Wanker watch: Warning signs that someone is a tosser

alcea · 05-09-2015 01:49AM

Serious Wanker,
Someone who drives through a quiet village/country area with a seriously faulty twin exhaust - they are all seriously faulty to me, but the one going around our place - the driver I want to strangle. You can hear them coming a mile away, they are louder than an alarm, I have just gotten the children back to bed. Why the hell does anyone need a twin exhaust - other than to sound like a complete and utter twat.

zcorpian88 · 05-09-2015 03:34AM

Lads that wear a beany cap with a t-shirt in warm weather, saw a guy doing it yesterday in town while the sun was out and quite warm out, no excuse to wear a beany hat till at least there's frost around!

Scarf guys that order those really time consuming coffees in coffee shops when I'm standing behind them and all I want is a cup of tea to go.

When I first meet someone and the first question they'll ask, in a nosey tone "What do you do?" why is everybody so concerned about what everybody does nowadays? I can find hundreds of other things to talk about and open a conversation with other than what I do, often asked by some boring hipster with corduroy pants and trendy designer glasses, likely to be fishing for some sort of gratification because he probably makes more money than I do.

DJs in bars that actually make money off DJ'ing when all they bring is a laptop and no other gear.

Gym guys that post status's about their progress and regularly checking in with where they are jogging/running and how long they jogged for and wearing all this techy gear, (JUST DO YOUR WORKOUT AND STOP LOOKING AT YOUR FANCY WATCH!!)

Hipsters that say the word "Random" all the time. Using it mostly as this pathetic attempt to seem quirky, outside the box and interesting. Please f**k off!

Single mammies that smuggle partners into their house and still claiming lone parents and R/A.

Dopes that drive while texting, I see it everywhere and there is never a Guard that see's it.

People that smoke and drink to high heaven and complain "I can't put food on the table for my children" priorities ffs!! I hate these people!

Jesus Wept · 05-09-2015 03:54AM

Anyone who goes to electric picnic and posts about it

MakeEmLaugh · 05-09-2015 04:37AM

zcorpian88 wrote: »

Single mammies that smuggle partners into their house and still claiming lone parents and R/A.

They shouldn't be called single mothers. They should be called unmarried mothers.

TheNobleKipper · 05-09-2015 07:34AM

alcea wrote: »

Serious Wanker,
Someone who drives through a quiet village/country area with a seriously faulty twin exhaust - they are all seriously faulty to me, but the one going around our place - the driver I want to strangle. You can hear them coming a mile away, they are louder than an alarm, I have just gotten the children back to bed. Why the hell does anyone need a twin exhaust - other than to sound like a complete and utter twat.

My car has a faulty exhaust (normal one though) and my car is ridiculously noisy at the moment. At least it sounds hellishly loud to me, but I didn't see people turn around in the streets yet so maybe there is hope.

Bottom line is that I understand your TA because driving my own car is driving me nuts at the moment.

alcea · 05-09-2015 08:55AM

TheNobleKipper wrote: »

My car has a faulty exhaust (normal one though) and my car is ridiculously noisy at the moment. At least it sounds hellishly loud to me, but I didn't see people turn around in the streets yet so maybe there is hope.

Bottom line is that I understand your TA because driving my own car is driving me nuts at the moment.

I meant that all twin exhausts sound faulty. I was referring to people who try to make their cars sound like racing cars.

It's very possible that your car is not as loud as you think.

Jjiipp79 · 05-09-2015 09:03AM

When a guy has his co*k in his hand, this is a dead givaway that he is a wanker!

evolving_doors · 05-09-2015 09:46AM

MarkY91 wrote: »

Today at the gym, 2 lads had dumbells all around their bench. About 5 different sets so 10 in total. You absolute ****!!!

People who don't re rack their weights. I hate you!

Boom_Bap · 05-09-2015 10:03AM

Jjiipp79 wrote: »

When a guy has his co*k in his hand, this is a dead givaway that he is a wanker!

He could be just taking a p*ss......a feck it, people who p*ss are **** as well.

arayess · 05-09-2015 10:07AM

Sir montygom wrote: »

I can't stand parents in fast food outlets asking their obese kids what do the want for dinner!!

i love those parents cos they make me rich...:D

PopePalpatine · 05-09-2015 10:18AM

Use of the word "cuck". Somehow, a new breed of neckbearded Breivik sympathisers have appropriated this word to refer to anyone who disagrees with their murderous bigot hero.

Icepick · 05-09-2015 10:20AM

popped collar

The Masculinist · 05-09-2015 10:25AM

People who wore "Yes to Equality" badges. We get it, you're voting yes, well done.

Saipanne · 05-09-2015 10:27AM

The Masculinist wrote: »

People who wore "Yes to Equality" badges. We get it, you're voting yes, well done.

And most voted no to allowing younger people have the opportunity to run for president.

