Why should a man offer a seat to a woman on train/bus?

amdublin

Everytime I see a seat that is vacated on a bus/train and a man taking it and leaving a woman standing it irks me. Or not offering it to the woman and just sitting it irks me.

This morning that happened amd something clicked with me. Why am I irked? I want equality in every other male/female scenario so why not this???

Does anyone else feel this way or have any thoughts on this?? On why men should or shouldn't offer seat ton women




Ps. It also annoys me when parents have a toddler on a seat and leaving an adult standing - it's in the terms and conditions of carriage that they are free so you should put them on your lap.
Also with older children I think it is a good thing to teach civic duty to a child and have them stand and offer an adult a seat.

Pawwed Rig

If she is heavily pregnant, obviously ill or frail then I would. Otherwise no.

Same for a man too other than the pregnant part.

Staplor

Birds either want equality or they don't.

By not giving a seat I'm helping the feminist movement.

Also travelling with kids is a pain in the hole, the little snot bag might be taking up a seat, but give the parent a break.

b_mac2

It's the Dublin football teams fault...

Because it's a courtesy?

I'm sure it evolved from an era when chivalry was more relevant and ostentatious, and the reason is probably buried in here somewhere...

http://www.amazon.com/Manwatching-Field-Guide-Human-Behavior/dp/0810921847

VinLieger

Old/infirm people no matter the gender get it first, then pregnant women after that its a free for all, ive had women who were perfectly capable glower at me on a bus or train when I take a seat instead of offering it to them, their sense of entitlement continues to amuse me and I hope one day one of them tries to call me on it that will be incredibly enjoyable

Del2005

I've offered my seat to old people and they've been offended. But if someone looks like they are struggling to stand I'd still offer it, if someone doesn't look like they are struggling they can stand, doesn't matter what sex they are.

Buona Fortuna

amdublin wrote: »

Ps. It also annoys me when parents have a toddler on a seat and leaving an adult standing - it's in the terms and conditions of carriage that they are free so you should put them on your lap.
Also with older children I think it is a good thing to teach civic duty to a child and have them stand and offer an adult a seat.

You yearn for the 1950s

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

If she is heavily pregnant, obviously ill or frail then I would. Otherwise no.

Supposing she's just carrying a bit of weight - your gallantry could backfire

GLaDOS

I've never been under the impression you were supposed to give up your seat for a (young, healthy, non pregnant) woman on public transport?

amdublin

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Because it's a courtesy?

I'm sure it evolved from an era when chivalry was more relevant and ostentatious, and the reason is probably buried in here somewhere...

http://www.amazon.com/Manwatching-Field-Guide-Human-Behavior/dp/0810921847

I think it's in ingrained in me as a courtesy and that is why it irked me (ok made my blood boil! ) but thinking realistically if I want to be treated equally in every other way why do I / other women need that seat?

El_Duderino 09

It's fair game between able bodied men and women. It would be patronising to give up your seat to a person and treat them as a delicate flower if you're supposed to treat them equally in every other way.

I don't know much about raising children so I can't really comment.

As an aside, I commute on the train in the UK. Often you see a person sitting in the isle seat with a free window seat. people will stand beside a free seat sooner than ask someone to allow them in. Its survival of the fittest.

JustShon

I'm with the other posters here. I'll give up the seat if they're disabled / old / pregnant but that goes for all genders.

Women aren't so weak that they can't stand on the bus for a while.

Life is too short to worry about bus seating etiquette

Weatherproof79

Depend on the way you were raised. I would offer my seat.

amdublin

Staplor wrote: »

Birds either want equality or they don't.

By not giving a seat I'm helping the feminist movement.

Also travelling with kids is a pain in the hole, the little snot bag might be taking up a seat, but give the parent a break.

Hmmm. No that doesn't wash with me tbh. Your child (uunder 3 or iirc) is travelling free on the basis that they don't take a seat from a fare paying adult. It's not my responsibility to deal with your travelling being a pain in the hole. Frankly your child taking up a seat when it's not supposed to is a pain in the hole.

