Our Best Man thinking of going to another wedding the day before

tinkerbell · 24-09-2015 12:29AM

I actually don't think you're being unreasonable at all. If he can go to the other wedding and be trusted to take it easy and be up to you in time, then fine, but otherwise he is being unreasonable. You don't need your best man to either turn up late or turn up plastered on the morning of your wedding.

podgemonster · 24-09-2015 01:00AM

Don't think its unnatural to be feeling what your feeling, the weddings getting close and things are falling into places and the slightest minor hiccup can cause stress.

It would be unreasonable to demand that he doesn't attend the previous wedding. But i think it's reasonable to expect that he's on time, bright eyed and suited for your ceremony. Communication is key, chat to him, maybe he has a plan, that hes coming home early or is off the drink and he is probably oblivious to your feelings on it. The fact that you are brothers and haven't talked about it would suggest you may need too.

Also it always stuns me how vicious this forum gets.

Tarzana2 · 24-09-2015 01:31AM

podgemonster wrote: »

Also it always stuns me how vicious this forum gets.

I know, right? :eek: Very unnecessary.

Faith · 24-09-2015 04:51AM

I'd absolutely not be happy with that, especially if your best man is known to be a party animal. Many couples have a rehearsal the day before, so that all of the bridal party know where to be and when for the ceremony. Ours was invaluable for making the day run smoothly, and alleviating a lot of the stress of the day. Perhaps you could schedule one for the day before your wedding?

We also provided dinner and drinks for our bridal party after the rehearsal, so that everyone could meet and get to know each other before the day. It really helped break the ice, and it would have been a shame if not everyone could make it.

So there are certainly reasons that you'd need your best man to be around the day/evening beforehand. There's more than one way to skin a cat without looking unreasonable

ash23 · 24-09-2015 07:24AM

Just ask him op. He might be just planning to go to the ceremony and meal and drive home to be there the night before the wedding.
It's not unreasonable to expect him not to go on the lash the night before the wedding. It is unreasonable to expect him to be around the full day before the wedding.

Tarzana2 · 24-09-2015 07:55AM

Faith wrote: »

Perhaps you could schedule one for the day before your wedding?

I wouldn't schedule a rehearsal as a way of stopping him attending the other wedding, it's a bit passive-aggressive. The OP announcing a rehearsal after hearing about his brother wanting to attend another wedding the day before would be a really obvious ploy.

Better to have an open, honest chat with him, OP, ask how he plans to navigate the wedding the day before. Is the wedding of someone close to him? If so, I can see why he wouldn't want to miss it. But you are right to be worried, especially if he is open to persuasion and temptation.

rock22 · 24-09-2015 07:59AM

Willie Unkempt Twerp wrote: »

Quick question.

My brother, our Best Man is thinking of going to another wedding ....
...

Now I have only heard this the last day or two via my mother, handed chatted to him about it, but want to get some opinions before I do.

Have you checked with him? Are you sure what your mother told you is the case?
Seems an awful lot of concern over secondhand information. Maybe your mother got it wrong? Maybe you brother is "thinking" about lots of things but,at the end of the day, will be there for you.

Have you thought of asking him to clarify his intentions?

amdublin · 24-09-2015 08:05AM

I think it's unreasonable of you to expect him not to go to a wedding the day before yours.

As long as he is there on your day does it matter where he was the day before.

If you are looking for him to do something the day before I am sure there is someone else you could ask to cover that (even yourself?)

Jen44 · 24-09-2015 08:48AM

its a difficult one, i think you cant really expect him not to go but at the same time I would be asking him to take it easy on the booze! He will have people handing him cards with cash etc the next day and that job alone is quite a responsibility

stargazer 68 · 24-09-2015 09:24AM

Jen44 wrote: »

its a difficult one, i think you cant really expect him not to go but at the same time I would be asking him to take it easy on the booze! He will have people handing him cards with cash etc the next day and that job alone is quite a responsibility

I have to agree OP. You are kind of caught between a rock and a hard place! Yes he has agreed to be in your wedding but that's on the day not the day before. However the Best Man is expected to be on top form for the day of the wedding. You really need to talk to him about it.

lazygal · 24-09-2015 09:47AM

Threads like this are why I keep coming back to the weddings forum.

Barely There · 24-09-2015 09:54AM

Willie Unkempt Twerp wrote: »

Are we unreasonable in expecting him not to go to this other wedding?

Yes, very much so.

Toots · 24-09-2015 10:27AM

It's a tough one OP, if the wedding was local then I'd say yes you'd be being unreasonable (providing of course that he would be sensible enough not to get completely scuttered and end up a state the next morning) but seeing as it's quite a distance away I'd feel that's a cause for concern. As plenty of others have already said, you don't want him turning up late/hungover to your wedding. I know a lot of people are harping on about "you don't own him" and stuff like that, but at the end of the day he agreed to be best man and there are responsibilities that come with that ie: minding the rings, most likely being one of the witnesses for the wedding, minding cards/gifts given during the day etc. You don't need the stress on the morning of wondering if/when he's going to rock up and what state he's going to be in. Personally if I was your brother I'd have either declined the invitation to the other wedding, or gone but left after the dinner. You really need to sit down and have a chat with him.

Starokan · 24-09-2015 10:28AM

I think you might be over thinking this op, your brother will know how important it is for him to be in Limerick on the day of your wedding, he will also know how important the wedding is to you and your family.

