Getting engaged

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 13-09-2015 07:59AM

I got to choose my own ring. It's different for sure, morganite stone, but I love it. It wasn't overly expensive, (in/around 1k) but when I saw it, it outshone all the other more expensive rings for me.

http://tinypic.com/r/307ua7p/8
http://tinypic.com/r/2wgreo4/8

osarusan · 13-09-2015 08:11AM

Didn't get an engagement ring at all - not a tradition in Japan (suited me fine) although some do get them.

Didn't ask her family either, just let them know afterwards.

I have since lost my wedding ring too.

iDave · 13-09-2015 08:54AM

Some of you can be high and mighty about asking the Dad for permission all you want. But it's something I did 13 months ago and I swear the smile I put on an old man's face is something I will treasure forever. And yes we then had a manly whiskey.

Got a token ring from Arnotts. Was 90.00 and then she picked her own one a couple of months later. The cheap ring actually holds more sentimental value for me and she continues to wear it occasionally.

Pablodreamsofnew · 13-09-2015 09:46AM

Save the money for the wedding and get a cheap ring:D:D

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 13-09-2015 09:49AM

Or get a ring she really loves and will have forever that will always be special, or spend the extra 2k on a few extra guests at a party only you and him will remember? I'll take the ring thanks

Pablodreamsofnew · 13-09-2015 09:51AM

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Or get a ring she really loves and will have forever that will always be special, or spend the extra 2k on a few extra guests at a party only you and him will remember? I'll take the ring thanks

2k extra? how much are you expecting the guy to spend on the ring?

Pablodreamsofnew · 13-09-2015 09:52AM

You know what i don't get? Why a girl gets an expensive ring when being purposed too and a guy gets nothing??

Down with engagement rings, I think a wedding ring is enough.

(i'm a woman)

Menas · 13-09-2015 09:53AM

MrsYelnekoff wrote: »

2k extra? how much are you expecting the guy to spend on the ring?

Depends on your definition of cheap and expensive - different for everyone! We used her engagement ring as her wedding band too. But forked out what we considered a lot of it. Others may consider that very expensive, others cheap.

eviltwin · 13-09-2015 09:54AM

MrsYelnekoff wrote: »

You know what i don't get? Why a girl gets an expensive ring when being purposed too and a guy gets nothing??

Down with engagement rings, I think a wedding ring is enough.

(i'm a woman)

And if it all goes tits up he's seriously out of pocket

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 13-09-2015 09:54AM

MrsYelnekoff wrote: »

2k extra? how much are you expecting the guy to spend on the ring?

I personally didn't even want a ring. I wanted a pair of shoes (795 euro) but he insisted on the ring. It was nowhere near 2k. But I know he felt a bit weird buying me a 'cheap' ring. Would 2k be the average? I don't know.

Pablodreamsofnew · 13-09-2015 09:55AM

eviltwin wrote: »

And if it all goes tits up he's seriously out of pocket

A ring is a promise and traditional if it all goes 'tits up' the girl is meant to return the ring.

eviltwin · 13-09-2015 09:56AM

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I personally didn't even want a ring. I wanted a pair of shoes (795 euro) but he insisted on the ring. It was nowhere near 2k. But I know he felt a bit weird buying me a 'cheap' ring. Would 2k be the average? I don't know.

He spent 800 quid - not cheap in my world - on a ring neither of you wanted :eek: You should have insisted on the shoes.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 13-09-2015 09:57AM

I got the shoes too

And don't get me wrong, I love my ring.
I am not into jewellery at all. I never wear jewellery. So initially I didn't want the ring. He insisted on the ring. And when we went looking at rings, I found this beautiful morganite stone, tiny little diamonds each side of it, and the ring was so me. The pink stone was just beautiful. And I loved it! It was less than he had planned on spending and he felt a bit weird buying the cheaper ring but it was the one I wanted most, price aside, and I am so glad we got it now.

Pablodreamsofnew · 13-09-2015 09:59AM

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I personally didn't even want a ring. I wanted a pair of shoes (795 euro) but he insisted on the ring. It was nowhere near 2k. But I know he felt a bit weird buying me a 'cheap' ring. Would 2k be the average? I don't know.

I only wear my wedding ring now. My engagement ring is tucked away. I find it too flashy but I do love looking at it sometimes and remembering the proposal.

13-09-2015 10:23AM

Wibbs wrote: »

Or better yet find a woman who doesn't buy into the BS of a "tradition" invented by an advertising agency in the 1930's. I find it interesting that on the one hand some reckon the asking permission stuff is silly, but following a pretty newly invented tradition solely designed to sell diamonds and paying through the nose for it is A OK.

Some people really like having and wearing nice rings though it's nothing to do with advertising. My mother has her engagement ring and two other diamond rings which she bought for herself over the years as she loves rings and particularly nice diamond ones.

kylith · 13-09-2015 11:02AM

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Or get a ring she really loves and will have forever that will always be special, or spend the extra 2k on a few extra guests at a party only you and him will remember? I'll take the ring thanks

I'd rather take that 2k and spend it on the house I"ll be living in every day. Much more use than a ring I'd be afraid to wear because it's so expensive.

I was passing New Moon in the George's St. Arcade recently and I fell in love with the moonstone rings they have. Those are much more appealing to me than a diamond.