Arbiter of Good Taste

Was on a bus once and a woman with a spoilt brat was sitting across from me. The little fvcker was whining, pointing at me, saying she wanted my seat. Instead of telling the child to cop on, the mother asked me could the child have my seat.

Obviusly I said no.

Other than that I always offer my seat to old people.

John_Rambo

As a happy compromise that shows respect, chivalry and won't upset the equal rights folk I often suggest young, healthy, non-pregnant girls sit on my lap on the train.

Isaiah

If I am trying to sit down and there is only 1 seat left on the bus/train, and a woman is also going for it I will step back and let her sit.

I feel that it's more becoming of a man to be strong, capable and assertive when needed but also humble and willing to make sacrifices, however small, to benefit those around them, especially those who are physically smaller or weaker than themselves.

Other men, unless frail or old, should do the same. Small behavioural gestures like this uphold a sense of civic decency and moral standards in our everyday engagements with strangers.

Too much "Me" attitude in men these days, especially the selfie generation.

amdublin

Weatherproof79 wrote: »

Depend on the way you were raised. I would offer my seat.

Well me too. But I'm questioning it now. Is there something different about women that we need the seat???? Is this courtesy now outdated as we have shown we are equals

Whitewinged

ScienceNerd wrote: »

I've never been under the impression you were supposed to give up your seat for a (young, healthy, non pregnant) woman on public transport?

I'd never expect a seat either. I was offered a seat a few times when I was pregnant. Once or twice I took it because I genuinely needed it.

I do worry sometimes when offering my seat if the woman is definitely pregnant or not and also some older people can look offended if you offer too but I'd rather offer the seat and risk it than not offer at all.

kfallon

Because the woman might think he is nice so it increases* his chances of getting his hole..... :pac:









*chances increased by 0.00000000001%

El_Duderino 09

Weatherproof79 wrote:

Depend on the way you were raised. I would offer my seat.

Trying that one again. 'I see women as weak or somehow unable to handle standing. It's just the way I was raised'.

How patronising

amdublin

In the back of my mind "it's the polite thing to do". But is it????!!!! Or is it saying oh you poor little weak woman, me strong man give you this seat.

Lu Tze

Was on the DART one day, an elderly couple got on, and the lady took the seat across the aisle from me. I got up and offered my seat to the gentleman with her... he insisted i keep it - we both ended up standing having a chat ( i was only going another couple of stops). It was his first day getting the pension, think it touched a nerve that he was suddenly getting people offering him a seat on that very day!

Weatherproof79

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

Trying that one again. 'I see women as weak or somehow unable to handle standing. It's just the way I was raised'.

How patronising

If you want to feel patronised go ahead. I'm sure you feel a lot of inadequacies. My mother taught me to hold doors open for people and to offer my seat if a lady is standing. I don't see them as weaker in any shape or form and no one has ever reacted badly. I wouldn't offer my seat to you tho, you could quite easily remove than chip from your shoulder and sit on that.

Isaiah

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

Trying that one again. 'I see women as weak or somehow unable to handle standing. It's just the way I was raised'.

How patronising

Using a persons desire to be a decent man as an excuse to accuse him of being patronising to women. How negative and utterly reprehensable. Do you ever tire of finding things to be offended by?

If you really cared about people, you would praise his efforts and willingness to make small sacrifices for other people.

El_Duderino 09

Weatherproof79 wrote:

If you want to feel patronised go ahead. I'm sure you feel a lot of inadequacies. My mother taught me to hold doors open for people and to offer my seat if a lady is standing. I don't see them as weaker in any shape or form and no one has ever reacted badly. I wouldn't offer my seat to you tho, you could quite easily remove than chip from your shoulder and sit on that.

Unnecessarily aggressive I think.

If it's not blatantly patronising, what's the logic? Humour my tiny intellect.

PARlance

Frail or Pregnant will get offered a seat. If they're a good looking woman, they will get offered the lap.

