If you found out your partner was a sex worker

Peregrinus · 07-11-2015 06:09PM

It wasn't me! wrote: »

So it would be important enough and significant enough to you that you would break up with someone over it, but it wouldn't merit the honesty to tell your partner about it if the roles were reversed? Seems a little hypocritical.

Well, presumably he wouldn't tell his partner because he would expect that she would dump him, and he wouldn't want to be dumped.

Is that hypocritical? No, I don't think not mentioning that he had slept with sex workers would be hypocricital. It might perhaps be criticised in other terms, but it wouldn't be hypocrisy.

But, never mind the telling, I think sleeping with them in the first place must be hypocritical, if you think that having slept with a sex worker is a dumpable offence.

So, Maddog is saying that if he had slept with a sex worker, he would be hypocritical. That doesn't make him a hypocrite, of course (unless he has actually slept with a sex worker, but we have no reason to think he has).

One eyed Jack · 07-11-2015 06:23PM

Mister Vain wrote: »

Or if they had slept with sex workers in the past, how would you feel? Would you dump them? I'm not talking about cheating while you're together but if they had done it before you met. If its something you did yourself would you tell your partner?

There are some things I need to know, and there are some things I'd rather not know. One of those things I'd rather not know is my partner's previous sexual history. As long as we both tested clean for STI's, what they did, or who they did it with, doesn't concern me. I hold them to that same standard that they don't need to know my previous sexual history as long as I'm clean.

I've found that standard isn't particularly popular, and most people, in my experience at least, would prefer to know. The thing with doing that however is that you may not like the answers you hear. It's one of those things that very much depends upon the individuals involved. I wouldn't encourage anyone either way as everyone is going to have a different answer to that one, amd then there's the reaction and aftermath when you run the risk of hearing something you'd rather not have heard yourself.

A person's past should be left where it belongs IMO, unless there are extenuating circumstances such as if they were carrying an STI, but that would show up in a test, and then their partners would have a right to know. But otherwise, I wouldn't be telling, and I don't want to know.

Spanish Eyes · 07-11-2015 06:30PM

How did you find out anyway?. Why were you told?

Any amount of previous sexual partners for anyone is no doubt common anyway.

STI clear, that's fine, otherwise until you know this, industrial strength condoms and that applies to any new partner regardless, until the all clear. lol.

eviltwin · 07-11-2015 06:33PM

I'd like to know if the person I'm sleeping with is sleeping with other people. If they had done it in the past it wouldn't be an issue once they were disease free. I'd have no moral issues with it or judge them for it.

booooring! · 07-11-2015 06:40PM

Mister Vain wrote: »

Or if they had slept with sex workers in the past, how would you feel? Would you dump them? I'm not talking about cheating while you're together but if they had done it before you met. If its something you did yourself would you tell your partner?

My god! It's not that that big of a deal. It's sex, it's not robbing a bank, stabbing someone or been a psychopath.

Have you talked to your parish priest about this?:rolleyes: if you went to Amsterdam you'd probably have a heart attack.

MadDog76 · 07-11-2015 06:47PM

It wasn't me! wrote: »

So it would be important enough and significant enough to you that you would break up with someone over it, but it wouldn't merit the honesty to tell your partner about it if the roles were reversed? Seems a little hypocritical. Also, your assumptions about men and women and their relative tendency to inflate or deflate the number of people they've slept with seems a bit self-conscious. After all, what's the point in either gender lying about the number? Are people so insecure about telling or hearing the truth? Who does it help?

Sorry, I was just being honest ........... I thought most adults knew that we live in a hypocritical society and that adults lie to eachother about their sexual history even in the closest of relationships ........... I'll have to be more realistic in my future posts.

ardinn · 07-11-2015 06:49PM

Turtyturd wrote: »

A service user?

Or service provider

It wasn't me! · 07-11-2015 06:49PM

You know the option does exist to just be honest, right? What's the good in lying?

