Crying

15-11-2015 12:18AM

Today was spent at the funeral of a friend who committed suicide during the week.

There were tears. From men, and from women.

Crying isn't a weakness. Everyone should cry if they need to cry.

Whitewinged · 15-11-2015 12:27AM

One eyed Jack wrote: »

There's plenty evidence to support the idea that it isn't good for your mental health to suppress your emotions, and it has nothing to do with "being all emotional is totally natural". Being yourself is totally natural, and if, like myself or yourself, we just don't feel particularly overcome with emotion when other people are, there's nothing unusual or whatever else about that either. It is what it is.

You know that's one of the reasons that i was thinking of it because my nephew fell the other day. He's only six and his reaction first was anger. He punched the floor but but he is not an angry kid. He is actually very diplomatic. He's naturally not that affectionate but in saying that he is very protective of my daughter, his "little cousin". I don't think he has been conditioned not to cry but it is just who he is but I do think some boys can feel they are not allowed to cry.

mud · 15-11-2015 12:31AM

Whitewinged wrote: »

You know that's one of the reasons that i was thinking of it because my nephew fell the other day. He's only six and his reaction first was anger. He punched the floor but but he is not an angry kid. He is actually very diplomatic. He's naturally not that affectionate but in saying that he is very protective of my daughter, his "little cousin". I don't think he has been conditioned not to cry but it is just who he is but I do think some boys can feel they are not allowed to cry.

That makes me feel sad. (but I'm not crying! :P )

Hate the thought of small humans being taught they're not supposed to cry. If I ever have kids I'll never tell them any such thing. Gender stereotypes cause so much damage.

(I don't mean to imply that your nephew is being taught not to cry I'm speaking generally)

Whitewinged · 15-11-2015 12:34AM

DavyD_83 wrote: »

And fact you've never seen a man cry seems slightly sad in itself. Either every man you're close is too 'manly', which is nonsense, or maybe you're just not close enough to any to witness it. I think in general, men try to only let ppl we really trust see us cry (still seem as a sign of weakness by most)

Ah no its not like that! I have seen many emotions including deep sadness from men who I am close to. They just never shed a tear because of it, thats all.

KKkitty · 15-11-2015 12:40AM

A soap I watch called Hollyoaks recently had a stillborn storyline. I lost two babies before the 12 week stage in pregnancy and it brought it right back as to I initially felt at the time. Sometimes I feel silly for crying at soaps but if it helps get some emotions out it can't be that bad.

One eyed Jack · 15-11-2015 12:44AM

mud wrote: »

That makes me feel sad. (but I'm not crying! :P )

Hate the thought of small humans being taught they're not supposed to cry. If I ever have kids I'll never tell them any such thing. Gender stereotypes cause so much damage.

(I don't mean to imply that your nephew is being taught not to cry I'm speaking generally)

There seems to be a gender stereotype floating about in this thread though that some people think it's sad that some people have never seen a grown man cry. Why would you want to?

I've not seen too many women cry in my life either and I don't think it's sad that I rarely see grown women crying. Again, I wouldn't want to.

I don't think it's gender stereotyping or boys learning that they're not supposed to cry or they're too proud to cry or anything like that. I just think that it's people, regardless of their gender, react in different ways with different emotional responses, or don't react with any emotional response at all.

I've buried relatives and I've been in the delivery room when my child was born and I was very conscious of people analysing my deportment for an emotional reaction, and there was simply none forthcoming. It wasn't because I was trying to hold anything back or anything like that. I just didn't "feel" the emotions that other people expected of me at those times was all.

Medusa22 · 15-11-2015 12:44AM

I don't see crying as a sign of weakness, though some people cry at the drop of a hat. Usually I am just very uncomfortable and I have no idea what to do when someone cries, I just feel very awkward and I don't know how to respond but I do empathise of course (well unless the reason is something incredibly trivial, like they broke a nail

)

I cry every once in a while myself, but usually on my own or I'd cry in front of my OH alright but that's about it. I've never cried watching a film though. I have seen a man cry but only a handful of times, at the most.

Edited to say that I find it very hard to cry at funerals (maybe it's because I'm in public, I don't know), and it makes me very uncomfortable because people seem to be expecting that kind of reaction from me (especially when it is a relative) and I'm there trying to squeeze a tear or two out so I don't look like I'm made of stone :P

Jim Bob Scratcher · 15-11-2015 12:48AM

Nothing wrong with a good old cry. The auld drains need clearing every now and again, it's healthy.

mud · 15-11-2015 12:57AM

One eyed Jack wrote: »

There seems to be a gender stereotype floating about in this thread though that some people think it's sad that some people have never seen a grown man cry. Why would you want to?

I've not seen too many women cry in my life either and I don't think it's sad that I rarely see grown women crying. Again, I wouldn't want to.

I don't think it's gender stereotyping or boys learning that they're not supposed to cry or they're too proud to cry or anything like that. I just think that it's people, regardless of their gender, react in different ways with different emotional responses, or don't react with any emotional response at all.

