Why should a man offer a seat to a woman on train/bus?

Alf Veedersane · 20-11-2015 06:19PM

ALiasEX wrote: »

Don't hit girls
Give a woman your seat
Hold the door for women

As long as I can remember I have thought all the above to be equally bull****.

There's a book for you, Roddy:
'The Woman Who Walked Into Doors...Looking For a Seat'

Buona Fortuna · 20-11-2015 06:20PM

ALiasEX wrote: »

Don't hit girls
Give a woman your seat
Hold the door for women

As long as I can remember I have thought all the above to be equally bull****.

Wow

Hammer89 · 20-11-2015 06:22PM

I usually ask them would they like to sit on my face instead. This has never once happened.

Mesrine65 · 20-11-2015 06:24PM

Hammer89 wrote: »

I usually ask them would they like to sit on my face instead. This has never once happened.

Foxtrol · 20-11-2015 07:05PM

everlast75 wrote: »

Great question OP - it has made me question why I do...

Basically, I was brought up to have good manners, hold doors open for people, help if someone looks like they in difficulty, say please and thank you, be polite and part of it all, somewhere in the mix, was offering up my seat to someone older than me or indeed any lady.

Now that I think of it, it may be considered by some to be offensive/patronising but to be frank, there are far too many people around now (it would appear) who actively seek out scenarios in which to be offended.

I have never had any person to whom I've offered a seat take offence. If they did, I, along with anyone else that saw me offering the seat up and their subsequent reaction, would be embarrassed for them. Those type of people you will find are invariably miserable all of the time. I refuse to be dragged down to that level.

I get universal good manners but I don’t understand how people justify being more mannerly towards a specific gender. Harking back to how you were raised is a bit of a cop out, as if you were raised in a family where you were taught it was ok to hit your partner I would presume you would reconsider it.

Why do you continue to be more mannerly towards one gender, is it for an ego boost or opportunity to pat yourself on the back for being such a great guy?

Alf Veedersane · 20-11-2015 07:23PM

Foxtrol wrote: »

I get universal good manners but I don’t understand how people justify being more mannerly towards a specific gender. Harking back to how you were raised is a bit of a cop out, as if you were raised in a family where you were taught it was ok to hit your partner I would presume you would reconsider it.

Why do you continue to be more mannerly towards one gender, is it for an ego boost or opportunity to pat yourself on the back for being such a great guy?

Would you be as hostile to him if he did hit women?

Sunnyisland · 20-11-2015 07:27PM

If I see a person any person struggling while standing I would offer my seat.
__________________

Sunnyisland · 20-11-2015 07:29PM

The "is she pregnant or just fat" one is where it gets tricky.....

Foxtrol · 20-11-2015 07:33PM

Alf Veedersane wrote: »

Would you be as hostile to him if he did hit women?

I’d be hostile to him if he hit his partner be the person male or female.

Alf Veedersane · 20-11-2015 07:43PM

Foxtrol wrote: »

I’d be hostile to him if he hit his partner be the person male or female.

As hostile as you are because he's mannerly?

He hasn't been impolite. Just has realised he's more conscious of being polite to women.

mattser · 20-11-2015 07:43PM

Most of what's sitting on the train/bus nowadays are buried in their phones, and see nothing else anyway.

Foxtrol · 20-11-2015 07:49PM

Alf Veedersane wrote: »

As hostile as you are because he's mannerly?

He hasn't been impolite. Just has realised he's more conscious of being polite to women.

I’m trying to sift through the bullsh1t to understand how he justifies being more mannerly to one sex than the other.

If he was being more mannerly to people of a certain race, religion, or even more mannerly towards men it would not be anywhere near as acceptable to say. Again, saying it was how I was brought up is a total cop out!

Alf Veedersane · 20-11-2015 07:54PM

Foxtrol wrote: »

I’m trying to sift through the bullsh1t to understand how he justifies being more mannerly to one sex than the other.

If he was being more mannerly to people of a certain race, religion, or even more mannerly towards men it would not be anywhere near as acceptable to say. Again, saying it was how I was brought up is a total cop out!

Why is it a cop out? It's not hard to understand why something you were taught as a child might be something you do consciously as an adult when it's not exactly considered to be running against the grain.

It's quite possible that he isn't any more polite to women. Just that it's a more conscious thing with respect to women.