Pink Fairy · 07-11-2015 06:50PM

It wasn't me! wrote: »

You know the option does exist to just be honest, right? What's the good in lying?

You can become Taoiseach?

MadDog76 · 07-11-2015 06:51PM

Peregrinus wrote: »

Well, presumably he wouldn't tell his partner because he would expect that she would dump him, and he wouldn't want to be dumped.

Is that hypocritical? No, I don't think not mentioning that he had slept with sex workers would be hypocricital. It might perhaps be criticised in other terms, but it wouldn't be hypocrisy.

But, never mind the telling, I think sleeping with them in the first place must be hypocritical, if you think that having slept with a sex worker is a dumpable offence.

So, Maddog is saying that if he had slept with a sex worker, he would be hypocritical. That doesn't make him a hypocrite, of course (unless he has actually slept with a sex worker, but we have no reason to think he has).

Thank you ........... I actually haven't .......... unless of course I have and I choose not to disclose that I have for a variety of reasons ......... those reasons being redundant because I haven't ever actually slept with a sex worker and/or paid for sex.

Wibbs · 07-11-2015 06:51PM

One eyed Jack wrote: »

There are some things I need to know, and there are some things I'd rather not know. One of those things I'd rather not know is my partner's previous sexual history. As long as we both tested clean for STI's, what they did, or who they did it with, doesn't concern me. I hold them to that same standard that they don't need to know my previous sexual history as long as I'm clean.

Would this apply if they'd been a prostitute? You'd be only worried about a possible dose of the clap? Eh… I'd be more concerned about the long term mental health aspect of being an ex whore. No one needs that level of crazy. If that's judgemental of me then so be it, colour me judgemental. And before the knickers start to bunch that goes for both sexes. An ex rent boy is more likely to not be a shining example of unblemished sanity either. Life is hard enough without inviting extra crazy into your life. As for those who use hookers? That's another days work and it's not about the exploitation of the women/men involved(save for some cases).

SEPT 23 1989 · 07-11-2015 06:56PM

As long as she doesn't bring her work home with her

booooring! · 07-11-2015 07:01PM

I probably rode your missus OP

07-11-2015 07:03PM

If someone I was seeing admitted to using sex workers, it would be the end of the relationship.

On a very basic level that doesn't respond to the various arguments defending a persons right to sell their body, and another persons right to buy the use of it. I just find it sleazy and distasteful and I would think less of anyone involved in that transaction, unfair as that may sound. Like I say, it's a gut reaction and it's not something I could talk myself out of.

Whitewinged · 07-11-2015 07:05PM

Wibbs wrote: »

Would this apply if they'd been a prostitute? You'd be only worried about a possible dose of the clap? Eh… I'd be more concerned about the long term mental health aspect of being an ex whore. No one needs that level of crazy. If that's judgemental of me then so be it, colour me judgemental. And before the knickers start to bunch that goes for both sexes. An ex rent boy is more likely to not be a shining example of unblemished sanity either. Life is hard enough without inviting extra crazy into your life. As for those who use hookers? That's another days work and it's not about the exploitation of the women/men involved(save for some cases).

I was thinking a bit along the lines you were thinking but not in the same way. If my oh did come to me and say that he was a male escort in the past before we met then I would assume that he was trying to be honest with me but also confide in me as it may be something that is having a negative effect on him in the present. I wouldn't walk away but i suppose it depends really how long and solid the relationship is before someone decides to share something from their past.

OneOfThem · 07-11-2015 07:05PM

I'm not particularly interested in knowing a partners previous sexual history. But wouldn't have a problem hearing about it if it came up. No there's no chance I'd dump them over it as long as it was all consensual and all that. No particular interest in telling a partner about my previous sexual history either. May or may not divulge things if they asked specific questions.

Leading on from that, I'd consider having been a sex worker, or having used sex workers, to be part of sexual history, and the above applies.