I've buried relatives and I've been in the delivery room when my child was born and I was very conscious of people analysing my deportment for an emotional reaction, and there was simply none forthcoming. It wasn't because I was trying to hold anything back or anything like that. I just didn't "feel" the emotions that other people expected of me at those times was all.

I totally get that not everyone has the same emotional response. There is no black and white answer to how you will react to any given situation. I guess I'm more referring to people who DO want to cry but feel that they can't because of societal "norms".

I am touched by what you said about people looking at you for your reaction. That's a bit mad. I'd have been raging if that happened to me.

Tasden · 15-11-2015 01:06AM

When I cry it's purely a physical response to how I'm feeling and I couldn't stop it if i tried.

So if I'm angry, even though I may not be at all sad or "vulnerable" or what have you, i will probably still cry. And its annoying cause I could be having a fight with somebody and be nothing but absolutely furious and I'll cry and it will look like I'm upset even though it's just sheer frustration/anger.

It can also be seen, as some have mentioned, as attention seeking or drama queen-ish to cry often, and I know that sometimes people see crying during an argument as being a way to manipulate (girls are especially accused of this) the person into backing down or whatever, but sometimes its just a genuine physical release that can't be controlled even if the person tries their damn hardest to keep it in!

Medusa22 · 15-11-2015 01:09AM

Tasden wrote: »

When I cry it's purely a physical response to how I'm feeling and I couldn't stop it if i tried.

So if I'm angry, even though I may not be at all sad or "vulnerable" or what have you, i will probably still cry. And its annoying cause I could be having a fight with somebody and be nothing but absolutely furious and I'll cry and it will look like I'm upset even though it's just sheer frustration/anger.

It can also be seen, as some have mentioned, as attention seeking or drama quuen-ish to cry often, and I know that sometimes people see crying during an argument as being a way to manipulate (girls are especially accused of this) the person into backing down or whatever, but sometimes its just a genuine physical release that can't be controlled even if the person tries their damn hardest to keep it in!

This happens to me too! I feel so annoyed when I cry when I'm having an argument with someone but if it becomes a yelling match then I just can't help crying, even though I am not feeling upset at all, just enraged.

Tasden · 15-11-2015 01:10AM

Medusa22 wrote: »

This happens to me too! I feel so annoyed when I cry when I'm having an argument with someone but if it becomes a yelling match then I just can't help crying, even though I am not feeling upset at all, just enraged.

It's so annoying cause it just adds to your anger because your body is failing you! :pac: and i am an ugly crier so its a double whammy!

mzungu · 15-11-2015 01:10AM

Thread reminded me of this!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ee925OTFBCA

Medusa22 · 15-11-2015 01:11AM

Tasden wrote: »

It's so annoying cause it just adds to your anger because your body is failing you! :pac: and i am an ugly crier so its a double whammy!

Yes, I feel embarrassed and like my argument is being undermined :pac: Oh +1 on being an ugly crier, my nose swells to about 4 times its actual size and turns as red as a tomato, it is not appealing

Azalea · 15-11-2015 01:11AM

Tasden wrote: »

It's so annoying cause it just adds to your anger because your body is failing you! :pac: and i am an ugly crier so its a double whammy!

Sobbing and... not... being... able... t-to... sob... get... the... words... sob... out - is embarrassing too! :pac:

Tasden · 15-11-2015 01:14AM

Azalea wrote: »

Sobbing and... not... being... able... t-to... sob... get... the... words... sob... out - is embarrassing too! :pac:

I'm so happy at how accurate this post is

The trembling chin and intake of breath- oh god its awful!

mud · 15-11-2015 01:16AM

Azalea wrote: »

Sobbing and... not... being... able... t-to... sob... get... the... words... sob... out - is embarrassing too! :pac:

My Dad calls this 'hegging'

"Stop that aul hegging"

"I *gasp* I *gasp* I *gasp* I *gasp* caaaaaaan't \bawls"

Tasden · 15-11-2015 01:18AM

mud wrote: »

My Dad calls this 'hegging'

"Stop that aul hegging"

"I *gasp* I *gasp* I *gasp* I *gasp* caaaaaaan't \bawls"

That's the worst! When somebody tell you to stop crying, I would give anything to be able to stop in those situations!

MilesMorales1 · 15-11-2015 01:38AM

I can't remember the last time I cried, maybe when I was a child, before I was a teenager? Don't know why, its just not in my nature. I can't stand people crying neither, I have no idea what to say or do.

One eyed Jack · 15-11-2015 01:42AM

mud wrote: »

I totally get that not everyone has the same emotional response. There is no black and white answer to how you will react to any given situation. I guess I'm more referring to people who DO want to cry but feel that they can't because of societal "norms".

I am touched by what you said about people looking at you for your reaction. That's a bit mad. I'd have been raging if that happened to me.

Ah I know alright what you mean about social expectations and stuff and people holding back, stiff upper lip kinda thing

Someone mentioned "Marley and me" earlier, I didn't get it, but it's not safe to be around me if we're watching E.T. or Charlie Saint Cloud...