John_Rambo · 13-09-2015 01:34PM

Diamond Doll wrote: »

LOL funny you should mention that. I was in the position a few years back where I had to sell on an engagement ring. It had cost my ex-fiancé close to €3k I think, when I resold it (in perfect as-new condition) I only got around €600.

After that experience, if I ever did get engaged again, I'd either go for no ring or a relatively cheap one (under €100), I wouldn't really care if it was real jewellery or not.

Actually I kind of quite like the idea of getting a cheap ring and maybe swapping it for a new (cheap) one every few years, could end up with a few different engagement rings so I'd never get bored of looking at the same ring every day!

Are you not supposed to give it back if it doesn't work out?

Diamond Doll · 13-09-2015 01:34PM

John_Rambo wrote: »

Are you not supposed to give it back if it doesn't work out?

We agreed that I'd sell it and that the proceeds be donated to a charity of his choice.

Which is what I did, but I was still annoyed that it was so little compared to what it had cost in the first place!

13-09-2015 01:42PM

I'd assume that before anyone was thinking of proposing or asking permission, that we'd have discussed and decided on marriage. I wouldn't mind my dad being asked, it's not like he's hearing the idea before I did. I'm not bothered by what is by now a harmless tradition.

I also wouldn't want a diamond ring (even the so-called ethically sourced or conflict free stones are often anything but - up to 35% of them). I'd be okay with a nice, discreet Zirconia or man-made diamond, but it's not of any importance to me. I don't need a ring to symbolize something I'm going to actually live.

careful_now · 13-09-2015 01:45PM

Encaged!

John_Rambo · 13-09-2015 02:00PM

Diamond Doll wrote: »

We agreed that I'd sell it and that the proceeds be donated to a charity of his choice.

Which is what I did, but I was still annoyed that it was so little compared to what it had cost in the first place!

Bloody right.

Nice of you to donate.

CelticRambler · 13-09-2015 02:02PM

The Relationship between Wedding Expenses and Marriage Duration

Specifically, in the sample of men, spending between $2,000 and $4,000 on an engagement ring is associated with a 1.3 times greater hazard of divorce as compared to spending between $500 and $2,000.

The detail also shows that the cost of the ring - or having no ring at all - made no difference to the women questioned. Seems like "the ring" thing is a male fantasy!

But if she says "yes":

the evidence suggests that the types of weddings associated with lower likelihood of divorce are those that are relatively inexpensive but are high in attendance

Alf Veedersane · 13-09-2015 02:34PM

I never saw it as asking her father's permission. Pretty much just told him I was going to propose. She wouldn't have expected me to but thought it was really nice I did.

To each his own. Some people like to do it. Some people don't. Neither choice is stupid. Just a matter of personal preference.

eviltwin · 13-09-2015 02:38PM

Alf Veedersane wrote: »

I never saw it as asking her father's permission. Pretty much just told him I was going to propose. She wouldn't have expected me to but thought it was really nice I did.

To each his own. Some people like to do it. Some people don't. Neither choice is stupid. Just a matter of personal preference.

The thing I don't get about this tradition is why the father? Why not both parents? Is the mother not due the same respect in being informed about the impending engagement?

Alf Veedersane · 13-09-2015 02:56PM

eviltwin wrote: »

The thing I don't get about this tradition is why the father? Why not both parents? Is the mother not due the same respect in being informed about the impending engagement?

I don't know. The tradition is what it is. It doesn't mean anyone can't ask both parents.

Mother Brain · 13-09-2015 03:12PM

eviltwin wrote: »

The thing I don't get about this tradition is why the father? Why not both parents? Is the mother not due the same respect in being informed about the impending engagement?

It's just a relic of when marriage was more of an economic thing and not so much about romance. For most of human history marriages would be arranged, dowries paid etc. Mostly all between the fathers and sons with little input from the women in question.

When romantic love became a thing in Victorian times it was considered a gesture to consult the father rather than just elope. The sort of "I know I'm just a poor so and so, but I love your daughter so much that I'll make her happy regardless".

eviltwin · 13-09-2015 03:14PM

Alf Veedersane wrote: »

I don't know. The tradition is what it is. It doesn't mean anyone can't ask both parents.

The traditional bit I get, dad was the one with the power so he was asked. I'm really thinking about the modern interpretation of that tradition. If it's just a matter of respect or information the parents of your plans why exclude mum and the groom's parents

Alf Veedersane · 13-09-2015 03:39PM

eviltwin wrote: »

The traditional bit I get, dad was the one with the power so he was asked. I'm really thinking about the modern interpretation of that tradition. If it's just a matter of respect or information the parents of your plans why exclude mum and the groom's parents

There's no need to read too much into it. It doesn't mean anyone is less important. It's people following a tradition. No one is really actually asking.

freshpopcorn · 13-09-2015 04:29PM

eviltwin wrote: »

The thing I don't get about this tradition is why the father? Why not both parents? Is the mother not due the same respect in being informed about the impending engagement?

Well I suppose at a traditional Irish Catholic Wedding. The father general walks his daughter up the Isle on her wedding day to give her away.
It could be linked to this tradition.

Fellaindinho · 13-09-2015 04:30PM

freshpopcorn wrote: »

Well I suppose at a traditional Irish Catholic Wedding. The father general walks his daughter up the Isle on her wedding day to give her away.
It could be linked to this tradition.

Do they walk up all the Isles or just the nearest one?

Getting engaged

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