Only equality for some, then...

lapua20grain · 05-09-2015 10:29AM

People that sit in the pub all day while their kids run amok and when you ask them to keep them quiet they go ballistic, **** or when i worked in the bar trade years ago the f**kers that either whistle, click their fingers or wave a €50 note to get your attention to order a drink, the f**kers that order 12 drinks and say "oh and a pint of guinness" last, also the **** that go apesh*t when they are told the bar is closed if you wanted an extra drink you should have ordered it when the bar was open. now don't get me started on drivers hogging the overtaking lanes on the motorways driving at 60kph would love to kick the shi*e out of them.

zanador · 05-09-2015 10:33AM

zcorpian88 wrote:

Single mammies that smuggle partners into their house and still claiming lone parents and R/A.

People who don't understand that these are couples pretending to be single mothers NOT single mothers

Sir montygom · 05-09-2015 10:38AM

arayess wrote: »

i love those parents cos they make me rich...:D

???? what do you do....fat kid gym instructor?.......

should be law to stop this abuse of kids......

you are what you eat....if you eat sh1it you become a pile of it......

a publican does't have to serve a guy pissed out of his brains....just says no your too drunk..........a junk joint owner should say no .....im sorry can't serve you anything .... if you or your kids get a heat attack ...i would never be able to forgive myself.....

lapua20grain · 05-09-2015 10:42AM

alcea wrote: »

I meant that all twin exhausts sound faulty. I was referring to people who try to make their cars sound like racing cars.

It's very possible that your car is not as loud as you think.

I live not too far away from the M1 it is infested with these knob jockeys

ComfortKid · 05-09-2015 10:43AM

A wanker to me would be judging people on appearance. Or judging people by a word or phrase they use.

OP, I'd say you are a grade 1 wanker

Electric Boobs · 05-09-2015 12:45PM

Once, the sister's bf shot a pheasant and gave us it's breast, supposedly as a gift. For all I know there could have been bullet fragments in it. It was quite insensitive of him. For all he knew we could have been a family of animal rights activists. My Father's only concern, as always, was to be sure not to offend him, and therefore accepted the gift.

He delivered a sack of spuds another time. I think they were left over... something to do with his job.

Gee, it's one thing to be showering us with these so-called gifts, but I think sometimes there can be something inappropriate about giving food as gifts. Pissed me off.

Ash.J.Williams · 05-09-2015 12:49PM

Electric Boobs wrote: »

Once, the sister's bf shot a pheasant and gave us it's breast, supposedly as a gift. For all I know there could have been bullet fragments in it. It was quite insensitive of him. For all he knew we could have been a family of animal rights activists. My Father's only concern, as always, was to be sure not to offend him, and therefore accepted the gift.

He delivered a sack of spuds another time. I think they were left over... something to do with his job.

Gee, it's one thing to be showering us with these so-called gifts, but I think sometimes there can be something inappropriate about giving food as gifts. Pissed me off.

set him up with my sister

Nodin · 05-09-2015 01:17PM

lapua20grain wrote: »

People that sit in the pub all day while their kids run amok and when you ask them to keep them quiet they go ballistic, **** or when i worked in the bar trade years ago the f**kers that either whistle, click their fingers or wave a €50 note to get your attention to order a drink, the f**kers that order 12 drinks and say "oh and a pint of guinness" last, also the **** that go apesh*t when they are told the bar is closed if you wanted an extra drink you should have ordered it when the bar was open. now don't get me started on drivers hogging the overtaking lanes on the motorways driving at 60kph would love to kick the shi*e out of them.

....managing to drive at the same speed alongside and kick accurately at the same time would be a fair achievement. Do you consider overtaking them, taking a ****e and chucking it out the window at them whilst just in front?

MarkY91 · 05-09-2015 01:50PM

Gebgbegb wrote: »

I don't get it

mudstack · 05-09-2015 03:46PM

90% of people on the road including cyclists, drivers, pedestrians. This percentage decreases the further you travel away from Dublin.

05-09-2015 03:52PM

The combination of Docksiders, tan shorts, RL polo shirt, J Crew backpack, Raybans.

Might as well be a barcode.

cantdecide · 05-09-2015 03:56PM

Candie wrote: »

The combination of Docksiders, tan shorts, RL polo shirt, J Crew backpack, Raybans.

Might as well be a barcode.

Is this aimed at me

arayess · 05-09-2015 03:57PM

Sir montygom wrote: »

???? what do you do....fat kid gym instructor?.......

should be law to stop this abuse of kids......

you are what you eat....if you eat sh1it you become a pile of it......

a publican does't have to serve a guy pissed out of his brains....just says no your too drunk..........a junk joint owner should say no .....im sorry can't serve you anything .... if you or your kids get a heat attack ...i would never be able to forgive myself.....

fast food merchant (of death)
a middle eastern version of mr. krabs.

05-09-2015 03:58PM

cantdecide wrote: »

Is this aimed at me

No, no!

Everyone except you.

Steve320 · 05-09-2015 03:59PM

Don't know if it's been mentioned but guys with top knots on their hair and think they are "hard"

cantdecide · 05-09-2015 04:03PM

Candie wrote: »

No, no!

Everyone except you.

Oh roysh. Good.

Wanker watch: Warning signs that someone is a tosser

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