's done most of the work himself. Having said that one of our sisters organised his current girlfriend. Some things never change.

One eyed Jack

I'm the middle child - three younger brothers, two older brothers and one sister who's the eldest.

I always looked up to my eldest brother, but as we got older I realised he took after my uncle - an arrogant so and so, for no good reason, other than he was the eldest. I got on great with my younger brother that was next in line to me but then he went and died, left me very confused and lost for many years.

As five boys there was always that competition for us all to be very competitive with each other, and I hated it, I much preferred a co-operative approach to conflict resolution, but it often came down to "if you can't get them to cooperate, better be able to defend yourself!", as often times we came to fist fights (even then I didn't like to use weaponry, and my brothers did!).

I guess now we've all grown up, we're still not and likely never will be a close family, as every time we meet up there's always that competitive atmosphere in the room, and that's not the way it should be with family. I guess it's what's made me so adamant that nowadays no person should ever feel excluded or like they don't fit in or that there's nobody there for them. It's a horrible feeling.

Fleawuss

Tell me how wrote: »

Probably not on the level of identifying the Irish Donald Trump I'll give you that

Lol. Trawl much to find that one? That would be considerably higher up the food chain.
*Cue further trawling!

Menas

Candie wrote: »

Oh
My
God

To be fair, when the individual investment in every child of that many is so diluted, nobody comes too high in any pecking order.

I'd say the experience has you well able to get along with anybody though.

I had an uncle by marriage whose parents were both widowed when they hooked up and got married and had him in 1928.
Thing is that both had 'over 10' kids from their previous marraige so my uncle had 20+ half brothers and sisters. Impossibly big family to keep track of and my cousins have no idea who some of their uncles and aunts were/are.

bee06

I'm the oldest of five. The youngest definitely gets spoilt but is also the most laid back and relaxed about thinks. I suppose it's seeing four siblings going through leaving cert, college etc ok so not worrying about it. As the oldest I've always been the responsible one and the one to have to do everything first but also the least confident as a child/teenager. It's probably more to do with my personality than position in the family I'd say.

I do think the oldest child stereotype has some truth in it, my eldest brother is an insanely overachieving type, and is the most responsibly minded of all of us. He takes it upon himself to sort things out even when he doesn't need to, and I think it's probably habit. Maybe theres some unconscious awareness of being an example to the younger ones at play.

Carry

I'm the oldest of two, younger brother by 5 years.
I had to be responsible for all and sundry, especially for that spoilt brat of a kid brother. He still contacts me, as a grown man with family, when he is in trouble :rolleyes:

On the plus side I got a lot of freedom when I was a teenager. My dad said, if you can do chores like an adult, be responsible like an adult, you can have fun like an adult. Which on the other hand put pressure on me to have responsible fun ...

I still have the attitude that I have to fix other peoples' problems, take care of everything myself and generally know better - well, I do actually, in most cases at least

Carry

Carry wrote: »

I'm the oldest of two, younger brother by 5 years.
I had to be responsible for all and sundry, especially for that spoilt brat of a kid brother. He still contacts me, as a grown man with family, when he is in trouble :rolleyes:

On the plus side I got a lot of freedom when I was a teenager. My dad said, if you can do chores like an adult, be responsible like an adult, you can have fun like an adult. Which on the other hand put pressure on me to have responsible fun ...

I still have the attitude that I have to fix other peoples' problems, take care of everything myself and generally know better - well, I do actually, in most cases at least

He obviously thinks a lot of you if you're the one he turns to.

You dad seems like he knew how to handle you too.

Pokerdude07

Youngest of five. Wasn't spoilt as such, but always got away with murder. Being the youngest and quietest in a family of quite big personalities I felt I was never taken very seriously. I feel it gave me a 'something to prove' mentality which has definitely helped with my career. They take me seriously now anyway.

cantdecide

I have a sister 18 months older and a twin brother.

My sister was very much the apple of my father's eye. She could do no wrong particularly as she was very good at school which was everything to him. She's still an overachiever today but of course we're all proud of her.

Myself and my bro were kind of screw-ups in my dad's mind because we weren't motivated by school. I do thing that being a twin has it's good and bad sides but it does suck to have to share birthday's and stuff and to this day, relatives and family friends still lump the two of us together in many way!!

MilesMorales1

FluffyMcCardy wrote: »

Apparently army officers, pilots etc are disproportionatly first born. Used to being in charge I suppose. Others I don't know but the youngest are often spoiled a bit although . But I think personality is more important. My younger brother was always fussed over. He was ten years younger than me so I helped him a bit with money etc in college but he's done most of the work himself. Having said that one of our sisters organised his current girlfriend. Some things never change.