I would imagine if he goes to the wedding in Dublin the day before he will have it all well planned out including departure times etc to ensure he arrives bright eyed and bushy tailed for your do. Unless he is the most unreliable person on the planet he wont mess this up on you.

The wedding in Dublin may also be very important to him so I would see no issue in him going to it if need be.

blinding · 24-09-2015 10:32AM

Best man job on wedding day; Show up,stand up reasonably straight, have a ring, maybe make a speech, have a few drinks; Thanks.

LynnGrace · 24-09-2015 10:51AM

Best have a chat with him, OP. It would worry me, just from the point of view of him being in a state, hungover, or late, for your wedding.
Plus as others have said, it's nice, I think, for the groom, to have the best man with him, on the morning, of the wedding, if possible.

All the best, and hope you have a great day.

um7y1h83ge06nx · 24-09-2015 11:35AM

Thanks for the replies everyone.

I was talking to him last night. Just sussed things out, a catch-up.

He mentioned the wedding. He said that his plan is that if he is not needed the day before he might go to the ceremony and meal and drive back after that, no mention of staying over night which was what was concerning me. He then said if there was anything happening the day before ours where he was needed he would skip the other wedding.

He came to that conclusion himself without any comment from me, and I'm completely cool with all that. No problem with that plan at all or if he goes to the other wedding with that plan. My nervousness stemmed from the fact that him and his circle of friends are in the work hard, party harder camp, if he was relying on driving back the next day it could be risky. Plenty of mad stories, some of which made the papers before, accountants are a mad bunch!

Us IT geeks are much more sedate.

So all's well that ends well. In the end I didn't need advice I guess, just needed to know what people thought so I could be reasonable if my views and his views were very different and we could compromise.

All in all the wedding is a pretty chilled out affair, we consider the day a great family get together and a bit of craic, having a good day with people close to us matters more than "bling". So delighted that either way we'll be together that morning to have a bit of a laugh, get suited and booted and have a quiet pint before things kick off.

One eyed Jack · 24-09-2015 11:40AM

I'd say have a chat with him OP, he's probably well aware of his responsibilities and all the rest of it and if he has the organisational skills to prep a stag, I'd say he's already got his head around the logistics of attending his friend's wedding and then getting back down to Limerick in plenty of time for your wedding.

FWIW, it could all depend on how big or small your wedding is too the role your brother will play on the wedding day and the importance of his role as best man. For my own wedding, my wife organised all the details and I literally turned up half an hour before the wedding. I still get the odd joke in about how my wife was late for her own wedding! :P

Best of luck on the day anyway OP and I hope it all works out ok

Toots · 24-09-2015 05:04PM

Glad it's all sorted OP, best of luck on the big day!

Chemical Byrne · 24-09-2015 05:40PM

It would be very diva-ish of you to demand he not go. He's a grown adult, like.

What sort of character is he? I would hope in choosing a best man ye'd get someone with a bit of sense and cop on not to go get smashed the night before and turn up (or not) piss durnk or hungover).

Tarzana2 · 24-09-2015 05:52PM

Chemical Byrne wrote: »

It would be very diva-ish of you to demand he not go. He's a grown adult, like.

What sort of character is he? I would hope in choosing a best man ye'd get someone with a bit of sense and cop on not to go get smashed the night before and turn up (or not) piss durnk or hungover).

He is his bro, so maybe he wanted his brother as his best man. Kinda different from asking a friend.

Anyway, it's sorted, it seems!

eviltwin · 24-09-2015 06:13PM

Who is the other couple, are they close? Kinda shocked anyone would even consider asking someone to miss out on a wedding. Not his fault they fall together.

Squatman · 24-09-2015 07:18PM

Willie Unkempt Twerp wrote: »

T
All in all the wedding is a pretty chilled out affair,

sounds like it alright...

Tarzana2 · 24-09-2015 08:31PM

Squatman wrote: »

sounds like it alright...

People are being unnecessarily snide to the OP in this thread. His worries weren't at all unreasonable.

I do wonder would some people posting here be as breezy as they are making out if they were in the OP's situation.

kunst nugget · 25-09-2015 04:23PM

Tarzana2 wrote: »

People are being unnecessarily snide to the OP in this thread. His worries weren't at all unreasonable.

I do wonder would some people posting here be as breezy as they are making out if they were in the OP's situation.

Yeah, I don't understand some of the stuff being said about the OP. It's a long while since I've been married but I'll be honest and say I wouldn't have been mad about my brother heading off to another wedding if he was supposed to be a best man for me the next day and likewise if I was being a best man I wouldn't be heading to a different wedding the day before the one I was going to be best man at.

The brother is his own agent and can do what he wants but I can understand the disappointment the OP would feel and I wouldn't consider it diva-like behaviour.

allibastor · 28-09-2015 12:14PM

Just my own input,

There was a bot of running around the morning of my own wedding that I need my best man and groomsman(brother) for.

Simple things like dropping in flowers to bride, dropping things to church on the morning etc.

My best man,brother and me went drinking the night before, stopped at about 12:30, but still had small bit of sore heads in the morning.

I imagine a drive from Dublin to Limerick might not be needed.

Biggest thing here, you have not asked your Bro what he is planning on doing!

Just say it to him that your concerned, he may say he is just being a guest there and not drinking.

On my wedding day my cousin who I am close to and his Mrs went to bed at 11:00 at night cause they had a house viewing the next day!

Our Best Man thinking of going to another wedding the day before

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