Where in the sibling order do you come, and how do you think it has affected you?

22-11-2015 04:43PM #1

In my family there were two boys and two girls, and I am the youngest by a gap of 9.5 years. Yes, I was a lovely surprise.

The big age gap meant that I had no one to play Barbie or My Little Pony with me, though there was no shortage of Lego playmates. Still isn't.

I was also pretty indulged and maybe over protected, only not just by my parents but also the three older siblings. I felt this the hardest when I went away to university, and felt the collective anxiety of five adults worrying that I'd cope, followed by years of spontaneous weekend visitors, and checking up phone calls disguised as quick hellos. This got many times worse after I had a serious illness, and has only recently simmered down a little.

One positive effect I think the large gap in ages has had is that I've always been comfortable with older people and now at 28, I've friends of all ages from contemporaries and younger, to 65 and older. I've never been intimidated working with older colleagues in the way I've seen some be, and maybe that's a result too.

How about you? Youngest, middle, eldest or only, how do you think you've been affected by your birth order?

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1 · 22-11-2015 04:44PM

Middle. No affect that I'm aware of.

Fleawuss · 22-11-2015 04:45PM

:mad:
AH navel gazing hits a new low.

YungKeo · 22-11-2015 04:46PM

Eldest, I got to do all the chores

22-11-2015 04:47PM

YungKeo wrote: »

Eldest, I got to do all the chores

I used to hear that a lot, that I got away with murder while the elder ones had broken in the parents

.

I didn't do much compared to the older ones, but the age difference might have been a factor there.

Lights On · 22-11-2015 04:50PM

Only child, because when you have a baby this perfect first time around why bother again!

Tell me how · 22-11-2015 04:52PM

Fleawuss wrote:

AH navel gazing hits a new low.

Probably not on the level of identifying the Irish Donald Trump I'll give you that.

I'm in the middle and don't think it has had a significant effect one way or another.

Definitely understand the OP's post though as my youngest sibling is 8 years adrift of the rest and has experienced everything Candie outlined I suspect. Reckon he could have written it.

22-11-2015 04:55PM

Youngest of 7. 8 years younger than 3rd youngest, 3 years behind the 6th.

So, naturally, spoiled rotten. Had a great childhood, loved every minute.

22-11-2015 05:03PM

Lights On wrote: »

Only child, because when you have a baby this perfect first time around why bother again!

I tell my siblings it took four attempts to reach perfection, and I'm so spoilt that they even agree.

Mr. CooL ICE · 22-11-2015 05:08PM

Youngest of 4 (by 5 years) and only boy. I was pretty much spoiled and was the poor baby that couldn't look after himself. Now that we are adults, I'm probably the wisest and the one that worries our parents the least.

RobertKK · 22-11-2015 05:09PM

The youngest of two, was nearly an Irish twin, missed out by a week.

Menas · 22-11-2015 05:10PM

4th of 5. The brains and the looks went to the ones ahead of me.

wakka12 · 22-11-2015 05:15PM

Oldest. I felt there was more pressure on me to perform that my siblings, and I was always the first one to go on school trips abroad , go to clubs, drinking etc things like that and my parents would worry a lot about me trying these new things as they'd never experienced them with any other children before.
I think it added a lot of stress to my life and contributed to my current state of anxiety, not hugely but its definitely a constributing influence

Whitewinged · 22-11-2015 05:16PM

I have one brother. He is five years older than me. We rarely fought so no sibling rivalry. We are very alike, now that I think about it.

I did always want to have a sister though which is why I was so happy when I had my second daughter. There is only a short gap in age between them so they are going to be best pals...hopefully

kfallon · 22-11-2015 05:17PM

Second oldest of 4, treated the same as the rest as far as I'm aware!

22-11-2015 05:18PM

Whitewinged wrote: »

I have one brother. He is five years older than me. We rarely fought so no sibling rivalry. We are very alike, now that I think about it.

I did always want to have a sister though which is why I was so happy when I had my second daughter. There is only a short gap in age between them so they are going to be best pals...hopefully

My sister and I were best pals, even though there was a birth gap of more than 10 years.

I would have loved a younger sibling - or at least I think I would have - to look after and spoil. I've no kids but I'm a seriously indulgent aunt to my niece and two nephews.

Skoop · 22-11-2015 05:19PM

Third child of four. Got screwed basically. First kid, all the occasions, the big birthdays, communion, graduation, all that stuff, massive massive deal, no expense spared, Olympic games level interest. Second sibling was only a year behind so had to get the same fan fair. Then me. "Sure whatever, this thing again, let's get it over with." Then the youngest sibling, last chance to make a big deal of things sure, all out new years eve and man landing on the moon party rolled into one levels of celebration. Figure I was screwed out of about 2 grand. Trying to get a class action law suit going with a group of other middle kids. Sue the fvck out of everyone.

Had to look out for the youngest cause I was the older brother. Had the look out for the other two cause I was a guy and they were girls. Who looks out for Skoop, huh? Who looks out for old Skoopy boy? No one that's who.

Damn non-middle kid privelege. It ain't right, God damn it... It just ain't right.

MilesMorales1 · 22-11-2015 05:22PM

13 sisters, 3 brothers. I'm the second youngest. I have one sister younger than me, the rest are older. I'm pretty low in the pecking order

22-11-2015 05:24PM

MilesMorales1 wrote: »

13 sisters, 3 brothers. I'm the second youngest. I have one sister younger than me, the rest are older. I'm pretty low in the pecking order

Oh
My
God

To be fair, when the individual investment in every child of that many is so diluted, nobody comes too high in any pecking order.