Thats very true, but all my brothers are army officers (BA) But he did it first.

tomwaterford

Skoop wrote: »

Third child of four. Got screwed basically. First kid, all the occasions, the big birthdays, communion, graduation, all that stuff, massive massive deal, no expense spared, Olympic games level interest. Second sibling was only a year behind so had to get the same fan fair. Then me. "Sure whatever, this thing again, let's get it over with." Then the youngest sibling, last chance to make a big deal of things sure, all out new years eve and man landing on the moon party rolled into one levels of celebration. Figure I was screwed out of about 2 grand. Trying to get a class action law suit going with a group of other middle kids. Sue the fvck out of everyone.

Had to look out for the youngest cause I was the older brother. Had the look out for the other two cause I was a guy and they were girls. Who looks out for Skoop, huh? Who looks out for old Skoopy boy? No one that's who.

Damn non-middle kid privelege. It ain't right, God damn it... It just ain't right.

Exact same position....but I get on so well with my siblings as the two older sisters are like the only people in the world I make any effort to stay in touch with (don't see them enough!)

There like only 18 months between me and the second oldest....though they look out and worry for me so much it unreal....I'm lucky to have them as friends.....always find it fascinating the sibling rivilary/hating each other as I'd be v.close to them

Carry

Candie wrote: »

He obviously thinks a lot of you if you're the one he turns to.

You dad seems like he knew how to handle you too.

I don't see it this way with my brother, he just dumps his troubles on me and big sis will sort it, no matter how she feels.

Yes, my dad knew what to do with a teenage daughter. When I brought home a boyfriend at the age of 17, who was quite a few years older than me, he was allowed to sleep in my bed. But not after my dad brought out the beers and got the poor man so drunk that sharing a bed was all about sleeping and snoring, nothing else. Problem solved, in the eyes of my father, who just grinned the next morning.

Skoop

Pokerdude07 wrote: »

They take me seriously now anyway.

I'm sure it's not meant to, but sounds like you have them swinging in a meat locker somewhere.

Turtyturd

bee06 wrote: »

I'm the oldest of five. The youngest definitely gets spoilt but is also the most laid back and relaxed about thinks. I suppose it's seeing four siblings going through leaving cert, college etc ok so not worrying about it. As the oldest I've always been the responsible one and the one to have to do everything first but also the least confident as a child/teenager. It's probably more to do with my personality than position in the family I'd say.

This would be fairly similar to me except that there is only 3 of us. As the oldest I would see myself as the responsible one, and the one who was held to the highest standard growing up. If I stepped out of line at all the whole extended family would know in minutes. My sister was the first daughter so there were a completely different set of rules for her, and as the 'baby' my little brother got away with everything. Yet he will constantly go on about how I am the favourite son.

Myself and my sister have never seen eye to eye since we were kids and the phrase 'You're older, you should know better' is one that drives me mad because they would never fault her for anything but over the last year a few things have happened and they are beginning to see what she's like. It's hard not to say 'I told you so.'

I'm all alooone
Noone besiiide me

Skoop

tomwaterford wrote: »

Exact same position....but I get on so well with my siblings as the two older sisters are like the only people in the world I make any effort to stay in touch with (don't see them enough!)

There like only 18 months between me and the second oldest....though they look out and worry for me so much it unreal....I'm lucky to have them as friends.....always find it fascinating the sibling rivilary/hating each other as I'd be v.close to them

Ah I'd kill or die for any of them, really, when it gets right down to it. It's a good crew.

Tasden

Oldest of two. I was the guinea pig. My parents don't even try to hide the fact that they ****ed up everything with me and put it right with my younger sibling :pac:

bee06

Turtyturd wrote: »

Myself and my sister have never seen eye to eye since we were kids and the phrase 'You're older, you should know better' is one that drives me mad because they would never fault her for anything but over the last year a few things have happened and they are beginning to see what she's like. It's hard not to say 'I told you so.'

I was probably luckier in that respect because my mom was also the oldest so had already suffered through being blamed for everything as a child. I did often get the "you're older and should know better".

When it came to setting standards for the rest I was very good to my siblings. Very much middle of the road when it came to leaving cert and college and it took me a while to get on my feet work wise so they didn't have to try very hard to exceed me! I've caught up now though and we'd all be quite equal when it comes to work success. To be fair to my parents, they never put any pressure on us to achieve but it's a natural personality trait for us to. They'd be proud whatever we did.

Rubberchikken

the eldest of 5 and the middle of 8.
no effects whatsoever.

So do people think it's a fair generalisation to say that the eldest kids feel pressure to set the standard, and younger kids feel pressure to live up to their higher achieving siblings examples?

I know my siblings set the bar high, and there was a fair amount of pressure to keep up. Most of it from within, to be fair.

KKkitty

6th of 10 kids. First girl in the family and I thought having 5 older brothers would be great but it wasn't really. Only had a close relationship with 1 of them who is a year older. Some of them were horrible to me. Have 1 younger brother and 3 younger sisters. The older we get the less we seem to see of each other.

One eyed Jack

Candie wrote: »

So do people think it's a fair generalisation to say that the eldest kids feel pressure to set the standard, and younger kids feel pressure to live up to their higher achieving siblings examples?