Isaiah

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

Humour my tiny intellect.

Nobody said this or suggested this. You are creating this attitude in your head and then getting offended by it.

El_Duderino 09

Isaiah wrote:

If you really cared about people, you would praise his efforts and willingness to make small sacrifices for other people.

I praise efforts to see my fellow commuters as equal humans. I see it as well intentioned naivety about gender roles.

I don't doubt that people were raised to think it is a good idea. But times have changed and gender roles have changed.Think about it for a second.

CruelCoin

amdublin wrote: »

Does anyone else feel this way or have any thoughts on this?? On why men should or shouldn't offer seat ton women

All these little priveledges were given to women in leiu of rights and power.

Welcome to equality! You may now stand, thank you.

Weatherproof79

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

Unnecessarily aggressive I think.

If it's not blatantly patronising, what's the logic? Humour my tiny intellect.

I agree you were unnecessarily aggressive. Can't argue with the tiny intellect either. Must be tiring be constantly offended. Here have my virtual seat. You're most welcome good day Miss

El_Duderino 09

Isaiah wrote:

Nobody said this or suggested this. You are creating this attitude in your head and then getting offended by it.

Forget that then and explain the logic. I see it as being a common behaviour from a time when women were routinely treated as less then men.

El_Duderino 09

Weatherproof79 wrote:

I agree you were unnecessarily aggressive. Can't argue with the tiny intellect either. Must be tiring be constantly offended. Here have my virtual seat. You're welcome good day Miss

Lol I'm a man.

Now can you please explain the logic?

One thing I've learned from AH is how many people are bothered by feminism and equality, and it affects how they view matters, how the react in situations etc. in fairness to the OP, not necessarily including him, but so many posts since.

I see it as a courtesy, I do it, most of the time it is gratefully accepted or politely declined.

Buona Fortuna

ScienceNerd wrote: »

I've never been under the impression you were supposed to give up your seat for a (young, healthy, non pregnant) woman on public transport?

So anyone that gets offered a seat by you might think:
- not looking so hot today
- should have stuck a bit of lippy on
- really should go to the Doc about that cough
- Cheeky little git, I'm joing the gym today

Lu Tze wrote: »

Was on the DART one day, an elderly couple got on, and the lady took the seat across the aisle from me. I got up and offered my seat to the gentleman with her... he insisted i keep it - we both ended up standing having a chat ( i was only going another couple of stops). It was his first day getting the pension, think it touched a nerve that he was suddenly getting people offering him a seat on that very day!

Good post

El_Duderino 09

El_Duderino 09 wrote:

If it's not blatantly patronising, what's the logic? Humour my tiny intellect.

Isaiah wrote:

Nobody said this or suggested this. You are creating this attitude in your head and then getting offended by it.

Weatherproof79 wrote:

I agree you were unnecessarily aggressive. Can't argue with the tiny intellect either. Must be tiring be constantly offended. Here have my virtual seat. You're most welcome good day Miss

Yeah no patronising going on here.

Wibbs

I don't take public transport, thereby neatly avoid this dilemma.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Wouldn't expect a man to give up a seat for me or any other healthy female.
A lot of feminists seem to pick and choose the parts of feminism that suits them.
That said, I was in Dublin on Tuesday for an appointment and I bust my back. I have sciatica and laying on a flat hard bed for almost 2 hours left me unable to walk, stand, sit or move comfortably.

I got on the crowded bus, practically hunched over because I couldn't stand, I was on the verge of tears, and about ten minutes into the journey, a young lad stood up asked me if I was alright and said I could have his seat. Now, I couldn't take his seat either because not only could I not stand, I couldn't sit either.

But it was interesting to see people blatantly trying not to make eye contact with me incase I needed their seat.

Whosthis

When I have time off I like to take rush hour public transport just so I can occupy a seat that a woman may otherwise use.

Isaiah

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

Forget that then and explain the logic. I see it as being a common behaviour from a time when women were routinely treated as less then men.