In the absence of anything that suggests he's not mannerly to men as well, your reaction is a bit much.

Foxtrol · 20-11-2015 08:11PM

Alf Veedersane wrote: »

Why is it a cop out? It's not hard to understand why something you were taught as a child might be something you do consciously as an adult when it's not exactly considered to be running against the grain.

It's quite possible that he isn't any more polite to women. Just that it's a more conscious thing with respect to women.

In the absence of anything that suggests he's not mannerly to men as well, your reaction is a bit much.

If he’s offering his seat to women and not men on public transport he is clearly being more mannerly to women.

It’s a cop out because if you’re taught as a child it’s ok to hit your partner, be sexist towards women, or racist I would hope he would reconsider it. If he’s never reflected on it then this is his opportunity. Does he do it because he feels women aren’t able to stand as long as men? Does it make him feel good to give a woman his seat, when it wouldn’t feel as good if he offered it to a man?

I said previously I’d see myself as polite/mannerly but there’s a logic behind them. I hold a door open because it saves someone going through the effort of opening it again a second later or risk it hitting them as it closes, I give my seat to injured/pregnant/frail people as they wont be able to stand as long as me.

Outside of personal gratification or thinking women are weaker than the men on the bus are, I just don’t see the logic in giving a youthful, fit woman a seat.

GAAman · 20-11-2015 08:18PM

I'm the guy who always gives up his seat and holds doors open but lately I'm really at the end of my tether with people showing no manners at all.

I almost roared yesterday at two women who not only walked through the door I was holding without any thanks at all one actually shot me a seriously dirty (not in the good way) look.

I can actually feel I will snap one day in a 'Falling Down' style :pac:

DEFTLEFTHAND · 20-11-2015 08:38PM

I don't think I've ever given up a seat for anybody. I do hold doors for men, women and children as I think it's a common courtesy.

ToddyDoody · 20-11-2015 08:39PM

Its kind of just the tradition i find. A gentleman offers his seat. Maybe it has something to do with chauvinism, the fact that biologically women are the weaker sex etc.

DeanAustin · 20-11-2015 08:43PM

Foxtrol wrote: »

I get universal good manners but I don’t understand how people justify being more mannerly towards a specific gender. Harking back to how you were raised is a bit of a cop out, as if you were raised in a family where you were taught it was ok to hit your partner I would presume you would reconsider it.

Why do you continue to be more mannerly towards one gender, is it for an ego boost or opportunity to pat yourself on the back for being such a great guy?

Ah stop. Whatever weight your point carries is undermined by you equating giving up your seat with hitting a woman.

Agree or disagree, one is done with the intention of being mannerly, the other is a power game based on deliberately hurting someone.

dissed doc · 20-11-2015 08:51PM

GAAman wrote: »

I'm the guy who always gives up his seat and holds doors open but lately I'm really at the end of my tether with people showing no manners at all.

I almost roared yesterday at two women who not only walked through the door I was holding without any thanks at all one actually shot me a seriously dirty (not in the good way) look.

I can actually feel I will snap one day in a 'Falling Down' style :pac:

You are holding the door open, why would she not look at you as a servant.

ask yourself, what would The Rock do? What would Steve McQueen do? Hold the ****ing door? No, probably not. Not even Jason Statham would do that.

HardenendMan · 20-11-2015 08:54PM

I'm a young male and would offer my seat to any woman. I view them as a superior and deserving of an easier bus ride.

Alf Veedersane · 20-11-2015 08:58PM

Foxtrol wrote: »

If he’s offering his seat to women and not men on public transport he is clearly being more mannerly to women.

It’s a cop out because if you’re taught as a child it’s ok to hit your partner, be sexist towards women, or racist I would hope he would reconsider it. If he’s never reflected on it then this is his opportunity. Does he do it because he feels women aren’t able to stand as long as men? Does it make him feel good to give a woman his seat, when it wouldn’t feel as good if he offered it to a man?

I said previously I’d see myself as polite/mannerly but there’s a logic behind them. I hold a door open because it saves someone going through the effort of opening it again a second later or risk it hitting them as it closes, I give my seat to injured/pregnant/frail people as they wont be able to stand as long as me.

Outside of personal gratification or thinking women are weaker than the men on the bus are, I just don’t see the logic in giving a youthful, fit woman a seat.