I'd say the experience has you well able to get along with anybody though.

Azalea · 22-11-2015 05:28PM

Fleawuss wrote: »

:mad:
AH navel gazing hits a new low.

It's pretty benign stuff really, and hardly navel-gazing - can't see how the above is necessary.

MilesMorales1 · 22-11-2015 05:28PM

Candie wrote: »

Oh
My
God

To be fair, when the individual investment in every child of that many is so diluted, nobody comes too high in any pecking order.

I'd say the experience has you well able to get along with anybody though.

It gives you the ability to take a fair slagging and let certain things just bounce off you, so thats pretty handy.

osarusan · 22-11-2015 05:28PM

Middle of three.

Made a joke to my mother one time about being the neglected middle child.

I didn't do it again.

FluffyMcCardy · 22-11-2015 05:29PM

Apparently army officers, pilots etc are disproportionatly first born. Used to being in charge I suppose. Others I don't know but the youngest are often spoiled a bit although . But I think personality is more important. My younger brother was always fussed over. He was ten years younger than me so I helped him a bit with money etc in college but he's done most of the work himself. Having said that one of our sisters organised his current girlfriend. Some things never change.

One eyed Jack · 22-11-2015 05:34PM

I'm the middle child - three younger brothers, two older brothers and one sister who's the eldest.

I always looked up to my eldest brother, but as we got older I realised he took after my uncle - an arrogant so and so, for no good reason, other than he was the eldest. I got on great with my younger brother that was next in line to me but then he went and died, left me very confused and lost for many years.

As five boys there was always that competition for us all to be very competitive with each other, and I hated it, I much preferred a co-operative approach to conflict resolution, but it often came down to "if you can't get them to cooperate, better be able to defend yourself!", as often times we came to fist fights (even then I didn't like to use weaponry, and my brothers did!).

I guess now we've all grown up, we're still not and likely never will be a close family, as every time we meet up there's always that competitive atmosphere in the room, and that's not the way it should be with family. I guess it's what's made me so adamant that nowadays no person should ever feel excluded or like they don't fit in or that there's nobody there for them. It's a horrible feeling.

Fleawuss · 22-11-2015 05:41PM

Tell me how wrote: »

Probably not on the level of identifying the Irish Donald Trump I'll give you that

Lol. Trawl much to find that one? That would be considerably higher up the food chain.
*Cue further trawling!

Menas · 22-11-2015 05:44PM

Candie wrote: »

Oh
My
God

To be fair, when the individual investment in every child of that many is so diluted, nobody comes too high in any pecking order.

I'd say the experience has you well able to get along with anybody though.

I had an uncle by marriage whose parents were both widowed when they hooked up and got married and had him in 1928.
Thing is that both had 'over 10' kids from their previous marraige so my uncle had 20+ half brothers and sisters. Impossibly big family to keep track of and my cousins have no idea who some of their uncles and aunts were/are.

bee06 · 22-11-2015 05:49PM

I'm the oldest of five. The youngest definitely gets spoilt but is also the most laid back and relaxed about thinks. I suppose it's seeing four siblings going through leaving cert, college etc ok so not worrying about it. As the oldest I've always been the responsible one and the one to have to do everything first but also the least confident as a child/teenager. It's probably more to do with my personality than position in the family I'd say.

22-11-2015 05:55PM

I do think the oldest child stereotype has some truth in it, my eldest brother is an insanely overachieving type, and is the most responsibly minded of all of us. He takes it upon himself to sort things out even when he doesn't need to, and I think it's probably habit. Maybe theres some unconscious awareness of being an example to the younger ones at play.

Carry · 22-11-2015 06:20PM

I'm the oldest of two, younger brother by 5 years.
I had to be responsible for all and sundry, especially for that spoilt brat of a kid brother. He still contacts me, as a grown man with family, when he is in trouble :rolleyes:

On the plus side I got a lot of freedom when I was a teenager. My dad said, if you can do chores like an adult, be responsible like an adult, you can have fun like an adult. Which on the other hand put pressure on me to have responsible fun ...

I still have the attitude that I have to fix other peoples' problems, take care of everything myself and generally know better - well, I do actually, in most cases at least

22-11-2015 06:30PM

Carry wrote: »

I'm the oldest of two, younger brother by 5 years.
I had to be responsible for all and sundry, especially for that spoilt brat of a kid brother. He still contacts me, as a grown man with family, when he is in trouble :rolleyes:

On the plus side I got a lot of freedom when I was a teenager. My dad said, if you can do chores like an adult, be responsible like an adult, you can have fun like an adult. Which on the other hand put pressure on me to have responsible fun ...

I still have the attitude that I have to fix other peoples' problems, take care of everything myself and generally know better - well, I do actually, in most cases at least

He obviously thinks a lot of you if you're the one he turns to.

You dad seems like he knew how to handle you too.

Pokerdude07 · 22-11-2015 06:39PM

Youngest of five. Wasn't spoilt as such, but always got away with murder. Being the youngest and quietest in a family of quite big personalities I felt I was never taken very seriously. I feel it gave me a 'something to prove' mentality which has definitely helped with my career. They take me seriously now anyway.

Where in the sibling order do you come, and how do you think it has affected you?

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