So your logic is that if a man gives up his seat for a women, then somehow this is transporting their interaction back into a darker past where women had less rights and freedoms than men?

This is not logic, this is the outcome of a warped perspective where you are looking at a persons act of kindness today through a filter of what you have learned about historical social inequality issues, and then becoming offended by what you percieve to be a throwback to this period when in fact it's nothing more than a simple act of kindness.

PARlance

amdublin wrote: »

Hmmm. No that doesn't wash with me tbh. Your child (uunder 3 or iirc) is travelling free on the basis that they don't take a seat from a fare paying adult. It's not my responsibility to deal with your travelling being a pain in the hole. Frankly your child taking up a seat when it's not supposed to is a pain in the hole.

You're suffering from a big dose of hypocrisy and flawed thinking.
Children don't go free on the basis that they don't take a seat, what makes you think that? OAP's get free travel and you don't seem to mind them being offered a seat.

MilesMorales1

Its ingrained into me as a courtesy from when I was a kid. I also let women ahead of me in queues, offer to help them lift things if they look too heavy (not dirty!) etc.

I mean I'm a feminist, I believe in gender equality till the cows come home, but I cannot stop myself from acting that way.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

PARlance wrote: »

You're suffering from a big dose of hypocrisy and flawed thinking.
Children don't go free on the basis that they don't take a seat, what makes you think that? OAP's get free travel and you don't seem to mind them being offered a seat.

they don't have to pay for a seat, can sit on their parents Lap. Same as on a plane.

El_Duderino 09

Isaiah wrote:

So your logic is that if a man gives up his seat for a women, then somehow this is transporting their interaction back into a darker past where women had less rights and freedoms than men?

Isaiah wrote:

This is not logic, this is the outcome of a warped perspective where you are looking at a persons act of kindness today through a filter of what you have learned about historical social inequality issues, and then becoming offended by what you percieve to be a throwback to this period when in fact it's nothing more than a simple act of kindness.

Do you give up your seat for everyone you see standing or just women?

I'm asking about the logic of giving up a seat specifically for women. I've outlined my view on it . I'm asking for yours

Sam Kade

amdublin wrote: »

Everytime I see a seat that is vacated on a bus/train and a man taking it and leaving a woman standing it irks me. Or not offering it to the woman and just sitting it irks me.

This morning that happened amd something clicked with me. Why am I irked? I want equality in every other male/female scenario so why not this???

Does anyone else feel this way or have any thoughts on this?? On why men should or shouldn't offer seat ton women




Ps. It also annoys me when parents have a toddler on a seat and leaving an adult standing - it's in the terms and conditions of carriage that they are free so you should put them on your lap.
Also with older children I think it is a good thing to teach civic duty to a child and have them stand and offer an adult a seat.

if they weigh a ton could they even get on the bus

Cork Lass

I'm in a pure state of panic now. I have to take the bus today to get to a hospital appointment. My arm is in a sling following recent surgery so the chances are that I will be offered a seat if the bus is full. I'm fit and healthy apart from this injury. Should I take the seat if offered or would this be considered an insult to women, men, pensioners, underage children.... the list goes on. I might just cancel the appointment for fear of upsetting anyone:D:D:D

PARlance

LexieOnRale wrote: »

they don't have to pay for a seat, can sit on their parents Lap. Same as on a plane.

It's not the same as on a plane. It is a condition of travelling on a plane. And the OAP travel pass doesn't extend to airfare.

Skoop

If someone seems like they are, or are likely to, have difficulty standing, and I wouldn't, then I'd offer them my seat. Beyond that, no, of course not, that'd just be weird.

Rubberchikken

for someone elderly/frail/maybe pregnant (how would i be sure she just wasn't fat?)
after that i wouldn't expect anyone to hand up their seat to anyone else.
women aren't any less capable of standing than men. kids taking up a seat when they are under age and free wouldn't bother me, but it's not a fair thing to do, so i figure it's just some parents who would allow this.

jamesbere

Ask the woman if she wants to sit on your lap