Friends bf cheating. ..do I tell

evolving_doors · 24-09-2015 08:25PM

pgj2015 wrote: »

did he have seeking dating or friendship on his profile? you should of told her about the woman you saw him with in the restaurant.

Wow, if accepting that her bf is on a dating website 'to make new friends' isn't going to do it, then I'd say she has her bed well made so she'll be lying in it.

If she has kids OP, she's going to do anything and everything to try and keep that sham together 'for the sake of the kids' ... so that might be to remove you from the equation.

Is he loaded or 'of high social standing' or something?

Ursus Horribilis · 24-09-2015 09:57PM

Gebgbegb wrote: »

Is he loaded or 'of high social standing' or something?

He doesn't have to be. For some women, a male that's willing to go out with them is enough. The sad thing is that the OP's friend probably now thinks she has the pieces of her jigsaw in place. The man → Wedding → Kids→ Live happily ever. She has invested 7 years of her life in this relationship. Maybe the biological clock is ticking. She probably is afraid that if she gives this joker the boot that she'll not find anyone else.

we'llallhavetea · 24-09-2015 11:14PM

i have been the messenger and have been shot by my friend. wouldnt change a thing tbh, turns out my friend is a fcuking twat so i'm glad i found that out at least.

crackers and cheese · 25-09-2015 07:59AM

It would not have made a difference what his profile said on the dating website....For me personally the fact that my boyfriend was even on one would be enough for me...no they don't have kids but she does want a baby in the very near future and it is him that has been dragging his heels. ...mentioning the restaurant was not a good idea as she would then think I went snopping on sites with the purpose of catching him out and may even go so far as to think I created the profile ...as I say I have seen him before worm his way out of implausible situations in regards to this but she chose to believe him every time. ..it is very frustrating for me as she is a lovely girl and could do so much better and does deserve a bit of respect. ..also to the comment regarding social standing etc no he would not be well off and does not contribute much if anything to the household either....I agree with a poster who said she may think she won't get anyone else and has invested years in the relationship. I can't see that there is any other advice I can give her at the moment? ???

strandroad · 25-09-2015 08:28AM

crackers and cheese wrote: »

It would not have made a difference what his profile said on the dating website....For me personally the fact that my boyfriend was even on one would be enough for me...no they don't have kids but she does want a baby in the very near future and it is him that has been dragging his heels. ...mentioning the restaurant was not a good idea as she would then think I went snopping on sites with the purpose of catching him out and may even go so far as to think I created the profile ...as I say I have seen him before worm his way out of implausible situations in regards to this but she chose to believe him every time. ..it is very frustrating for me as she is a lovely girl and could do so much better and does deserve a bit of respect. ..also to the comment regarding social standing etc no he would not be well off and does not contribute much if anything to the household either....I agree with a poster who said she may think she won't get anyone else and has invested years in the relationship. I can't see that there is any other advice I can give her at the moment? ???

I think you've done well and all you could. You've armed her with information but she needs to make her own decisions...

CaraMay · 25-09-2015 08:38AM

No leave her at it now. She's clearly desperate to settle down and is willing to do it with anyone even a cheat.

meeeeh · 25-09-2015 08:46AM

CaraMay wrote: »

No leave her at it now. She's clearly desperate to settle down and is willing to do it with anyone even a cheat.

I hate that. People have their own reasons why they stay in a relationship. I'm not talking about OP at all here but very quickly escalated from judging him to judging her. Maybe she loves him that much that she us prepared to suffer through cheating, maybe she believes him but it is her decision only if she wants to stay with him.

Op I think you did all you could and I think you handled it well.

stargazer 68 · 25-09-2015 09:46AM

Op there is nothing else you can do right now. Just be there for your friend.

Many years ago we knew our friends b/f was cheating on her. We had seen him several times with different women - and not just having dinner. We told her and 'we were just jealous'. So we left it at that. She eventually married him and then divorced him! She always says she wished she had listened to us rather than him but hindsight is a marvellous thing.

Augme · 25-09-2015 11:15AM

I'd have a think about how much more time you want to invest in this friendship in the future. If I was you I would slowly be cutting this person off for my own happiness/sanity. The thought of having to turn up to her weddings and baby stuff in future knowing what the boyfriend/husband is like would be too much for me. I'd also lose alot of respect for my friend if she allowed herself to be treated so badly.

Friends bf cheating. ..do I tell

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