I know my siblings set the bar high, and there was a fair amount of pressure to keep up. Most of it from within, to be fair.

I'd definitely say it's fair to say that the eldest kids feel pressured to set the standard. He'd never admit it, but my brother definitely put himself under tremendous pressure to set unrealistic standards for himself, and that was kinda setting the bar for the rest of us, plus there was pressure from our parents too, and then I share my father's first name too so there was that pressure to fill his boots (and they were some seriously big boots!). I had to laugh one time when one of my uncles on my father's side said to me on the QT at a wedding event -

"Your father was a briar, and his father was a briar before him..."

I understood it to mean being a thorn in their parents sides was almost a genetic trait as I was third generation first name! :pac:


My sister who was the eldest was held to an almost "separate", but equally high pressure standard by our parents. It's definitely had it's effect though.

HalloweenJack

Youngest of four kids.

Have two older siblings (the first and the third) who were massive attention-seekers. Me and my sis are much more laid back and patient because of this.

TheNobleKipper

Oldest of two and there are only 2 years between my brother and me. Yes, being the older sibling makes you feel like you are the responsible one, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. At least it wasn't sure me because my brother wasn't serious trouble and would obediently obey my orders (mostly).
I can definitely see though how being the youngest has affected my brother though - our mother would help him with his homework and sometimes do it for him until he left school, because he wasn't very good in school. As a consequence he is still riddled with insecurity and doesn't dare to make decisions that have consequences and runs everything by his mother or me (mainly mother though because I have too little patience)

lazeedaisy

I am the 4th of 5, with barely a year between us all, 10 months in one case!

The oldest was never a leader, not a good older sibling as they lived in their own world and never gave the rest of us a second thought. I am the sensible one they all come to when they need help, parents included, which is often. I was born sensible and boring!

The youngest at 45 is spoiled, and takes effort to let him do his own thing, but is hard when he is completely useless at dong for himself, or stands back to let us do it.

I often wonder what life would be like to have had a positive influence on me towards education, as my siblings all left school at 13 or 14 and my parents did not understand the power of education, only saw the cost.... And that was when education was free.

My parents had us when they were very young & 5 kids at 22.

I was a very serious child and not sure why, but I took responsibility for everyone. Being 4th child I felt someone had to!

Candie

Candie wrote: »

In my family there were two boys and two girls, and I am the youngest by a gap of 9.5 years. Yes, I was a lovely surprise.

The big age gap meant that I had no one to play Barbie or My Little Pony with me, though there was no shortage of Lego playmates. Still isn't.

I was also pretty indulged and maybe over protected, only not just by my parents but also the three older siblings. I felt this the hardest when I went away to university, and felt the collective anxiety of five adults worrying that I'd cope, followed by years of spontaneous weekend visitors, and checking up phone calls disguised as quick hellos. This got many times worse after I had a serious illness, and has only recently simmered down a little.

One positive effect I think the large gap in ages has had is that I've always been comfortable with older people and now at 28, I've friends of all ages from contemporaries and younger, to 65 and older. I've never been intimidated working with older colleagues in the way I've seen some be, and maybe that's a result too.

You are the female version of me...sort of :pac:

In my family there were two boys and two girls, and I am the youngest by a gap of 10 years. Yes, I was a lovely surprise.

The big age gap meant that I had no one to play Power Rangers or Action Man with me, though there was no shortage of Lego playmates. Still isn't.

I was also pretty indulged and maybe over protected, only not just by my parents but also the three older siblings. I felt this the hardest when I moved away to England at 18 with my job, and felt the collective anxiety of five adults worrying that I'd cope, followed by years of spontaneous weekend visitors, and checking up phone calls disguised as quick hellos. This got many times worse after I had a serious illness, and has only recently simmered down a little.

One positive effect I think the large gap in ages has had is that I've always been comfortable with older people and now at 26, I've friends of all ages from contemporaries and younger, to 65 and older. I've never been intimidated working with older colleagues in the way I've seen some be, and maybe that's a result too.

As the youngest I often turn to my older siblings for advice. After reading some of the replies I'm kind of worried that they might think I'm burdening them or expecting them to figure things out for me.

I think I'll have a talk with them and make sure they're okay with me leaning on them sometimes. I'd hate to think they resent it.

Medusa22

I'm the youngest of two, I have a sister who is four years older than me. She doesn't really feel like an older sister though and she never has, which has pros and cons. She never really enforced any rules that my parents told her to enforce when they were gone away, I was pretty much left to my own devices which suited me :pac:

Though she never really looked out for me either. She has always been the more laid back of the two of us though, and I'm the more anxious and high achieving one. We don't see each other a lot and we've had times where I've wanted to kill her but I know that I could tell her anything and she wouldn't judge me, and that if I really needed a place to stay that I could go to her.

I was definitely allowed to do things a lot earlier than she was, which annoyed her, and she was quite a well-behaved teenager so my parents had no idea what I was up to because they just assumed that I'd be the same, and I was a little nightmare