Mothers of abuse victims siding with abusers.

Deleted User wrote: »

http://www.irishstatutebook.ie/eli/2006/act/26/section/176/enacted/en/html

Up to the DPP. I wonder why it's not pursued more often.

it's only a relatively new law , probably most of these people who know about this abuse are from cases prior to the law so it wasn't a crime at the time.

Going forward I can see Its may hard to prove a case unless it was proven they were present at the abuse.
They (as in this case) could claim they just genuinely didn't believe the child.
sad as that sounds.

As I've grown up (and older) I have started to suspect that my parents knew about my abuse. I try not to dwell on it because I don't want to hate them, but I suspect that when I have my own children, I probably will hate them, because I will know what it is like to love and protect a child with your life. A child should be protected and it doesn't matter if you want to play happy family or protect your spouse or your other children, a child should be protected and anybody who fails to do so is complicit.

Really hopes this happens

Sisters sexually abused by stepfather want charges brought against their mother

http://www.breakingnews.ie/ireland/sisters-sexually-abused-by-stepfather-want-charges-brought-against-their-mother-704958.html

Two sisters who were sexually abused by their stepfather over a 10-year period say they would like to see charges brought against their mother who they say never believed that he abused them.

Vanessa Witherow said that she and her sister will be closely watching the case of rape survivor Fiona Doyle, whose mother was arrested after her father was convicted of abuse.

Vanessa Witherow said: "There could possibly be (charges) - the guards had to deal with John Joe first…It's further down the line," she said.

Speaking in court yesterday, Emma Witherow broke down as she described how her mother still refuses to believe the abuse occurred.

"She totally denied everything she heard, and said I was only attention-seeking," she said.

"I went to my mother for help as a child should be able to do, but she gave me no help and ignored my plea," Emma said.

Totally think these two women are fantastic, and should be very proud of themselves.

PLL wrote: »

Some respect your parents no matter how much they do wrong mentality. Its just wrong.

Couldn't agree more with that.

I broke contact with my mother many, many years ago and never intend seeing her again. This will genuinely be no loss to me, and she deserves no part in my life.

Just because she happened to get pregnant with me, give birth to me and raise me for a number of years means nothing given the appalling upbringing she gave me.

Azalea wrote: »

Not sure they're as bad. Nobody is as bad as the abuser in my opinion. But the enabler is a very close second.

Yes, a very, very close second.

For me, my mother would never, ever be quite as bad as my abuser, given what he did.

But at the same time, there's a part within me that does feel she's 'as bad' because she was my mother, and it was her duty to protect me, and not let that happen, and certainly not to turn a blind eye.

And I know that even if she's not 'as bad', the massive failure on her part on that, and throughout my childhood more generally, has almost certainly had as much of an impact on my emotional development as a child and my mental health as an adult as what my abuser did.

PLL wrote: »

My mother let her boyfriend abuse me (physically/mentally). I'm 25 now, left home at 18. Haven't spoken to her since I left. I honestly believe some people's brain's arent wired correctly, she still believes nothing was wrong.

The worst part is my culchie family who don't understand how I'd have any reason not to talk to my mother (I grew up in a city). Some respect your parents no matter how much they do wrong mentality. Its just wrong.

I now have a 4 year old daughter myself which makes it more incomprehensible that my mother let the things happen to me, happen.

If anyone went near my daughter they would get a hurl to the face.

I have a very vivid memory from when I was only around 8 or 9 of one of my uncles telling my gran that the parish priest had abused him when he served as an altar boy. He would have been around 40 at the time, and had obviously kept it to himself all those lonely years, and then he finally came out and told her when the conversation about church control etc came up and she said, "ah go 'way outta that he wouldn't have done something like that" - and that was it.

osarusan wrote: »

I often wonder if people opt for complete denial because the alternative is to face up to the enormity of what they have been complicit in.

I have no doubt in my mind that that will often be the case.

OldNotWIse wrote: »

This thread is stirring up all kinds of horrible confusing anger for me. I used to think that it was ok that my parents didn't intervene after the fact because they wanted to keep the family together but thinking about it now, what the f*ck kind of responsibility was that to put on a CHILD. It wasn't my job to keep the family together at my expense. It wasn't my fault that this happened. It wasn't my duty to play happy family because that was easier for them. It WAS their job to protect me. I was a child ffs. I remember my mum asking me, "do you be alright when you are alone with such and such?". Why would she ask that if she didn't know? Of course, ever anxious to please and not wating to upset the apple cart ONW said yes I am fine. But even later, when I was a teen and a teacher told them I had confided in her about the abuse, they still didn't want to know who it was. They didn't send me for counseling. It was just swept under the f*cking carpet like everything else. And now I am a screwed up adult and when I do have kids I'll never let them out of my sight, and we are all just shells of people still pathetically playing happy family.

OldNotWise I can completely empathise with all that you have just said, and you are completely right in it all.

It wasn't your job to keep the family together or protect anyone else.

It was THEIR job to protect you, not the other way round.

You were a child. A child. It was the duty of your parents, other adults in your life, and society more widely, to protect you from harm.

You were not responsible for any of this, not even in the slightest tiniest way.

The anger you feel may be very hard to deal with, but it is very natural anger, and very justified. I think it is good to feel that anger, because the child that you were deserves to be anger for. She deserved so, so much better than the sh1tty things you experienced. You are right in feeling angry, and while I don't personally know you now, and didn't then, I also feel angry on your behalf.

None of what you experienced was ok, and ever will be.

If the thread is stirring up all kinds of confusing anger for you, might it be possible to step back for a while?

I know that when you are embroiled in something like this in your head, it can be really hard to pull back from.

What are your plans this afternoon / evening?

Could you plan to do something nice / nicer than usual for yourself? Something really caring / self-soothing?

You deserved so much to be cared for properly then, but that also applies now. Taking some time, if you can, to take care of yourself, may help combat some of that confusing anger, and help that part of you feel cared for and feel that you mattered.

Because you do matter. A lot.

I hope you are able to deal with this as best you can, and I will be thinking of you.

crazyb1tch wrote: »

When I finally got the strength to speak up about my rape and sexual abuse by a family member, there was nothing done about it and the following day life just went to normal my father blamed me and my grandmother told me that I led my abuser on by wearing dresses! I was 4 when it started and 6 the first time I was raped. Finally now 35 years after it started, having battled depression and attempted suicide numerous times I have found the strength to take back control of my life. I am pursing a prosecution against this person, he has been arrested and files are being prepared for the DPP and I am receiving counselling it's a long tough road but I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. To anyone struggling I'm thinking of you xx

Well done for bringing the perpetrator to justice.