Do your kids call you by your first name

jaded_pause · 30-10-2015 09:58AM

I would find it weird not to call my Dad, Dad. I said his name a few times when I was annoyed or trying to get his attention unsuccessfully but it felt weird coming out of my face.

Jawgap · 30-10-2015 10:00AM

No, they don't.

That's part of the reason they've made it to their later teenage years

I'm all about permissive parenting, but I'd bridle at being called by my first name. I prefer the emotional resonance of being referred to as a father.

Plus, Hugh Leonard's play was called 'Da' not 'Nick'

meeeeh · 30-10-2015 10:11AM

We are called mummy and daddy but I wouldn't mind names either. I mostly call my parents mum and dad and my partner calls his by their names.

One eyed Jack · 30-10-2015 11:28AM

Little Acorn wrote: »

I don't think there is anything wrong with this really and as has already been said you don't have to try justify yourself or anything because it's not a crime haha:p, but I must admit I do find it a bit unusual and just wonder how it plays out in certain situations.

For example, at say a family dinner in the home would you constantly be saying things like "Mr. Smith can you pass the gravy please?", "this meat is lovely Mrs. Smith", "Yes I'll have a cup of tea, thanks Mr.Smith", "I agree Mr. Smith the weather is terrible" "Mrs Smith what do you think about the upcoming budget ?", "Mr. Smith would you be interested in seeing that new film ?"

The formality of it just sounds strange in my head when I imagine it in an informal family setting.

It's really not as awkward as that Little Acorn, which is why I was having difficulty explaining it earlier to eviltwin who would have a totally different way of looking at it. It plays out really the same way as if you were to replace when you use your parents in laws first names. You wouldn't always use their first names when talking to them, you'd probably use their first names when talking about them more, so I might ask my wife's mother "Is Mr. Smith going out to visit his mum later?", that'd be just a typical example off the top of my head. Now I think about it, when I'm talking to her, I don't call his mum "Nana" myself, or by her first name (though some of the other in-laws do, and to me that's a stretch).

My wife's granny thinks I'm "a lovely boy", I guess whatever floats her boat :pac:

Also if your wife's parents (or anybody you were going to be having regular contact with) had when they first met you asked you in a friendly way to just use their first name, would you have obliged?

Of course, and after my wife mentioned it to me that her mum had just noticed it, I tried to make the effort to use their first names, but I just couldn't get my head around it, so we'll say my mother in law's name is Margaret. I'd be asking about "Mrs. Margaret", and I'd just get very tongue tied over it, so we kinda left it unspoken that it's grand, it's just one of those quirks, and anything else is just awkward, they didn't want me feeling uncomfortable, and I didn't want to appear what to me would sound like being disrespectful and overly familiar with them.

What is you opinion on some people being uncomfortable with being called Mr. or Mrs. or Ms., who don't really care for it and ask you to do otherwise, would you go along with their wishes or would you stick to your guns because using first names is something you are not comfortable with yourself?

Ah no, I'd always try and go with whatever they want to be called, and I'd really try and make a conscious effort to do it, and I'd stick at it if I knew it meant that much to them that they pointed it out to me themselves, because I would always put the other persons comfort before my own discomfort in that situation. I wouldn't ever feel comfortable calling them by their first name, but I'd respect that it's their decision and their choice and that makes them feel comfortable, so I'd always try and do that.

I think if I was your wife's mum, that on first meeting you I would probably just have said in a very friendly way, "great to meet you, just call me *first name*" because I would think you were just being polite and I would want to reassure you that you didn't need to be formal around me. However if I later learned that you were actually personally more comfortable with that little formality then I don't think I would have a problem with it, would just probably think it was nice little quirk and get used to it.

Sorry for all the questions over such a simple thing.

Yeah I think that's the way my wife's family are at this stage, I think they understand it's just me being respectful and it's not meant to be perceived as so intentionally formal, it's just one of those quirks (among many, tbf

). Like I was saying really - they're probably like you'd be about it - "It's odd, but it's not coming from a bad place, it's just the way he is" :pac:

OldGoat · 30-10-2015 11:49AM

My kids usually call me Pops (which I kinda like in an anachronistic way).
My kids friends call me Stewart.
I frequently get called Uncle Philip.

It's all a bit weird cos my name is John.

jimgoose · 30-10-2015 11:57AM

OldGoat wrote: »

...I frequently get called Uncle Philip...

Are you a large black man who frequently ejects his son's disreputable, irritating friend from the house with extreme physicality?

osarusan · 30-10-2015 12:00PM

In Japan people add -chan to the end of a name to indicate closeness or familiarity (or sometimes -kun for a boy.)