One eyed Jack · 07-11-2015 07:10PM

Wibbs wrote: »

Would this apply if they'd been a prostitute? You'd be only worried about a possible dose of the clap? Eh… I'd be more concerned about the long term mental health aspect of being an ex whore. No one needs that level of crazy. If that's judgemental of me then so be it, colour me judgemental. And before the knickers start to bunch that goes for both sexes. An ex rent boy is more likely to not be a shining example of unblemished sanity either. Life is hard enough without inviting extra crazy into your life. As for those who use hookers? That's another days work and it's not about the exploitation of the women/men involved(save for some cases).

I know what you mean and all Wibbs, but yeah, it would, and I wouldn't think anyone was being judgemental or any of the rest of it for thinking the way they do. I'd completely understand where they're coming from because I'd be the same myself, but for different reasons, and that makes me a judgemental hypocrite, so I can hardly throw stones

Pink Fairy · 07-11-2015 07:11PM

booooring! wrote: »

I probably rode your missus OP

Think we all have tbf

Penny Tration · 07-11-2015 07:20PM

I went out with someone who disclosed that he'd paid for sex. I didn't dump him. I was angry that he'd lied to me (he'd told me he was a virgin, we were young). I didn't think too much about the prostitute part.

If someone I'm with has paid for sex in the past, I don't care too much once they're happy to have STI testing.

As for going out with a former sex worker? No, I wouldn't. Mainly for the things Wibbs touched upon. I know some sex workers and none of them are very stable and all have unhealthy views of relationships and I don't need or want those kind of issues in a relationship.

Mister Vain · 07-11-2015 07:41PM

One eyed Jack wrote: »

There are some things I need to know, and there are some things I'd rather not know. One of those things I'd rather not know is my partner's previous sexual history. As long as we both tested clean for STI's, what they did, or who they did it with, doesn't concern me. I hold them to that same standard that they don't need to know my previous sexual history as long as I'm clean.

I've found that standard isn't particularly popular, and most people, in my experience at least, would prefer to know. The thing with doing that however is that you may not like the answers you hear. It's one of those things that very much depends upon the individuals involved. I wouldn't encourage anyone either way as everyone is going to have a different answer to that one, amd then there's the reaction and aftermath when you run the risk of hearing something you'd rather not have heard yourself.

A person's past should be left where it belongs IMO, unless there are extenuating circumstances such as if they were carrying an STI, but that would show up in a test, and then their partners would have a right to know. But otherwise, I wouldn't be telling, and I don't want to know.

I'd be the same as yourself. Leave the past in the past. It wouldn't bother me as long as the person has been tested and is clean.

booooring! wrote: »

My god! It's not that that big of a deal. It's sex, it's not robbing a bank, stabbing someone or been a psychopath.

Have you talked to your parish priest about this?:rolleyes: if you went to Amsterdam you'd probably have a heart attack.

Relax there buddy. I never said it was a big deal, in fact its far from it IMO but it is for some people which is why I asked.

And I have been to Amsterdam. I didn't think much of it TBH.

One eyed Jack · 07-11-2015 08:12PM

Fairway Grun wrote: »

If she did find out about your partners sexual history would it bother you?

I know my partners sexual history, it doesn't bother me one bit.

Do you mean would it bother me if I found out about my partners sexual history? I don't know whether it would or wouldn't bother me because it'd depend upon what she told me, which is why I'd just rather not know, and she doesn't know mine and that doesn't bother her. Like I said though - that's pretty rare, and most people prefer to know, then they can decide for themselves what does or doesn't bother them, and I can completely understand that from their perspective.

Just wouldn't be for me is all, I don't like to talk about my previous sexual history, so I could hardly expect that I should be entitled to know theirs and they not know mine.

Pink Fairy · 07-11-2015 08:26PM

Penny Tration wrote: »

I went out with someone who disclosed that he'd paid for sex. I didn't dump him. I was angry that he'd lied to me (he'd told me he was a virgin, we were young). I didn't think too much about the prostitute part.