You've now decided to lump his behaviour in with violence? His crime, alongside being mannerly to everyone, is to offer up a seat to someone elderly or a lady.

If that's what you have picked out of his post where he says he was brought up to be mannerly to everyone, and you have an issue with the part where he says that he was taught to offer up a seat to an elderly person or a lady, you're making a huge mountain out of a molehill. There's nothing questionable about his behaviour and to suggest it's sexist is a stretch.

El_Duderino 09 · 20-11-2015 09:09PM

Foxtrol wrote:

I get universal good manners but I donâ€™t understand how people justify being more mannerly towards a specific gender. Harking back to how you were raised is a bit of a cop out, as if you were raised in a family where you were taught it was ok to hit your partner I would presume you would reconsider it.

If everyone simply adopted their parents morals and never adapted them to the changing times, then where would we be? You'd give up your seat for a woman but you'd also expect her to keep quiet when the men were talking politics or business and you'd expect her to keep her trivial ideas to herself.

Times change. Women are equal now and they should be seen and treated the same as anyone.

People who need a seat should be offered a seat. End of story.

B.A._Baracus · 20-11-2015 09:09PM

As others have said,
I too would gladly get up off the seat for a pregnant woman/woman with newborn or any frail and eldery person. Disabled people are an automatic obvious too. But no one else. As we're all able-bodied people.

But the bus itself can be a great example of what society really is too. Sounds silly but think about.... we've all been at a busy bus stop and along comes a bus. Doesn't matter if it's packed or empty. Everyone swarms the doors trying to get in front of the next person. To the point of even blocking people from getting off the bus.

Then with the introduction of leap cards you can really see the "i want to get a seat first before you" mentality. As leapcard payers often block the isle so people who paid with change moments before cant get by. :rolleyes:

DeanAustin · 20-11-2015 09:20PM

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

If everyone simply adopted their parents morals and never adapted them to the changing times, then where would we be? You'd give up your seat for a woman but you'd also expect her to keep quiet when the men were talking politics or business and you'd expect her to keep her trivial ideas to herself.

Times change. Women are equal now and they should be seen and treated the same as anyone.

People who need a seat should be offered a seat. End of story.

That's not what's happening though. Of course people shouldn't just blindly accept their parent's morals and beliefs.

Offering a seat to a woman doesn't hurt anyone. It's a victimless gesture. Excluding someone from a conversation based on gender does hurt that person. I'd imagine that's the differentiation the poster would make.

blade1 · 20-11-2015 09:27PM

Offer my seat to a woman?
That's verwy sexist, verwy verwy sexist!

thegreatgonzo · 20-11-2015 09:29PM

colossus-x wrote: »

Is standing up on a bus more difficult physically for a woman than a man all other things being equal? No - obviously. And I'm sure any woman would feel insulted if one suggested otherwise.

Well actually, for me personally I can find it really uncomfortable to remain standing when I have my period so I'd be pretty glad of the seat if it was offered. I don't take public transport though so it's not likely to happen to me.

Canterelle · 20-11-2015 09:40PM

Talk about first world problems. Gawd the amount of "pschoanalizing" and deeply inferred meanings here are ridiculous. A guy offers a girl his seat.....and wait, he's the biggest mysoginist ahole on the planet??? Ffs, get a life. If you can get offended by that, then I just worry. Such stupid reactions are what has given feminism a bad name. Tbh, it doesn't usually happen anymore, but if does it's just nice. Nothing more. Not him saying she's a weak helpless female. Not him asserting any superiority. Just, you know, nice.

whatismyname · 20-11-2015 09:42PM

Canterelle wrote: »

Talk about first world problems. Gawd the amount of "pschoanalizing" and deeply inferred meanings here are ridiculous. A guy offers a girl his seat.....and wait, he's the biggest masochistic ahole on the planet??? Ffs, get a life.

Maybe I've missed a few points, but glad to say I've not seen anyone say that :rolleyes:

Canterelle · 20-11-2015 09:43PM

whatismyname wrote: »

Maybe I've missed a few points, but glad to say I've not seen anyone say that :rolleyes:

Meant mysoginostic!

whatismyname · 20-11-2015 09:45PM

Canterelle wrote: »

Meant mysoginostic!

Same stands!

Seems the first time the word's even been used in the thread.

Why should a man offer a seat to a woman on train/bus?

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