Blurred lines of friends with benefits

So.... You like this guy, he likes you, he confirms you're a free agent, and then you go and rub his face in it? With your ex?

The guy was just protecting himself. No guy wants to get involved on any level with a girl who has an ex on the scene. He clearly started to like you, but confirmed you weren't in any sort of relationship. At this point it would have been a good idea to stop labouring the point.

Instead you send a text that to any outsider, and indeed him, has a clear intent of messing with him. You already had the confirmation of FWB, now in his eyes you're attempting to make him jealous. Of course any sane guy would be considering pulling back.

I'm sorry, but even though he shouldn't have blurred the lines with his affection, he's acted entirely appropriately by acting cool with someone who is still involved with her ex and tells him about it, even though it's pretty clear that he has feelings for her.

It's not going to work. You know he has stronger feelings for you, don't mess him about, and find someone who doesn't like you as much.

Basically your pride was hurt when he said 'you're a free agent' so, knowing he was keen on you, you decided to put the boot in and tell him you were sleeping with your ex as revenge for denting your pride. Nice! No wonder he got thick with you.

Decide what you want and act decently would be my advice

OP you seem slightly confused as to your true feelings towards this person. The two times you have met up with him everything seems to have gone really well. Now you do say in fairness that you don't want a relationship. But then when he confirmed this in words to you, you took it quite badly and decided to inform him that you slept with your ex, which you must have known was going to be quite hurtful, given it was clear he liked you. And in defence of internet guy, he seemingly acted quite gentlemanly about it, even though deep down he may have been seriously gutted. But it's inevitable now he's going to go quiet, 'lick his wounds metaphorically' so to speak. So yes, you could argue that he should have said straight up that he liked you, but as others have mentioned, it did seem patently obvious through his actions etc. There was no real need as far as I can see to mention the meetup with your ex, usually honesty is the best policy but here it almost certainly was a case of what he doesn't know won't hurt him, especially as you weren't official or anything.

I'm just curious, and yes I may be getting dangerously close to none of my business territory, but are there any specific reasons why you don't want a relationship now? Or more specifically, why not with internet guy? Like is there something about him that even though you get on like a house on fire when together, would make you think twice about wanting to be seen in public with him, as a couple? For instance, perhaps he dresses really badly, is maybe quite unattractive, is his behaviour sometimes not politically correct, which may dissuade you from introducing him to people, or is there a significant age gap between you (older/younger)?

You do seem slightly undecided as to whether you simply want to play the field or get into something more serious. I think this happens frequently enough when the heart and the head want different things so to speak. It does appear that you wanted internet guy to show his hand, which would have been doubly advantageous for you: your self-esteem would have received a boost and the ball would then have been in your court, you could decide then whether to reciprocate his feelings or say no, you would have had the power essentially. When he verbalised the situation that you ostensibly wanted, I assume that it was unexpectedly hurtful to you, that logically it was the correct thing to say, but deep down it felt like a rejection. So you decided to lash out and hurt him and now you may have lost him for good.

Sorry if some of that sounds harsh, but that's the way I see it. I hope some of these answers can help you do something about the situation.

Ask him on a date. If he says no then you've lost nothing because in your eyes he's not going to speak to you again anyway.

If you do go on a date just ask if he wants to go on another one, and another one, and repeat ad nauseum until you guys become official or die a painful breakup death.

"who says I haven't already" Jesus H. Christ. Here's the bottom line. This guy has given you lots of indicators that he likes you more than just the odd ride. He gives you a chance "you're a free agent" to let him know you're interested in just him... But, no, annabann smashes that one right outta the park!! So then he's trying damage limitation for himself, trying to gauge just how little interest you have in anything serious by asking with whom you are sleeping... and BOOM!! ANOTHER HOME RUN!! He finds out that he's now competing with an ex! Time to press the eject button and move on, because to him you're not worth it, simple as.

Stop making excuses, text him. Or don't text him. Make a decision and stick to it.

annabann wrote: »

I have no doubt that he's not seeing others as well.

Do you mean he is seeing others? Because the way it's written makes it sounds like you know he's only got eyes for you, which would be inconsistent with other stuff you have mentioned.

And if it is a typo...do you know this for a fact or are you just assuming? In my experience this is often a misconception women have of men, that being if they are single, they are shagging everything that moves, which, although certainly true in many cases, is definitely not the case for all men. He does sound like he's put all his eggs in one basket, despite what he said when you asked him.

annabann wrote: »

No definate proof. But ya he's meeting other girls online. Plenty of new female adds on his Facebook and I also noticed him online on pof this morning. So Yip reckon I can take it as a given. But look he was also a free agent to do what he wanted. I'm not going to contact him anymore about this. I'm only getting very short replies so no point. I actually think at this stage he's ego is not bruised he's just not interested and never was. He was just out for friends with benefits as we agreed it would be. I think What I said first day was fun and whatever happens happens

OP you clearly don't want to listen to the advice that was offered and that's entirely your choice. Just try to have a bit more common sense. Even if there's no commitment, and you're both open to seeing other people there's no need to be sharing details of who you're banging. No one wants to hear that.

OP, the fact you're not acknowledging your fault in this proves what's been said about you not being mature and self aware to handle this.

The guy clearly liked you. You made sure to tell him you were a free agent and then told him of your thing with the ex.
And now you're surprised he's off with you?

As with most men, I'm not in the market for a head wrecker or someone who comes loaded with drama and attention seeking. I'm not surprised at all he's distanced himself.

You need to learn to see this from a different perspective than your own and maybe see how he got burned, and then had no choice but to hide the hurt by saying "ah yeah, it was just fun."

annabann wrote: »

I just did. I was completely honest with him. I told him that I started to like him in the last couple of weeks and that it freaked me out because it was only meant to be a bit of fun. That to stop myself getting attached I was with someone else to nip it in the bud. ****ed up I know but I have good reason to protect myself. I said nothing because nobody wants to be the one to lay their cards on the table and be vulnerable. I said that he made it clear that he didn't like me when he said it was just a bit of fun to him. But that was ok because that was the original deal. Then I just came straight out and said did he want to stop and cut contact. He's read the message but hasn't replied. So I guess I have my answer now for sure.

I don't blame him for not replying. You've come across as a headwrecker and someone who has no idea what they want. Use this as a lesson for the future!