They sometimes shorten the actual name to the first syllable or two and then add the -chan.

So Masahiro would become Masa-chan, Akiko could become A-chan, and so on. We do that in our house.

I call my parents by their names pretty much all of the time.

OldGoat · 30-10-2015 12:06PM

jimgoose wrote: »

Are you a large black man who frequently ejects his son's disreputable, irritating friend from the house with extreme physicality?

Sadly nothing as entertaining. When my "camp" self surfaces like when I have an opinion of fashion I apparently turn into a stagelike version of a rotund gay letch. Picture me as Uncle Monty in Withnail & I.

eviltwin · 30-10-2015 01:09PM

osarusan wrote: »

In Japan people add -chan to the end of a name to indicate closeness or familiarity (or sometimes -kun for a boy.)

They sometimes shorten the actual name to the first syllable or two and then add the -chan.

So Masahiro would become Masa-chan, Akiko could become A-chan, and so on. We do that in our house.

I call my parents by their names pretty much all of the time.

Are you Japanese?

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 30-10-2015 01:58PM

I would call my parents by their first name if I was messing with them or with my dad if he was ignoring me calling him "Dad? Dad? Daddy? Daaaaaaddddddy? DA!! FATHER!!!" Etc, it would escalate to his name. It would be so weird to call them by their names constantly

Mesrine65 · 30-10-2015 02:50PM

I have no problem with my kids calling me by my name, it's my name after all, I wasn't named dad.

30-10-2015 04:24PM

I call my parents by their names, but I refer to them as Mum and Dad.

The first name thing sometimes freaks people out, or they think it's disrespectful for some reason. It makes more sense to me though, even more so since we're all adults now.

My Grandmother would clip me if I called her anything other than Granny, she's the old-school type.

Little Acorn · 30-10-2015 04:51PM

One eyed Jack wrote: »

It's really not as awkward as that Little Acorn, which is why I was having difficulty explaining it earlier to eviltwin who would have a totally different way of looking at it. It plays out really the same way as if you were to replace when you use your parents in laws first names. You wouldn't always use their first names when talking to them, you'd probably use their first names when talking about them more, so I might ask my wife's mother "Is Mr. Smith going out to visit his mum later?", that'd be just a typical example off the top of my head. Now I think about it, when I'm talking to her, I don't call his mum "Nana" myself, or by her first name (though some of the other in-laws do, and to me that's a stretch).

My wife's granny thinks I'm "a lovely boy", I guess whatever floats her boat :pac:

Of course, and after my wife mentioned it to me that her mum had just noticed it, I tried to make the effort to use their first names, but I just couldn't get my head around it, so we'll say my mother in law's name is Margaret. I'd be asking about "Mrs. Margaret", and I'd just get very tongue tied over it, so we kinda left it unspoken that it's grand, it's just one of those quirks, and anything else is just awkward, they didn't want me feeling uncomfortable, and I didn't want to appear what to me would sound like being disrespectful and overly familiar with them.

Ah no, I'd always try and go with whatever they want to be called, and I'd really try and make a conscious effort to do it, and I'd stick at it if I knew it meant that much to them that they pointed it out to me themselves, because I would always put the other persons comfort before my own discomfort in that situation. I wouldn't ever feel comfortable calling them by their first name, but I'd respect that it's their decision and their choice and that makes them feel comfortable, so I'd always try and do that.

Yeah I think that's the way my wife's family are at this stage, I think they understand it's just me being respectful and it's not meant to be perceived as so intentionally formal, it's just one of those quirks (among many, tbf ). Like I was saying really - they're probably like you'd be about it - "It's odd, but it's not coming from a bad place, it's just the way he is" :pac:

Thanks for explaining it a bit more. I think out of all the quirks a person could possibly have your's is definitely one of the nicer sweet varieties, no harm in it.

Diamond Doll · 30-10-2015 04:58PM

I think my toddler finds it a bit confusing that my name is Emma, but his dad always refers to me as his Ma, so he often ends up calling me "Mmmmmm-ah!"

He calls me Mum a lot too, not really sure where he got that from, as I never call myself that - I'd be be more likely to refer to myself as Mammy!

Turtle_ · 30-10-2015 05:18PM

Diamond Doll wrote: »

I think my toddler finds it a bit confusing that my name is Emma, but his dad always refers to me as his Ma, so he often ends up calling me "Mmmmmm-ah!"

He calls me Mum a lot too, not really sure where he got that from, as I never call myself that - I'd be be more likely to refer to myself as Mammy!

My mum used to go ballistic at us when we were kids if we called her Ma or Mam or Mammy. It had to be with an "o" or a "u". She hates the sound of ma, says it makes us sound common/like a sheep

I'd flip between mom and mum these days.