Buckets, buckets I tell ya! :pac:

(even getting glassy eyed and itchy nosed thinking about 'em now

)

The other people analysing me is a strange one alright, my aunt (love the woman to bits) was holding my hand at my brothers graveside and she kinda whispered to me "it's ok to cry", and up until that point I was fine, but just when she did that, I choked up!

The time my child was born, the nurses handed him over, and they had that giddy expression of expectation on their faces like "we just delivered a baby, isn't this so exciting!", and I was more amused by their expressions, until they asked me did I want to hold the baby, and I wearing a white shirt. My first thought was like "Well this wasn't very practical now, was it?" :pac:

pheasant tail · 15-11-2015 01:54AM

The loss of a pet can really bring anyone to tears

The Sidewards Man · 15-11-2015 01:59AM

I cried after cycling the ring of kerry 3 times in 7 hours last year, tres emotional.

LETHAL LADY · 15-11-2015 02:05AM

When I was a young wan I had a pulmonary embolism, which ended up with me being admitted to hospital and put on a dose of warfarin for about 6 months.

It was a scary time for me and being told by the consultant that I could have died scared the fcuking bejaysus out of me.

The symptoms of the embolism was not being able to breathe properly, but once I'd recovered I began to have panic attacks, a la Tony Soprano, because I become so conscious of my own breathing.

Anyway, I ended up in A&E one night convinced I was dying and bawling my head off.

The doctor there was faffing around with monitors and stuff, but I've never gotten a short, sharp shock like I did from the A&E nurse who roared at me to stop my bawling and that I was only having a panic attack.

Tough love, but it did work I have to say.

Tasden · 15-11-2015 02:12AM

LETHAL LADY wrote: »

When I was a young wan I had a pulmonary embolism, which ended up with me being admitted to hospital and put on a dose of warfarin for about 6 months.

It was a scary time for me and being told by the consultant that I could have died scared the fcuking bejaysus out of me.

The symptoms of the embolism was not being able to breathe properly, but once I'd recovered I began to have panic attacks a la Tony Soprano because I become so conscious of my own breathing.

Anyway, I ended up in A&E one night convinced I was dying and bawling my head off.

The doctor there was faffing around with monitors and stuff, but I've never gotten a short, sharp shock like I did from the A&E nurse who roared at me to stop my bawling and that I was only having a panic attack.

Tough love, but it did work I have to say.

I've witnessed someone having a panic attack before and she honestly thought she was going to die, I'll never forget it. She was so terrified. Awful things, hope you're ok now. Wonder if the tough love approach would work for most people.

blackcard · 15-11-2015 02:14AM

The only time I have cried in public since the age of 10 was when my mother died and I didn't care what anyone thought and never will. Always thought not crying was a sign of strength but that is bulls###

TheLastMohican · 15-11-2015 02:20AM

I may have cried 4 times in the past ten years.
At the death of a young man by his own hand - am great friends with both parents
Once, because my wife was crying - can't remember the reason
My hound had a seizure ...... she gets these occasionally (lasts anything from 5 to 20 minutes) and I think that this one will sweep her

But the one that sticks out, is crying whilst reciting "SOLITUDE" at a party in Tralee - thrown for me by my niece. Admittedly had a few more than normal.

I threaten to repeat the performance in March when I next get home ......... just to show that there's no ill feeling

LETHAL LADY · 15-11-2015 02:26AM

Tasden wrote: »

I've witnessed someone having a panic attack before and she honestly thought she was going to die, I'll never forget it. She was so terrified. Awful things, hope you're ok now. Wonder if the tough love approach would work for most people.

I'm grand

I meant at that moment she snapped me out of it. Once I'd calmed down she gave me really helpful tips on how to cope with it and I haven't had one in a long time.

I suppose imo it depends on the reason for the attacks that should determine how they are dealt with.

steddyeddy · 15-11-2015 02:26AM

When I got offered a PhD position I locked myself in the university toilets and broke down. I didn't think I could do it.

15-11-2015 02:27AM

I've lost a parent and an in law this year amongst others things.

Crying is so energy draining yet relieving at the same time. I bottle up a lot but I couldn't imagine bottling this up all the time, you'd go mental.

mud · 15-11-2015 02:33AM

TheLastMohican wrote: »

I may have cried 4 times in the past ten years.
At the death of a young man by his own hand - am great friends with both parents
Once, because my wife was crying - can't remember the reason
My hound had a seizure ...... she gets these occasionally (lasts anything from 5 to 20 minutes) and I think that this one will sweep her

But the one that sticks out, is crying whilst reciting "SOLITUDE" at a party in Tralee - thrown for me by my niece. Admittedly had a few more than normal.

I threaten to repeat the performance in March when I next get home ......... just to show that there's no ill feeling

Ooh, what's Solitude? Is it a poem? Would love to hear it. There are some poems that make me weep, in a nice way though. Mostly.

Crying

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