If someone I'm with has paid for sex in the past, I don't care too much once they're happy to have STI testing.
But, as long as you're also happy to have sti testing its ok I suppose

As for going out with a former sex worker? No, I wouldn't. Mainly for the things Wibbs touched upon. I know some sex workers and none of them are very stable and all have unhealthy views of relationships and I don't need or want those kind of issues in a relationship.

So if someone has been with a sex workers once, you want an sti test, someone who's slept their way thru copperface jack's is ok though?...
But, as long as you're willing to have an sti test also in a relationship, its OK I suppose

Penny Tration · 07-11-2015 08:34PM

Pink Fairy wrote: »

So if someone has been with a sex workers once, you want an sti test, someone who's slept their way thru copperface jack's is ok though?...
But, as long as you're willing to have an sti test also in a relationship, its OK I suppose

Well done for putting words in my mouth.

I expect anyone I enter a relationship with to prove they're disease free. I get STI tested after any relationship ends and would do it again when one starts, if asked.

Pink Fairy · 07-11-2015 09:20PM

Penny Tration wrote: »

Well done for putting words in my mouth.

I expect anyone I enter a relationship with to prove they're disease free. I get STI tested after any relationship ends and would do it again when one starts, if asked.

Sad viewpoint to have in life, but if it works for you that's all that matters I suppose

Fox_In_Socks · 07-11-2015 09:32PM

White collar work or blue collar work?

MadDog76 · 07-11-2015 09:34PM

Penny Tration wrote: »

Well done for putting words in my mouth.

I expect anyone I enter a relationship with to prove they're disease free. I get STI tested after any relationship ends and would do it again when one starts, if asked.

Pink Fairy wrote: »

Sad viewpoint to have in life, but if it works for you that's all that matters I suppose

Why is that sad?

Penny's main concern when entering a new relationship seems to be her (and her partner's) health & well-being rather than judging someone on their sexual history ......... I think she should be commended for that attitude as I certainly would not be strong enough to accept a woman into my life who has been "around the block" ......... I would/do judge and I really have no right to considering how many times I've entered the rodeo arena myself.

Penny Tration · 07-11-2015 09:41PM

MadDog76 wrote: »

Why is that sad?

Penny's main concern when entering a new relationship seems to be her (and her partner's) health & well-being rather than judging someone on their sexual history ......... I think she should be commended for that attitude as I certainly would not be strong enough to accept a woman into my life who has been "around the block" ......... I would/do judge and I really have no right to considering how many times I've entered the rodeo arena myself.

I also don't see how looking after my sexual health is sad. :pac: it's recommended that sexually active adults have testing done.

I don't care how many people my partner has shagged, all I care about is that he is free from an STI.

Gongoozler · 07-11-2015 10:13PM

Wibbs wrote: »

Would this apply if they'd been a prostitute? You'd be only worried about a possible dose of the clap? Eh… I'd be more concerned about the long term mental health aspect of being an ex whore. No one needs that level of crazy. If that's judgemental of me then so be it, colour me judgemental. And before the knickers start to bunch that goes for both sexes. An ex rent boy is more likely to not be a shining example of unblemished sanity either. Life is hard enough without inviting extra crazy into your life. As for those who use hookers? That's another days work and it's not about the exploitation of the women/men involved(save for some cases).

Wow, wibbs I expected something better from you tbh.

MRnotlob606 · 07-11-2015 10:15PM

I already pay my girlfriend to stay with me.

MadDog76 · 07-11-2015 10:18PM

Penny Tration wrote: »

I also don't see how looking after my sexual health is sad. :pac: it's recommended that sexually active adults have testing done.

I don't care how many people my partner has shagged, all I care about is that he is free from an STI.

More power to you, you're a stronger lady than I am a man.

If you found out your partner was a sex worker

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