DEFTLEFTHAND · 30-10-2015 05:27PM

Turtle_ wrote: »

My mum used to go ballistic at us when we were kids if we called her Ma or Mam or Mammy. It had to be with an "o" or a "u". She hates the sound of ma, says it makes us sound common/like a sheep I'd flip between mom and mum these days.

We had that too, we wouldn't dare call her mam or mammy. She was mum and that was it, end of discussion.

meeeeh · 30-10-2015 05:42PM

Turtle_ wrote: »

My mum used to go ballistic at us when we were kids if we called her Ma or Mam or Mammy. It had to be with an "o" or a "u". She hates the sound of ma, says it makes us sound common/like a sheep I'd flip between mom and mum these days.

This sounds like a Hyacinth Bucket problem.

Emma1980 · 30-10-2015 05:47PM

I always called my dad by his first name, never my mam though - not sure when it even started - my mam said i done it from the time i was a small child!!! He's never minded either way!!

jobbridge4life · 30-10-2015 05:56PM

Emma1980 wrote: »

I always called my dad by his first name, never my mam though - not sure when it even started - my mam said i done it from the time i was a small child!!! He's never minded either way!!

I am the same and as a consequence so are all my siblings bar the littlest one who was born a good while later than the preceding one.

It seems to have become a gender thing in my family, as my grandfathers were called by their names but the grandmothers were Granny and Nanny.

PandaPoo · 30-10-2015 06:27PM

My 5 year old calls us mom and dad. We call each other mam and dad too, which is weird. Or chicken, which started as a piss take but has stuck now. We never use our actual names!

My niece and nephews call their dad by his name I think that's a little impersonal or something.

Rubberlegs · 30-10-2015 06:53PM

We are Mam and Dad, or Mammy and Daddy to the youngest, never been any other way. I can remember a family moving in down the road from us in the 80s , and the little boy called his parents by their first names, I was torn between being impressed and scandalised

My parents referred to each other as Mammy and Daddy, my Dad was in his 70s still calling my mother Mammy! They only referred to each other by their first names to other people. My Dad always referred to his parents as Mr and Mrs N, when he spoke of them. As a child, I thought he was calling them Mr and Mrs Hen, and could never fathom why. The penny only dropped that it was the first letter of their surname, when I was much older. My parents were always Mum and Dad, I never called them anything else , even now.

Galwayguy35 · 30-10-2015 07:24PM

Always called the parents by their first names, not sure why but I would never have been comfortable saying mammy and daddy.

Mesrine65 · 30-10-2015 07:43PM

PandaPoo wrote: »

My niece and nephews call their dad by his name I think that's a little impersonal or something.

I respectfully disagree...

I think it's a lot more personal my children calling me by my name rather than my formal title, for the want of better words.

osarusan · 31-10-2015 03:18AM

eviltwin wrote: »

Are you Japanese?

My wife is.

Spanish Eyes · 31-10-2015 03:30AM

Cheeses if I called my mother by her given name I would be out of the will stat! lol.

My Father died a good few years ago now, a lovely man, still miss him, was always DAD to me and always will be.

And mother is Mam.

No other way for me or my siblings. Each to their own though which is fair enough.

acemaster · 31-10-2015 05:41AM

Deep Six wrote: »

I still call mine Mam and Dad at 30, would find it weird not to.

Yes, That's not weird

lanos · 31-10-2015 10:10AM

One eyed Jack wrote: »

I'm genuinely curious as to why you would suggest that children addressing their parents by their first names is any more apt that addressing them as Mam and Dad, let alone that you would suggest being on a first name basis with their parents is the most apt?

both my young sons and their school friends and all my nephews call me and my wife by our first names.
sometimes they call us mam and dad, its their choice.

we feel that with less formal boundaries, we keep the lines of communication open and our kids can approach us about any problems that arise.

I would question and resist any behaviour on my part that was the result of conditioning in my formative years.

time will tell if it will work out for the best.
but so far so good

Username here · 31-10-2015 01:38PM

My parents are/were Mam and Dad, my daughter calls me Dad, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Stealthirl · 01-11-2015 10:12PM

My mother always insisted i call her by her first name but one of her sisters kept saying i should't, i should call her mam/mum ect.
In the end i switch between both but never ma.
My dad was killed when i was fairly young and i mostly refare to him as Dad and the odd time by his first name

It puzzels me when parents refare to each other as ma/da, mum/dad ect.
Mummy and daddy are defently a no no,sounds like someone is trying to hard to sound posh.

Do your kids call you by your first name

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